Venting Thread- Vent about anything.

[anon4now]

“Below, experts shared healthy ways to cope with anxiety right here, right now.” 

1. Take a deep breath. *My body: ‘Not that deep.'*

2. Accept that you’re anxious. *Ha, like I have a choice.*

3. Realize that your brain is playing tricks on you. *Brain: You have no chance. Your SOP was weak. WEAK, I SAY. Me: Fuck you, Brain!*

4. Question your thoughts. *Thoughts: You should have applied to more schools. Me: Why didn’t I apply to more schools?* 

5. Use a calming visualization. *Ooh, look! Another person posted an acceptance on the results page. Proceeds to bite nails in the calmest manner possible.*

6. Be an observer–– without judgment. *Wow, look at all these people posting acceptances on the results page. Wish I were one of them (No judgment against myself or anything).*

7. Use positive self-talk. *There’s always next year.*

8. Focus on right now. *Right now I have 0a/0r/0w. Things are looking up.*

9. Focus on meaningful activities. *Meaningfully refreshes email every 30 seconds. Has a meaningful heart attack every time phone rings. Makes meaningful revisions on all submitted application materials.* 

Feel free to share how you’ve been coping with your anxiety. 

[GreenEyedTrombonist]

How I am dealing with my anxiety:

Not that well. I may tell my friend, "no schools want me" fairly often. He yells at me when I do though, haha.

I'm reading through books I'll have assigned next semester, which starts in 8 days. Currently I've made it through the first 3 weeks of one class for the required reading (based on the syllabus for the last few years for that class). I need to wait for this semester's syllabus to show up before I can read the recommended stuff. Plus, I don't know if I'll be taking one class (no readings) or another (many readings) this semester, so I'm not exactly getting ahead in them and that makes me nervous.

I'm also in the middle of writing articles based on a project I worked as a student researcher for last academic year, editing my main deliverable and fleshing out my final report outline for my graduate project, editing a paper for submission to a conference's publication (it won 3rd place at the conference last year so kinda feel like I should submit it), planning out abstracts for the same conference but for this year (between group projects and individual work it looks like I'm submitting 4 or 5 abstracts), and figuring out if I should even bother submitting for a pre-doctoral fellowship when I haven't heard back from any schools yet. 

Today I'll be working on deliverable edits and my report outline while trying not to freak out. I will not succeed on not freaking out, haha.

[.letmeinplz//]

1 hour ago, GreenEyedTrombonist said:

Not that well. I may tell my friend, "no schools want me" fairly often. He yells at me when I do though, haha.

I get the same stuff + "oh you'll have lots of choices to decide where to go", but I feel like that is underestimating the competitiveness of getting in. Even when a PhD student, who has recently been through all of this, in my current lab gives me optimism it doesn't soothe my anxiety because she probably had a much better profile than me.

[Charlsa]

My best friend was automatically accepted into a program not long after applying. I want to be excited for her but at the same time... I'm waiting, without much hope. And so I have to make back-up plans outside of school. I'm trying to convince myself that America glorifies work so much that our sense of self has been perverted by an obsession with our careers, and that I can define myself and others by how we treat others, what we do outside of work, etc. But it's hard not to feel like I was destined to never make it outside of my hometown while the peers I once competed against go on to do greater things.

Edited January 18, 2017 by Charlsa

[angesradieux]

I'm so angry. I've been working on a project with a professor for about two years. I approached him about the project. This wasn't something he'd been working on prior to meeting me. It has always been our project. Well, after two years of working, we're at the point of drawing up contracts for publishing the book. Great. Except now he's minimizing my contribution and I feel like he's pulling the whole thing right out from under me. This is a book translation. The work was divided that I did the entire initial translation, and he would edit. So I translated the whole book, with the exception of a paragraph here and there that I may have missed when my eye jumped on the page, and primary sources not in the same language as the book, that I wasn't able to work with. But for all intents and purpose, it's my translation, and this project has always been "my baby" so to speak. It was difficult. It's a serious historical text, and I undertook the translation when I was just beginning the first intermediate level (131 at my school) French class. So it was a massive undertaking and something that I really, really labored on.

The first red flag was yesterday. I received an e-mail addressed to me and other people to look for an e-mail from the publisher seeking official permission to use our work. One of these people I'd never even heard of before. No mention of her in any previous conversations, e-mail exchanges, what have you. Just here she is, out of the blue, with her name apparently going on what I understood to be a project belonging to me and this professor. I asked him who she was, and he dodged the issue. He told me who she is, but not anything of substance regarding her role in this project.

