I don't drink... help!

[bionerd]

After that eye-catching title, I should explain a bit:

I'm thinking about applying to grad school this coming December, and I've been looking through some posts describing campus visits to various universities. Often, people mention that grad students took their cohort to bars or on a pub crawl, etc., as a way to show them the town and to make for some socializing.

All well and good, but... I don't like to drink. I have no moral obligations to the stuff, beer or any other alcohol just tastes bad to me. If I end up visiting a campus and there are offers to go drinking, what should I do? I can think of a few possibilities--

1. I don't go, and am a wet blanket. (Sounds like a bad choice)

2. I go, but get water (And, presumably, laughed at)

3. I go, and try not to grimace as I choke down one beer over the course of the evening (Won't be the most attractive sight)

4. I teach myself how to drink something, anything, to be social.

I obviously won't overdo it--as hilarious as some of those stories are--maybe one drink, and that's all... what do you think? What's a good drink for 'beginners' to cut their teeth on, so to speak? Have any of you had experience with this sort of thing? I honestly have no idea where to start!

Edited March 6, 2011 by bionerd

[kaykaykay]

ok this is assuming that you are not an alcoholic so temptation is not an issue. in that case just do not go to these clubbing events.

your concern made me smile a bit... first of all, who knows what happens in a year.. you may change and end up liking beer. If not you should just get a soft drink, nobody will laugh at you. grad students are no undergrads, usually these people are over the peer pressure years. but if you want to have something there are beers with lemonade in them which are like 3% alcohol or so and taste very much like a lemonade. Said this I would really not recommend starting drinking just to socialize and especially I would not recommend trying drinking for the first time on a visit. while a beer or a 3% radleer should really not cause a lot of bad side effects, alcohol can be a fickle friend for the first time even in small amounts, especially if you have jet leg, and feel stressed from meeting professors and students.

[newms]

I think you should still go on these outings - it's good to build social rapport. At some point in your life you're just going to have to say to people, 'You know what? I don't like to drink' and just have some water or pop or something else. They will likely not laugh at you about it and will be ok with it, and besides, the worst they can do is laugh - and if they do, just roll with it. Alternatively, you could just get a beer and nurse it for the evening - just take sips of it so that the one beer lasts a long time.

[FingersCrossedX]

First, I don't think anyone will laugh at you for not drinking. As an undergrad I would have thought it odd that someone doesn't drink, but a few years out, I don't think twice about it. I would be surprised if someone made a comment about it. If you are still a little shy, you can get a drink that is inconspicuous. You could discretely order a Sprite with a lime or lemon. It would look like a gin and tonic or vodka soda. You could order a coke and it would look like a whiskey and coke. If you are trying to keep up appearances, just make sure you nurse it. If you have 5 as soon as you walk in the door you'll look like an alcoholic.

That being said, I bet if you say you just don't really like to drink, people will be just fine about it. If you think they might scoff, you can just say "I make a great designated driver." Its ALWAYS good to have one of those as a friend. Cheaper than a cab and someone will always be that voice of reason for your drunken ideas.

[Eigen]

Don't worry about going and not drinking. This isn't undergrad, it shouldn't be a big deal.

I'm not much of a drinker, and it's not yet been a problem. As the previous poster said.... Since I'm usually game for going out, it means I'm a set designated driver, and people enjoy having that around. I've gotten my cohort out of several drinking induced sticky situations.

What I've found to be the main problem is people associating you not drinking with you thinking drinking is wrong- if you can dispel this feeling, you'll be fine.

I'll also add that Woodchuck Cider is a nice alternative- most bars will have it, and it goes down quite smooth. And you can nurse one all night! Or really any beer- no one notices how far in you are very much.

Edited March 6, 2011 by Eigen

[Strangefox]

I don't drink either so I will tell you what I would do in this situation. I would certainly go. Socializing, networking in grad school means a lot. I would drink water or tea or juice. If somebody laughs at me, this person is just a fool and I would not pay much attention to them. Personally, I like being special that way It sets me apart from the drinking crowd and I think its kinda nice

Sometimes when there's a party and everybody is drinking wine I let them pour me some wine too, but I just take a couple of sips and that's all. I tell people: "I don't drink, so if you want to waste wine on me, you are free to do that. But I am warning you - I will drink just a little tiny bit"

[UnlikelyGrad]

I don't drink either so I will tell you what I would do in this situation. I would certainly go. Socializing, networking in grad school means a lot. I would drink water or tea or juice. If somebody laughs at me, this person is just a fool and I would not pay much attention to them. Personally, I like being special that way It sets me apart from the drinking crowd and I think its kinda nice

Agreed. I've managed to get through 1.75years of grad school w/o drinking at all. I don't know anyone else who doesn't drink; there's a microbrewery 1 block from my office which is the unofficial department (profs+grads) hangout. Depending on where we go, I have water or a soft drink or--better yet--a smoothie. I'm not saying people don't think I'm weird, but they accept that I just don't do beer.

