Starting over in a new place....

[123hardasABC]

I moved about 600 miles away from home for my undergraduate and did it all wrong. I was so lonely that all I could bear to do was hole myself up in my dorm room. Now for graduate school, I'll be moving about 3000 miles away from home and I'm pretty determined not to repeat the pattern. I really have to throw myself out there and make friends, and frankly and pathetically, I'm kinda scared to do so.

[i.am.me]

Anyone moved from a place with lots of ethnic food options/grocery stores to a predominantly white town-ish city?

 

How did that go?

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Anyone moved from a place with lots of ethnic food options/grocery stores to a predominantly white town-ish city?

 

How did that go?

I was born and raised in Brooklyn and ended up going to Montgomery, Alabama, when I joined the military. It pretty much sucked. Plus, I was more social and too young to drink. Nowadays, I enjoy going to the bar by myself and having a few drinks, but I didn't have that option back then. And there weren't many peers where I was because my job was more isolated. I spent a lot of weekends renting DVDs from Blockbuster and ordering a large pizza. I spent the days playing basketball at the gym on base. I played basketball with high school kids who were the children of the older people on base. Even though I was their age, I wasn't allowed to hang out with them. 

Edited December 27, 2013 by Gnome Chomsky

[123hardasABC]

Anyone moved from a place with lots of ethnic food options/grocery stores to a predominantly white town-ish city?

 

How did that go?

 

Not me personally, but I have a friend who went from SF/Bay Area to Minnesota. Not much to say aside from many bottles of Sriracha and Pocky sticks were sent via USPS flat-rate boxes. 

[LittleDarlings]

I decided last night maybe if I don't get into any other grad programs this year I will join the Peace Corp? I mean I get to travel and I could do something productive with my life helping people and who knows I could go to one of those other countries and meet someone great? Or maybe Ameri Corp because that's a little bit smaller of a scale. I still would get travels and go meet new people and then I could go to school after? That's if I don't go to school now. Does anyone have experience with those programs?

[84Runner]

Let's be honest here.  To state the obvious, you have *many* things to work on as a person before any guy in his right mind is going to take you seriously as dating material.  If you find a guy who is into how you are right now and you have a kid...  good luck, it's going to be a disaster.  If you want to be happy, you need to learn to cope with your circumstances.  Graduate school will not make you happy.  A guy will not make you happy.  Even a baby will not make you happy.

 

You need to learn how to take the situation that you are in *right now* and enjoy the positive aspects of it while it is happening.  Live in the situation that you are in.  Not in the future.  There will always be people with "better lives" than you and people who have things you want.  You can be jealous your whole life if you want.  Slow down.  Relax.  Maybe you're from a more conservative place in Ohio or whatever, but you're still REALLY young.  You have plenty of time.  Enjoy not having a husband or a kid.  Because once you do... you will get no break.  Personally, I'd advise against entering a graduate program; it sounds like you've already got too much on your plate and this could just make you spiral out of control worse.

 

I'm 27 and applying to schools now.  I have absolutely "nothing to show for" my life since college, but so what?  It was great!  I was in relationships, single, traveled, met great friends, even if I didn't "go anywhere".  And it was all completely unpredictable.  That's just how things are.  Relax, and learn to embrace that and I promise you'll find what you're looking for.  Drop the timeline you have in your head.  I guarantee your life will not go as planned.  So stop trying so hard to plan it.  Focus on right now.

As for your question, I moved for undergrad ~4 hours from home, and then again for a job about 5 hours from home.  Both times it was a little tough at the start, but it forces you to come out of your shell.  You don’t have to fall back into the same social patterns you’re used to.  Be yourself and try to meet people no matter how awkward it seems and I guarantee you will meet a great community.  Maybe my honest advice would be to take a few years to move someplace absolutely new to you and just work for a while while you work on developing as an adult.  I am so glad I worked for 5 years before considering grad school.  And I have better defined goals now.  Peace Corps would be a good idea, but seriously consider what's involved first.... It might be a little much for what you're ready for living that far away if 2 hours is a big deal to you.  Good luck!

