Lt. Mango

I think you can treat it as a job, I don't think you can treat it as a 40 hour a week job. More like a 50-60 hour a week job- 8-5 or 9-6 and some weekend time.

I do consistently leave the lab around 5-7, come home, spend time with my wife, cook dinner, go out. On the weekend, I try to alternate between doing some work and some fun. I have hobbies and pets, and its definitely important to spend time with them.

Some of the best advice I can give is that you pick the important things in life- eating well, exercising, cooking, time with kitties, etc- and make time for those. Then have your work fill the rest of your time. It becomes more and more important to learn to schedule and prioritize your life, rather than your work, because your work can often expand to take up the time you leave for it.

I got quite mixed reactions after I had announced that I wanted to apply to a PhD programme abroad. I had to laugh at some of the questions / comments. I didn't list my parents' comments because they were very supportive. So were my supervisors.

Before:

1. "Are you applying to US universities because you are not smart enough to do it your own country?" (from a friend)
2. "Do you honestly believe that you'll have a chance THERE? You at least should speak English. Once you visit the US and talk to real people, you'll realise that the English you speak is not "real" English." (from some know-it-all distant relatives)
3. "You'll get in anywhere because you're smart and you enjoy studying." (from grandparents)
4. "I respect you for having a keen interest in something, but you should start thinking about doing something useful and make a contribution to society." (from a friend)
5. Aaah...you're applying to some no-name universities because it's too difficult for you to keep up with the competition at your current uni. (from an acquaintance - for the record, the "no-name" universities are some top-ranked universities)

After:

5. "What are you going to do with a PhD in linguistics? Are you going to teach English?" (from lots of people)
6. "These young people today...they keep studying until the age of 30 and let their parents support them." (from my mother's colleagues - They can't be bothered by the fact that I've been supporting myself for a long time.)
7. "You'd better stay at home with your parents and get married in your village and earn little money than go abroad and make more money." (from my grandma)
8. "Are you sure you wanna go there? You'll be looked down on by other people there." (from some acquaintances)
9. "How could you convince ***insert top-ranked US university*** to accept YOU? (I get asked this a lot)

"I say good fellow, have you read the papers lately? The economy is simply dreadful!"

My spin on The Most Interesting Man in the World:



Hang in there, everyone!

Brace yourselves, I've been keeping a list of the insensitive stuff people have said to me throughout this process in order to try and get a laugh out of all the misery.


• "Just like... don't think about it." Silly me! I should have thought of that!
• "Why did you apply?" I have to justify my existence to myself and several admissions committees daily already. Go away.
• "So what are you going to study?" Honestly? IF I get in, I'll do whatever they tell me to do and love the heck out of it.
• "So how are you doing?" Honestly? Been better. What I'll tell you? "Fine."
• "Guess you'll just have to wait and see..." OMG! You're like, totally wise!
• "This waiting is just AWFUL!" Must be tough. I mean you already got into 3 schools and I haven’t heard a thing, but still.
• “You look exhausted!” Great, I’m already stressed and now I’m self-conscious.
• "What are you doing after you finish undergrad?" Don't know yet. Wish I did. What I do know is that I dislike you right now.
• "Why can't you just turn off the stress?" Probably the same reason that you can’t just turn off being an insensitive jerk.
• "What's your first choice?" The place that wants me.
• “What’s your back up plan?” I prefer not to think about it. But probably a cardboard box.
• "Where did you apply?" Do you really want the full list or can I save the oxygen?
• "What's your GRE score/GPA?" 1) That's personal and 2) That's not the only thing that matters.
• "Wouldn't you rather get a real job and make some money?" See, for some of us, the money isn't important.
• "You still haven't heard? That’s bad. Isn't it time to give up on grad school already?" Thanks for the vote of confidence.
• "What are you gonna do if you don't get in?" Thank you for reminding me that is a distinct possibility.
• "Why are you always SO worked up about this? It doesn't even matter!" Well it kind of matters to me but I mean, no big.
• “It could always be worse.” I know that. It could be MUCH worse. But just because it could be worse doesn’t mean I don’t get to feel bad right now.
• "So uh... what are you gonna do after grad school?" How about we cross that bridge AFTER I get decisions.
• "So when are you going to hear back?" If I knew do you think I'd be in this constant state of full on panic?
• "Did you hear that [person] got in to all his schools already?!" Sure did. And while I’m happy for them, please don’t remind me about everyone else’s results.
• "Don't worry, good students like you don't go without any offers." Um, yes they do.
• "But I mean, you're SO SMART, you're gonna get in everywhere, so just stop worrying." Because smart is clearly all that matters.
• “Aren’t you excited for graduation?” Please don’t say the g-word…
• “I’m so excited for you!” Well, that makes one of us because right now I have no reason to be excited.
• “You have to get in SOMEWHERE…” Actually that’s a common misconception.

force choke

"I say good fellow, have you read the papers lately? The economy is simply dreadful!"

You think that with the advent of the internet, you can just give a special password to the school and they can look it up ... Rather than ETS sending the CD with the scores for $22. It's a racket, I tell you!

Don't mind me, I am bitter after spending a bundle on sending scores... lol

red wine

A motorcycle. Not an expensive one, but definitely a motorcycle.

