SomeoneThrewMyShoe

I got engaged yesterday! 

@SomeoneThrewMyShoe This is INCREDIBLY awesome advice!! Many thanks for your assistance. I'm sure others will find it helpful as well.

Soooo a lot of nicer places are more expensive for a one bedroom. I've never looked for a one bedroom so I can't name prices, but I know that Ivy Hall is on the cheaper side. Studio Green. Park Place. I think South Gate is on the less expensive side? Again, I've never lived at those complexes but I know students have said they're affordable. Some of those that I just listed are farther from campus (like, not a 20 minute walk). They are, however, on various shuttle routes that run about every 20 minutes and take you to campus and is free. We have an app that's actually pretty great and accurate. So even though they're farther from campus they're accessible. Studio Green and Stone Gate are all on shuttle routes that pick you up directly from the complexes. Park Place isn't directly but it's close to a stop (I think). I would also call University Courtyards. They're basically on campus. I don't know how affordable their one bedrooms are but they do individual leases. Also The Retreat is an apartment complex that does individual leases as well. You get your own bedroom and bathroom for about $700 a month. It's on the shuttle route as well. 
If you want a place closer to campus, I think it's going to be more expensive and you should maybe try to find a roommate. 

So what now?
I put so much time into grad apps and decision making that now that i finally have a program and it’s finally past April 15th, I don’t know what to do with myself. It sounds silly but now I’m just listlessly waiting for fall to arrive :/. I’m reading up on discipline literature and working on language requirements but now that the excitement of the past few months has dwindled...I’m kind of bored. I feel kind of empty without any deadlines to meet, advice to seek or work to do. Oh well, I should probably just  enjoy the down time while I can because I’m sure I will be singing a different tune when the responsibilities of grad school kick in 

It's really about what time you go. 4-9 pm will be packed, the mornings are practically empty. If you google each facility, it will give you a basic idea of when not to go using the popular times feature. I also recommend going to the ARC instead of the RPAC/JON/JOS, as it's on far west campus where undergrads living on campus tend not to go.

thanks for sharing

.

i sense the feminists have been triggered! RUN

Feminist logic:
X is claimed to be discrimination. When someone questions whether that may be the case (not matter how logical or fact driven their evidence is), that person is invalidating individuals' experiences and is therefore wrong.
Wow, that's some sound logic you've got there. Seems a little ideological no? I'm done here.

I don't normally like to feed trolls, but I felt that this thread needed a woman statistician/mathematician.
I am a little late here but I felt like I needed to say something about my sample size of one.
I am a female math major.  No one has ever told me explicitly that women can't do math.   At my undergraduate institution, our department chair is a woman,  and we have a large percentage (for math anyway) of female faculty.  This does not mean that my experience was easy.  
It started in middle school,  where on more than one occasion I got some weird looks when they announced I won competitions.  The disproportionally small number of smart women in STEM in the media didn't help either.  In college,  when the professor announced what the high score was and it was mine some guys would always ask the other "smart guys" if they got the high score but no one ever thought to ask me.   I have gone to office hours and felt like I wasn't viewed by the professor as smart as the guys who would go in before and after me and that I had to prove myself.   I felt like I was fighting a constant uphill battle.  I didn't consider applying for external PhD programs until I was pushed by some great mentors who saw me not as a woman, but as a great statistician.  And in this December I read reports of sexual assaults among female graduate students and young faculty at conferences for my subfield.   Yes, I did well in my cycle but I doubt it was *just* because I don't have a Y chromosome.   I had to fight to get here,  and I am sure your female undergraduate friend had to as well.  I have had to endure people like you my entire life,  and I probably will for the rest of my life.   I would trade any advantage I got because of my gender (which probably wasn't much) in a heartbeat to not have to deal with the disadvantages.  You are trivializing the success of others because they did better than you.  Like everyone said you don't know that gender was the only reason you didn't do as well as a female applicant.  You didn't see the rec letters for the both of you and you didn't apply to the same schools.  
 

I never said there was such. There are male dominated professions and woman dominated professions however.
This is simply not true. Please link to the scientific evidence behind this.
Environmental factors may account for a portion of the variance in profession choice, but not even close to all. We know that baby infant males and females have demonstrably different preferences and behavior traits prior to environmental factors, so your theory is false. 
Science also shows us that male and female brains are quite different from each other. Differing levels of testosterone in the womb leads to divergent brain chemistry and development in males and females before birth. 
Lastly, competition and cooperation are not zero-sum. Environments need to have both - and the levels of each is debatable - to achieve optimal outcomes. More cooperation does not necessarily mean more success.
They do not necessarily change to whomever is in charge, where's the evidence for that? Institutional behavior can persist long after the removal or turnover of leaders or members. 
I also linked a study that was done where it showed that woman were given preference in job applications based on their name being on the CV. When names were removed entirely form the CVs, men were favored. I also linked to a comprehensive and methodologically deep study that showed that women were favored in STEM job hiring by approximately 33%. That was completely ignored of course, but whatever.
I am not part of the problem for 'denying your experiences' whatever that means. You are part of the problem for spreading false, and in many cases completely ideological (not factual), information. 