[Usmivka]

I decided last night maybe if I don't get into any other grad programs this year I will join the Peace Corp? I mean I get to travel and I could do something productive with my life helping people and who knows I could go to one of those other countries and meet someone great? Or maybe Ameri Corp because that's a little bit smaller of a scale. I still would get travels and go meet new people and then I could go to school after? That's if I don't go to school now. Does anyone have experience with those programs?

The Peace Corps and AmeriCorps are highly selective. Most folks are less likely to get into either program than into a graduate program (a big generalization here, obviously). They are looking for very self-sufficient and motivated volunteers to work in physically and emotionally taxing environments far from home and with minimal support from or interaction with other volunteers. I think you might want to try a smaller transition, and in a setting you will actually be able to meet more people. Maybe volunteer with the local Rotary or at a women's shelter.

Edited December 27, 2013 by Usmivka

[LittleDarlings]

It scares me that my life isn't happening. Like I said my friend is having a baby, it just happened... Because I assume that "that's life and life just happens" but life for me isn't "just happening". Does that make sense? Maybe not. Everything in my life is well planned out. Every aspect of it, I went to high school I graduated, I went directly to college I graduated on time, then I took this year off and I was like now what? I feel like nothing eventful is happening and that doesn't mean oh I want to get pregnant and have something THAT life changing necessarily but I just don't know my direction. I'm relying on going to grad school and if that doesn't happen I have no idea what happens next. I can't find a job, I mean I could work at mcdonalds or Starbucks but I went to school for 4 years to not have to work there (my money situation is way more complicated that I can't get into) not to be a snob but I just thought if I went to school I could find some work in my field. I am looking into volunteer opportunities! I need to keep myself busy , the more free time I have the more I just get depressed.

I think I would consider Ameri Corp before peace because I can stay in the US I think and that would be great I just need to get out and be an adult and I have no idea how to go about it.

[LittleDarlings]

The Peace Corps and AmeriCorps are highly selective. Most folks are less likely to get into either program than into a graduate program (a big generalization here, obviously). They are looking for very self-sufficient and motivated volunteers to work in physically and emotionally taxing environments far from home and with minimal support from or interaction with other volunteers. I think you might want to try a smaller transition, and in a setting you will actually be able to meet more people. Maybe volunteer with the local Rotary or at a women's shelter.

Gosh I am failing when it comes to figuring out opportunities... I have looked at some women's shelters and an organization called Chicktime for abused young women there are tons of opportunities but that isn't going to get me out of this horrific area that I live in.

[Usmivka]

It scares me that my life isn't happening. Like I said my friend is having a baby, it just happened... Because I assume that "that's life and life just happens" but life for me isn't "just happening". Does that make sense? Maybe not. Everything in my life is well planned out. Every aspect of it, I went to high school I graduated, I went directly to college I graduated on time, then I took this year off and I was like now what? I feel like nothing eventful is happening and that doesn't mean oh I want to get pregnant and have something THAT life changing necessarily but I just don't know my direction. I'm relying on going to grad school and if that doesn't happen I have no idea what happens next. I can't find a job, I mean I could work at mcdonalds or Starbucks but I went to school for 4 years to not have to work there (my money situation is way more complicated that I can't get into) not to be a snob but I just thought if I went to school I could find some work in my field. I am looking into volunteer opportunities! I need to keep myself busy , the more free time I have the more I just get depressed.

I think I would consider Ameri Corp before peace because I can stay in the US I think and that would be great I just need to get out and be an adult and I have no idea how to go about it.

 

 

It seems to me that most of the issues and concerns you are voicing here are not specific to graduate school and have more to do with living independently. This users of this forum are pretty good at coming up with solutions for grad school related problems, but the self-help/life coach role you are casting for us is not a good fit. Do you have any college or high school friends that have left your area and gone on to careers or grad school that you could turn to for advice? Relatives in another city that might ease a transition to that location? Someone who knows you and has made the same life choices you are trying to make will be a better resource than most anyone here.

