Maylee

Alright, so I am a grown-ass person. I took several years off to save for retirement and whatnot. I enter the PhD, it's all great, and I fall for someone even older than I am who is in the same department and cohort but entirely different concentration. Time passes, we realize we are truly, madly, deeply cheeseballs and this might be some fairytale level bullshit. Again, I'm grown and have a sense of love/not-love and what works/doesn't. I have a great deal of vaired experience. Still, I also know not all things work out and I have a great track record of amiable ex relations. We also don't seem to be distracting each other too much from studies. My questions: 1. Am I a delusional dumbass for thinking I can have this great relationship and get this degree? 2. Do we have to/should tell the department? Thanks!

It may be good to start by sharing your CV/resume with her. Typically they are looking for someone who can attest to your skills, drive, and promise in your field and it often helps if you have unique, relevant experience.

@Cheshire_Cat I'm so glad you found someone. I hope so many good things come your way and I'm sorry for your loss.

I gave my employer three months notice when I accepted a funding offer. Everyone was excited for me and told me how appreciated I was (which nobody ever does until you leave). Then, they started to get bitter when they had to go through the hiring process and re-structure the office. They've made me move my physical office multiple times, keep "forgetting" to include me in important emails, and nobody will quit mentioning that I'm "leaving them." On top of that, I'm leaving my entire support network soon for five years, my partner and I have decided that the distance won't work but we're "enjoying what we have left", my new car broke down irreparably so when I do move I can't ever visit home or get around my new city, I'm not sure I can bring any of my belongings with me without a vehicle, my family is struggling with physical and mental health, and I can't afford to re-start my medication on this very terrible insurance (which is currently denying to pay for my last visit). I feel helpless, lonely, and selfish for leaving for yet another degree. On the bright side, my school found out they had a bit of additional grant money to award and chose me to receive it on top of my funding. I may be able to buy a moped to get to the grocery store, which is pretty neat. ?

@Cheshire_Cat I am so sorry you're going through this. I had a rat companion who died during my MA and no vet would help him. A friend and I ended up finding an alternate humane euthanasia method and it wasn't much easier to take. Your being there for her is a kind and wonderful thing. Sending love and support ❤️

Officially going to Mizzou for a PhD in English/Creative Writing in the Fall! Congratulations, everyone! It's great to have made a decision.

I feel you there! Only one program paid for my visit, so I've been emailing and calling people like mad to learn more and make a decision. I have no idea how to choose either! Hopefully your visit will help. Sometimes I toss a d20 (even/odds) or a coin to make a decision. I find that the result of the die toss tells me what I didn't realize I already knew.

I had a visit at the start of the month and was terrified. I kept looking over my application materials, pondering what they would ask me and if I'd be quizzed. I read things I hadn't read in a while and brushed up on some theory. I started practicing my second language again, reading a ton of books, etc. I was basically preparing for comps. Then, when I got there, everyone just wanted to have a conversation! So, for those of you nervous about going on visits, remember that everyone there is curious about who you are and they wan't you there. It was actually not stressful at all, and you're going to be wonderful. ☺️

Hey there! So I applied PhD CNF and am admitted/waitlisted for funding at UNL. I didn't tell them I have a funded offer elsewhere but when I checked in with some questions they asked to be kept in the loop about my other offers so they could "try" to rush a funding decision since the faculty "remain very excited" about my application. They didn't give me an exact position on the waitlist but I felt it was promising and shared my other offers and should hear back in a few days. I'd say you didn't overstep!

I agree, thank you for making this thread! It's between U Missouri and U Nebraska, I think. I can't decide!

Hello! I'm going to try to bump this as well. I visited campus but didn't have time to check out the local area (it was also horrible weather), and I'm curious about more recent perspectives. I'm getting ready to make a final decision on my college choice soon. I did get things from tourism to look over, but those are half advertisements and I prefer to hear it from a local. Specifically, if you have any information on the following I would really appreciate it! 1. Graduate/older adult housing (I have a cat ? and am protected by the FHA with medical documentation, but I prefer to just use pet friendly to avoid the hassle) 2. Hiking/camping (is the city conducive to outdoor activities and overall wellness/creativity) 3. Walkability and public transit 4. General quality of life

@emprof I agree! Also, I work in a graduate office and my university doesn't fund anything for visits other than a meal pass and hotel discount. I was entirely thrilled and surprised when one of my top choices offered to pay my airfare and allowed me to visit an alternate day from the original welcome! I think it says a lot about how much the school values its graduate students and what kinds of resources they have to support them.

I really appreciate your honesty and your detailed answer, and the advice to find a therapist. I will take that to heart. I think I'm the kind of person who wants to get a PhD even knowing all of this, especially since working about that many hours at my full time job had me missing graduate school and teaching experiences from my MA. I know the PhD will be more work, of course, but I'm hoping it will be a mostly positive journey despite the many challenges. What a wonderful note, too, about the support you received from your program. May I ask, what has been the best part of your experience?

Hey there! Congratulations! What's your program? A few things to consider: 1. What's school A's placement rate? They may be less prestigious on (often outdated) national rankings, but they might have a good reputation regardless and place people in great jobs. You might check their website or with the graduate office for that data. Where are graduates working? Also, if you're thinking of doing a PhD later, you might do well to go to school A and really shine, then go to a "more prestigious" university after. 2. Talk to current students! Most websites have the graduate students listed and you can email them, or ask your POI if they might have a student in mind with similar interests you can speak to. 3. Where will you be happy? Burnout is real, and if school A is calling to you in all these ways perhaps you should go there. I'd say to check the fist two and visit, for sure! Again, if you're planning to stop at the MA, some factors may weigh more heavily than if you wanted another degree after. Either way, I'm sure you aren't making a wrong decision, just a different one. Congratulations again!

When it happens, let it be a pleasant surprise amid all the wonderful things you are doing.