Things not to say to someone who has just been rejected by their dream school

[eco_env]

As I become more desperate lines like "I'm sure you'll do great research" (somewhere else) from people that are rejecting me get more and more annoying.

[anxiouslyawaiting]

As I become more desperate lines like "I'm sure you'll do great research" (somewhere else) from people that are rejecting me get more and more annoying.

This. I hate being told that I'll do great things elsewhere. Or even better "I'm sure if we accept you, you'll have a hard decision to make" but seriously, I haven't gotten in anywhere. I have one hope left, and they're taking their sweet time and acting like I've probably gotten in somewhere else already.

[StellaHaiti2]

Good article from The Hairpin today! "FRIEND: I haven't gotten into any of the grad schools I applied to and I'm waiting to hear from two more, but I'm pretty sure they are going to be rejections..."

http://thehairpin.com/2011/03/dont-do-this-no-2-validating-with-purpose#more

[Mal83]

after going through all the posts, I once more realized how horrible people can be, especially the ones who have no idea about this painful process and sadly, my family definitely is in this category.

my mum has engraved her name into the history of epic fail with big, golden letters with her response to my rejections.

I got rejected by my dream school last monday, after an interview. during the interview, they said that i had a strong application - twice - and only thing my app is now depending on is the amount of funding they will be receiving for international students. so I was really hoping that things will be fine but then, that cold rejection e-mail. I cannot express how disappointed I was when I read that mail. then after an hour or so, I received my third rejection. totally screwed up at that point, so I went to my mum in hope of some comforting and she gave me the most awful, emotionless response that one could possibly achieve: "then they accepted people better than you. heh heh heh" I said you really are not helping and shut myself to my room. I am in pieces and you are telling me the most obvious point, ohhh thank you, now I am soooo happy.

as if it was not all bad, I got my fourth rejection from my second choice a couple of hours later. when I told my dad about these 3 rejects , he only asked my B plan and advised me to apply to masters. wtf!?! I got 3 rejects in one day, including my dream school, and you do nothing to relieve me or cheer me up but ask my plan B. I was aware that they did not have any idea how these things work and the hard times I am going through but this much ignorance, now I wasn't expecting that. thank you both for being perfect parents!! and there is also my brother who does not give a damn about all these... and yet they say your family is the biggest support in the hard times.

at least I've got friends who can share my pain, we sweared to all adcoms after reading my last reject e-mail together. it really gives you some relief

Your parents reactions and responses were just plain old god awful...as if you don't already know that. But obviously what the hell do they know? Not much about this process that's for sure. Take comfort in the fact that one of these days you will indeed be moving on to bigger and better things than they could probably imagine. If you're driven enough to apply to grad school and take it so seriously as to be crushed at rejection then you'll apply again next year and get in. I think I would have punched whomever said that to me in the face when I was waitlisted by my dream school. I don't remember what my mom said, it was something like..."well it's not a rejection, just have to wait and see." Oh...wow...really...I have to wait and see, thanks for that bit of wisdom mom, quite the sage you are. But I had to realize she doesn't know anything about it. Not that she's not supportive or hopeful for me, but ignorant about this process she is definitely. And that's ok, she's never done it or thought about it before, why would she be knowledgeable in this type of thing? My dad was a little better, he happened to be right here when I got the waitlist notice, he watched me literally throw my head in my hands and break down sobbing. He came in, patted me on the back, and emphatically pounded it into my head that it's not a rejection, that I'm on par with the others, and I should be glad I still have a shot. I had come home from work sick that day too. Man I was crushed. Now I'm sort of indifferent about it, won't know until the middle of May if I can go there, I was accepted to my safety school and at this point that feels amazing, still waiting to hear from my second choice...but I have had enough of this waiting crap, I've had it. But the strange thing is that I got over the waitlist thing faster than I thought I would, I stopped crying after maybe 10 minutes and by the end of the day I wasn't devastated anymore. I think it was just because there is always at least a modicum of relief that comes with finding out either way. Like at the very least I didn't have to think about it anymore, I didn't have to count down the days obsessively until the time for expecting a decision came around..that kind of thing is exhausting. This process is unbelievably tough, if you're just giving it a shot to see what happens then you don't have a whole lot of stock in it, but if it means the world to you then sure you're going to suffer through it and be devastated by the rejections. That actually says a lot about how much education means to you and how driven and motivated you are to accomplish great things. You will make it happen for yourself.

[shmuey]

"That school was too far away, now you can stay local and we can hang out!"