 

While some of us are clearly enjoying your posts more or less than others, I don't think this forum is a very productive place to continue posting about the concerns you are voicing. Perhaps others disagree and will say so, this is just my nickel's worth. For more than a nickel's worth, if you'd like to hire someone as a personal life coach there are clearly many folks out there that would be happy to listen to your problems and provide suggestions on an ongoing basis for pay.

Edited December 27, 2013 by Usmivka

[LittleDarlings]

I go to therapy

[mandarin.orange]

I agree with everything Usmivka has said. I'd recommend posting your concerns about living independently on reddit, and see what you get...or, at the very least, browsing that site. You'll probably find lots of likeminded posts already there, and greater volume of folks willing to offer some valuable advice. 

[SocGirl2013]

I agree with everything Usmivka has said. I'd recommend posting your concerns about living independently on reddit, and see what you get...or, at the very least, browsing that site. You'll probably find lots of likeminded posts already there, and greater volume of folks willing to offer some valuable advice. 

I choked on my tea and almost died. Thanks for that.

[LittleDarlings]

I choked on my tea and almost died. Thanks for that.

... I don't know what reddit is so ok then. No thanks I will stay here

[TakeruK]

It scares me that my life isn't happening. Like I said my friend is having a baby, it just happened... Because I assume that "that's life and life just happens" but life for me isn't "just happening". Does that make sense? Maybe not. Everything in my life is well planned out. Every aspect of it, I went to high school I graduated, I went directly to college I graduated on time, then I took this year off and I was like now what? I feel like nothing eventful is happening and that doesn't mean oh I want to get pregnant and have something THAT life changing necessarily but I just don't know my direction.

 

(emphasis added). I think this is a very valid feeling for people right after college. This was a very strong feeling for me right after college and I still feel it sometimes too. I call it a "quarter life crisis" where we first realise that all of our lives, e.g. as a child and as a teenager, we'd been dreaming about what we would do when we "grow up" and "become adults". In college, we were "sheltered" in some way by staying in academia and mostly interacting with other students, so we "grew up" and turned into adults without us knowing it. Now, all of a sudden, we are like "wow, we are adults! we are old! Why haven't we achieved anything? Are we even sure that we're spending our time doing what we want in life?" I think getting out of college is the first transition for many of us where we go from the child/teen mindset of "adulthood is so far away" to "adulthood is now!!" 

 

I am not trying to lecture here, because I felt like I went through the same feelings. So I will share my experience and hope it is comforting. Also, I am still in my mid-twenties, so it's not like I am all old and wise so also consider what the older students/people are saying too. 

 

Although right now it might feel like you are far behind in life, that you haven't really gained much from the last 4 or so years in college, I think it's mostly because of the big transition from undergraduate student mindset to working adult mindset rather than an actual change in your ability to effect change in your life. For me, realising why I was feeling the stress and pressure to do something with my life allowed me to use that as a motivator to make small positive changes in the way I want my life to go instead of feeling inadequate. It is tough because it's really easy to look at other people who are the same-ish age living the lives you might feel like you want. But they are likely feeling some similar things to you! 

 

I feel that when I was growing up, I had all these visions and ideas that romanticized what growing up would be like. I realise now that most of what I "learned" came from unrealistic sitcoms like Friends or from already successful 30- and 40-somethings talking about the fun times they had in their 20s. Few people will tell you their actual struggles and how slow positive changes will come. So, I think right when I got out of college, I was like "Okay world, let's go out and do something awesome!!" and then....nothing happens automatically and I feel like I've screwed up or made some horrible mistake.

 

But the reality is, I think, positive changes in your life take an extremely long time to achieve with a lot of effort put into really small steps. In films and tv shows, characters undergo dramatic life changes, usually in some epic montage with scenes like shaving one's head or going overseas or doing something completely out of character. While this is possible, I think most people undergo their dramatic changes in smaller bits over a longer period of time. Have a big goal in mind but also smaller ones and keep working at it all the time.

