despejado Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 1. I wish I could be like Kamisha, who is so upbeat and full of sunshine & rainbows, but I’m a cynic – so when you say you’re getting more and more depressed and starting to despair, instead of the required – “chin up! Everything will be all right! You’re amazing and get in everywhere you dream of!” – I’m finding myself saying, “yeah, me too. This totally sucks balls” (eloquent, I know). 2. Telling my boyfriend is the worst thing ever, not because he feels sorry, but because he’s a super-realist and then I am required to answer questions affirming what my back up plans. Today I was told by the head of my McNair program that I need to apply to at least three MA programs this week, when he heard this, his response was, “well it looks like you’re getting rejected across the board for the PhD programs, why would you only apply to 3 MA programs? Shouldn’t you apply to at least 5 considering the response you’re getting from the PhD’s? 3. I’m dreading the conversations about applications. Not only do I have to meet with my academic advisor later this week, who will me sure to ask (he emailed me saying he was “anxious to hear”). Also, my entire place of work knows I am applying, as well as my family (including siblings, parents, & step-parent/siblings) and my boyfriend’s family knows I’m applying (including his grandmother with a PhD who is incredibly judgmental). Luckily the last time anyone at work asked about my applications was two weeks ago before I had anything to report, but now . . . it is going to be incredibly depressing telling them the results. And my mom? She tells EVERYONE she meets that I’m applying, because she’s assumed that I would be accepted across the board. The face she makes (or change in voice modulation) whenever I tell her about another rejection is heartbreaking. 4. I entered this process with such a naïve and doe-eyed perspective. I had an amazing undergraduate GPA, and that was with taking unnecessarily high-level courses repeatedly, taking overloads almost every semester, working part-time, and doing honors options whenever I could; I also had a respectable score on my GRE verbal; my LoR were tear-worthy (one woman, who teaches graduate level courses at a different institution, said that I am the best student she’s ever had in the 17-years she’s taught, and she was the recommender who’s recommendation I doubted the most); and everyone that read my writing sample(s) and SoP said that they were excellent. I really thought I was a competitive candidate, but now I don’t feel that way, not even in the least. Okay, this is post is probably riddled with grammatical errors and all sorts of weirdness. But my ice cream just walked through the door, so you must excuse me while I go gorge myself. My mom told everyone I was accepted to Syracuse when I received the offer to be considered for the MA. I am hoping that this is a self-fulfilling prophecy and there will be no need to inform anyone that anything was even in question haha. However, I wish she wouldn't put me in that position. I'm wishing I told WAY fewer people I was applying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DyslexicBibliophile Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) Ice-cream update: (not that anyone is that interested in my ice-cream eating practices) - my boyfriend wouldn't let me eat straight from the pint or take the whipped cream container with me. He supplied me with a bowl like some sort of animal. And to add insult to injury? He told me if I really wanted more ice-cream, I could always come back for seconds . . . THEN WHAT IS THE DAMN POINT OF THE BOWL?!?!?!?! Edit - second ice-cream update: apparently he thought I was going to eat in the bedroom, which is why he disallowed eating straight from the pint. Silly him - he should very well know that the rule of the apartment is no eating in the bedroom - and therefore I only do so when he's not at home. I would never attempt to eat ice cream in bed while he's actually here, that'd be practically suicidal . . . though it tells me a lot that he wasn't going to stop me from doing so . . . I wonder what else I might be able to get away with . . .hmm. . . Edited February 26, 2014 by DyslexicBibliophile Algernon, mmorrison and despejado 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
despejado Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Ice-cream update: (not that anyone is that interested in my ice-cream eating practices) - my boyfriend wouldn't let me eat straight from the pint or take the whipped cream container with me. He supplied me with a bowl like some sort of animal. And to add insult to injury? He told me if I really wanted more ice-cream, I could always come back for seconds . . . THEN WHAT IS THE DAMN POINT OF THE BOWL?!?!?!?! You are totally making my night and yes, I agree wholeheartedly. I just finished eating directly out of the container, myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DyslexicBibliophile Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) You are totally making my night and yes, I agree wholeheartedly. I just finished eating directly out of the container, myself. Well, I'm glad I can bring some shred of happiness to someone on this night of terrible sadness and grief. Now you've made me feel better, thanks!! Edit - (I knew my boyfriend was wrong when he told me reading these boards just made me anxious and depressed. Ten points to despedjado!) Edited February 26, 2014 by