"Let's just TALK about it..." Decision Edition

[GreenEyedTrombonist]

@Bayesian1701 I'm struggling. Just started a new job today, got another acceptance, and another interview request. I know these are all good things (the acceptance included a TAship and an additional fellowship and I'm up for a fellowship at at least one other program), but I can't help but feel like I've tricked these people into thinking I'm awesome when I'm really not. x]

[MsJaFall2018]

On 2/12/2018 at 9:22 AM, BabyScientist said:

Haven't even done all my interviews yet and already freaking out about not loving schools I thought I wanted to go to, loving schools I didn't think I wanted to go to, deciding between prestige and comfort, and figuring out how my decision will affect my significant other's career.

This is EXACTLY how I feel.  I was disappointed by the vibe and overall fit at the school that was initially my first choice.  I am in love with the school I had mentally ranked last.  I have offers at both, and I don't know what to do.  The one that disappointed me is so close to home that I wouldn't need to move and is considered more prestigious.  The one I loved is very far from home, but in a much more reasonably priced part of the country.  I just don't know what to do.  Do I suffer the homesickness to be in a program that I unexpectedly felt at home in...or do I accept this offer close to home and avoid uprooting my partner?

[Carly Rae Jepsen]

15 hours ago, Bayesian1701 said:

So who else is struggling with impostor syndrome in making their decision?   I know that the adcoms must have thought I could succeed in the program,  but I feel like they don't realize that I am not actually as great as they think I am and will fail quals and have to leave.   I literally only applied to a certain program because it had a free application so why not? It was a total impulse decision.     And then I got in and realized that they are tied for #10 in my field.  It's not that I don't want to go there, but I seriously doubted that I would ever get in.  Am I at 21 years old ready to start a top ten PhD program?   I thought I would be limited to second-tier programs and now that I have gotten in places across the spectrum I have no idea where I want to go.   I know many people would love to have 4 funded offers at great programs but it kinda sucks.   I envy those who get a single offer.  I know I should pick the better programs if I want a TT job at a great statistics department, but I don't know if that's what I want.   Should I go to the place where I know I'll graduate and be successful and may not have the opportunities I would have elsewhere?  And I haven't heard from my first choice yet,  and considering my success so far I think I will get in (it's nowhere near as competitive as some of my other programs),  but you never know.  I just felt like I belonged there.   The base stipend is best,  the completion rate is the best,  the male/female ratio domestic/international ratio is good,  the professors are great,  the structure is great.  It's perfect for me,  but I haven't been accepted yet.  I thought my stress levels would be better once I got my first offer,  but it has gotten worse.  

SAME HERE OH MY GOD.

I applied because a diversity recruiter told me I could get a fee waiver so I went ahead and applied, it couldn't hurt. I was beyond surprised when they offered to flight me for a campus visit. 

 

[anthbug]

I'm finding it so hard to decide right now. I'm in a situation where my MA program has offered me the option to continue to a PhD, which is great because it is one of my top choices, I really like the department (faculty is approachable), the graduate students are friendly, no cut-throat competition, and a mix of TA/fellowship funding for four years. The kink is that if I do continue, then I can switch my status from MA to PhD now, apply for summer preliminary research funding etc and all those deadlines are in a few weeks. This means that the sooner I decide I can just get started on those things. On the other hand, I haven't heard from two other programs ( which are top 10 and top 20ish schools). Ideally, I would have liked to wait till I heard from everywhere to finally decide but since I have these formalities to complete at my current institution, I'm just stressed! My gut feeling is to just continue in this program because I do like it here, but somewhere in my mind there's a "what if?" and "will I regret jumping into this?". Ugh. 

[GreenEyedTrombonist]

Can you start working on the apps now and accept closer to the deadline to give time to hear back from the other schools? @anthbug

[maengret]

On 2/12/2018 at 6:22 AM, BabyScientist said:

Haven't even done all my interviews yet and already freaking out about not loving schools I thought I wanted to go to, loving schools I didn't think I wanted to go to, deciding between prestige and comfort, and figuring out how my decision will affect my significant other's career.

@BabyScientist Me, too, on the reversal thing! Plus, I’m just plain dumbfounded on how to evaluate programs. I went to a nontraditional college where all the BAs are just “liberal arts” degrees, and my advisor was an MSW. They’ve not been the most knowledgeable about a more conventional grad school process. 

@Ishouldbewriting I know little about how this works, but have you already negotiated for more money from top choice? Student loan debt is the g.d. devil, so advocate for and take care of yourself financially if everything else is equal! 