 

So if your goal is to get out of your current town and experience something new, it might be better to start with smaller actions. Ameri corps sound like a great longer term goal and from the others' posts, it sounds very hard to get in. So don't be afraid to start with smaller steps. Like others said, volunteer with more local groups and build up your experience. Real life isn't like dramas--unlike the movie or tv characters, we can't just undergo an epic montage and reach our big goal immediately. It takes time and patience. Make all your actions today be a small step towards your distant goal. Also, I know this might be useless because when I was 23 I thought I was super old. Now I am 26 and I feel so young. Also, the 3 years between 23 and now feel like an eternity--you have a lot more time than you think

 

Finally, I have this on my office wall to inspire me: http://zenpencils.com/comic/106-chris-hadfield-an-astronauts-advice/

[TakeMyCoffeeBlack]

It scares me that my life isn't happening. Like I said my friend is having a baby, it just happened... Because I assume that "that's life and life just happens" but life for me isn't "just happening". Does that make sense? Maybe not. Everything in my life is well planned out. Every aspect of it, I went to high school I graduated, I went directly to college I graduated on time, then I took this year off and I was like now what? I feel like nothing eventful is happening and that doesn't mean oh I want to get pregnant and have something THAT life changing necessarily but I just don't know my direction. I'm relying on going to grad school and if that doesn't happen I have no idea what happens next. I can't find a job, I mean I could work at mcdonalds or Starbucks but I went to school for 4 years to not have to work there (my money situation is way more complicated that I can't get into) not to be a snob but I just thought if I went to school I could find some work in my field. I am looking into volunteer opportunities! I need to keep myself busy , the more free time I have the more I just get depressed.

I think I would consider Ameri Corp before peace because I can stay in the US I think and that would be great I just need to get out and be an adult and I have no idea how to go about it.

 

Look into the Jesuit Volunteer Corps too, if you're okay working with a religious organization. They do most of their work stateside (or maybe you get to choose?). I have friends doing this.

[VioletAyame]

It scares me that my life isn't happening. Like I said my friend is having a baby, it just happened... Because I assume that "that's life and life just happens" but life for me isn't "just happening". Does that make sense? Maybe not. Everything in my life is well planned out. Every aspect of it, I went to high school I graduated, I went directly to college I graduated on time, then I took this year off and I was like now what? I feel like nothing eventful is happening and that doesn't mean oh I want to get pregnant and have something THAT life changing necessarily but I just don't know my direction. I'm relying on going to grad school and if that doesn't happen I have no idea what happens next. I can't find a job, I mean I could work at mcdonalds or Starbucks but I went to school for 4 years to not have to work there (my money situation is way more complicated that I can't get into) not to be a snob but I just thought if I went to school I could find some work in my field. I am looking into volunteer opportunities! I need to keep myself busy , the more free time I have the more I just get depressed.

I think I would consider Ameri Corp before peace because I can stay in the US I think and that would be great I just need to get out and be an adult and I have no idea how to go about it.

 

Ah Pinkster Pinkster Pinkster, I'm finally compelled to reply to your posts. Let me say a few things about me first so hopefully what I'm gonna say will resonate with you better. I'm about the same age as you (about half a year older in fact); I'm an international student from Asia; I came to the U.S for college when I was 18 and I've been home twice ever since. I graduated about one and a half year ago; I worked for about 9 months before I decided to apply to grad schools. I'm an only child and my parents were super protective - I had never spent a night apart from my family before I left the country. I have cousins here whom I've been staying with; they helped me a lot to settle in when I first arrived but I got to figure a lot of things out on my own and now they're more like roomates for whom I pay super cheap rent.

 

Alright, so there are 2 things I want to tell you.