DyslexicBibliophile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purpleperson Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) 2. Telling my boyfriend is the worst thing ever, not because he feels sorry, but because he’s a super-realist and then I am required to answer questions affirming what my back up plans. Today I was told by the head of my McNair program that I need to apply to at least three MA programs this week, when he heard this, his response was, “well it looks like you’re getting rejected across the board for the PhD programs, why would you only apply to 3 MA programs? Shouldn’t you apply to at least 5 considering the response you’re getting from the PhD’s? 3. I’m dreading the conversations about applications. Not only do I have to meet with my academic advisor later this week, who will me sure to ask (he emailed me saying he was “anxious to hear”). Also, my entire place of work knows I am applying, as well as my family (including siblings, parents, & step-parent/siblings) and my boyfriend’s family knows I’m applying (including his grandmother with a PhD who is incredibly judgmental). Luckily the last time anyone at work asked about my applications was two weeks ago before I had anything to report, but now . . . it is going to be incredibly depressing telling them the results. And my mom? She tells EVERYONE she meets that I’m applying, because she’s assumed that I would be accepted across the board. The face she makes (or change in voice modulation) whenever I tell her about another rejection is heartbreaking. My boyfriend doesn't quite "feel sorry," but he gets this look on his face like "aw, man" and I feel like I"m disappointing him. He actually stays upbeat and is like, "Yeah, but you haven't heard from all schools yet. Stay positive until you have the final, last result." Technically, he knows how difficult it is. He's applied to Ph.D. programs before -- once in the fall of 2009 and again in the fall of 2011. He was rejected everywhere both times, except for a lone waitlist the 2nd time that didn't end up converting to an admission. So...even though I feel lame for not being able to impress -- even just a little -- I'm sure he's just thinking...yep, same as what he went through. About other family and friends. They are so naive about stuff. My family would have no idea about these things. I didn't tell them ANYTHING because I have the type of family who doesn't even truly "get" going to grad school because (in their minds)...well, yeah, but why not just work and make money and live with financial comfort?.... Ultimately, they'd support me in what I want to do, but always with the thought that I'm just being a kid who refuses to leave school. (Not true, of course; I've been out of school and working for the past three years and have also worked and "not been in school" plenty in the past). But anyway, the guy friend I mentioned in my other post is naive. He believed I could get into BERKELEY. He's an idiot. lol. Edited February 26, 2014 by purpleperson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purpleperson Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Family pretty much just thinks...as long as you're smart, you'll get in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
despejado Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Well, I'm glad I can bring some shred of happiness to someone on this night of terrible sadness and grief. Now you've made me feel better, thanks!! Edit - (I knew my boyfriend was wrong when he told me reading these boards just made me anxious and depressed. Ten points to despedjado!) I actually find that reading these makes me feel a ton better. I don't feel so alone or like I'm bothering people who really don't give a fuck. Ten points right back at ya, DB, for being so damn relatable ke6904 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DyslexicBibliophile Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 My boyfriend doesn't quite "feel sorry," but he gets this look on his face like "aw, man" and I feel like I"m disappointing him. He actually stays upbeat and is like, "Yeah, but you haven't heard from all schools yet. Stay positive until you have the final, last result." Technically, he knows how difficult it is. He's applied to Ph.D. programs before -- once in the fall of 2009 and again in the fall of 2011. He was rejected everywhere both times, except for a lone waitlist the 2nd time that didn't end up converting to an admission. So...even though I feel lame for not being able to impress -- even just a little -- I'm sure he's just thinking...yep, same as what he went through. About other family and friends. They are so naive about stuff. My family would have no idea about these things. I didn't tell them ANYTHING because I have the type of family who doesn't even truly "get" going to grad school because (in their minds)...well, yeah, but why not just work and make money and live with financial comfort?.... Ultimately, they'd support me in what I want to do, but always with the thought that I'm just being a kid who refuses to leave school. (Not true, of course; I've been out of school and working for the past three years and have also worked and "not been in school" plenty in the past). But anyway, the guy friend I mentioned in my other post is naive. He believed I could get into BERKELEY. He's an idiot. lol. My boyfriend was doing the whole upbeat, "You don't know until you get the official decision," "You're great, someone is going to see that," thing - the harsh realism is a new development over the last couple of days