On 2/12/2018 at 3:54 PM, Bayesian1701 said:

So who else is struggling with impostor syndrome in making their decision?   

[raises hand] I have the “benefit” of knowing that one adcom collectively just wasn’t into my application. After an informal interview and making sure they had some lost application materials, I got an offer. But there’s this feeling of “who was on the committee and why didn’t they like my app and will I have a hard time in their classes?”

I’m also feeling like an outsider to academia and that I won’t fit in socially. My BA was kinda hippie, I’m a “returning student” and I have no idea what to expect.

I’ve lived away from my family for eons, but one of my schools is where some family live and they are putting on the pressure. It would be so nice, I think, to be near them. My significant other said to apply wherever, he’d make it work. I got his input before submitting my applications and there a few places that were hard no’s. But I need him to do research on job prospects in those towns so I can factor that in to my decision.

[rosali]

Hello everyone!

I'm happy to be on this thread, because it means I got into both programs I applied to, but also FREAKING OUT, because I don't know which to pick. I applied to two very good schools for a Masters degree, and got into both programs (!!!!).

Program A gave me a partial scholarship right off, and I've applied for some competitive full and half scholarships for international students (like me). I've interacted with faculty from this program via email, and they were nice enough. I also had to put the deposit down for this program, because I was accepted pretty early and couldn't extend the deadline as long as I needed to.

I have no scholarships for Program B yet, but I do have the opportunity to apply for some. I enjoyed my interactions with faculty more--they seem very friendly and supportive--and the program is internationally more prestigious. 

Both programs offer similar areas of focus for what I'm interested in, and seem like equally good fits for my academic interests. WHAT DO I DOOOOOOOOOO?

[StemCellFan]

I've accepted my offer yesterday at University of Wisconsin and I'm really excited about it!  On the other hand, I really enjoyed my visit to Cincinnati and part of me feels like I might regret not going there.  But I also know if I chose Cincinnati that I would regret not choosing Wisconsin.  I enjoyed my weekend and interviews in Wisconsin more than Cincinnati, but Cincinnati is more accessible with parking, lower cost of living, and I would be living in a different area than I'm used to since I've lived in Wisconsin my whole life.  But my support system, family, and friends are in Wisconsin.  And with a spouse it's not easy to just uproot and move elsewhere, and pluck them away from their social circle and job network.

So I made the decision for Wisconsin, but I wanted to voice my reasons for considering Cincinnati a little bit.  Wisconsin was my top choice going into the application season and it's a fantastic place to do stem cell research at.

Also, I'm feeling a little bad having to reject the other schools.  They put a lot of time and money into trying to recruit me and everyone is so nice, and I have connections to the admissions committee at one of the schools I interviewed at but will not be choosing.  I'm sure it's something they are used to dealing with.  I'm fortunate myself to be in this situation, especially after going through this cycle once before with no luck on my end.

Edited February 14, 2018 by StemCellFan

[Ishouldbewriting]

@maengret Absolutely! I've been talking with several of the people in my department and so many of them have been saying that they made their choice based off of which school gave them the best offer. I'm going to visit both schools next week. I wanted to wait until I get a feel for the departments before trying to negotiate anything. If I end up not clicking with the first choice school, there's no sense in trying to get more money! 

 

[Mopar18]

Visits are giving me major anxiety. One school called me first and I agreed to visit them (no official admit yet) from 3/1 to 3/3. Another school admitted and their open house is those exact same days. I emailed and asked if I could visit other days and they said yes and to give em days I'll be available. Well, I got accepted to another school and they haven't provided any info on their open house and I'm still hoping my top choice calls me in for an interview.

All of these unknown dates and the thought of cramming them into a single month and trying to make it work with my job which is having it's annual event at the end of March is making me stressed.

[rosali]

On 2/11/2018 at 7:40 PM, Ishouldbewriting said:

So now I feel kind of... stuck. I want to go to my top choice, but at the same time I don't want to accrue more debt. I feel guilty not accepting that school because of its reputation, but it is honestly a bad decision to turn down the school that gave the more generous offer. I'm visiting both schools a week from now so hopefully that will help settle it. 

I'm in a similar situation, but for a Masters. I got into both my programs, got a decent scholarship to my 2nd choice, and have the chance to apply for some at my 1st choice, but nothing guaranteed. Unfortunately, I can't visit them though, since I applied to Masters programs outside the US. This is far more stressful than I anticipated.
*EDIT* ALSO, congratulations on your acceptances!!!