I had one years ago but gave it up because I wasn't riding it enough to justify the maintenance costs. We only get about 4 months of motorcycle weather up here in Vermont, and that's if it doesn't rain the whole time. So now that I am moving to Arizona where it is always sunny, I am going to make the most of that. And I can additionally justify this to myself based on what it will save me in commuting costs.

Coffee shop patron: What are you studying?
Me: I'm studying for a math exam in two hours.
Coffee shop patron: *long diatribe about chaotic systems in simple circuits*
Me: I'm studying for a math exam in two hours.
Coffee shop patron: Are you working on a masters?
Me: No, I'm still waiting to hear back from graduate schools.
Coffee shop patron: You should study chaotic systems in...
Me: I'm studying for a math exam in less than two hours.
Coffee shop patron: Chaos...
Me:

If you admire and respect this professor, you should take her concerns about English PhD prospects very, very seriously. I would set up a meeting with her to hear her out about graduate school and the job market. Just because what she has to say makes you uncomfortable doesn't mean you should ignore it!

I completely agree. My significant other has put up with constant stress, reassuring me at every turn and providing comfort when delays, rejections and just plain neurotic worrying takes over. She deserves a present if/when I get accepted.

As for what I would treat myself to, I'm looking forward to the ability to breath easily again and this dead weight in my stomach relocating itself. At least until I start my dissertation. Sometimes I cannot really believe how much I want this to work out.

Hey guys, My interest is in language aquistion from a phonological standpoint for speakers with specific native languages. You can probably tell I am not in graduate school yet because that isn't very clear but basically I am interested in language aquistion, phonetics and phonolgy. I am going to get an MA before I get a phD...anyways I don't know if this name will ring a bell with anyone but my POI as an undergrade is Ettien Koffi. His research isn't super well known but it is kind iof (I think at least) he has also done some cool stuff investigating the samali language

I picked psycholinguistics. Specifically, I'm interested in bilingual and second language acquisition

midnight train (going anywhere~~)

...I'm sorry, did you say something? I was busy refreshing my email.

I will enjoy a night of sleep that's free of stress and worry. It has been over three months since I applied to my program and I am completely tired of drinking chamomile tea.

Mr. Haviland--
Welcome to the gradcafe.

Please note that over the past fifteen plus years, members of the academic community including professors, administrators, and staff, have become increasingly concerned with the dynamic in which the parents of students interject themselves in the educational processes of their children. The term "helicopter parent," a pejorative, is frequently used as a phrase to capture this dynamic and its disruptive influence within the Ivory Tower.

Please note that many academic departments and their parent institutions have instituted policies to manage this dynamic from the perspective of risk management. In many cases, these policies end up working to the detriment of students. That is, academics are increasingly focused on limiting their exposure to risk (i.e., playing CYA) and they are increasingly disinterested in mentoring undergraduates and graduates alike. (In my own experience as a teaching assistant, it was increasingly difficult to support students who are constantly checking with their parents to see if was is okay to work harder and to develop their critical thinking skills.)

Your decision to assist your son doubtlessly reflects your best intentions as a parent. Nevertheless, please understand that your intervention on his behalf may have unfortunate--but avoidable--consequences. Professors, administrators, and staff compare notes on their perceptions of students. While it takes time to earn a favorable reputation, unfavorable reputations come much more easily.

Therefore, I respectfully request that you consider the utility of recusing yourself permanently from all third party activities on behalf of your son. If he wants copies of his LoRs, let him do the leg work. Graduate school is a very difficult journey. He will doubtlessly benefit from your emotional, psychological, and intellectual support in the coming years. However, the path he's about to take is his and his alone to walk. Please allow him the opportunity to build the knowledge, the skills, and the relationships he will need on this journey by himself.

If you decide to continue on your current path, that is your choice. Please do understand that he will have to bear the consequences (favorable, unfavorable, and unforeseen) of your choices.

Relative: So, ready for the job hunt?
Me: I'm going to grad school, actually.
Relative: Oh, you got in?
Me: ...yes.
Relative: How long does grad school take? Two years?
Me: Closer to five for a Ph.D, usually.
Relative: What are you studying again?
Me: Linguistics.
Relative: ...and what are you going to do with a Ph.D in that??!

(it never ends, I swear.)

Please let me "March" into graduate school!!

I'm scared to email them! I am afraid of what they may say!

I was feeling this earlier today because I hadnt heard from anywhere for the last 2.5 weeks. Then I got a small envelope from Harvard saying I was rejected, felt relieved, and then angry that this whole process has been detrimental to my self esteem and wellness.

I've decided to take my rejection letters and do something fun with them. Constructive. Productive. Pretty. Papier mache or collages or something. Don't let this get you down!

I would encourage everyone here not to give up. Some programs are highly competitive and some years are worse than others. I went two seasons without an acceptance, and I had called my prof. to thank him and let him know I was calling it quits. He encouraged me to try one more time, and it was he who specified the institution I should focus on. It can work out. And if by some chance you only get offered a master's degree, by all means take it. Sure it is a consolation prize, but it is still a prize. It looks a better to have several graduate degrees (even if only masters) than it does to have only a bachelors.

Hang in there! We're all in this together.

Who knew that you could reduce a well adjusted happy adult in to a nervous mess with nothing but a couple innocent seeming non-informational status checks on websites. I am slowly going crazy, each new email notification on my phone sends my stomach on a wild ride only to find a group-on advert. Not to mention the exquisite torture that is going to the mail box. AHHHHHH I just want to know.