 

First, your actual question: How hard is it to move to a new place? Pretty hard, I'd say. I had an extreme case of homesickness and culture shock for the first 6 months, but then again I was only 18, away from home for the very first time in a very foreign culture. It did take a while but I made it through, and so you definitely can. People have been giving you a lot of great practical advice, and I still have a lot to learn from those suggestions, so I'm not gonna add anything. I just want to say that it's worth it, and hopefully I can encourage you a bit. Looking back, going abroad was the best thing that I've ever done. The experience was immense, and to go into details would take forever. There's the basic stuff (which I'm still very proud of) like learning how to do laundry, cook a full meal, keep and house, manage your own schedule and finance, etc. But more than that, I have changed dramatically, from the way I see myself to the way I see and treat other people, including (most importantly) realizing how stupid I was and still am at times and how diverse others' life experiences can be. I figure part of this was just me growing up, which can be done pretty much anywhere, but since I had been coddled (and it looks like you're in the same boat), getting away from home was much more effective in this regard. I remember the moment I realized how alike my high school friends and I were, like cookies cut from the same mold. Not that there was anything wrong with the mold, and it still shapes a big part of me right now, but it's like seeing the ocean for the first time and realizing how small your pond was.

 

Second, what I infer from your many posts is how you think there's a magic point somewhere in the future and when you get there, all your problems will melt away. There is no such magic point. Believe me, I used to be so sure that I would finish college here, go back home, get a good job, work for a few years, meet a guy and then get married and start a family. My magic timeline was set to be at 28. It is later than yours and may seem more reasonable, but in fact it is no less fictional. People have been telling you time and time again that you can't plan your life out on a calendar like that, so I won't waste time repeating the reasons why. What I want to emphasize is even when you do get there (and it will rarely be the way you want at the exact time you want), you will still have problems and worries and heartbreaks. Life doesn't just stop when you get married and have babies. What if your kids got sick? What if your husband got into an accident? What if your family lost your house like a lot of people did in 08? What if your husband cheats on you or your kids abuse drugs? There are all sorts of things that can happen, some less serious than others, but so is life. It took me the longest time to realize that (1) life is unpredictable and (2) there won't be ever a time in life when the struggle stops. It sounds silly to me now how I could possibly think that after finishing school and getting a job, things will just stabilize and I will coast on this defined, unchanging trajectory. How could I think that stresses during school will stop when I start working, or that just because I get to that point, be it a specific age or a life event like graduation or marriage, I will magically figure everything out? But I get it. We've been on the school route for at least 16 years straight; everything's been planned out and on schedule; we've done everything right, everything we were supposed to do, so our plan should just fall in to places right? Everything should just work out because we planned it to be so, and because we put work into it, we're guaranteed to get what we want and be all happy and fulfilled by the end of our plan, because that's what it has always been like at school, in class, in projects, literally our whole life! But life is more complicated than that. Just because you did A doesn't guarantee you B. You don't have as much control as you think. There's no hypothetical best time of your life. It's tough to accept - and I don't think anyone can help you realize it but yourself - but it can also be very liberating. The best time of your life can be right now, next month, or always. Life can happen in so many ways for which you can't possibly plan, but it also means that happiness and success and fulfillment have that many ways to come to you. You can't plan for them, but you can prepare yourself mentally for this unpredictability and trust yourself to handle them, or swing it as they say.

 

When I was 19, my friend's mother said that we don't have that much control in life, and I didn't believe her, even when she said she used to think like I did. So now you probably won't believe me either, but I hope you will.

 

For a point of reference, you can watch this mind-opening video by John Green about what to do with your life. It's intially more about how to pick what to study in college but then becomes life decisions and adulthood in general. It has stopped me from freaking out many times when I think my life is not how or where it's "supposed" to be or when I, like you, feel like nothing is happening to me:

[RedPill]

Pinkster, please don't take this the wrong way, but I've been reading through your posts for sometime now. You're applying to social work programs, but you seem pretty unstable. You're dependent, you're very obsessed with "belonging" through relationships or otherwise. Neither of which is wise.

 

 

Maybe you shouldn't go into a field where people would need to rely on YOU rather than the other way around... it sounds very, very dangerous for you future clients.. lives could literally be lost should you make a poor call. You noted how you're jealous of your friends going into the workforce, and their lifestyle..maybe you might want to do the same? See how you like it?