now that real, hard, denials have started steam-rolling their way in. It's nice you have a partner who has gone through something similar. My boyfriend got his Masters in Education, but he literally applied to one local program, and they straight-told him in his interview that they were accepting him despite his low GPA and dismal GRE scores only because he did his undergrad at NYU. They then explained to him that a whole bunch of his undergraduate credits were not being accepted and he would have to take pretty much an entire year of undergraduate history courses (studying to be a high school social studies teacher) to really "qualify" for the program - aka - he was going to be a big money-maker for them and so they didn't care what his stats was as long as they could find some way to justify admitting him. So while he thinks he knows the process, his experience was so different from my own that I really wonder how much he can truly relate. *Le sigh* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DyslexicBibliophile Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Family pretty much just thinks...as long as you're smart, you'll get in. That's exactly what my family thinks. I haven't even bothered to call my dad; I can't even predict what his response will be. My stepbrother got into every grad program he applied to, and actually had Columbia and another program FIGHTING for him (It was Urban Planning, so slightly different, but basic concepts still appy). What worries me is that because they think as long as you're smart, you'll get in - will they think that because I'm getting rejected across the board that I'm not as smart as they previously surmised? That would break my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DyslexicBibliophile Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I actually find that reading these makes me feel a ton better. I don't feel so alone or like I'm bothering people who really don't give a fuck. Ten points right back at ya, DB, for being so damn relatable Woo-hoo, I'm relatable! That's such a major compliment, you don't even know. I might print out that comment and post it on my little "when I need to feel good about myself" wall. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
despejado Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) Woo-hoo, I'm relatable! That's such a major compliment, you don't even know. I might print out that comment and post it on my little "when I need to feel good about myself" wall. Thanks! Nothing would make me happier Edit: I tried to upvote you, but I've reached my day's positivity quota. Edited February 26, 2014 by despejado Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortstack51 Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 That's exactly what my family thinks. I haven't even bothered to call my dad; I can't even predict what his response will be. My stepbrother got into every grad program he applied to, and actually had Columbia and another program FIGHTING for him (It was Urban Planning, so slightly different, but basic concepts still appy). What worries me is that because they think as long as you're smart, you'll get in - will they think that because I'm getting rejected across the board that I'm not as smart as they previously surmised? That would break my heart. I would guess not. My Experience says that families will mostly take the anti-establishment, "well they're so dumb" path of thinking and kind of assume that grad programs exist to make you miserable and don't actually cultivate scholarship. Not sure if that's any better because they think you're crazy the second time around... No matter how many times I've told my parents how competitive it is, they never really understood and assumed I'd get in because I was smart. First time all I got was an unfunded MA, so at least I had good news for them this time around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katia_chan Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 You know when you get an email to check the website you're probably about to get denied from a school. So long, Rochester dreams. You were beautiful and now you are over. Mine are over too--I offer you internet ice cream for our mutual consumption. The two bits that really sting about this though are that I made it onto the wait list last year, with a less good (grammar?) application, and I actually had to reset my bloody password to view the decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedievalMadness Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I'm sorry for all the Rochester and Rutgers rejections last night, guys! I didn't apply to either, but I sort of voyeuristically observed the bloodbath. I wish I could offer some real assurances, or at least some real beer. But hey, today is a new day. Maybe someone's fortune will change today. Good luck, guys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
