Medievalmaniac

The two I hate the most from anyone, anytime are :

"Don't worry, you'll get in somewhere"

and

"I know how you feel".

In fact, I recommend we strike "I know how you feel" from ANY conversation, ever, about anything. What a dumb thing to say, when there is no way you can possibly know how another person feels. Something like, "I know how that feels" or "I can imagine that feels..." followed by a pertinent life-experience in similar vein MIGHT fly, but then again - if I'm wallowing, it's my turn to wallow, I am soooo not interested in your pity party at that point.

The most helpful and/or appreciated comments I have received in this situation are

"I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help you out?"

and my very favorite, ever:

"Those a**holes. How dare they reject you! Who the hell are they accepting, then? F**k them."

I actually laughed...and that came from a tenured prof who wrote a rec for me in a prior application cycle, lolol.

I'm coming to the table late on this one, but there are two things I would recommend that you do immediately, because it is the quickest way to get back to center.

First, make an appointment with the health center to be evaluated for anxiety and/or depression and get yourself on a low dose of something like Paxil or Budeprion. You can get fairly inexpensive prescriptions if you go generic, and they really DO help.

Second, go to the professor you are TAing for and speak with him or her about your job. Tell him or her you really want to succeed and you don't want to let him or her down, and that you would really appreciate any feedback s/he can give you about how s/he perceives you in your capacity as a TA, especially anything you can concretely be working on improving.

I would then make an appointment to speak with the director of graduate studies and TALK to him or her about what you have said here. You would not be the first and will not be the last graduate student ever to feel the way you are feeling, and the DGS for your program will know what you mean and will likely be able to help you see things more objectively and give you pointers for handling it.

They WANT you to succeed. They PICKED you. They have invested in you. Give them a shot to help you through this. Don't suck it up in some misbegotten belief that you are solely responsible for your success and if you were any good you would be doing fine. All you're doing is setting yourself up as a martyred failure if you go on that way. Go to those responsible for graduate studies and let them know where you are and where you want to be. That IS part of their job. Too few graduate students are comfortable approaching people when they have problems - but that's exactly when you need to approach people to help you!

Hang in there!! It will get better. Just take the initiative to swallow your fear and go to them.

The two I hate the most from anyone, anytime are :

"Don't worry, you'll get in somewhere"

and

"I know how you feel".

In fact, I recommend we strike "I know how you feel" from ANY conversation, ever, about anything. What a dumb thing to say, when there is no way you can possibly know how another person feels. Something like, "I know how that feels" or "I can imagine that feels..." followed by a pertinent life-experience in similar vein MIGHT fly, but then again - if I'm wallowing, it's my turn to wallow, I am soooo not interested in your pity party at that point.

The most helpful and/or appreciated comments I have received in this situation are

"I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help you out?"

and my very favorite, ever:

"Those a**holes. How dare they reject you! Who the hell are they accepting, then? F**k them."

I actually laughed...and that came from a tenured prof who wrote a rec for me in a prior application cycle, lolol.

The two I hate the most from anyone, anytime are :

"Don't worry, you'll get in somewhere"

and

"I know how you feel".

In fact, I recommend we strike "I know how you feel" from ANY conversation, ever, about anything. What a dumb thing to say, when there is no way you can possibly know how another person feels. Something like, "I know how that feels" or "I can imagine that feels..." followed by a pertinent life-experience in similar vein MIGHT fly, but then again - if I'm wallowing, it's my turn to wallow, I am soooo not interested in your pity party at that point.

The most helpful and/or appreciated comments I have received in this situation are

"I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help you out?"

and my very favorite, ever:

"Those a**holes. How dare they reject you! Who the hell are they accepting, then? F**k them."

I actually laughed...and that came from a tenured prof who wrote a rec for me in a prior application cycle, lolol.

Take a deep breath and slow down. Take out a piece of paper and physically write down all of the reasons you want to quit. Put it away. Come back to it in a day or two. How valid do those reasons seem now? On the back of the paper, write down all of the reasons to keep going and finish. Put it away again. Take it out in a day or two. Compare the two lists. Which one seems more valid? Take out another piece of paper. Write down what it will take to get it done - materials, tools, emotional/physical aspects, etc. Put this list away. Look at it in a day or two. Do you think you have what you need to get it done? This process may seem very simplistic and almost corny, but I guarantee it does actually work. You are giving a voice to your concerns, a name to the problem, and some space to think and reflect on everything - that will get you to a clear-headed answer better than anything any one of us could offer up to you by way of advice one way or the other.