Are you seriously saying that women are incapable of making decisions quickly? Wow! You must know that such generalized beliefs are a clear example of the biases which you personally possess against women.
P.S. Your crude language? Precisely an example of the biases which keep women out of STEM and other male-dominated fields.

So I think @TakeruK covered a lot of what I was going to contribute (their point about microaggressions really hit home for me as a woman in STEM) but I also wanted to say that these statements above don't really match up with what I and other women in STEM have experienced, especially the latter statement about sexist behavior being constrained to the older generations. I actually experienced behavior by male graduate students that are approximately my age (mid 20s-ish) during one of my prospective school visits that frankly can be considered sexual harassment, and unfortunately this experience made my school choice for me. If I experienced the type of behavior I did during a short visit, that made me highly concerned on the type of environment I would be in for my time as a doctoral student. I was so surprised and disappointed by this because luckily in biology I don't experience a ton of sexism and never before from peers my own age. The experience left me drained and feeling like I was treated as so much less than a colleague. It was unprofessional and extremely insulting to me as a highly qualified prospective student.
Before this experience I was always aware of possible sexism from the older men in my field, but now I realize that it unfortunately is still found in younger men. And I also realize how being treated as less than a colleague can make you feel worthless and can make you feel like the science that you do doesn't matter one bit.
Also I would like to add that even if there isn't "active discrimination" occurring, the passive and unconscious discrimination that women often experience can itself make you question whether or not you belong in the field or make you feel very frustrated that others still see you and your work differently because you are a woman. One example I heard from a colleague was that after her presentation a male professor came up to her and complimented her on the fact that she didn't do several things he was on the lookout for (such as not using the word "like" too much). While she wasn't completely sure that this was said because she was a woman, it did make her feel that the only reason he felt he had a right to say this was because she was a woman and the presentation behaviors he was on the lookout for were generally associated with feminine mannerisms. This, I think, relates back to the statement you previously made that "masculine qualities" are preferred in STEM. So just because a woman presents in a fashion that may have some uniquely feminine mannerisms/speech patterns, that makes her presentation less than (at least in this example)? That is sexist - even if it isn't "active discrimination."

I think calling those things "masculine qualities" is right at the root of the issues. 

(emphasis added)
To me, this is a description of one of the ways gender discrimination is indeed happening in STEM settings. We (well, the people in power) get to decide how STEM settings work and the choice to organize them in ways that favour traditionally masculine qualities is one of the ways discrimination manifests itself. And when the field (especially the group of people in power, which are often more senior) is over-represented in one gender, it creates possibilites for that gender to choose to favour traits that they have themselves instead of valuing diversity/differences.

1) Enjoy yourself
2) Finish up your current program if you're still in undergrad 
3) Find an apartment (this took me forever - I've been looking for the past two months for my ideal situation and JUST found the perfect house the other day)
4). This may not be a concern to you but switch health insurance if you're opting in for your university's insurance
5) GET HYPE  - Grad school is weird and stressful but (at least for my masters) I've been having a blaaaast. 

I just got in off the waitlist at my top choice!!! I'm in such shock right now honestly. 
Today has been such a rollercoaster - it started with waking up to an email reply from the program director of my top choice saying she didn’t know whether or not I’d hear back from them before April 15 and that I should ask my other school for an extension. Then I drafted an email to my second choice asking for an extension but before I sent it I got a phone call from their program director offering a fellowship with more money (and then I asked him about an extension and he said they probably wouldn't grant one). Then tonight I got an email from my top choice and I honestly can't believe it. I still have to hear back from professors at my top choice (I want to make sure they actually want me in their labs still) before i can say for sure that I'm going but today was a lot. I'm defending my undergraduate thesis in the morning and have yet to look at my presentation because this has all been so much wow. 