"You're definitely smart, I'm sure you'll be able to get in somewhere else." (after having been rejected from every school thus far)

"I'm sure you'll get accepted by your alma mater." (after have just stated that I was rejected there)

[Mal83]

"That school was too far away, now you can stay local and we can hang out!"

"You're definitely smart, I'm sure you'll be able to get in somewhere else." (after having been rejected from every school thus far)

"I'm sure you'll get accepted by your alma mater." (after having just stated that I was rejected there)

This last one hurts me and I didn't even experience it.

[ringo-ring]

Just got a rejection letter:

"Your record and qualifications are very good, and we have no doubt of your ability to earn an advanced degree and that you will have a successful career."

Ironically, it was sent out on the 1st of April

[pikaStardust]

Your parents reactions and responses were just plain old god awful...as if you don't already know that. But obviously what the hell do they know? Not much about this process that's for sure. Take comfort in the fact that one of these days you will indeed be moving on to bigger and better things than they could probably imagine. If you're driven enough to apply to grad school and take it so seriously as to be crushed at rejection then you'll apply again next year and get in. I think I would have punched whomever said that to me in the face when I was waitlisted by my dream school. I don't remember what my mom said, it was something like..."well it's not a rejection, just have to wait and see." Oh...wow...really...I have to wait and see, thanks for that bit of wisdom mom, quite the sage you are. But I had to realize she doesn't know anything about it. Not that she's not supportive or hopeful for me, but ignorant about this process she is definitely. And that's ok, she's never done it or thought about it before, why would she be knowledgeable in this type of thing? My dad was a little better, he happened to be right here when I got the waitlist notice, he watched me literally throw my head in my hands and break down sobbing. He came in, patted me on the back, and emphatically pounded it into my head that it's not a rejection, that I'm on par with the others, and I should be glad I still have a shot. I had come home from work sick that day too. Man I was crushed. Now I'm sort of indifferent about it, won't know until the middle of May if I can go there, I was accepted to my safety school and at this point that feels amazing, still waiting to hear from my second choice...but I have had enough of this waiting crap, I've had it. But the strange thing is that I got over the waitlist thing faster than I thought I would, I stopped crying after maybe 10 minutes and by the end of the day I wasn't devastated anymore. I think it was just because there is always at least a modicum of relief that comes with finding out either way. Like at the very least I didn't have to think about it anymore, I didn't have to count down the days obsessively until the time for expecting a decision came around..that kind of thing is exhausting. This process is unbelievably tough, if you're just giving it a shot to see what happens then you don't have a whole lot of stock in it, but if it means the world to you then sure you're going to suffer through it and be devastated by the rejections. That actually says a lot about how much education means to you and how driven and motivated you are to accomplish great things. You will make it happen for yourself.

thank you!! sending e-hugs this is what I like about GradCafe, finding people that can really understand you.

we should somehow get rid of Captain Obvious mode from parenthood. yes, we know what is a rejection and a waitlist, no need to emphasize.

definitely, waiting the results are horrible, just horrible. when I told my profs that I was very tired of getting no news at the beginning of march, they were all saying "no news is good news!". no it isn't, it is the best that we learn quickly so that we can move on. and none of those no news turned out to be good news... I think I became numb to the bad news in the course of time, though. today, the last school that still didn't reject me sent me the rejection letter. didn't hurt that much, just said f***, then went on chatting with my friends. or maybe because I have made my mind on going to a masters first and then reapplying before hearing from them. the only thing left now to do is gathering some tiny pieces of motivation left to apply to masters.

and I am wishing you the best luck for your waitlist, hope it turns out well.

"You're definitely smart, I'm sure you'll be able to get in somewhere else." (after having been rejected from every school thus far)

this. dozens of time I have heard it but here we are, with full rejection. now I will be tortured with "ohhh, how come they do not accept you?" seems I need to run away from people until I finally find some school to go.

[Thumper86]

I got rejected from my dream school on Friday...which just happened to be April Fool's *sigh*. My boyfriend was at the gym so I sent him a text letting him know that I had been rejected. His response was, "I'm sorry to hear that but now you can spend more time with me". Not the response I wanted to hear!

[fsmn36]

My latest favorite came from my mother the other day.

"Well, then, that's not God's plan for you."

My emotions went from to

(No offense meant to anyone that would consider this comforting. It just doesn't work for me.)

[UnlikelyGrad]

"Well, then, that's not God's plan for you."

Yeah. Because, after all, Pharaoh let the people of Egypt go the very first time Moses asked. God's plan, right?