 

Just my .02.

 

As for the thread topic, you adapt just like anyone going to medical school, pharmacy school, nursing school, PA school, dental school, moving to a new high school, transferring to a new university, a new job offer or simply moving for the sake of moving. Imagine if someone moved from a different country like the poster above.. 

 

With proper confidence and discipline, I think you'll do absolutely great. However, I think you need to reconsider graduate school for maybe just a semester or a year. Perhaps you could work to save up money? Maybe travel and do some soul searching? 

 

You don't know how to pick out soap detergent at 23? You want to become a social worker. Lives will be in your hands.

 

idk.. I have now become VERY wary of social workers from reading your posts. I will now be extensively researching any social workers and their programs that may come into my family's life..

 

I worry. I worry for your programs. I worry for you. I worry for the innocent people involved. 

Edited December 28, 2013 by RedPill

[LittleDarlings]

I'm sorry you're worried. I'm still going to pursue the career. I don't know what soul searching for another year would really do. I think I can do well in this program. I think it gives me a chance to learn about myself and I think it will be fine. I would think anyone who goes to therapy would research the person before they go to them. I have the ability to help people even if I totally disagree with their situation. My problem is when it comes to me comparing their life to my own but obviously that wouldn't happen in front of them. They wouldn't know. Anyways who knows maybe after this 2 years is up I will be a totally different person, maybe even a person who is in a serious relationship/ married:)

As far as the move I think I can totally do this! I think if I don't get into any other programs I might just look for a job out of state. I just don't know how I would go about moving to another state. I'm kind of depending on the cushion of student loans to help with moving away. I'm sure this situation will work itself out.

[Nubbin]

Pinkster, I also have read through your posts (this thread and the extensive one about finding a husband in grad school). In the thread about finding a husband, I said I suspect you are trolling because so much of the thinking you've expressed on that topic is absurd. It would have been kinder of me to say much of the thinking you've expressed is misdirected (providing you are not a troll).

 

But reading RedPill's response above got me to thinking that on the OUTSIDE chance you are for real, I agree with RedPill; there could be real danger to you when you become disappinted if you proceed down the path you seem to be pursuing. 

 

You are very naive about the nature of social work. First of all, you have said you assume clients "research" their counselors before seeking their help. Seriously? Do you not realize that a majority - perhaps nearly all clients in need of social work guidance - have those social workers assigned to them by a social agency that employs social workers? They don't get to pick their social workers (nor do social workers pick their clients).

 

In your state of mind, which seems fragile and deluded, it's unlikely you are equiped to handle the reality of social work once you fully understand it. It's also likely you will be disappointed (at best) if not dangerously depressed when you realize the work doesn't match your picture of it. As RedPill points out, you don't know how to select laundry detergent. Do you realize you will likely - at least for a part of your training and/or professional life - be in the position of guiding clients in life skills, such as grocery shopping and setting up a household?

 

You say your clients won't know of your inner feelings if you disagree with their personal situations.

 I'm sure most social workers wouldn't "choose" for themselves the life circumstances that brought their clients to them in the first place, but you have made a number of statements that indicate you're judgemental of those who are on a path you don't "agree" with. There is no room for being judgemental in this line of work, whether you "show it" or not.  You've also said previously that you don't know how you will handle the feelings of jealousy toward a teenage mother because she has a child and you don't. Do you need to have it pointed out that there is no place for any feelings such as this in a counseling relationship?

 

Frankly, I don't believe you will be admitted to a social work program if your views and the delusions you've revelaed in these forums were shared with an adcom in an interview. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. But again, on the OUTSIDE chance you are not trolling, I'd like to say it's admirable that you believe you'd like to pursue a career where you can help people. There are many such avenues that involve helping, guiding, and advising people, and for which you may discover you are well equipped. What are your interests? Books? Consider library science where you can guide people in literature. Animals or pets? Consider creating training classes through shelters or pet adoption centers. Nature and outdoor life? Consider a career with an arboretum or park service in which you can educate the public. An alternate path, away from social work, may not require an advanced degree, but if it does, and if it adheres to your interests and core competencies, you have a good chance of succeeding.