@cinderellasyndrome I have to agree with @SomeoneThrewMyShoe that from the outside you really seem excited about School B and I think being excited can go a long way. It really sounds like you want to branch out away from your alma mater and experience something new (new area, new colleagues, etc) at School A. That could be a really good thing for you because living in a new area can really help you grow as a person and help you figure out that you may want different things out of life than if you hadn't branched out and gone to that new place. Also if you plan on staying in academia you usually have to be willing to make some sort of move to find a good PhD program or to find an academic position eventually. I've also heard that having diversity on where you have gotten your different degrees can look really good on future academic job applications (I guess because it shows you have a broader network of colleagues and you haven't exclusively been educated by the same group of people?).
Honestly it sounds like your biggest hang up is the money difference and I don't think you should let that hold you back from choosing School B if that is where you prefer to go. You could get out small loans like @SomeoneThrewMyShoe suggested or have your parents help you since that seems to be on the table for you. I know you say you are reluctant to have your parents help, but maybe have a frank conversation about this and see how much of a burden it would be on them to help somewhat? If they are more than willing to help and it is financially feasible to do so I don't think you should discount their help. I personally received some financial help from my parents during my masters for which I am eternally grateful since it did allow me to attend the school I really wanted to attend. I am so glad they did help me because otherwise I would have had to take out some loans to help with cost of living so I am very thankful they could help me and were more than willing to do so.
Edit: Also if the cost difference between School A and School B is because you would be living at home for School A and not paying rent or groceries I think you should maybe consider that if your parents are willing to keep helping you out with those things at home or away (since you say they could help you with some costs of living at School B ) then I really don't think you should overlook the help they have offered you if you go to School B. They would be helping with your costs of living at School A anyway and they seem to maybe want to keep helping you at School B. However, if this is a complete misinterpretation of your situation then just ignore this lol

Obviously I don't have all the information, but from what it sounds like, School B seems more competitive/has more people to work with besides the one from undergrad! Plus you just seem more excited to live there! If you read through your post again it seems like you're pretty excited about School B. 

OMG ALSO MADE IT OFF THE WAITLIST WTF IS HAPPENING

YOU GUYS. I GOT IN!!! 
I was sitting on 5 rejections and 1 waitlist (for my top choice school) with very little communication about what was happening with the adcomm. I got a phone call from my POI today and they said I was their first choice (they did not extend an offer to anyone else) and that the reason for the delay/waitlist was that they had a lot to figure out internally. I'm still waiting on the official letter with the funding offer, but I'm so excited, and relieved, and a little bit in shock. This late in the game, I had more than prepared myself for applying again next year. Holy wow.
This thread was a life-saver for me throughout the wait process; I appreciate it so much.

This is VERY concerning. I would not want to work with this person for four more years. While it is nice that he wants you to stay so badly, the fact that he is low-key threatening you if you don't stay at the school/is going to be detrimental towards your career is the most telling part of all of this. I know you like this person but no professor should take the fact that you want to go to a much better program so personally that they're going to remove you from working with them. 
I would let the other program know that I was accepting their offer like....yesterday. 

First off, congratulations on your admission!  You totally won the waitlist game.  Long distance high-5.
 
I'll be coming out with my PhD when I'm either 39 or 40.  38 if I'm very, very lucky/speedy. This is clearly my second career.  I agree with lemma - graduating at 30 is not "old."  You can reasonably expect to live until you're 80.  You spent the first 20 years of your life being a child with little-to-know ability to affect your life.  So of the 60 remaining years, you're spending 10 getting a higher education.  That sounds pretty good to me.

So, you deal with it by living life.  Your PhD is not your entire life - you also will have friends, families, relationships, goals, ambitions, and so forth that have NOTHING to do with your PhD.  Your goal during your program (besides, you know, finishing) is to figure out what it takes to get a job.  You have 5 years to do that.  I think I could do pretty much anything if I put my mind to it for 5 years.  Learn Chinese? Sure.  Figure out a Senate run?  No problem.  Become a professional violinist?  With enough dedication, sure.  All you have to do is figure out how to get a job...and you'll be literally surrounded by people who have already been there, knows what it takes, and it is their job to help you achieve that goal.
You got this!  Use the resources you'll have at your university, make connections at other universities (especially in your home country, if that's where you want to end up), and - most importantly - remember to live your life.
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

You're welcome! "Boo hoo" beats "cry me a river." No?

This is VERY concerning. I would not want to work with this person for four more years. While it is nice that he wants you to stay so badly, the fact that he is low-key threatening you if you don't stay at the school/is going to be detrimental towards your career is the most telling part of all of this. I know you like this person but no professor should take the fact that you want to go to a much better program so personally that they're going to remove you from working with them. 
I would let the other program know that I was accepting their offer like....yesterday.