Baby on the way

[LittleDarlings]

Haha who cares? Honestly who cares about OP and this ridiculous problem? How is this even a problem?? YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY not online freakingout seriously... If you don't like what I said too bad.

[fuzzylogician]

Remember: Do not feed the troll.

(Easier said than done.)

[Pol]

I vote we ban Pinkster12. Or, since this is not a democracy, just throw some games where she gets eaten by lions to appease the plebs. 

 

Back on topic, Congrats Mr. Pootawn. My parents had me when they were both graduate students. To this day, despite the lack of sleep and being tight on money, they still refer to that time as the best time of their life.

 

ps. I'll chip in for the lions.

Edited December 19, 2013 by Pol

[VBD]

A few years ago, when I was completing my masters, I had a peer go into labor during our last final of the semester. Her baby girl made her debut at the departmental summer picnic AND my peer got an A in that class. It's doable, and in her words "totally worth it!" Also the baby added some internal motivation for her during the thesis writing.  

Congrats Mr. Pootawn and Mrs. Pootawn (Also a belated congrats to others in the thread who survived/are currently surviving with children while in grad school)

[spectastic]

Congrats on your baby, Good luck with your phd. You should be happy about this.

[nadimishka]

Wow this thread went in a much different direction than I expected when I clicked on it.

I don't know who in the world decided that having a child in grad school is irresponsible. Bad timing, yes. Stressful? Definitely. OP is getting ready to go down a lifelong road (contrary to the whole 18-year theory- who here HASN'T needed their parents for something after turning 18??). OP, you are not irresponsible. You are making the best of it. You are going to bring a mini-you into the world who will make you laugh, cry, scream, smile, and every emotion in between. It's pretty awesome actually.

Speaking as the (obviously SUPER irresponsible) single mother of two (4 and 2 yo) girls, I can tell you I wish even now that I had the stability that you seem to. I was a sophomore in undergrad when I got pregnant the first time, and a senior the second (and GASP, I was on birth control! Using it the right way! Shocking!). I graduate with my MS in May and am applying for a PhD. You are a million light years ahead of where I was on every level, and I've managed to make it this far, so you guys will probably make the most stable and adorable family ever. You all sound more than capable of raising a child.

Kids happen when they happen. Prevention only goes so far. If I didn't have my girls, I don't even know if I would be where I'm at right now. I have motivation and determination to finish that's bigger than me. It's not just my life here, it's theirs too. Once you have your little one you will understand. They just make you want to excel even more. I will consider my life a success if my kids look back and are proud of me.

You can do this!!! Congratulations!!!!!!

Now, feeding time-

Pinkster, you are making yourself look like an ignorant, uneducated fool. Have fun in la la land where everything is sunshine and roses and you, my special and unique snowflake, have everything so perfectly laid out and planned. Those of us in reality won't judge too hard when the sh*t eventually hits the fan for you, because that's life. I feel sorry for you. My life may not be easy, but I have two beautiful children who look at me like I'm their whole world. I will sit here with my love and happiness, and pity those who feel the need to make themselves feel better by shaming and degrading others who have more love surrounding them than they do. Hope you like your career, because with that personality, it's probably going to be the only thing that you'll be able to hold on to in your life. Shame on you for taking a thread that was supposed to be uplifting and affirming and turning it into a self centered rant on how you're better than the rest of the world.

Edited December 20, 2013 by nadimishka

[Sigaba]

Pinkster12,.I recommend that you put the shovel down. Members of admissions committees do come to this BB. There's no need for you to make so many CLMs before you've even started graduate school.

 

 

So I put in 2 applications yesterday, one to the MSW program at University of Kentucky and the other at the University of Pitt. I know that I will likely get into Pitt because they have priority admission where they basically guarantee admission and merit scholarship help if you have above a 3.3 and get your application in before Dec 31. My issue is they said I will likely hear from them in 4-6 weeks. Will they expect my response in 2-3 weeks? I will still be waiting to hear from UK because they are not rolling admission, neither is Ohio State or Case Western Reserve. What am I going to do? Was anyone else in this position?

 

 

I want to go to to OSU way more. Honestly Pitt is last on the list especially with their prereq requirements that I would have to fulfill before being admitted. So I am just gonna hope I get accepted to OSU or UK

 

[1535nuke]

Congratulations, and I don't think I can give better advice than what's been posted... but the bad news for all of us is that we will never be as intelligent as Pinkster. I can only imagine what it would be like, the duty of enlightening my inferiors... I hope that one day we all can grow to be closer to the sheer perfection that is Pinkster.

[Pol]

My goal in life is to become pinkster. In about 36 hours she managed to get more down-votes than Loric. That is quite an accomplishment, albeit a negative one. 

[1535nuke]

Clutch performance for the overtime down vote win!

[spectastic]

can we please go back to talking about the fking baby?

[PsychGirl1]

Haha so funny. Believe me I was having it... A lot (with the guy I was in a relationship with.. I'm not some slut)

 

Maybe you should see a doctor and make sure you're not infertile.

 

Also, here is a useful chart detailing- for couples who use each type of birth control- how many will still become pregnant each year: http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/contraception/bc_chart.html#. For example, if 100 couples use the pill properly for a year, 8 of them will get pregnant, on average. Compare that to 100 couples using NO birth control, 85 of them will get pregnant a year, on average. With perfect compliance, the "8" can decrease, but it's definitely NOT ever 0.

 

The reason you may never hear about it is because many young people who get pregnant accidentally don't advertise it- even to their friends- and "take care of the problem" quietly.

