Dealing with Stress in Grad School

[Karajan]

Hey guys,

 

Just wondering what tips you have to deal with the moments in grad school when the stress feels really overwhelming.  I tend to go through moments like that and, I know it'll pass and I'll feel better, but getting through the overwhelmingly stressful moments can be really hard.  Our programs are just so stressful sometimes!  What do you guys do to feel better?

 

Thanks!

Edited August 30, 2013 by Karajan

[Roquentin]

I give my kitten a kiss on her soft little orange head (ah, sweet anonymity!)

[Lisa44201]

Take a break! It's so easy to get wrapped up in the whole Grad School thing that we forget there's life outside the classroom, office, etc. Make time for yourself, even if that's just going for a walk at lunch, but be sure you put stuff down and walk away from it a few times a day.

[DropTheBase]

I forgot where I just heard/read this, but I remember the phrase: "Have a hobby as different from your work as possible."

 

DTB

[NothingButTheRain]

Exercise.   A good long run to clear your head or letting out some frustration by picking up heavy objects can work wonders.  It also has the added benefit of you being in better shape and less physically stressed on a daily basis.

 

I tend to agree with DropTheBase... what I wrote above is just one example.

[fuzzylogician]

I find that I can identify two distinct kinds of stress, which I shall call "local stress" and "existential stress." Local stress normally happens a result of over-working for some period of time, for example right before a deadline for a submission or towards the end of the semester. Existential stress happens more at certain important junctions of my career, for example when transitioning from doing mostly coursework to doing mostly research, getting ready to defend a paper or starting to seriously think about the job market. I deal with these two kinds of stress differently. For the local stress (by far, the more common kind), I do as others have said - I allow myself to take time off to recover and I do things that are not related to my work at all. For example, if I can allow it, I might go on a short trip or go sit in the sun for a while, or I might watch something totally brainless on TV (I love cooking shows and design shows), or I might take on an elaborate baking project. For existential stress, I do the same as for local stress but then I regroup and seek out my close friends and mentors to have a frank discussion about my concerns. I find that the best way to get myself remotivated to work is to acknowledge the fear and stress and find a way to turn them into a productive tool that pushes me along instead of paralyzing me. I have close enough relationships with two mentors who I feel comfortable admitting such things to, and they always have great advice on seeing the broader picture and getting myself out of my tunnel-vision state. 

[juilletmercredi]

I love Fuzzylogician's categorizing.

 

Here's what I do.

 

Local stress:

-Put the work down

-Exercise

-Go for a walk, usually in a public park

-Read a non-academic book

-Surf the Internet, watch stupid videos on YouTube

-Go out with my friends, even if it's just drinks at their place

-Watch TV, especially TV where other people have a lot of problems (Grey's Anatomy is really good for this).

-Play video games.  Smashing things rules.

 

Existential stress:

-Talk to my advisor

-Talk to a therapist or counselor

-Cry and call my mother

-Complain to my husband

-Talk with my friends

-Exercise a lot

-Neglect my work for a week or so, sometimes more (one time an entire summer)

-Sit in the park

-Drink coffee for hours at a coffeeshop

-Get really drunk with friends

-Sleep

-Smash things in video games

 

Lately I've been finding healthier ways to deal with stress.  Running is awesome; normally I hate running, but there's something about it that's so mindless and helps you shed the stress.  When it starts to creep up on you, you just run faster.  I'm planning to start swimming 1-2 times a week this year.  Also when I eat and drink healthier, I feel less stressed.  Drinking more water has done wonders for keeping the stress down, surprisingly enough.

 

I also really like being outside, so sitting in the park on a sunny day (even when it's cold) calms me down.  I have really understanding friends, many of whom have gone to grad school so talking with them about how much I hate it and listening to them make sympathetic noises is also really helpful.

 

I've also started always doing at least 2 other things that aren't grad school, but are long-term that I can feel proud of.  Years 4 and 5 I worked part-time in student affairs, so when I was having an existential crisis for my doctoral work I turned to my successes as a hall director.  I really liked that job and there were lots of little satisfactions and gratifications (helping students solve personal crises; supervising my resident assistants; advising students on planning careers; writing recommendation letters, etc.)  I also started volunteering for an organization that helps low-income minority students go to college, and this year I am considering doing volunteer SAT tutoring for a small group of low-income students (reviewing my time commitments).

 

You just really have to remember that you are a real person with a full life outside of your doctoral studies.  It's a marathon, not a sprint, so make sure you pace yourself and get yourself involved in your community and your hobbies outside of schoolwork.  Don't isolate yourself, and don't feel like all of your friends and interests have to be related to school.

[Karajan]

Thanks so much for all of your responses!  

[especially]

Check if there is a grad support group on campus - my uni runs one every two weeks and it's lowcost to attend.

[dat_nerd]

Exercise and dark chocolate. Though the problem with chocolate is that the stash eventually runs out...

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I walk to the dive bar across the street from my house late at night (around 1 am, an hour before closing time). I know all the people they're and they're completely different from the students I go to school with. They're middle aged working class folks. I play pool and have a few drinks that I slowly drink so that I can enjoy them. 

[Jimbo2]

Exercise and reading are huge for me. Exercise is a different kind of stress, but any PR-level runs or weightlifting are more stressful than work, although in a different way. For books, I read autobiographies from people that have jobs more stressful and motivating than mine to put my role in perspective. 