Good luck!!

I think it is acceptable to message them back and check it out. I would word it something like, "I am always happy to receive new friend requests! However, it seems odd that I receive one from the admissions office of a university to which I have applied. While I certainly have nothing to hide and will gladly provide you with access to my Facebook account, I would like to verify first that this request was made by an officer or employee in your graduate office and not by a robot or spammer. Thank you, XXXX"

Then, the ball is in their court. But I think as long as you make it clear you are just verifying this is "for real" and not trying to hide anything from them, you're good.

Also, depending upon your privacy settings, their requesting you as a friend is all it takes to get your profile information and friends list made available to them.

Take a deep breath and slow down. Take out a piece of paper and physically write down all of the reasons you want to quit. Put it away. Come back to it in a day or two. How valid do those reasons seem now? On the back of the paper, write down all of the reasons to keep going and finish. Put it away again. Take it out in a day or two. Compare the two lists. Which one seems more valid? Take out another piece of paper. Write down what it will take to get it done - materials, tools, emotional/physical aspects, etc. Put this list away. Look at it in a day or two. Do you think you have what you need to get it done? This process may seem very simplistic and almost corny, but I guarantee it does actually work. You are giving a voice to your concerns, a name to the problem, and some space to think and reflect on everything - that will get you to a clear-headed answer better than anything any one of us could offer up to you by way of advice one way or the other.

Good luck!!

Take a deep breath and slow down. Take out a piece of paper and physically write down all of the reasons you want to quit. Put it away. Come back to it in a day or two. How valid do those reasons seem now? On the back of the paper, write down all of the reasons to keep going and finish. Put it away again. Take it out in a day or two. Compare the two lists. Which one seems more valid? Take out another piece of paper. Write down what it will take to get it done - materials, tools, emotional/physical aspects, etc. Put this list away. Look at it in a day or two. Do you think you have what you need to get it done? This process may seem very simplistic and almost corny, but I guarantee it does actually work. You are giving a voice to your concerns, a name to the problem, and some space to think and reflect on everything - that will get you to a clear-headed answer better than anything any one of us could offer up to you by way of advice one way or the other.

Good luck!!

I think it is acceptable to message them back and check it out. I would word it something like, "I am always happy to receive new friend requests! However, it seems odd that I receive one from the admissions office of a university to which I have applied. While I certainly have nothing to hide and will gladly provide you with access to my Facebook account, I would like to verify first that this request was made by an officer or employee in your graduate office and not by a robot or spammer. Thank you, XXXX"

Then, the ball is in their court. But I think as long as you make it clear you are just verifying this is "for real" and not trying to hide anything from them, you're good.

Also, depending upon your privacy settings, their requesting you as a friend is all it takes to get your profile information and friends list made available to them.

This is my current favorite.

Congratulations on your admit! Even if it is not your top choice - you know you're going to a program next year. How relieving is that?

Just be outgoing, charming, and gregarious, so you look amazing in comparison to everyone else, totally collegial and comfortable - and best of luck to you!!

It sounds like you have a good working relationship with your advisor. It also sounds like you have made up your mind and are leaving for the right reasons. I would approach her now and explain that you have decided to take the MA and not to come back. You can frame it in terms of the current application season and wanting to let her know at a time when your funding line could be used for a new student in next year's cohort. I think the most tactful way to leave a phd program is to be conscious of how your leaving will affect them and to make the change as minimally disruptive as possible. I don't think anyone can really fault you for staying healthy and choosing to have a different set of priorities than you expected to have initially, but I think waiting to the end of the semester and letting a funded position go to waste or be filled with a lesser candidate because you sat on your decision could burn bridges.

Oh. My. God(dess)(e)(s).

Oh. My. God(dess)(e)(s).

Dear Truth Snake,

Thanks so much for your honest evaluation of me as an individual and a scholar. I shall take what you have said into account.

