zuska

I am tired.
I know it won't change anything to the situation. I know it's hard for everyone. But I need to vent/rant.
I live on my own, two hours away from my hometown. I had moved for my first year of university and had always planned to move back to my hometown afterwards.
But because of COVID-19, I have not seen my family and friends in person since March.
I am quite an independant woman, and it was okay at the beginning (the first two months). But now, I am fed up to be honest. It impacts my motivation re: my comprehensive exam as well. I have low energy and feel like I'm stuck between my four walls. I can't even do the things I enjoy doing on my own (going to music concerts, watch independant movies at the local movie theater, going to music concerts, etc.). I can't study at the local library or café. I'm at home all day long. All my activities entails going to the grocery store, talking walks with music, and watching some webinars. And cleaning up my appartement. That's it. 
I speak with my friends and family through Zoom, phonecalls, Messenger, texts daily. But it is not the same thing has having a real human being in front of you or to get a hug.
Plus, to my surprise, I fell in love with a man that loves me back during the pandemic (we knew each other for multiple years). He made a love declaration to me and I've responded back positively to it. But he's in my hometown. We speak over the phone daily, but we cannot see or touch each other. Falling in love has impacted my level of concentration. It,s a bit better now, but I still feel like my head is up in the clouds. And I am notorious for how focused I am. But I just can't focus.
I think travelling is now allowed between Canadian provinces. I am going to take a shot at taking the train next week to go back to my hometown. Because I am going crazy and feel bored. 
 
 

Not a single reply in this thread has been malicious or written in bad faith.
 
Perhaps you would be better suited to kindergarten as opposed to pursuing academia at postgrad level. That way you'll never have to encounter any opinions that make you feel uncomfortable or force you to reconsider your own position; you'll find the universally positive environment you seem to be looking for.
 
There, that was a bit mean - but it's the first time in 3 pages that anyone has been catty in the slightest.

People. chill.
 

Yeeeeeah, that's too far on a lot a levels. Don't try to be a psychologist on the internet or try to explain to someone why they don't work as a person. It diminishes the rest of what you're saying. 

Totally agree with @bibliophile222.  Why on earth is this forum dogpiling criticism on someone who came here for looking for understanding?  No wonder this place is slowly dying.

I AM focusing on my thesis. How many times am I going to say this for God’s sake? I am doing what I am supposed to do and have been since day 1.
and Which path are you talking about?? This sounds very paternalistic.
 
 

comments.
1. People have different relationships with their advisor and even among their advisors. My first advisor during my undergrad was pretty distant, didn't really connect with him. My master's advisor basically treats his students like his children - so yeah we were close. I knew about his kids, sometimes even his relationship troubles, and he knows a lot about my life. My current PhD advisor is a bit more distant/professional but certainly takes my private life in mind. We have shared some personal info, but not to the same extent as my Master's advisor (obviously). Yeah I'd often shared personal opinions (including on faculty and those were also shared with me too for that matter) and things with the latter, but maybe not with the others. That's fine. So lets not start judging people's interaction with their advisors (or friends/family for that matter).
Plus I don't think adeleide said it was her opinion that the examiner was jealous? but others have suggested. 
2. It does indeed seem that the advisor, in this case, was overconfident. It's the 2nd person I've seen it happen to this year (although to my other friend her committee even told her to take out things her advisor suggested to put in....). And yeah, that's unfair, but well. It happens more often than you think. 
3. Academia is just unfair. I mean, I'm not a huge fan of the peer review process (wish it was double blind for that matter), theres a lot of luck (and bad luck) involved, etc. 
I don't think anyone here is in self-pity, but I think its healthy to express one's frustration?

Have you considered the possibility that your fail is deserved?
Obviously we only know what you've told us and none of us have read your thesis, but you seem desperate to blame everyone except for yourself and cry about how unfairly you've been treated.  Perhaps your work wasn't good enough to pass. I'm saying this because you've shown no indication that you consider this a possibility. If it is the case that your work wasn't good enough then you're wasting time blaming other people - time that could be spent improving your work.
When professors fail a piece of work I'm sure they're used to having students throw it back at them and complain and say it's not fair. Do you really want to be one of those people, or do you want to pick yourself up and think about why your work wasn't good enough to pass? Then you can go back, fix it, and have a valuable learning and development experience. Self-reflection and accepting responsibility should be an important part of learning and growth.
Saying this to help. Most posts here have been incredibly supportive, I feel that it's important to bring this other point up. I'm not saying it's impossible that you were unfairly failed because that sort of thing does indeed happen. However, it's rare that I've spoken with a failed student who was able to admit it was their fault.

Yup. I brought no bank statements and no questions asked.

I think I can pass my thesis.