viviandarkbloom Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 You know when you get an email to check the website you're probably about to get denied from a school. So long, Rochester dreams. You were beautiful and now you are over. Not necessarily - both of my offers so far were emails to check the website (in both cases I presumed that meant rejection) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProfLorax Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I'm reading this thread and seeing your stories and concerns, and they transport me back six years ago, when I first applied to graduate school. I applied to graduate school right out of my undergrad. All the PhD programs rejected me. This was after I had received such encouragement from my professors, a high major GPA, and several awards for both my academics and extracurricular activities. I was kinda a big deal in college and had told everyone about my pursuits. The rejection letters completely rocked my sense of self. I taped them to my bedroom door as punishment, because I wanted to feel them mocking me, putting me in my place everyday. Friends and coworkers were asking all the time about my plans, and each time I had to answer, I felt my inside shrivel up a bit. I was not in a good place. I don't know if I would have felt better if I could have seen in the future, but if I could have, I would have known that I had an awesome life ahead of me, regardless of those rejection letters. I ended up doing an MA program, where I met the best of people, produced some fun work, and presented at fancy conferences. I ran into an old friend during my first year of my MA program, and now we are married and have one adorable dog. In the past five years, we've traveled around the country and the world. I taught for three years at a community college, three years of the best years of my life, where I met the most tenacious, witty, and creative students. I am now in a great PhD program in a different field, one I didn't even know existed when I first applied out of my undergrad. It's impossible to know what next year holds for us. But I am hoping that my story demonstrates how little those rejection letters reflect who we are. For me, my letters did not signify that I was worthless or a loser, which is 100% what I felt six years ago; rather, the letters signified that I wasn't ready for grad school and I wasn't applying to the right field. So trust me when I say this: your rejection letters do not define you. practical cat, Serendipity14, smurpy2 and 18 others 21 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedievalMadness Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I'm reading this thread and seeing your stories and concerns, and they transport me back six years ago, when I first applied to graduate school. I applied to graduate school right out of my undergrad. All the PhD programs rejected me. This was after I had received such encouragement from my professors, a high major GPA, and several awards for both my academics and extracurricular activities. I was kinda a big deal in college and had told everyone about my pursuits. The rejection letters completely rocked my sense of self. I taped them to my bedroom door as punishment, because I wanted to feel them mocking me, putting me in my place everyday. Friends and coworkers were asking all the time about my plans, and each time I had to answer, I felt my inside shrivel up a bit. I was not in a good place. I don't know if I would have felt better if I could have seen in the future, but if I could have, I would have known that I had an awesome life ahead of me, regardless of those rejection letters. I ended up doing an MA program, where I met the best of people, produced some fun work, and presented at fancy conferences. I ran into an old friend during my first year of my MA program, and now we are married and have one adorable dog. In the past five years, we've traveled around the country and the world. I taught for three years at a community college, three years of the best years of my life, where I met the most tenacious, witty, and creative students. I am now in a great PhD program in a different field, one I didn't even know existed when I first applied out of my undergrad. It's impossible to know what next year holds for us. But I am hoping that my story demonstrates how little those rejection letters reflect who we are. For me, my letters did not signify that I was worthless or a loser, which is 100% what I felt six years ago; rather, the letters signified that I wasn't ready for grad school and I wasn't applying to the right field. So trust me when I say this: your rejection letters do not define you. Proflorax - thanks for that! Personally, I feel a bit down because I have an MA and some additional postgrad work. That said, I haven't actually heard from any schools yet. Either way, your post is fabulous. You're absolutely right about rejection letters not defining us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
semicolon2013 Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I'm reading this thread and seeing your stories and concerns, and they transport me back six years ago, when I first applied to graduate school. I applied to graduate school right out of my undergrad. All the PhD programs rejected me. This was after I had received such encouragement from my professors, a high major GPA, and several awards for both my academics and extracurricular activities. I was kinda a big deal in college and had told everyone about my pursuits. The rejection letters completely rocked my sense of self. I taped them to my bedroom door as punishment, because I wanted to feel them mocking me, putting me in my place everyday. Friends and coworkers were asking all the time about my plans, and each time I had to answer, I felt my inside shrivel up a bit. I was not in a good place. I don't know if I would have felt better if I could have seen in the future, but if I could have, I would have known that I had an awesome life ahead of me, regardless of those rejection letters. I ended up doing an MA program, where I met the best of people, produced some fun work, and