Edited February 14, 2018 by rosali

[Ajensetta]

Hey all, just curious if anyone is applying to same programs as me, below find the current state of affairs. I am very tempted by RPI STS for a number of reasons including convenience, the ivies seem to be dropping me like I'm hot, but not too surprised there. Glad to hear so many people are getting where they want to be. Cheers!

[maengret]

3 hours ago, Ishouldbewriting said:

@maengret Absolutely! I've been talking with several of the people in my department and so many of them have been saying that they made their choice based off of which school gave them the best offer. I'm going to visit both schools next week. I wanted to wait until I get a feel for the departments before trying to negotiate anything. If I end up not clicking with the first choice school, there's no sense in trying to get more money! 

 

I'm out of "reactions" but that totally makes sense!

 

[SomeoneThrewMyShoe]

Does anyone have any experience asking schools for alternate dates to visit?

I'm 90% set on one of my schools, but I don't really feel comfortable committing until I see it.  I'm going to be in Iceland during their visit day and don't know how to ask to come up a different day/it feels uncomfortable asking them to plan for me to meet people when I'm there. 

Should I just not or is there a nice way to ask that doesn't seem intrusive? 

[StemCellFan]

1 hour ago, SomeoneThrewMyShoe said:

Does anyone have any experience asking schools for alternate dates to visit?

I'm 90% set on one of my schools, but I don't really feel comfortable committing until I see it.  I'm going to be in Iceland during their visit day and don't know how to ask to come up a different day/it feels uncomfortable asking them to plan for me to meet people when I'm there. 

Should I just not or is there a nice way to ask that doesn't seem intrusive? 

I don't know if you're referring to an interview weekend, but schools are used to applicants having scheduling conflicts.  I think if you politely explain that you simply aren't available that specific weekend, you could straight up ask if there is another weekend you can come visit.  I don't know if you've been accepted already and this is an open house, but I don't see the harm and trying to get some faculty together to meet with you.

The only thing is that programs that coordinate interview weekends have more than just faculty meetings--there's program information, students available to host and meet with you, and tours that are coordinated.  You may not get this if you stop by for a visit.  It's still worth it to ask though!

Edited February 14, 2018 by StemCellFan

[powercube]

1 hour ago, SomeoneThrewMyShoe said:

Does anyone have any experience asking schools for alternate dates to visit?

I'm 90% set on one of my schools, but I don't really feel comfortable committing until I see it.  I'm going to be in Iceland during their visit day and don't know how to ask to come up a different day/it feels uncomfortable asking them to plan for me to meet people when I'm there. 

Should I just not or is there a nice way to ask that doesn't seem intrusive? 

You can tell them that you have a scheduling conflict. In my case, international flights were too expensive on short notice. I was already going to be in the country later in the month so the department has agreed to host me and is arranging for me to meet some students and faculty. They have been very gracious about it and I am immensely appreciative. I think your department should be too.

[eevee]

Today I got a call with an admissions offer from one of my top choices (yay!) -- I don't want to go to my final interview, which is two weeks from now, since I know I wouldn't go to that school over the one I just got accepted to and also am feeling really sick/burned out after traveling a lot over the past month. However, this last interview is at the university and department where I'm currently finishing up my undergrad, so will it look really bad/ungrateful for me to tell them that I won't be interviewing? On the one hand, there are no flights or accommodations they need to cancel, but on the other hand, I live here and still have to finish out my bachelor's in this department.

[StemCellFan]

9 minutes ago, eevee said:

Today I got a call with an admissions offer from one of my top choices (yay!) -- I don't want to go to my final interview, which is two weeks from now, since I know I wouldn't go to that school over the one I just got accepted to and also am feeling really sick/burned out after traveling a lot over the past month. However, this last interview is at the university and department where I'm currently finishing up my undergrad, so will it look really bad/ungrateful for me to tell them that I won't be interviewing? On the one hand, there are no flights or accommodations they need to cancel, but on the other hand, I live here and still have to finish out my bachelor's in this department.

I had to deal with this recently.  I think they will be sad that you are not interviewing with them, BUT if you 100% know for sure that you will not attend this program, then I think you are fine cancelling.  I wouldn't be surprised if they do have an interview hold list, so they can contact someone from that to come and interview.  Two weeks is adequate notice.

But, again, only do this if you will not consider this program at all.  Doing your undergrad there, you have a better feel of the program than someone who hasn't visited at all.  They will be sad, but I think they will understand.  I was in a similar situation and I did this too.