[LittleDarlings]

Ok I have been accepted into a program already so I am going no matter what. In private practice which is my ultimate goal you do get to pick and research the person you go to. I know because in my time in counseling I did my research about who I would go to what their specialties were and everything else. So it is possible to research, that is what I meant. Ideally I won't work for a state agency, that isn't necessarily my goal. I already have one degree so computer science is not possible because I'm not going back to school for another undergrad degree, I don't like animals much so I won't be going that route. I am going to do exactly what I am doing now... Waiting for acceptances or rejections and if it falls through I will go find some work or volunteer work and then try again. I don't think I am this awful person or this super emotionally fragile person. I can handle this job. It's not wrong to desperately want a family and once I have it if will be even better. I mentioned my best friend is pregnant and as much as I dislike the situation I can't not be her friend. I just have to fake my emotions. I'm sure I can do that for this career, or be happy with my husband and family. I think if I'm accepted and go through a program I can figure my life out I can change or grow up and mature. I am just 23 and it isn't as if I don't WANT to change, or I'm not trying. I am still doing the therapy thing, I'm dating so I'm trying really hard to get to a happy place. It's too late now I applied and if I don't get accepted anywhere else I will figure my situation out.

[CageFree]

Social work is a calling. It's not something you do until you "find a husband." And god help any person who is unfortunate enough to end up in your caseload should you succeed in finishing a social work degree.

[LittleDarlings]

Social work is a calling. It's not something you do until you "find a husband." And god help any person who is unfortunate enough to end up in your caseload should you succeed in finishing a social work degree.

Like I said numerous times I am not going to school solely to find a husband, it would be ideal for it to happen while in school though since I will be around more people than I will be in my usual life. You can say what you want but I'm going back to school for social work whether it is this Fall or the following or the following (god forbid). It is happening.

I feel like no one gets it, if I wasn't doing this program I would do another one and I would still hope to find a significant other in one. Any job I get I hope I find a significant other while doing it. I want to find a significant other in general so everything I do from now until me finding him is somewhat motivated by finding someone. I mean who wants to go through life alone? I certainly don't and I'm not going to apologize for wanting a family too. My therapist had 2 kids and a husband before she even considered school, and then she went to school because her kids playmates mom was going to school and she felt left out. People have different reasons for school and their passions and I'm sorry you don't agree with mine or understand but I want it all. Including a husband and children while I am youngish, and a career. School is like killing 2 birthday with 1 stone, I am constantly in the position to meet people and make friends and establish relationships and I get to leave with a degree that will start a career that I really want.

Edited December 29, 2013 by CorruptedInnocence

[nugget]

I'd just like to step in and remind some of us that Pinkster/CorruptedInnocence is an adult and she has the right to attend grad school if she is accepted into a program and she also has the right to study social work if that is what interests her the most. I have always believed that people are capable of growth and change. If they weren't, then what would be the point of having psychologists, teachers, social workers, speech language pathologists, occupational therapists, and the list goes on.

 

If everyone reflects on their lives and their mentality 5, 10, or 15 years ago, I am sure that you will find a lot of personal growth and change in your own lives.

 

I just completed one semester of a social work program and one thing I've learned is that there is A LOT of class and small group discussion, in addition to readings and personal reflections that expose students to all sorts of diverse, marginalized and oppressed groups of people in society. The material challenges everyone to reflect on their social location (one's gender, race, socioeconomic status, level of education, religious  affiliations, sexual orientation, etc) and they ways that one's personal social location impacts the ways that we perceive other groups of people and treat them (so that the cycle of oppression that occurs in society is not repeated in therapy sessions).

