Charlsa

I've gotten into one program with a TA-ship, but the TA-ship prohibits outside work. I've already told my coworkers at the library and my parents that I will continue working with them, but now I'm really starting to doubt if that's possible. There is a waiver for outside work, but it's useless until after your first term. My dad is really pushing for me to work anyway, but I'd have to decide between submitting the waiver and thus notifying everyone of my intention to continue working (and hoping for some sort of miracle), or not telling anyone at the school that I am working and risk my TA-ship in the process. As much I as like my current job (and like the money it brings in), I don't even think it would be possible with a graduate school workload and the TA-ship to keep a part-time job that's one hour away from the school. The current plan is to continue working until it becomes apparent that I can't do it anymore and then to quit the library job. But that leaves the library in a tough spot because they would need to find someone immediately. I don't want to disappoint my dad by leaving the library, and all my coworkers are encouraging me to stay, but my personal inclination is to leave. I still remember the workload from the last time i was in graduate school and... It would have been impossible to give up 20 hours of potential studying time (+10 hours driving time).

I was accepted into one program out of four, and it is the least prestigious of the schools (none of which are particularly high ranking). I'm grateful that I'll have somewhere to go, but kind of disappointed that my application wasn't strong enough to get more than a form letter from the other three. The one I'll be attending doesn't have a PhD program, and they want me to decide if I'd rather get an MA and then apply to another PhD program, or get an MFA in a related field as a terminal degree. The MFA would eliminate any legitimate curatorial or academic career, but would have more applications in a museum or gallery environment. But the prospects of me getting into a PhD program in two years isn't looking too good, since I went to an underfunded public school, then a state university, then another state university. It would qualify me for the kind of position I want, but it just doesn't look possible right now. Oh, and also it's looking like I'll be the only one in the program of a very tiny department, which is worrisome.

I avoided too much interrogation by mentioning papers by the professors. Still, I've got a lot of researching and reviewing to do before starting.

I'm going on a campus visit tomorrow. I have to leave around 9am to be there by 10:30, then I have meetings until 3:00, at which point I need to drive back in time for a 4:00-8:00 shift at work. What this all means is that there will be a 12 hour gap between meals and I am a very grumpy person when I do not eat. It's a shame too because there are several restaurants around campus that I'd like to try, but it's seriously like six meetings in a row. Luckily I keep snacks in my locker at work. I'm just gonna... jam them all in my face and hope for the best. Also I have this paranoid fantasy that everyone is going to ask me questions like "are you a Hegelian or a Kantian?" and "Which of my papers was your favorite?" and "What is your opinion on Our Esteemed and Venerable God, Foucault?"

Oh no, just the University of Kentucky so far. I know, UK is misleading (in KY it's common of course, but I really should switch when discussing it elsewhere...). UKy, maybe?

Hey that's me! Thanks! I didn't bother posting because most of the art history folks seemed to be applying to bigger schools, but if anyone else here has applied or has gone there, hit me up.

I had the same issue with caffeine when I was still in grad school. I would have anywhere between 200 and 800 mg/day, and when combined with stress, it did no good whatsoever. I finally had to give up coffee and stick to green tea with a short brewing time.

I've only heard from one school since applying, and it was a rejection. No interviews, no follow-up, no waitlist. No emails, phone calls, or snail mail. I also discovered that my top choice extended their deadline, which makes me think my application wasn't competitive enough. Like they looked at it and said "Anyone else? Anyone at all? Please!" I have three chances left, and then I'm going to have to either grab the first full time job available or consider a different program that would accept recommendations from employers, since I doubt my academic recommenders would agree to do this a third time.

Beer. And honestly, I've tried, I really have. I've tried cheep beer, expensive beer, foreign beer, local beer, microbreweries beer, beer with weird flavors that have no right being in beer... And every beer-lover I talk to says "oh well all those are terrible--try this one!" Guess what, my man, it tastes like shit too. I am just not hopping on the hops-train.

We have a new-ish mailman for our street and I don't trust him. I realize this is fueled entirely by my impatience regarding admission decisions, but that doesn't soothe my paranoia. Our neighbors sometimes park close enough to our mailbox that it's possible to miss it, causing our mail to be delivered to them instead of us. And we also sometimes get other people's mail, which leads me to believe someone else may be receiving our mail and feels no desire to go through all the extra effort of putting it back in the mailbox. This anxiety is making me cynical.

I pissed off my most impressive recommender by continually reminding her to finish my letters. She hates technology, but the only way I could contact her was over email. She finally submitted them a week after the deadline. I always select that I don't want to view the recommendations out of respect to the professors, so I'm... not feeling very positive about her feedback. I know nagging her was a bad move since professors are busy people, but I am very neurotic about deadlines and punctuality. And I received positive feedback from another professor that actually requested that I remind him when the deadline was approaching. So I had the impression that reminding professors would be helpful. Universally, this is not the case. Unfortunately I think my formality in emails to professors may come across as somewhat hostile...

There was no death or trauma or abuse here, but I feel you. 2016 was disappointing on so many levels. 2017 was going to be The Year I Turn Things Around but all I have is a rejection and a constant sense of dread and ennui. I don't want another directionless year in a dead-end job. I intended to seek professional help for mental health issues after I dropped out of a program in 2015, but all the therapists and psychiatrists around here are Christian-oriented and I'm just... not comfortable with that. At least we all suffer together.

-You make ever-growing guilt-ridden lists of all the texts in your field you haven't read yet. -You know precisely when the postal mail arrives going by your stomach aches. -You've grown to hate Sundays because "there's no post on Sundays." (I have never related to Harry Potter more.) -You suspect your recommenders of secretly hating you. -You're already brainstorming thesis ideas at your muggle job, just as an escape.