[natsteel]

I'm not a drinker either and, in fact, went many years without even touching it. However, in social situations with professors or whatnot, I have "taught myself" to drink the occasional small glass of wine, though I'm not especially fond of it. At a campus visit last week, I drank a small glass of wine and half a beer and probably didn't walk a perfectly straight line back to the hotel. But that's just me... if you really just can't stand it at all, don't drink. These people are adults (for the most part) and will not judge you and, certainly, won't think less of you for not being a social drinker. There is NO shame in drinking water or soda at a social event. Worry about what will make YOU comfortable and not what you probably wrongly think those around you expect of you.

[beanbagchairs]

I dont drink either. It's perfectly fine if you only get a coke or something like that.

I spent some time in the industry and did fine alcohol-less during all of those business dinners, business trips, company parties, etc.

Now, I am back in the academia, I feel no peer pressure to drink alcohol during social events.

The key is that you must be comfortable with yourself (i.e., not drinking while others are). As others pointed out, you are dealing with a group of grown-ups now, they wont tease you (I think).

Just be yourself

[Kathiza]

I just read the first posting - so please forgive me if I'm repeating what everybody else said.

I came across several postings like yours here and in other forums and I still think it's odd. I don't know if this is a cultural thing (I'm an international student and in my country people are allowed to drink when they turn 16) or not, but I don't really understand why so many people make such a big deal out of drinking. Some people drink, some don't. I do drink, but I don't like beer (like to you, it just tastes bad to me). So if you're invited to go out for a drink, just say yes. And get whatever you would like to drink. If you are at a cocktail bar and you don't want to sit there with a glass of water, just get one of those alcohol free cocktails. Or coke. Or whatever - it's your choice. Why would people care what you drink? (Unless the "goal" of the evening is to get completely drunk and puke all over the place - but this seems more like a high-school or undergrad thing to me - and personally I think it's just stupid and I wouldn't want to hang out with this kind of people anyway).

So what I'm trying to say: Don't worry about this kind of stuff. We are all adults. If somebody makes a big deal out of drinking/not drinking, (s)he is showing really childish behaviour. And I can't imagine that there are really that many grad students out there who would make fun of somebody for not drinking. It's a personal choice. Everybody drinks what he wants to drink and that's it.

[Lisa44201]

I highly doubt people are going to laugh if you get water or a soda. When I went to interview, the going-out part was much more about being social, not sloshed. I had coffee (black, not Irish) the first night, and one beer the second. Had a great time, both nights. Ditto what one poster said about the maturity level being much better than in undergrad.

[Katzenmusik]

You should definitely go to these socializing events to get to know the cohort even if you don't drink. The most important part is the sitting around and socializing, not the alcohol. If you don't want to call attention to your non-drinkiness, just order a Coke or a club soda with lime so you have something in your hand to sip like everyone else is doing -- people won't ask "Where's your drink?" Also, cider-type beers are great for those of us who aren't in love with regular beer - like Woodchuck, Strongbow, Ephemere.

[CC139]

I think nobody is going to judge you because you don't drink, I mean, there's nothing to judge, it's just a personal decision. However, if you don't want to disclose it, you can always say you've been sick and are on a medication -even if you say all you've got is a mild cold.

What is important is that you DO go to the meetings. You need to know your classmates and you could end up having a good time.

[rainbowworrier]

You should definitely go, but you shouldn't feel pressured to drink. What I drink when I go out and am not drinking alcohol, but want to blend in with those who are, I drink tonic and lime. It looks like a gin and tonic or vodka tonic, but no alcohol. It basically tastes like 7UP or Sprite, but way less syrupy sweet. Just a thought.

[thesnout]

Don't change who you are for a pub crawl. You might make yourself sick from drinking.

Just have some water or do what I do. "MOCKTAIL"!!! Mocktails are just a bunch of tasty juices mixed together. Cranberry and orange juice with a touch of sprite is super tasty.

Please don't fall into peer pressure and drink just to fit in. Be yourself and have fun. I stopped drinking a few years ago. I can't stand alcohol, it tastes nasty to me now.

[arkel]

I agree with the other postings - You should definitely attend these events, but you should never feel pressured to drink.

Although a lot of people do drink at these events, it would be strange (and possibly a red flag) if you were pressured to drink, or made to feel excluded. I do drink on occasion, but at some of my interviews I chose not to, simply because I was too tired. Nobody noticed or cared that I wasn't drinking.

At all of the events on school premises (eg. department happy hours) there were always lots of non-alcoholic options.

