ChocoLatte

I posted some heavy, heavy stuff in here quite a while back...early December, I believe? I was in a very dark place and it took weeks to get out of it. I read all of the responses that I got in here and want to say thank you 1) for reading it and 2) for taking time to say something. I've gotten better; and although it's still a struggle, I'm going to get out with the degree in one piece.

Hey! So, I am not the most familiar with the job market, particularly for that area. (Tough question too, since we don't know what your skills are or how you could market yourself. I suggest going to job listings and entering keywords like 'social research' and other things your degree gave you experience in.) However, I am pretty familiar with USF. The PhD program is quite rigorous in it's own way: rather than comps, you do a portfolio. This portfolio is put together during your coursework, and the dissertation cannot be started until said portfolio is defended. It's a huge amount of work and a huge source of stress since it's done during your classes and teaching. While all graduate programs, particularly PhD programs, are intended to be difficult, you should consider the busy-work this different format has...and whether or not you think it sounds like a good match. The ideal is for students to graduate in 4 years, but about half take a 5th and the others have varying/inconsistent success with the job market afterwards. Funding is not guaranteed for the 5th year, but I will say the department does what they can to provide. You should know that USF's PhD program is only 5 years old. (Something I'd want to know.) Be aware that the stipend does not include fees. You need to pay those, and for some students at the university, that is literally 15% of their pay. Be sure to look at the budget before signing on to see if it's a feasible thing for you, financially. OH! And it may not be a 100% tuition waiver, too. Make sure you read carefully. The upside is that the department is very qualitative. The downside is that, if you want to have mixed methods on your CV, you will need to plan ahead and take stats outside of the department to have any credibility. Bottom line, as far as I'm concerned: If you're not all-in for this program, I wouldn't recommend doing it. In the meantime, look through the faculty again and make sure there are people you relate to enough. Contact their students and ask specific questions to get a much better picture than what I described.

I have $2.53 in my bank account and three past-due credit accounts until tomorrow when I get paid a tiny paycheck. Colleagues and the faculty mostly don't understand because they have a second household income--I do too but he's an adjunct and only just recently dug himself out of his own grad school debt hole, so I've been paying rent and bills for us both here. I have spent so much of the last few weeks meticulously cleaning my stuff and packing away the kitchen and bathroom because we (finally and inevitably) got german cockroaches in the apartment. Good news here is that it seems to be working. Bad news is that we can't really cook or anything so eating is very expensive I turned in a sub-par teaching portfolio for a final grade and hope to just get a B. The deadline for the first polished draft of my thesis is tonight. It isn't happening. In fact, it's so far from happening, that I had to call a crisis hotline last night when I had an emotional breakdown. (Bonus: turns out it's run by Christians and I got a lot of really religious stuff which I'm sure helps some but I am atheist and queer and it was just a really horrible experience on top of it all) I will now fail my independent study (the department doesn't have the most lenient record for incomplete's and I honestly don't even think I can ask for one). Bonus: I am a compulsive liar and my committee chair thinks and has thought that it's been completed for a week now. So I need to somehow tell my chair that I lied and no it isn't done and I don't even know how to do that? (I have been diagnosed with and seeking treatment for depression and will be going to talk to someone about a learning disability. I just wish that I had been told I could seek help sooner than graduate school. Drs think I've gone un-diagnosed for a decade. The depression causes the compulsive lying which causes stress and anxiety and makes the depression worse, rinse and repeat.) i have been unable to attend therapy sessions lately and my medication ran out--the manufacturer has problems and the closes shop that has it in stock is 45 minutes away and i cant even seem to get into my dr's to get an alternative med until spring semester now, months away I don't have SDS documentation because I was told there is nothing you can do for grad students who need mental illness accommodations--you either meet the deadline or you don't. For the most part, I've met deadlines and been an ok student. 3.3GPA right now. I can always make up the credits next semester by taking another class--I'm 36 pages into the thesis already and it will be done by the end of December. It's just failing the independent study...and only now has someone told me that maybe an SDS accommodation is actually doable & then my mind takes me to the fact that I've already been told that I don't have dept support for a phd program and may have difficulty getting letters so now I'm also stuck looking for a job this winter because it's clear that, for now, my academic career is over. i dont even think i'd get into a second masters program... except I don't qualify for any jobs in the area and cant really afford to move again at all and I have no family here to fall back on financially (they're 1300 mi away) my partner's request for a pardon was rejected after almost two years of waiting which is heartbreaking and infuriating and has huge financial implications for us because florida isn't the friendliest state for convicts (no felonies, no violent crime, all over 7 years old...but he's already been refused employment here multiple times) i have one semester and the rest of my thesis left but i honestly just want to quit (which is a step up from last night because i wanted to quit life entirely); all it's done is identity that i have mental health issues and make them so bad that i've been unable to function on the more shallow venting notes: i've slept for 12 hours total in the past 5 days and feel like death incarnate i've also gained 35lbs since starting the program a student that did subpar research (not being bitter, it literally never would have passed if she had a more assertive committee) with a lot more assistance than anyone else has had everything handed to her and just that on top of everything has me so angry and frustrated because my partner and i have tried so hard and struggled so much and nothing is going our way at all I'm sorry for dumping this here but I apparently have no one to talk to and Google has failed me; I can't find resources or bloggers talking about what they've done for this or anything at all. I don't know. I thoroughly regret ever going to graduate school. I adore my friends that I've made, the new place I live, and the department is mostly a good one but it's done me more harm than good for what seems like no pay-off.