For my part, I'm sorry you have deliberately misread everything I have posted. I don't blame anyone for my life choices. They're mine. I don't blame programs for not admitting me. I do think it is unfair in terms of the reasons I was given for being denied - but so does everyone who hasn't gotten into their top choices. I have a course of action in place for handling my current situation, and I am going to continue to invest in my future, my hopes, and my dreams. I am also going to continue to post what I think and my ideas and opinions in the forum, because I am, like everyone else here, participating in a larger conversation, and I hope my examples and stories and my opinions will be of use to someone (clearly, not to you...but maybe someone else would read my stories as cautionary and/or uplifting tales, which they are meant to be, rather than the victim stories you have analyzed them as being. I am NO victim). In the end, the departments will make their decisions and we will make ours and we will all live with our choices. I take full accountability for everything I post, think, say and do, and I'm proud of myself.

Unlike, let's say, other folks in the forum, who rather than owning their words choose to create a brand-new account simply for the delightful chance to attack me with impunity.

Pot, Kettle, Black.

Also- Game, Set, Match.

Have a lovely day attacking others with your newfound anonymity! I'm off to teach the classes I have created from scratch, tutor my student for the AP Art History exam, and go about the daily business of being the best I can be on this day.

P.S. - in case anyone else misread all the exclamation marks and question marks in my first post in this thread about UNCG - I was being complimentary of the program. These marks are meant to underscore my admiration for a program that allows for people to have both a life and a doctoral education. They are not in any way intended to denigrate or otherwise take away from any other doctoral program. I admire many programs for many reasons. I was just delighted to have found such a wonderful reason to admire a program I had previously not known anything about, and felt the need to underscore that enthusiasm with enthusiastic punctuation. Please take this as a positive commentary intended in a positive fashion to highlight a positive attribute of UNCG's English program.

I certainly think you have received sound advice here, and just wanted to add my own "Congratulations!!" to the voices. An interview is definitely a very positive sign!

Given the distance you would need to travel, I would think a call to the director of English graduate studies reframing the question to give yourself a good understanding of where you are at would not be remiss. Maybe something like, "I am very excited about the offer of an interview, as yu are certainly my top choice in programs, but I would be flying in from Europe for this, and of course that's a bit of an overhead cost. How likely would I be to be accepted if I were to attend the interview?" That is a reasonable thing to ask, given the logistics and expense of air travel, and you should be able to gauge from there whether the flight would be worth the expense.

I certainly think you have received sound advice here, and just wanted to add my own "Congratulations!!" to the voices. An interview is definitely a very positive sign!

Given the distance you would need to travel, I would think a call to the director of English graduate studies reframing the question to give yourself a good understanding of where you are at would not be remiss. Maybe something like, "I am very excited about the offer of an interview, as yu are certainly my top choice in programs, but I would be flying in from Europe for this, and of course that's a bit of an overhead cost. How likely would I be to be accepted if I were to attend the interview?" That is a reasonable thing to ask, given the logistics and expense of air travel, and you should be able to gauge from there whether the flight would be worth the expense.

I'm out, extremely kind personal email from the DEGA. Told me specifically that my GRE scores weren't a problem, but my undergraduate transcript (2.66 in 1997) was too spotty for them. Even though I have a 4.0 MA from last year, further master level coursework at 2 other universities on top of that, and multiple publications and presentations in my field, including two at the international medieval congress, that doesn't make up for the work I did in the 1990's as a full-time waitress, commuting forty minutes to and from school to live at home, taking overloads every term.

SIGH. C'est la vie. Nobody promised fair. It's horribly depressing, of course - but, I will say, she was extremely kind in her email, and it sounded like she was genuinely sorry to reject me, for what it's worth.

Good luck to everyone else!

Yes, please, take my screening process for fellowship candidates as a major exaggeration intended merely to illustrate my point. In no way did I mean for that to be taken super-literally!! I was simply trying for an example that would be clearly a fellowship candidate sort of application - but as DietcOke and others have pointed out, fellowships depend on a wide variety of variables.

Yes, please, take my screening process for fellowship candidates as a major exaggeration intended merely to illustrate my point. In no way did I mean for that to be taken super-literally!! I was simply trying for an example that would be clearly a fellowship candidate sort of application - but as DietcOke and others have pointed out, fellowships depend on a wide variety of variables.

