2018 venting thread

[FreakyFoucault]

12 minutes ago, la_mod said:

i'm not sure if i've explained that well at all?

I get you, and your point is well taken, but I wouldn’t give up hope just yet. I’ve seen people on the Results board get accepted to top-10 and top-5 programs after having been shut out multiple years. That said, venting is necessary and nobody needs to apologize for it. Hence this thread  

[ashley623]

Re: my job woes, I finally got an email back about a job I applied for (have literally applied to over ten the past two or so weeks). Still in the application process, but fingers crossed!! 

[la_mod]

8 minutes ago, katie64 said:

Re: my job woes, I finally got an email back about a job I applied for (have literally applied to over ten the past two or so weeks). Still in the application process, but fingers crossed!! 

that's awesome!

[snickus]

17 minutes ago, katie64 said:

Re: my job woes, I finally got an email back about a job I applied for (have literally applied to over ten the past two or so weeks). Still in the application process, but fingers crossed!! 

Nice!

[Yanaka]

23 minutes ago, katie64 said:

Re: my job woes, I finally got an email back about a job I applied for (have literally applied to over ten the past two or so weeks). Still in the application process, but fingers crossed!! 

All four groups of fingers are crossed for you !!

[posts]

I got some great pants recently that shrank in the wash. They were perfect before but now they're not only shorter than my preferred length but just a bit shorter than fashionable short. Why do bad things happen to good people?

[unicornsarereal]

Anything withering with bad/no news? I've got three implied rejections under my belt, and ten more schools to go—all of which are high ranking. Why did I do this to myself??

[la_mod]

44 minutes ago, unicornsarereal said:

Anything withering with bad/no news? I've got three implied rejections under my belt, and ten more schools to go—all of which are high ranking. Why did I do this to myself??

I have no implied rejections but left work early because my anxiety-induced nausea was killing me

[snickus]

5 hours ago, la_mod said:

A vent / question: how do you deal with people who don't "get it" re: applying to grad school?

The past few days I've been quite upset with the anticipation of being rejected and my boyfriend (who is very pragmatic and whose parents both have college degrees and a lot of background information about how to get good-paying jobs, hence his choice to enter a lucrative and stable field) remarked "why are you going into something that you know is rigged against you?" 

He totally means well and I know he's upset seeing me SO upset over this, but what am I to say to that / all of the other things that people have asked me? I think I said "this is all that I'm good at and all that I care about," but then remembered that I'm obviously *not* good at it if I don't get in.... I'm at a loss here, y'all. 

I can relate to this. It's looking like I'll be shut out this year. Years back, I was attending a top 10 law school and doing well academically. But I found it incredibly dull and unfulfilling and left midway through the second semester. I recently said to my brother that it's looking like I'll be shut out this year, and he said I should've stuck with law rather than gone for a field that's so hard to get into. (I'd been warned by my undergrad professors that it would be especially hard to get into academia coming from a "no-name" school.) My brother said I was "spoiled" for not sticking with law simply bc I didn't like it. Back when I was in law school and trying to force myself to stick with it, I mentioned disliking it to my dad. He responded similarly: "That's why it's called work; you're not meant to like it." 

Maybe it just isn't in the cards for me to do what I love professionally. I've worked in management, corporate training, instructional design, and tutoring. The only jobs I've truly loved have been my tutoring jobs, and I feel like my truest self when engaged in academic research.  I know academia is the best fit for who I am, but life circumstances seem to have put it out of reach.

I'll try again next year though.

Sorry if this went beyond venting.  

[unicornsarereal]

4 minutes ago, snickus said:

Sorry if this went beyond ventin

2/10 on the venting scale

[poliscibi]

4 hours ago, Yanaka said:

Oh, also, our yoga instructor this morning said that if our January was crappy, there's a new eclipse tonight so we can consider Feb 1st as the real new year. HELL YES

Hellll yeaaa

Thank you, Black History Month. 

[snickus]

10 minutes ago, unicornsarereal said:

2/10 on the venting scale

[renea]

1 hour ago, unicornsarereal said:

Anything withering with bad/no news? I've got three implied rejections under my belt, and ten more schools to go—all of which are high ranking. Why did I do this to myself??

I got rejected from my own program. It's the only result I've received so far. I'm optimistic about the other programs (I've reminded myself several times that one decision in no way affects the decisions of other programs), but I don't expect to hear from any other schools (applied to five others) at least for two more weeks, and for some of my top picks potentially a month. 

It's been really hard, because even though staying with my current program wasn't my top choice (and prior to the rejection I really wanted to move away and start somewhere fresh), knowing for sure that isn't an option anymore without hearing from other programs has been rough. Plus it's been just a teensy awkward that all my professors this semester are on the admissions committee and my thesis chair is the DGS who sent out the rejection letters.......

Also this is a whole other vent...but I really am not looking forward to moving or trying to find a new place to live. It's only been 1.5 years since we moved across country for the MA program and now we're most likely moving across the country again and I don't want to sell all my stuff, but I also don't want to pack it. Plus I don't want to have to deal with finding a rental over the internet again. 