I lost 35lbs between graduating high school and undergrad. Picked up weightlifting my 3rd (of 5) year in undergrad, dropped another 30lbs and a bunch of inches...with moving and starting the grad program I've gained back 25lbs. I have a gym membership and do my best to go, but I'm so tired that it's tough to make it. Any friends I have don't work out or work out on campus, which I don't feel comfortable doing...and my partner can't afford a gym membership. I have my bike in hopes that the weather (Florida) would allow me to be active outside year-round, but it's too dangerous in Tampa for bikes. It's been tough, I've had bouts with body-hate and depression over the gain.

I personally don't live in graduate housing, and I can't think of anyone who does. There are a lot of apartments, a huge range in price/location/emenities so it really depends on what your budget is and what you're looking for as far as a living situation goes. I quite like being off-campus and in an apartment, personally, and wouldnt want to stay on campus. It isn't for me. I love the library access, the campus, and the department that I'm in. I've had nothing but good experiences--though I'm not familiar with the department you'd be studying with. I suggest looking up a few current graduate students on the department website; send an email with some questions you might have. You could probably squeak by, but you won't be living in a particularly nice place (unless you get roommates), but it wouldnt allow for unusual expenses like conference expenses that may not be covered by your department, work in summer may not be garanteed (it isn't, for my department), etc. My rent is $650 (inclues water, trash) but I live in a tiny one bedroom. My stipend isn't quite so high as that, so I took out loans to cover things just in case. Glad I did! I suggest doing a budget for the area, see how you'd fare for what you want/need. You'll get a much better idea.

I ask all of them within the first few interactions (but initial contact, I assume Dr. suchandsuch is the best way to go about it), and none have ever considered it a silly question. Answers have ranged from (not exact quotes lol) "Use my first name or I get irritated" to "Use Dr. _______ no exception right now". Some have been conditional like "first name when around grad students/faculty, Dr. ______ when there are undergrads about". Only thing I've noticed is that it's personal preference of the professors in question. I'm personally comfortable using whatever the individual wants me to use.

I plan any events way in advance and stick them on a calendar. I mean, I still go out at random to grab a coffee with a friend or get dinner, etc, but it's often something that I have to do anyway (like eat! haha) and doesn't take a lot of time. The only exception to the planning rule is date nights with the boyfriend, but even he understands that any spontaneous thing comes second to work I may have to do and that it can't keep me out all night. It helps that some of my new friends I met outside of graduate school, so it isnt just like...work friends? But she just happens to be in a graduate program at the same school in a different department, which I found out later. As a result, we understand each others work loads and schedules but also could chill in pajamas in the office drinking tea/coffee doing work and consider that our socializing time.

I would focus on your work for the first semester and get a feel for what the time demands are and what you realistically have available for outside pursuits like dating. If you turn out to be a graduate student that has the extra time, then go ahead! But keep in mind that the demands and lifestyle of a graduate student may not be fully understood or appreciated by those who haven't gone through it, and that can cause tension in newly-forming relationships. Keep in mind, also, that departments typically frown upon graduate students being romantically involved with anyone from the department (including other graduate students). To be honest, though, I have personally witnessed friends with similar approaches (one was 19 when she began seriously 'family hunting') crash and burn. She got married at 19, they were a horrible match, separated at 20, formally divorced at 21. It's when she went on ahead and did what she wanted to do that she found someone--they're together and have a son now. In my opinion, doing what you want to do and what you love will expose you to others who feel the same. You're more likely to find a decent relationship by chilling out and not forcing it too much. (As far as lifestyles and life decisions, there are really no rules saying you have to be married and reproduce by a certain time. Forcing yourself to meet these invisible deadlines could put you in a miserable situation where all you've accomplished is a mediocre marriage held together by squawking children.) I know that, had my relationship from undergraduate ended, I would be single until I finished graduate school. It's enough to try and maintain a relationship that's been around a while, even one where we live together, because of the demands of graduate school. In fact, I'd bet money that we'd have broken up by now had he not also attended graduate school and had a personal understanding of the lifestyle. But yeah. If you can handle the workload and are up-front with what you're life is right now--all the power to you and good luck! In the meantime, use your time as a graduate student to build yourself as a person and learn more about who you are.