Hi guys, I think this may be a silly question, but oh well. As an international student, I am not quite sure how common is it to wait until the last minute to give your final decision? I have anticipated that by this time I would know where I am going, but I just can't decide between two options and it is driving me crazy.  I am starting to get worried that I now look like an asshole to both programs no matter what I will do. I am thinking that the program I will pick will think they were my safety choice, and the other one will think I was waiting for better offer. Neither is true, but I would understand if they would think that. Is this a very common situation in USA or is it usually just the waitlisted people that wait so long? Is it worth it trying to explain on Monday that as an international student I had to account for many other things besides the program as well and that is why I took so long? I feel horrible about the fact that the other program will have to invite people AFTER 15 april, when many other applicants probably chose their program already   
I will appreciate any comments/suggestions. I suspect that my overthinking took over and this is a relatively normal situation, but it would be best to hear from other people.

After reading through all 23 pages, I think I've managed to compile the most salient (at least for me) and still relevant pieces of advice as far as grad school supplies 
Laptop - While most people have a laptop, it was recommended by several people that folks in a new laptop (unless yours is less than two years old) and make sure you get an extended warranty (one that will hopefully last the entirety of your program).  Note: look into funding opportunities for laptops within your department. Some will finance a new laptop for incoming grad students!  Desk - L-shaped came highly recommended, given the extra space. While i love my little desk, I may invest in a larger one by year 2.  Chair (Desk) - Investing in a good chair was stressed many times. You will likely be spending many hours hunched over a desk. get one that will be comfortable for your back, but won't put you to sleep.  Chair (Reading) - a separate reading chair was recommended for those hours upon hours where you'll be reading. a comfortable chair or couch was recommended. Printer - there was some debate regarding the pros/cons of a printer. In an increasingly digital age, I don't think a printer is completely necessary. ESPECIALLY because so many universities have printers available and printing costs included within stipends. But this will depend on the person Scanner OR File Cabinet - One person had recommended getting a file cabinet and regularly organizing it so as not to fall behind (if you are someone who likes having physical copies of everything, then go for this option). HOWEVER, someone then chimed in to say screw a file cabinet. just get a scanner. and i thought that was an excellent idea! just scan everything you need and chuck the physical copies (unless its like your birth certificate or something)  Coffee - Coffee maker, coffee carafe (to keep it warm for those days of marathon working), french press. you get the idea. ALTERNATIVE: electric kettle for tea drinkers  Large Water Bottle - lets be sustainable folks!  Snacks - for those long days  Wall Calendar  Dry Erase Board  Noise Cancelling Headphones  External Hard Drive Dongles - actually didn't see folks write about this, so I'm adding it! Dongles/adapters are constantly changing based on your device. Get the one that is specific to your computer to HDMI and VGA, and you should be set for most campus systems!  Paper shredder - unless your campus has a shredding removal service like my current one has. I'd say take advantage of that Travel - Luggage, toiletry bag, international travel adapter/converter, etc. You will presumably be traveling a bunch! Get the right travel accessories if you can Desk accessories - post its, highlighters, pens Notebooks - it seems like everyone has been unanimously pro-moleskine notebooks on here. mmmm I'm not! What *EYE* recommend is going to your local art supply store, and buying sketchbooks from there. They are usually so much cheaper. And most art stores have artist and student memberships available, so you can get major discounts. I just showed a sale and got all my notebooks and pens for less than $30. Just my opinion  Software - Just some of the software that came highly recommended and that I felt like was still relevant today: Evernote. Zotero. Scrivener. CamScanner. Nuance. iStudiez  Most of this is hella obvious. But some of these I hadn't even considered! And its nice to think about these things early so you have enough time to save up or search the internet for deals. I curated an Amazon wishlist based on the information i listed above. Let me know if you'd like me to post it here and make public! 
And remember: 90% (if not all) of this is OPTIONAL. Let's not make academia seem more inaccessible than it already is. You will excel regardless of whether or not you have these things.  There's always borrowing. lending programs through your university. free services through your libraries. There are options! 
Hope this is helpful to those reading this post 8 years later! It was certainly helpful for me. Aside from curating a great list of things i want, it also helped distract me from decisions this week ://////

I was in the same boat! I shortlisted my top two choices but both options are very good so it was a really tough decision. Two days before the deadline, I listened to my heart and gave my choice. I hope you can also eventually choose the best option for you but I am pretty sure that you will happy in either case and you should be!

Ah no I'm sorry, that was my poor phrasing: you should definitely be able to give your decision on the day of the 15th.

Plenty of people wait to the last day to give their answers if they're waiting on offers, though giving your answer earlier (if you've made up your mind already) generally is considered polite for others on the waitlists. You're allowed to wait, and you don't have to tell the programs why. Since you're international, though, don't forget to keep your time zone in mind!