 

Anyway, back to the OP:

 

A good number of people in my program have had children (supposedly on purpose, I don't know how many were accidental). It *is* possible. You may need to make some changes in your lifestyle and rearrange your schedules, but it is possible to make it work. Your wife should talk to her workplace about any flexible arrangements- ex. working 40 hours in 4 days and getting off one day a week, or telecommuting one day a week, etc. Then you can work your schedule around that- for example, maybe you can arrange to have a "writing day" at home once a week where you also watch the baby. You might also want to think about how much your wife is making- is it enough to warrant the cost of child care every day of the week? As someone else above said, I actually think it's easier to have a child towards the end of grad school than when you're working FT- your schedule is generally much more flexible both in timing and location (ex. you can work on your dissertation at 10pm at night from home).

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Just curious... Pinkster, what would you do if you found out you couldn't have kids? Just curious because you seem dead set on having a kid. You know, there are women who can't have kids. And don't say, "I don't know." That's not an answer.

[i.am.me]

I feel a little bit late as 5 pages have gone by...but perhaps it is because this thread went by really quickly.

 

I'd like to echo the sentiments and advice of the posters that mentioned that getting married, having children, and basically...creating your own family...well these events unfold contrary to whatever plans we might have in life. Most people think that I'm headed down my academic career path because of great focus and avoiding distractions i.e. men. That's silly. I wanted to pursue a PhD, so I am. If there was someone I wanted to marry and have babies any time between the past and near future, I would.  

 

That's all, really.

 

Congratulations to the OP I can't imagine a better time in your PhD program than where you are actually.  

 

Edit: I forgot - Oh darn, that whole getting preggers on birth control has got me scared now!!!! 

Edited December 21, 2013 by iampheng

[Sigaba]

 

So any advice?  Is it manageable?  Will it delay my graduation significantly as well as hamstring my future educational goals? (I am considering medical school after my PhD).  Any advice, anecdotal or otherwise would be much appreciated.

 

I recommend that you invest time making sure that the Powers That Be understand you're still committed to your educational goals and to the department.

 

This effort may be more effective if you develop an understanding of your department's recent history. For example, did a fairly recently hired professor fail to earn tenure because he or she had a kid? Have other promising graduate students leave the program because life happened?

 

The point here is that as happy as professors and administrators may be for you on a personal level, a department's budgetary considerations and strategic objectives may end up playing pivotal roles in how you get treated.

[CageFree]

Hi all,

 

First time poster here but hoping to solicit some advice while remaining anonymous.

 

I'm in my 4th year of my PhD.  I expect I have anywhere from 15-24 months remaining before I am ready to defend/graduate (that includes thesis being written, edited etc).

 

I just found out my girlfriend is pregnant (5 weeks or so), and lets just say it was unexpected. 

 

She works full-time for a NPO, and though we are comfortable financially we are just barely on the cusp of that category.  My grad student salary is modest, her salary is respectable and we own a home together as well as 2 vehicles. 

 

If we were to have the baby, our respective parents would be thrilled and certainly help out financially but we're worried about being spread too thin.  Kids are expensive and a ton of work, and though we want to have kids eventually we weren't planning on doing so this early. 

 

So any advice?  Is it manageable?  Will it delay my graduation significantly as well as hamstring my future educational goals? (I am considering medical school after my PhD).  Any advice, anecdotal or otherwise would be much appreciated.

 

You know, I have often heard that there is never a "perfect" time to be a parent. You just make the necessary sacrifices when it does occur. 

 

I have several friends who are dads and are in PhD programs, and being ABD they seem to be able to make it work, even when their spouses work only part-time. It's not easy, but it's doable. Sounds like you're already in a decent financial situation, and people do raise children on less than what you appear to have available.

 

From what I have been able to see, they are good about treating their work as a 9-5 job, i.e. go to campus for x hours a day and focus on work, then come home and do "parenting." Structure is very important to make it work.

[rising_star]

My PhD department has a lot of parents in it. Our department is also more than 50% female at the graduate level, so I'm talking about a lot of people who are mothers. Some had their kid(s) before beginning the PhD, others during it. One person was very pregnant on the day of her oral comprehensive exams, and had previously warned her committee that if she went into labor early (she was due the following week), they would obviously have to reschedule. But, things were fine. She successfully passed her orals then gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. My point is that it can definitely be done, Mr Pootawn, if you and your girlfriend are committed to making it work.

 

That said, five weeks is really early to be announcing anything, especially for a first pregnancy. I'd take some time to talk to other grad student parents, read forums online, and investigate some of the many things you'll need to know. No sense in telling everyone so soon given all of the first trimester complications that can crop up (at the same time, I hope none do!). Good luck with everything!

[GodelEscher]

OP, Firstly congratulations on the news! I know it may seem like a frightful endeavor during your program but I do believe it is possible. Personally, I applied to a PhD program as a single mom and transitioned well with my daughter. Currently, I am 7 months pregnant and will be organizing my tight schedule to have her during spring break. Taking 6 classes plus working on dissertation outline, lit review and maintaining a GA position while very pregnant (with a toddler at home) is quite a challenge for me. Since my boyfriend is out of state, I am realistically on my own with all of this.

So, it is possible! I wish you well and enjoy it because it goes fairly quickly and next thing you know your child is running around and talking. Make sure you find a supportive network in your program, I have wonderful faculty members who are family oriented and make it oh so much nicer and less stressful. Especially since I am expecting another and I have only completed my first semester as of now. Either way, having a child is a life changing experience that can be frightful but a wonderful transition that is a treasure.