I'm fortunate in that my department is female-dominated and is aware of this type of thing happening. Our problem is having the students--particularly the male students--take us seriously. Some of us (the grad students/TAs) look like we could still be in undergrad, no matter what we wear, and have to put a stronger effort into asserting our position and authority than the males in the cohort. It's an interesting balance between dressing professionally (which unfortunately includes at least minimal make-up and some nice clothing) to get the message across to the students while not spending what the department may see as "too much" effort on clothing/appearances.

+1 to "time management". Major difficulties sitting down and doing what I have to do unless I have the really stressful last-minute adrenaline rush. Something I really need to work on for the next semester.

We (as I am not instructor of record, there are two of us TAs and the professor) include in the syllabus at the beginning of the semester a section that explains, with and example, how to send a professional email with salutations, etc. It is then stated that, if the guidelines aren't followed, the TAs/prof. are not required to reply and most likely won't reply. This is also where the syllabus outlines reasonable email response times. The prof. also brings this up during the first week of classes to further stress the importance. We also follow our own guidelines through the semester to lead by example--no shortcuts for us, either! It worked splendidly--though not all of the details were quite right (incorrect titles, misspelling names, a few typos or an occasion of chat-speak) the emails were always polite, included salutations, and contained a proper closing. For the size of the university, it's unlikely that any students will receive much guidance for professional behavior and writing ability, which is unfortunate; the department I'm in is aware of the administrative reasons why we can't tackle those on top of our actual subjects, but they still put effort in where they can. Requiring polished email correspondence is a good way to introduce first-years to a higher expectation of professionalism, since many are fresh out of high school.

I graduated with a 2.75ish overall (4.0 scale), but I believe I had a 3.85 in my major at the time I sent out applications? So I'm sure that played into it. Most of the PhD programs I applied to admitted me...but there was no funding! (University of Cincinnati would allow me to go, but the cost of attendance woulda been $38,000 + living expenses, which I can't afford--cant even borrow that much in a year! University of Florida said I qualified for the program, but they don't admit if you they can't fund you...I was first in the queue if someone turned an offer down. No one did, so I didn't get in...) HOWEVER, I stood out enough to the UFL graduate program coordinator that they forwarded me an email about an open M.A. position at USF, which came with an assistantship. I went through the informal application process and was selected! So now I'm headed there with a tuition waiver and a job...I still have to borrow because I don't want to live somewhere unsafe, but the loans are nothing compared to actually getting this opportunity. In my case, I assume I had very strong recommendation letters (the writers knew me well, I wrote a research proposal for one of their classes, and an independent study with another one of them--got all As in their courses, as well), a decent statement of purpose, and my CV has one published work on it. (From my minor in environmental science, so I also had research experience.) My verbal and quantitative GRE scores met the requirements (151 quant, 153 verb) but weren't outstanding...but my writing/argument score was a 5.5 (94th percentile). The GPA isn't everything, but the rest of the application needs SOMETHING in there! I also suggest looking for programs that you fit well into...the USF one has a professor with nearly the EXACT same research interests as me, and my independent study had me read a lot of related literature.

Hope it's alright to bring this thread back up-- My SO and I have been dating for a bit over four years. We've discussed marriage, and have lived together for the majority of those four years. I am entering a masters program this fall, he finished his this spring. He wanted to go to a PhD program, but stubborn advisors didn't write recommendation letters in time and he wasn't accepted anywhere. I know he intends to try again, but there is a year between now and those possibilities during which he needs financial stability (car payments, rent, etc) and to stay a student (to avoid loan bills). This has led to him likely staying in the CT/RI area as I go off to FL... We're going to do what we can as far as skype and visiting and writing (lol old school) but I still have that pit-in-the-stomach feeling and it's getting to me a bit. (My best friend is in MA and her boyfriend is in Peru, so she's been understanding and showing me websites and ways to watch movies together, etc...which helps.) I like to think that because my SO and I have the same long-term goals and dreams (professors, cute little house with a beautiful bedroom and large bathtub, two dashunds...) the temporary split won't be too damaging? -sigh-

Thank you! I've been doing the apartment hunt remotely, but it's been difficult to judge how safe a place is from 1300 miles away. I had heard that driving/parking is not really a uh...good idea, if it can be helped; this just solidified my choice to rent within biking/walking distance.

I don't know anyone down there myself...yet. I'm making my move from Connecticut within the next few weeks so I can get established in the area and not be completely lost.