 

[FreakyFoucault]

3 hours ago, snickus said:

My brother said I was "spoiled" for not sticking with law simply bc I didn't like it. Back when I was in law school and trying to force myself to stick with it, I mentioned disliking it to my dad. He responded similarly: "That's why it's called work; you're not meant to like it." 

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WORK IN A DEAD-END CAREER YOU DESPISE!!!!!!!!! 

Sorry I had to scream that at Billy Mays volume, but it’s too important not to yell at the top of one’s lungs. 

With all due respect to your dad, he’s flat-out wrong. That’s the attitude of people who despise their jobs and careers. If YOU don’t think law is right for you, then it ISN’T!! I applaud you for taking the absolutely terrifying but necessary-for-your-soul approach of hitting the reset button. 

Listen, I’m not saying that practical realities shouldn’t be considered. After graduation, I needed to pay the bills, so I got a job that, while boring and utterly irrelevant to what I want to do, is nevertheless convenient in the short term (good hours for me and decent pay). Am I happy about it? Well, let me put it this way— I’m not jumping for joy when I get to work every day. But am I anhedonic at this point? No. Though my job sucks, it keeps me out of debtor’s prison, puts food on the table, exposes me to the business world (however I’m not impressed), and gave me sufficient time to prepare for grad school (both as an applicant and a person). Thankfully, I won’t be doing it much longer. But it played an important role in my life these last few years. 

I can’t promise that hitting the reset button will work out for you on the first try. I sincerely hope that you aren’t shut out, and I’ll be crossing all crossable appendages for your success. But if this cycle doesn’t go the way you wanted, then hit the reset button again and hustle your way to happiness. You might have to take a stopgap measure (like I did) that doesn’t provide much in the way of short-term happiness. But if you keep looking toward the long game, and work your ass off, I’d venture to bet that you’d have a good probability for success.

The most important lesson, however, is that you’re the one who defines your own happiness and success. I don’t care how trite this sounds, but DON’T GIVE UP and DON’T allow yourself to become content with misery or bitterness. I’ve seen both destroy many people, but you don't have to allow yourself to be destroyed! There’s no limit to how many times you can hit reset. Life’s too short not to. 

Edited February 1, 2018 by FreakyFoucault

[snickus]

1 hour ago, FreakyFoucault said:

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WORK IN A DEAD-END CAREER YOU DESPISE!!!!!!!!! 

Sorry I had to scream that at Billy Mays volume, but it’s too important not to yell at the top of one’s lungs. 

With all due respect to your dad, he’s flat-out wrong. That’s the attitude of people who despise their jobs and careers. If YOU don’t think law is right for you, then it ISN’T!! I applaud you for taking the absolutely terrifying but necessary-for-your-soul approach of hitting the reset button. 

Listen, I’m not saying that practical realities shouldn’t be considered. After graduation, I needed to pay the bills, so I got a job that, while boring and utterly irrelevant to what I want to do, is nevertheless convenient in the short term (good hours for me and decent pay). Am I happy about it? Well, let me put it this way— I’m not jumping for joy when I get to work every day. But am I anhedonic at this point? No. Though my job sucks, it keeps me out of debtor’s prison, puts food on the table, exposes me to the business world (however I’m not impressed), and gave me sufficient time to prepare for grad school (both as an applicant and a person). Thankfully, I won’t be doing it much longer. But it played an important role in my life these last few years. 

I can’t promise that hitting the reset button will work out for you on the first try. I sincerely hope that you aren’t shut out, and I’ll be crossing all crossable appendages for your success. But if this cycle doesn’t go the way you wanted, then hit the reset button again and hustle your way to happiness. You might have to take a stopgap measure (like I did) that doesn’t provide much in the way of short-term happiness. But if you keep looking toward the long game, and work your ass off, I’d venture to bet that you’d have a good probability for success.

The most important lesson, however, is that you’re the one who defines your own happiness and success. I don’t care how trite this sounds, but DON’T GIVE UP and DON’T allow yourself to become content with misery or bitterness. I’ve seen both destroy many people, but you don't have to allow yourself to be destroyed! There’s no limit to how many times you can hit reset. Life’s too short not to. 

Ah, @FreakyFoucault you're a good egg. Thank you for everything you said. It's important to hear that from the outside. It's funny because almost everyone I know outside of my family says what you say, and 80% of my inner voice says that, but most of my family wasn't supportive or understanding of my decision to leave. 

 at Billy Mays volume.

No worries about "due respect" for my dad. He's...uh...let's just say not the greatest guy. He's improved a lot since my mom died though. That's another thing. I'm old. Well, for academia. I'm in my 30s. About a month after I left law school, my mom was diagnosed with a terminal, untreatable disease. I moved in with her to be her primary caregiver. That ended up lasting a few years, then I needed some time to recover from caregiver burnout. So that delayed getting started on this path. Well, delayed me even starting to plan what path I wanted. So I'm way behind, and tbh I think my age is hurting me with admissions. I don't think it's an insurmountable obstacle, but I'd be willing to bet big money it plays a role in their decision-making about me. 