 

However, in order to do well on the assignments I believe that it's quite difficult to hide one's emotions, attitudes or opinions about various social issues or groups of people and convince a professor (and clients) that one has a solid grasp of key social work concepts. Pinkster/CorruptInnocence, I think that your plan to hide your true emotions, jealousy or lack of emphathy towards people experiencing certain problems or challenges will lead you to do poorly on your assignments and hinder you in connecting well with your clients. In many of your assignments, you will need to take an honest look at yourself and your social location and address this in a thoughtful, analytical and mature way or your professors will know that you are just skimming the surface and not fully grasping the class material. This self-reflection is not easy for most people to do, especially at first. But you will have many opportunities to share your ideas in class and learn from other students and their personal experiences which are shaped by their own social locations. If you take this opportunity to challenge yourself, grapple with the material, consider different perspectives, be open to new ideas, learning, personal growth and change as you go through the readings and part take in classroom discussions, I think you could succeed in the program. But if you prefer to go through this process on a superficial level, hide your true opinions, and not challenge the personal biases you have towards certain people in society and thoroughly examine where they come from (ie: teenage mothers, women who get an abortion, homosexuals, etc) then I don't think the personal growth needed to work in the field will occur. In the first semester in particular, which is designed to introduce you to key concepts in social work and shape you up for your first internship, I believe that if your time and attention are mainly focused on dating and meeting men this will jeopardize your success in the program. Especially because a lot of time needs to be devoted to so much personal growth and learning in a short amount of time. For some, this learning process is mentally and emotionally exhausting. It's not easy to change one's attitudes, behaviours and viewpoints, even in the face of evidence, once certain ideas or baises have been engrained in our minds over the years and reinforced by family, friends and other influences. But this process is essential in order to address our personal biases towards others and become effective social workers.

 

For those who are suggesting that she will become a terrible social worker or that you are now wary of social workers, I find that such comments are harsh. Remember that highly skilled and educated professors grade and supervise students during all of the coursework and internships. Approximately half of the MSW program consists of internships, in fact. I believe that PhD level professors and internship supervisors will be able to recognize which students fully grasp the material and work effectively with clients and can continue in the program, and that in rare circumstances, if a student does not adequately grasp key social work concepts or if their work is dertrimental to the well being of clients, then such students will not be allowed to continue in the program. I think that for most professors of social work, maintaining moral and professional integrity is important and that in rare circumstances, an incompetent student would not be allowed to complete the program.

 

The story I am about to tell is not meant to discourage... One of my professors told us about a student who grew up in a small, isolated town with a very homogeneos population - white, heterosexual folks who were mostly middle class - and this student had left home and was meeting people with diverse backgrounds for the first time. Learning about, reflecting on and discussing social diversity stretched her mind so much that she decided to withdraw after the first semester... her ability to be open-minded was stretched to the maximum, so much that it became too overwhelming for her to handle and to work with so many kinds of diverse people that she had never interacted with before.

 

The reason why I mentioned this rare example is to illustrate that for some people, the best way to know if one likes or is well-suited to a profession is to attend a program at school and give it a try. After working or volunteering in the field and getting a taste of what it is like (as I would assume that Pinkster/CorruptedInnocence would have already done otherwise she would not be qualified to apply to MSW programs), the only thing left to do is to enroll in a program, give it your best shot and see if you like it and are well-suited for this sort of work.

 

Pinkster/CorruptedInnocence, I think that next year the ball is in your hands. You are an adult and your education and career are what you make of it (apart from other obvious factors you don't have complete control over, like receiving admission offers, qualifying for a student loan, etc). If you work hard, stretch your mind beyond your comfort zone, learn from other students, embrace change, and maintaim a flexible and open mind throughout the entire process, you can succeed. If you are distracted, primarily focus on catching a man and attempt to hide your biases, negative attitudes or judgments about other people (which everyone has to a degree, since complete objectivity is impossible) then your success in the program will be in great jeopardy. It is up to you to decide what to do and where your priorities lie.

Edited December 29, 2013 by jenste

[CageFree]

Perhaps you should read the comments this person has made on other topics. A person who lacks compassion for others should not become a social worker.