Edited February 14, 2018 by StemCellFan

[singinglupines]

22 hours ago, StemCellFan said:

I've accepted my offer yesterday at University of Wisconsin and I'm really excited about it!  On the other hand, I really enjoyed my visit to Cincinnati and part of me feels like I might regret not going there.  But I also know if I chose Cincinnati that I would regret not choosing Wisconsin.  I enjoyed my weekend and interviews in Wisconsin more than Cincinnati, but Cincinnati is more accessible with parking, lower cost of living, and I would be living in a different area than I'm used to since I've lived in Wisconsin my whole life.  But my support system, family, and friends are in Wisconsin.  And with a spouse it's not easy to just uproot and move elsewhere, and pluck them away from their social circle and job network.

So I made the decision for Wisconsin, but I wanted to voice my reasons for considering Cincinnati a little bit.  Wisconsin was my top choice going into the application season and it's a fantastic place to do stem cell research at.

Also, I'm feeling a little bad having to reject the other schools.  They put a lot of time and money into trying to recruit me and everyone is so nice, and I have connections to the admissions committee at one of the schools I interviewed at but will not be choosing.  I'm sure it's something they are used to dealing with.  I'm fortunate myself to be in this situation, especially after going through this cycle once before with no luck on my end.

Ahhh, I lived in Cincinnati for a good part of my life and I'd take Wisconsin in a heartbeat. It looks like you thought everything through carefully so I'm sure it was the right choice! I also feel bad for other schools. My flight to Arizona costs so much! I could fly to Europe for that price.

[HannahRae]

A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to receive admission offers from 3 great schools. I was shocked and thrilled but also nervous and stressed about making a decision. One of them, UMB, was easy to turn down because I realized that their program didn't completely align with my focus but, I was sad because the idea of moving to Baltimore was really exciting. The other two, Loyola Chicago and University of Chicago were my top schools and I honestly didn't sleep for a few days. I am lucky to know several people who either attend or have attended both programs and live down the street from UChicago so talking to people is what really made the decision for me.

The big categories I weighed were:

- Faculty (Are the professors doing work I am interested and are they there to actually teach rather than just do research) 

-Environment ( What kind of space do I want to be in for the next two years? Do I want ultra competitive or do I want supportive but challenging? ) 

- Opportunities ( A big name and top ranking comes with big opportunities. But, this is social work and I am not trying to become the next great researcher sooooo)

-Program Fit ( Is this school going to prepare me to work with clients and actually utilize theory and treatment methods? Or it is all about the critical theory of the profession) 

I assume most other people will include location but I live 10 minutes from one and 30 from the other so it didn't matter to me. 

Talking with as many people as I could, especially those who had graduated recently, was what really helped me to put all of these categories into perspective. 

I couldn't be more happy with my decision to attend Loyola Chicago! 

 

[iwearflowers]

On 2/14/2018 at 10:08 AM, StemCellFan said:

Also, I'm feeling a little bad having to reject the other schools.  They put a lot of time and money into trying to recruit me and everyone is so nice, and I have connections to the admissions committee at one of the schools I interviewed at but will not be choosing.  I'm sure it's something they are used to dealing with.  I'm fortunate myself to be in this situation, especially after going through this cycle once before with no luck on my end.

I was not struggling with this until yesterday. My potential advisor from one of my not-top-ranked schools called to tell me that I've been selected for a competitive university-wide fellowship, and she was SO NICE. She seemed genuinely happy to be speaking to me and wanted to make sure I had all the information I needed in advance of my campus visit next week. This is . . . not my top-choice program, and I'm dreading having to tell this lovely woman that I don't want to come to her school.

I also spoke to the department head at my top-choice school yesterday, and they're ALSO nominating me for a competitive university-wide fellowship. I almost cried on the phone. I was so intimidated by this process and worried that I wouldn't get in anywhere. It's unreal to have all of these schools competing for my attention. 

[FishNerd]

I have my top two choices very much trying to recruit me but this morning I just found out that at one of my schools I have received a competitive university fellowship! I just have the standard TA package at my other school (with the no confirmation of what I would be receiving for summer funding) so the amount would be receiving at the school with the fellowship is so much more so I guess my situation is a little different than yours.

See I really think I like a lot more at the school with the lesser funding package but the amount of money I would be receiving at the school with the fellowship is so much that it's kinda hard to turn away from. Also I do think the fit at the school with the fellowship should be good. I'm also going to have a really hard time turning down whichever school I choose not to go to since I will hate having to turn down the potential advisor at that school. So at this point I'm really hoping my visits to both schools (which are thankfully being paid for at each!) will help me in figuring out how much I need to factor in my funding amounts.