[Guest |||]

Beer coupled episodes of 16 and pregnant and history channel ancient aliens.

[1Q84]

Accomplishing tasks that are completely non-related to grad work whether that be unclogging the drain, doing a load of laundry or hacking my phone (guilty pleasure) makes me feel like I can still do things and gets my mind refocused!

[PsychGirl1]

A few minutes of progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) every day helps me- I just need to make myself make time for it!

[Jean20]

Oh my! I miss the feeling of being stressed from school. During my thesis days, I had no sleep. All my attention was given to my study. When I was already feeling tired, I just went out with friends and slept for three hours !

 

Karajan, I know you will do just great. Have time to relax because you need that to cope with your studies. After all the hard work, you will surely be rewarded with the most fruitful award. You can do it !

Edited September 17, 2013 by Jean20

[Karajan]

Oh my! I miss the feeling of being stressed from school. During my thesis days, I had no sleep. All my attention was given to my study. When I was already feeling tired, I just went out with friends and slept for three hours !

 

Karajan, I know you will do just great. Have time to relax because you need that to cope with your studies. After all the hard work, you will surely be rewarded with the most fruitful award. You can do it !

 

Thanks so much, Jean!  I know that everything is alright, but, like so many grad students, I feel the need to be perfect in the work that I do.  I know this is unrealistic, but there's a lot of pressure and it gets to me sometimes.  Having strategies for dealing with those tough moments is important though -- THe suggestions on this page were very useful!  I think that exercise is one fantastic way to relieve stress, as is taking time out and not working -- It's allowed!  

[sweets]

Here's a really good TED Talk about stress. Usually videos about stress make me even more stressed and anxious, but this video is definitely worth the 15 minutes it takes to watch! Make sure to watch until the very end.

http://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend.html

[Sigaba]

In especially anxious moments, I compare the situation to the most stressful experience in my life: having a hand gun pointed at my head while refusing to give the thief my gear.

 

Generally, the comparison provides perspective -- no matter how bad things may seem, I'm not going to get shot over it. This method worked pretty well for me. That is, until the week of my first two qualifying exams.

[kateausten]

Compartmentalizing like it's a full-time job (and otherwise living like I'm still a "regular" adult with a full time job) is helpful to me.  I try to force myself to work a full 8-10 hours during the day, like it's a regular job.  I then have evenings and weekends (minus some reading or grading on saturday afternoon sometimes) totally free as a reward, and the regular downtime is so helpful for sanity!  Especially having that buffer of a few hours of relaxation between when I put down my work and when I go to bed.  It also helps you avoid feeling like school is your entire identity, which leads to burnout for most of us I think (I know there are rare types that happily live and breathe their subject) -- you can compartmentalize it as your job and be a different person on weekends.  It can be difficult when my classmates don't understand why I won't go out at 8pm on a weeknight, or professors in the department want us to go to events on the weekends, but maintaining these boundaries works for me so I try to be assertive about it.

 

A lot of people seem to think studnt life means tons of takeout and not doing many domestic things beyond the bare minimum, but I find it soothing to cook for myself, grocery shop, keep my apartment clean, etc.  It is stuff that I do 100% for me to take care of myself.  I find it a little odd when people act like it's a charming "student life" thing to not take basic care of yourself or do the bare minimum domestically -- they are quite naive if they think they're going to have any more free time to start doing those things when they're working FT, even if not in academia.  (No offense meant to people who are truly happy living on boxed foods in a dirty apartment -- it's just that being a student is no excuse, and it won't get any easier to take care of yourself after graduating.)  Also, when you cook, make extra portions and freeze the leftovers -- you'll have plenty of nourishing meals for crunch times, and it's cheaper than buying lean cuisines.

[St Andrews Lynx]

First thing is to make sure I'm getting enough sleep, food & (non-caffeinated) liquids. A lot of stress I experience can be minimised just by taking care of those 3 things. 

[nnnnnnn]

My dad sends me cute videos when he knows I'm stress. Particularly, I like anything that falls into the "unlikely animal friendships" category: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeB2vVBOLOw

 

Also, I like to cry, nap, and wake up with some tea. It's lovely. I think some people view crying as weak, but I just view it as a process of emotional release. I might watch something sad to get started.

[Queen of Kale]

I agree with nnnnnn that this is a great time to bring this up as many of us are in finals this time of year. For 'local stress' I think a funny movie, a hot shower, sex, and a drink or two is the perfect fix for me.  Although, maybe in the reverse order.  

 

For more overarching stresses, I try to keep them at bay by smoothing all potential speed bumps in my path.  I have all my bills auto drafted so I don't miss payments when I'm busy, I have a set time of day that I maintain the cleanliness of the house so it doesn't get away from me and create a diversion, I go to the gym regularly, and try to eat sensibly. This helps keep things from spiraling at the worst possible time.

 

In the past (and hopefully the future) I also had a therapist I saw monthly.  This was I time I would let myself just vent and be a whiney baby for a whole hour.  As it turned out, just knowing I had such an outlet kept me from accumulating too many resentments, kept me from unloading on my family or friends (in turn enriching our relationships) and became a ritual I really looked forward to. 

[St Andrews Lynx]

Visiting a spa & sauna for a couple of hours on the weekend is an excellent way I've found to relieve grad school stress. Your body releases endorphins in the hot sauna, so I leave feeling very relaxed. 

Of course, it isn't the cheapest way to de-stress...but for a trip every couple of months it works out fine.