I am from Roanoke! Lived there for 22 years and went to Roanoke College in Salemfor undergrad. It's definitely changed a lot from when I was a kid. It's so up and coming now. The cheap cost of living is very attractive for sure. The area just got their Amtrak station back so it's much easier to travel now as the airport is awful. All of my family + friends are still there and I go home multiple times a year. If you have any specific questions, definitely message me!

Hello!
It will really depend on where you live and whether you're looking for a house or an apartment. It could be enough or it could be a bit of a struggle. There are stores like Aldis and things opening up in that area which could make grocery shopping easier as well. Just try to avoid tourist trap like entertainment in your free time and you might be good there. If you do find a place for $1,000 a month, you might be good to go. Just make sure to have some money put aside for any emergencies. South Carolina is the land of pot holes a lot of the time. So a car maintenance fund will likely be a must.
Part-time/Seasonal jobs can be found, though keep in mind there are a lot of undergraduate and high school students that try to jump on those as well. I would say applying earlier will make that easier. There is sometimes part time work with the ghost tours, being a server at a restaurant there during the summer you can make good tips, and there are a lot of locally run shops as well that could likely use the help. I loved living in the area and I was right outside of North Charleston. Some parts of North Charleston can be rough to live in, so just make sure you do your research about where you're wanting to move. Some smaller towns near North Charleston that are pretty good to live in are Goose Creek and parts of Ladson.
James Island would likely be a pricey place to move but there are some affordable places in Mount Pleasant that might also be worth looking into. West Ashley might also be a good place to look for housing.
A tip I would give to anyone moving to the area is to get some sort of renters insurance that covers storm damages. Hurricane season is no joke and the Carolina's often get hit with tropical storms at the very least if not full blown hurricanes. Downtown and some of Charleston proper floods during Hurricane season. Make sure you have good rain boots and be aware of the tides. Otherwise, Charleston has a rich culture and great places to walk and bike. As someone else has said, you can't really do that from James Island or West Ashley, but you can in Mount Pleasant.
If I can answer any other questions please let me know.

Anxiety is what kills me. It cripples me and saps the fun and excitement out of everything. When I was not hearing from any universities, I felt low and had a throbbing head and now when I have acceptances from two universities, I still feel the same. The questions in my mind that drive anxiety keeps changing as I face new situations. I think spending a lot of time alone might be the problem since I do a lot of over-thinking. Hopefully, when I will join grad school, most of my mental energy will be utilized in studies and enjoying the company of friends and that would be good for my mental health.  ?

Thank you, that's very helpful! ?

I remember that Grandin Village was a good area ! Further out by like Cave Springs, Mill Mountain, and Hollins are all nice and pretty safe areas. You would also probably be in a great location to live behind the large Carilion Hospital in the woodcliff area- it would put you right by the hospital and there is a shopping area with starbucks, grocery store, pharmacy, etc nearby (When I would go to Roanoke to see friends or for work I often ended up around this area near the hospital and never felt unsafe). I would avoid nearly all of downtown and there were some rougher areas out by the mall. 
 
Also, while 26k is not a lot, I do think you will be able to get by on it. Being a fairly rural small city cost of living is pretty reasonable! If you are good with budgeting I think you will be ok! 

I'd like to share some valuable advice for those who are planning to come with spouses to the U.S. I know the application process is not over but it might help you plan better...
Do not go for an F1 visa. Request a DS-2019 form from the institution and apply for J1. That way your spouse will be able to work in the U.S. Not enough people know this information and I see fellow students struggle. In case you are afraid of the 2-years home residency requirement - fear not. It does not apply unless your program was sponsored by the U.S. Government or your country.
Wish you all best of luck!
 

I lived just outside Blacksburg for a few years!  Roanoke is pretty up and coming.  When we first moved to the area (5ish years ago) Roanoke was honestly ...kind of gross.  The downtown area had a super cool farmer market on the weekends and a couple cute local shops, but then the rest of the buildings were empty.  However,  in the past couple years there has been a lot of improvement! A lot of cool new breweries opened (if you like beer - Chaos Mountain Brewing is probably like 20 min outside of Roanoke and was our favorite!), some new shops were going in downtown, the mall area was improving, etc.  There is also FANTASTIC hiking nearby - if you like to hike definitely check out Tinker Falls and Dragons Tooth. It definitely has a small city vibe and is very easy to navigate. The area is very economically depressed and unemployment rates are very high, pretty conservative politically, and high crime in certain areas.  
The education you will get through Tech and Carilion is top notch!  I only ever heard good things from people receiving their education through both of those institutions. 

I think money and comfort are very important aspects. I would just investigate what your partner's job prospects are in both locations and the ease of getting a work permit. And then also consider the overall strength of the programs compared. It is not an easy decision! Good luck!