Also I'm still waiting on my partner to hear about his admissions decision at the school with the fellowship so that's also a complication in all my thinking about decisions (he is already received his acceptance at the other school). I just wish he knew there already so we can go ahead and start weighing our options a bit better!

[bumbleblu]

11 hours ago, FishNerd said:

See I really think I like a lot more at the school with the lesser funding package but the amount of money I would be receiving at the school with the fellowship is so much that it's kinda hard to turn away from. Also I do think the fit at the school with the fellowship should be good. I'm also going to have a really hard time turning down whichever school I choose not to go to since I will hate having to turn down the potential advisor at that school. So at this point I'm really hoping my visits to both schools (which are thankfully being paid for at each!) will help me in figuring out how much I need to factor in my funding amounts.

I'm right there with you. I don't have any confirmed funding info yet, but at one school I've been nominated for a pretty decent fellowship and I know that if I get it, it's going to be really hard to say no. I'm feeling really torn about my choices right now (and I don't even have all my responses yet), but I feel kind of weird knowing that funding will probably be the deciding factor. (I know it's a legitimate reason to accept/decline, but it feels...idk, weird.)

On 2/14/2018 at 4:08 PM, StemCellFan said:

Also, I'm feeling a little bad having to reject the other schools.  They put a lot of time and money into trying to recruit me and everyone is so nice, and I have connections to the admissions committee at one of the schools I interviewed at but will not be choosing.  I'm sure it's something they are used to dealing with.  I'm fortunate myself to be in this situation, especially after going through this cycle once before with no luck on my end.

Same! I've had really good contact with several people at the school I might end up rejecting. It seems so strange that they seem to genuinely want me there?? I know it won't hurt their feelings or anything, but it feels so nice to be wanted (womp womp) that I am feeling hesitant to decline.

 

I was totally shut out 2 years ago and I applied this year with zero expectations; being able to choose is incredible, but also so stressful!

[FishNerd]

6 hours ago, bumbleblu said:

I'm feeling really torn about my choices right now (and I don't even have all my responses yet), but I feel kind of weird knowing that funding will probably be the deciding factor. (I know it's a legitimate reason to accept/decline, but it feels...idk, weird.)

I agree so much! It really does feel weird to factor in funding because I feel like fit and how much you like a prospective program and area matters a lot too. Also my master's advisor has mentioned that at this stage in the game it's not about the money as long as whatever package you are given at a place is enough to where you are not going in debt during your PhD. However, when I told her about the fellowship I received at one of my schools (which is quite frankly a ridiculously high amount of money for a PhD student - it is almost double my offer at the other school) she said when the discrepancy is that much you kinda have to factor in the money. But choosing based off the money does make me feel greedy and weird so I really feel you Bumbleblu! I'm just really hoping my visits will help me figure out how much of my principles ("it's not about the money as long as I'm doing something I love!") I should stick to.

Also, if my partner gets rejected from the school with the fellowship I'm going to be really disappointed that that offer is kinda off the table then... But I worry by me being disappointed it will only make him feel worse about the rejection if that does happen (which I really don't think it will since he is such a great fit for his program there!).

[Thewait]

On 2/15/2018 at 6:25 AM, HannahRae said:

A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to receive admission offers from 3 great schools. I was shocked and thrilled but also nervous and stressed about making a decision. One of them, UMB, was easy to turn down because I realized that their program didn't completely align with my focus but, I was sad because the idea of moving to Baltimore was really exciting. The other two, Loyola Chicago and University of Chicago were my top schools and I honestly didn't sleep for a few days. I am lucky to know several people who either attend or have attended both programs and live down the street from UChicago so talking to people is what really made the decision for me.

The big categories I weighed were:

- Faculty (Are the professors doing work I am interested and are they there to actually teach rather than just do research) 

-Environment ( What kind of space do I want to be in for the next two years? Do I want ultra competitive or do I want supportive but challenging? ) 

- Opportunities ( A big name and top ranking comes with big opportunities. But, this is social work and I am not trying to become the next great researcher sooooo)

-Program Fit ( Is this school going to prepare me to work with clients and actually utilize theory and treatment methods? Or it is all about the critical theory of the profession) 

I assume most other people will include location but I live 10 minutes from one and 30 from the other so it didn't matter to me. 

Talking with as many people as I could, especially those who had graduated recently, was what really helped me to put all of these categories into perspective. 

I couldn't be more happy with my decision to attend Loyola Chicago! 

 

Congrats! I didn't get into U of Chicago, but received a nice personal email from the Director. Now its just waiting for the other schools to roll in...