[beanbagchairs]

Just got a rejection letter:

"Your record and qualifications are very good, and we have no doubt of your ability to earn an advanced degree and that you will have a successful career."

Ironically, it was sent out on the 1st of April

Was that from caltech? I just saw my friend's rejection. I remembered it because it was weirdly-worded rejection letter

[csKid]

I told my friend about it (UMass) and the acceptance rate was very less. He told me that someone had told him that it was less. (It was me). It was a pinch of salt. Later he tells me how he didn't opt for a phd since it takes a very long time to finish. I know you can do a phd and you're not doing but, why mention it to someone who has been rejected from a dream school

[frenzydude]

My rudest rejection letter was from UToronto. It goes :

I regret to advise you that we are unable to offer you admission and realize this news will be a disappointment to you. We received a large number of applications and were only able to offer admission to a limited number of the most highly qualified applicants. You will receive official notification by the regular postal service.

First of all, it clearly states that I am not good enough and even though they feel 'disappointed' about it, they are enjoying sending me a rejection letter by post for memorabilia!

[Owlie]

The rejection letter from UofA was actually rather nice--sort of a "we're sorry, but we're poor!" letter.

My mom's reaction was initially sympathetic, then she tried to make me look at the bright side by saying "Well, Arizona's really far away, you'd need a car, the funding isn't great...if you go to Case, you don't need a car and the funding's better!" (She didn't like the idea of Arizona to begin with, never mind the fact that the research there was a much better fit than Case's. Also never mind the fact that since I haven't heard anything, I'm assuming it's an implicit rejection.)

Best reaction: A friend who I haven't seen for a while said "Well, screw them. They're just worried that you'd show up the rest of the students."

[hello! :)]

My favorite reaction was, "I'm so upset for you; I'm going to go punch a squirrel."

Normally I love squirrels, but at that moment, I was happy that a squirrel was going to be punched in my name.

[spunkrag]

You would be amazed how quick some of you start to remedy your bad mood.

[Sigaba]

When I told my prof who wrote me a LOR that I picked school B that offered funding and school A didn't, she said "what were they thinking?"

Based upon your conduct on this BB so far, I wonder which "they" your recommending professor was questioning.

[Two Espressos]

A pamphlet, you say?

Presenting!

a preview!

Front side

Back side

This is great! I re-posted it to my facebook wall and credited it to "one of the brilliant minds on thegradcafe.com." I'll have to print out some copies and hand them to my friends/family during my application season.

As far as terrible things someone could say, these would be the worst:

"You'll get in somewhere!" (bullshit--how can anyone know that?)

"You weren't meant to go there." (what is that supposed to mean?)

"God will work something out" or "That's just part of God's plan" or any combination of God's will and my rejection (these are the worst. I'm an atheist in an extremely religious family, so I'm probably going to hear responses like this... )

Any response that includes something like "Fuck school X" would be awesome. Here's to hoping I get some of those!

[ktel]

Here's a nice story to read:

http://mitadmissions.org/blogs/entry/its_more_than_a_job

[psyched for psych]

Terrible thing to say:

It's okay. It's not like you had the money to go there anyway."

[clover123]

Things not to say/do:

• Well, it's not like you had a shot anyways.
  
• Reality check, eh?
  
• How does that feel, mate?
  
• <point and laugh>
  
• Cool story, bro.
  
• So where else did you get rejected from?
  
• Even <insert names of other people they know> got into there! And I thought you were better than them!
  

hahahah shit. If someone said "Cool story, bro" I would beat the shit out of that person. hahaha.

[PhDreams]

Preemptive strike! "Are you sure you can even get into any of the schools you applied to? Why don't you just go to (insert online for-profit U)?" .... Smh

The worst reply is- "Well, it's not the end of the world. You have a plan B, right?"

In that moment it IS the end of the world. A little silence, please? A part of me just died.

[litjust]

Well, you knew you should have retaken the GRE. Look at it this way -- now you'll have so much time to study and retake it!

[litjust]

This is great! I re-posted it to my facebook wall and credited it to "one of the brilliant minds on thegradcafe.com." I'll have to print out some copies and hand them to my friends/family during my application season.

As far as terrible things someone could say, these would be the worst:

"You'll get in somewhere!" (bullshit--how can anyone know that?)

"You weren't meant to go there." (what is that supposed to mean?)

"God will work something out" or "That's just part of God's plan" or any combination of God's will and my rejection (these are the worst. I'm an atheist in an extremely religious family, so I'm probably going to hear responses like this... )

Any response that includes something like "Fuck school X" would be awesome. Here's to hoping I get some of those!

I absolutely love it!!