[bionerd]

Thanks for all the really great and kind advice, guys! I feel a lot better about going and just ordering a soda or 'mocktail' as one of you called it. I come from a big party school, but have never been a partier myself, so my biggest fear - for those who didn't understand why I would be concerned - is that if I don't try something alcoholic during the evening, I'll be seen as a wet blanket or someone who doesn't want to have fun. But it sounds like that's much less of a problem in grad school than it is in undergrad... or at least, it will be among a cohort I'd be comfortable joining

[eklavya]

if this helps, bionerd, i don't drink either, and i didn't drink in my recruitment visit either. and i have been accepted by the program. the grad students who took us out for dinner didn't seem to care if anyone opted out from drinking. so, worry not, you will do great. good luck!

[jynx]

I went to happy hour with a group of grad students at one of my interviews, and ordered a cranberry lemonade. The grad students actually commented on it, something along the lines of, "Oh yeah, you're interviewing tomorrow, there's no way I would have even thought about having alcohol the day before my interview!" They know it's a super stressful process and you want to be at your best, so even if you normally drink alcohol, it makes total sense to skip it on this occasion. Plus, like everyone else said, nobody cares. I've been offered alcohol several times on interview weekends and always replied with, "No thanks, I don't really drink," and nobody has ever batted an eye. Plus, I think if you were to drink just to try to fit in, you'd probably end up feeling less comfortable and more nervous because you weren't being yourself. Just relax, get a soda or water or whatever, and have fun

[MoJingly]

Great. Now I'm thirsty.

[neuropsychosocial]

if this helps, bionerd, i don't drink either, and i didn't drink in my recruitment visit either. and i have been accepted by the program. the grad students who took us out for dinner didn't seem to care if anyone opted out from drinking. so, worry not, you will do great. good luck!

I don't drink either (good to have found someone else: we'll be the university "wet blankets" together!), and it wasn't a problem during my recruitment visit. I found it to be a bit more of a problem during my master's program, where the only out-of-school get-togethers were undergrad-style parties where everyone (except me) ended up incoherent. If you don't drink, it might be worth noting if you feel pressure to drink during an interview or recruitment weekend, because that will tell you a lot about the social atmosphere in that program. From my perspective, though, pressure to drink doesn't mean that you should drink - it means you might want to think twice about that program. I'm not going to change who I am, especially on something like drinking, just to fit in.

If someone asks, I usually say something like, "Just not my thing," and most people leave it alone. For me, not drinking is related to my religious beliefs, but that's not a conversation that I want to have when the other person is drunk, and I generally don't have a problem with other people drinking in moderation. My biggest concern about alcohol in grad school is having people over to my place, because I don't/won't serve alcohol in my home.

[Kathiza]

My biggest concern about alcohol in grad school is having people over to my place, because I don't/won't serve alcohol in my home.

As one of the "drinkers" here (as I already explained: I drink in moderation and for the taste of it; NOT to get drunk) I feel like I have to comment on this one: Yes, I like to drink a cocktail or a glass of wine when I'm out. But this doesn't mean that I NEED alcohol when I'm somewhere. So when I'm invited to somebody else's place, I drink what the person offers me. And I wouldn't think twice about it if this person doesn't serve alcohol. And I think I can say this about most people who are in grad school and do drink: It's not that big of a deal. I would NEVER ask for alcohol at somebody's place. I guess I wouldn't even think of it. I'd just have what the person offers me and that's it. So please PLEASE don't feel like you can't have people over because you don't serve alcohol. If they can't get through an evening without alcohol, then you might reconsider being friends with them. Spending an evening together should be about having a good time, not about drinking.

[eklavya]

I don't drink either (good to have found someone else: we'll be the university "wet blankets" together!)...

totally! only problem is that you and i are attending separate campuses. still, we can be sober epitomes in each campus! "D

..and it wasn't a problem during my recruitment visit.

yea.. aren't those minnesotan awesomely nice people? i am already in love with my future cohort!

[neuropsychosocial]

totally! only problem is that you and i are attending separate campuses. still, we can be sober epitomes in each campus! "D

Oh, I know, but I'll be living in St. Paul anyway (I think), and either way, I'd love to meet up with you once, so that we can put a name and a face with a username.

yea.. aren't those minnesotan awesomely nice people? i am already in love with my future cohort!

I was just amazed at how wonderful the students in my program are - nice, supportive, non-competitive, smart. Looking forward to it! Now if only I could find a place to live...

[eklavya]

Oh, I know, but I'll be living in St. Paul anyway (I think), and either way, I'd love to meet up with you once, so that we can put a name and a face with a username.

I was just amazed at how wonderful the students in my program are - nice, supportive, non-competitive, smart. Looking forward to it! Now if only I could find a place to live...

sure!! i will be living in st paul area (of course!), so i am totally down with meeting and making new friends at a new place. don't worry too much about housing just about yet, as more openings will show up starting april. right now, i am looking at houses not with the intent of getting one right away, but for the sake of getting myself familiar with the roads, parks and lakes. it's a fun game, and little hard trying to remember the name of the roads, especially coming from city such as mine where we have 500 E and 500 W kind of coordinates.