presented at fancy conferences. I ran into an old friend during my first year of my MA program, and now we are married and have one adorable dog. In the past five years, we've traveled around the country and the world. I taught for three years at a community college, three years of the best years of my life, where I met the most tenacious, witty, and creative students. I am now in a great PhD program in a different field, one I didn't even know existed when I first applied out of my undergrad. It's impossible to know what next year holds for us. But I am hoping that my story demonstrates how little those rejection letters reflect who we are. For me, my letters did not signify that I was worthless or a loser, which is 100% what I felt six years ago; rather, the letters signified that I wasn't ready for grad school and I wasn't applying to the right field. So trust me when I say this: your rejection letters do not define you. Upvote times a million. I am fortunate enough to have several acceptances now, for which I am very grateful, but even so, the rejections I've gotten still sting, and make me wonder if the acceptances I got were a fluke or something. I hope I will look back on this process in a few years and laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ComeBackZinc Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) And I think proflorax's advice is especially important because being an academic means going through rejection again and again and again, even if you have a stellar career-- that's just the nature of academic publishing and peer review. So you've got to develop that thick skin as soon as you can, and then you can get busy with building your career. It's a healthy part of the life, but that doesn't mean it comes easy. (Well, it doesn't for me anyway.) Edited February 26, 2014 by ComeBackZinc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wreckofthehope Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Tweedledumb2 and I are presenting at PCA, but we'll be gone before the beer panel, so that's sad. We'll just drink lots of beer before we leave I'm presenting in the British Popular Culture area. Can't wait; soooo many interesting/fun looking panels! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toasterazzi Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I'm presenting in the Fairytales area at PCA and a bunch of other people from my uni are presenting in the sci fi/fantasy area. It's gonna be a good time Imaginary 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nyctophile Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I'm reading this thread and seeing your stories and concerns, and they transport me back six years ago, when I first applied to graduate school. I applied to graduate school right out of my undergrad. All the PhD programs rejected me. This was after I had received such encouragement from my professors, a high major GPA, and several awards for both my academics and extracurricular activities. I was kinda a big deal in college and had told everyone about my pursuits. The rejection letters completely rocked my sense of self. I taped them to my bedroom door as punishment, because I wanted to feel them mocking me, putting me in my place everyday. Friends and coworkers were asking all the time about my plans, and each time I had to answer, I felt my inside shrivel up a bit. I was not in a good place. I don't know if I would have felt better if I could have seen in the future, but if I could have, I would have known that I had an awesome life ahead of me, regardless of those rejection letters. I ended up doing an MA program, where I met the best of people, produced some fun work, and presented at fancy conferences. I ran into an old friend during my first year of my MA program, and now we are married and have one adorable dog. In the past five years, we've traveled around the country and the world. I taught for three years at a community college, three years of the best years of my life, where I met the most tenacious, witty, and creative students. I am now in a great PhD program in a different field, one I didn't even know existed when I first applied out of my undergrad. It's impossible to know what next year holds for us. But I am hoping that my story demonstrates how little those rejection letters reflect who we are. For me, my letters did not signify that I was worthless or a loser, which is 100% what I felt six years ago; rather, the letters signified that I wasn't ready for grad school and I wasn't applying to the right field. So trust me when I say this: your rejection letters do not define you. ran out of upvotes so I'm replying to say I loved the post. dmariebelle 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maidhcoc Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Has anyone heard from Notre Dame's PhD in Literature? I see one acceptance but that's it, nothing else from them Obviously that acceptance was a week ago, so I am safely presuming(!) that it's a no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
despejado Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Northwestern has now notified me of my rejection a whopping THREE times. Why, NW?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horb Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Northwestern has now notified me of my rejection a whopping THREE times. Why, NW?! SAME HERE WITH NYU! I get it, you don't want me. but STAHP! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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