My brother and I are really close. I think it hurts him to see me upset. It's a primal response to want to fight the one who's hurting someone you love. And, I guess, he sees me as inflicting this pain on myself by applying, so he fought back against the "me" doing that. Also, we had opposite experiences with school. He really struggled, was left back early on, ended up dropping out...I don't think he understands how I could find something academically easy yet choose not to do it. It's just too different from his school experience for him to relate to, I think.

My dad's words about work...I took that as 20 years of him struggling to make ends meet in low-paying jobs talking. I think when you've spent so long just trying to get by, self-actualization can look like an unaffordable privilege. He's changed though. I recently mentioned to him that I was thinking of going back to law school. I said I gave this my best shot and even though I don't like law, maybe I should give it another go. He frowned, shook his head, and said, "No. Don't do that." This time he's right.  

Edited February 1, 2018 by snickus

[Yanaka]

1 hour ago, renea said:

I got rejected from my own program. It's the only result I've received so far. I'm optimistic about the other programs (I've reminded myself several times that one decision in no way affects the decisions of other programs), but I don't expect to hear from any other schools (applied to five others) at least for two more weeks, and for some of my top picks potentially a month. 

It's been really hard, because even though staying with my current program wasn't my top choice (and prior to the rejection I really wanted to move away and start somewhere fresh), knowing for sure that isn't an option anymore without hearing from other programs has been rough. Plus it's been just a teensy awkward that all my professors this semester are on the admissions committee and my thesis chair is the DGS who sent out the rejection letters.......

Also this is a whole other vent...but I really am not looking forward to moving or trying to find a new place to live. It's only been 1.5 years since we moved across country for the MA program and now we're most likely moving across the country again and I don't want to sell all my stuff, but I also don't want to pack it. Plus I don't want to have to deal with finding a rental over the internet again. 

 

I understand you completely about continuing with your current program, and not wanting to move. I usually enjoy moving, but I’ve been here in Philly for just a year and I love it so much! And I don’t want to spend the money, and I really don’t want to get a car if I do move to NJ...

[bumbleblu]

9 hours ago, snickus said:

The only jobs I've truly loved have been my tutoring jobs, and I feel like my truest self when engaged in academic research.  I know academia is the best fit for who I am, but life circumstances seem to have put it out of reach.

I'll try again next year though.

This is so me. I just can't even imagine being happy doing anything other than teaching and research. 

Thanks @FreakyFoucault for your input on this. Sometimes I need to hear that from people who aren't me/my partner. 

[la_mod]

29 minutes ago, jpbends said:

I had a question to ask the Michigan English Department but the graduate office is closed today I quit everything 

Why are they closed? That’s so weird.

[la_mod]

Unrelated to GS rant: I have a doctors appt today and was thrilled to get here early, take a leisurely walk across this campus, etc. 

I parked at the wrong hospital and had to sprint a mile to make my time. But hey, it’s kind of nice to be sweaty and out of breath from something other than panic? 

[la_mod]

16 minutes ago, jpbends said:

They didn't tell me. I got redirected to the undergraduate English department and was basically rushed off the phone :^/

Theory: they’re closed because it’s the day that they’re meeting to finalize decisions!

[a_sort_of_fractious_angel]

1 hour ago, la_mod said:

Theory: they’re closed because it’s the day that they’re meeting to finalize decisions!

you've given my heart such hope and such angst, this is a great theory #don'tcareifitistrue

[la_mod]

21 minutes ago, a_sort_of_fractious_angel said:

you've given my heart such hope and such angst, this is a great theory #don'tcareifitistrue

Last year they made calls on a Friday night.... just saying....

EDIT: *emails

Edited February 1, 2018 by la_mod

[a_sort_of_fractious_angel]

4 minutes ago, la_mod said:

Last year they made calls on a Friday night.... just saying....

Option 1:  have one beer and keep the ringer on.

Option 2: have all the beers, keep the ringer on, and prepare to offer up my rendition "Wind Beneath My Wings" should they call.

[FreakyFoucault]

5 minutes ago, la_mod said:

Last year they made calls on a Friday night.... just saying....

Oh god, that's dastardly. I can only imagine myself talking to a DGS or POI after having imbibed one or two (or three) adult beverages on a Friday night.

DGS: "Good evening, is this Mr. FreakyFoucault?"

FF: "Oh heeeeeeeey."

Good thing I missed the Michigan deadline... 

Edited February 1, 2018 by FreakyFoucault
Dammit, ASoFA beat me to it!!!!

[khigh]

3 minutes ago, FreakyFoucault said:

Oh god, that's dastardly. I can only imagine myself talking to a DGS or POI after having imbibed one or two (or three) adult beverages on a Friday night.

DGS: "Good evening, is this Mr. FreakyFoucault?"

FF: "Oh heeeeeeeey."

Good thing I missed the Michigan deadline... 

Get call from DGS. 

“So, we gonna do this or what?”