Yes, please, take my screening process for fellowship candidates as a major exaggeration intended merely to illustrate my point. In no way did I mean for that to be taken super-literally!! I was simply trying for an example that would be clearly a fellowship candidate sort of application - but as DietcOke and others have pointed out, fellowships depend on a wide variety of variables.

Yes, please, take my screening process for fellowship candidates as a major exaggeration intended merely to illustrate my point. In no way did I mean for that to be taken super-literally!! I was simply trying for an example that would be clearly a fellowship candidate sort of application - but as DietcOke and others have pointed out, fellowships depend on a wide variety of variables.

Not necessarily accurate. I know for a fact that UVA alerts the Jefferson scholar candidates earliest, with other applicants notified two or more weeks later in most cases, and just about any school with a university-wide graduate fellowship program is also going to alert those applicants eligible for such ahead of anyone else, because the process is so long and arduous - these are the spots for university-wide fellowships, super-prestigious and open to every grad school candidate in every department - that's a lot of applications, so the process begins earlier for those (this is one major reason for the earlier, December deadlines at most schools - allows these candidates to be pulled in a timely fashion, the screening process being something to the effect of, "Oh, look at this, 4.0 GPA and 800/800/6, subject test 780, that's a fellowship candidate").

The term "rolling admissions" is a problematic one, because in general academic use, it indicates that applications are reviewed year-round, with several possible start dates for a program (here's an example of a graduate program that offers rolling admissions, check out the right-hand side of the page, blue box).While many master's programs offer rolling admissions, very few graduate programs offering the PhD do, if any - UVA and UNC-CH certainly don't, and they specifically state this on their webpage. They have a strict deadline for Fall-only enrollment, and then the applications are reviewed on a rolling basis within the respective departments. I do know that they prefer to have all of this done and out of the way as soon as possible, and there are only two or three department sessions scheduled for application review, generally late January/early February..

That the admits and rejections go out in waves can also be accounted for by the waitlist. Some years, this is much longer than others, and they have to wait for someone to accept or decline before they can proceed with other offers. The actual reason for most of the later admits is that so many earlier-admitted students choose to sit on their acceptances until everything is in so they know what they have to choose from- totally their prerogative, but that more than any other factor accounts for the number of mid- to late- April notifications.

In the end- I think we are most of us in this for the long haul. Hang in there!!!! Not too much longer now!!!

Not necessarily accurate. I know for a fact that UVA alerts the Jefferson scholar candidates earliest, with other applicants notified two or more weeks later in most cases, and just about any school with a university-wide graduate fellowship program is also going to alert those applicants eligible for such ahead of anyone else, because the process is so long and arduous - these are the spots for university-wide fellowships, super-prestigious and open to every grad school candidate in every department - that's a lot of applications, so the process begins earlier for those (this is one major reason for the earlier, December deadlines at most schools - allows these candidates to be pulled in a timely fashion, the screening process being something to the effect of, "Oh, look at this, 4.0 GPA and 800/800/6, subject test 780, that's a fellowship candidate").

The term "rolling admissions" is a problematic one, because in general academic use, it indicates that applications are reviewed year-round, with several possible start dates for a program (here's an example of a graduate program that offers rolling admissions, check out the right-hand side of the page, blue box).While many master's programs offer rolling admissions, very few graduate programs offering the PhD do, if any - UVA and UNC-CH certainly don't, and they specifically state this on their webpage. They have a strict deadline for Fall-only enrollment, and then the applications are reviewed on a rolling basis within the respective departments. I do know that they prefer to have all of this done and out of the way as soon as possible, and there are only two or three department sessions scheduled for application review, generally late January/early February..

That the admits and rejections go out in waves can also be accounted for by the waitlist. Some years, this is much longer than others, and they have to wait for someone to accept or decline before they can proceed with other offers. The actual reason for most of the later admits is that so many earlier-admitted students choose to sit on their acceptances until everything is in so they know what they have to choose from- totally their prerogative, but that more than any other factor accounts for the number of mid- to late- April notifications.

In the end- I think we are most of us in this for the long haul. Hang in there!!!! Not too much longer now!!!