Well, I e-mailed him today again a bit more bluntly, asking specifically how our names will appear. My name is first in the list, but we're all listed as translators without any distinction. But, naturally, his name is at dead center as "edited and with an introduction by: Professor Slime Bucket". Now I'm really furious. Because these people didn't translate. I translated, and if anything they were involved in editing and refining my original translation. But with all of us just listed as translators, it looks like we all contributed equally, which greatly diminishes my role. I mean, I proposed the project. He wasn't planning on doing this at all until I came along. Without me, there wouldn't be a book to publish. And his e-mail was just like "Oh! Yeah. You'll see I put your name first, because you got the ball rolling. And don't worry! You'll all receive a free hard copy of the book when all is said and done."

Now I don't know what to do. I'm not comfortable with this. Like, I'm livid to the point where I'm considering withholding my permission when the publisher e-mails me. On the one hand, that robs me of my very much anticipated first publication and what should be among the greatest achievements of my undergraduate career. On the other, is having a publication even worth it when I'm just listed as one of four, with no indication that this was predominantly my work? I don't know what to do. Do I flat out tell this guy that I'm not comfortable with this? Is it even worth it? Do I go ahead with it anyway, even if I'm feeling cheated? Or do I withhold my permission, so this way nobody gets a publication from it? I feel like I'm going to cry. And it's worse because in the past, I had a pretty abusive relationship with a professor. So I'm always a little nervous about building relationships with professors now. But against my better judgement, I trusted this guy. And after two years of working together, I liked him and thought that we had a good rapport as colleagues now. And he turns around and does this to me. Now I'm questioning everything. Do I even want to be a part of academia, if they go ahead and take advantage of people like this? Can I commit to working with a professor on a doctoral dissertation for an extended period of time when all prior experiences point to professors being people who generally can't be trusted? That was my fear all along. I knew that trusting a possible thesis adviser was going to be a massive hurdle for me. But I looked to people--this guy among the very short list--from undergrad who turned out being helpful and trustworthy. And it turns out, that was a lie and I was right to be skeptical.

I'm so upset. I poured so much of my time and energy into this. And for what? A free hard copy of the book. So I can stare at that list of names and be reminded every day of how I was taken advantage of and had my work on my very first project diminished and any substantial credit for what I did ripped out from under me. I'm very disillusioned with academia as a whole now.

[swannsway]

On 1/19/2017 at 2:52 PM, angesradieux said:

I'm so angry. I've been working on a project with a professor for about two years. I approached him about the project. This wasn't something he'd been working on prior to meeting me. It has always been our project. Well, after two years of working, we're at the point of drawing up contracts for publishing the book. Great. Except now he's minimizing my contribution and I feel like he's pulling the whole thing right out from under me. This is a book translation. The work was divided that I did the entire initial translation, and he would edit. So I translated the whole book, with the exception of a paragraph here and there that I may have missed when my eye jumped on the page, and primary sources not in the same language as the book, that I wasn't able to work with. But for all intents and purpose, it's my translation, and this project has always been "my baby" so to speak. It was difficult. It's a serious historical text, and I undertook the translation when I was just beginning the first intermediate level (131 at my school) French class. So it was a massive undertaking and something that I really, really labored on.

The first red flag was yesterday. I received an e-mail addressed to me and other people to look for an e-mail from the publisher seeking official permission to use our work. One of these people I'd never even heard of before. No mention of her in any previous conversations, e-mail exchanges, what have you. Just here she is, out of the blue, with her name apparently going on what I understood to be a project belonging to me and this professor. I asked him who she was, and he dodged the issue. He told me who she is, but not anything of substance regarding her role in this project.

Well, I e-mailed him today again a bit more bluntly, asking specifically how our names will appear. My name is first in the list, but we're all listed as translators without any distinction. But, naturally, his name is at dead center as "edited and with an introduction by: Professor Slime Bucket". Now I'm really furious. Because these people didn't translate. I translated, and if anything they were involved in editing and refining my original translation. But with all of us just listed as translators, it looks like we all contributed equally, which greatly diminishes my role. I mean, I proposed the project. He wasn't planning on doing this at all until I came along. Without me, there wouldn't be a book to publish. And his e-mail was just like "Oh! Yeah. You'll see I put your name first, because you got the ball rolling. And don't worry! You'll all receive a free hard copy of the book when all is said and done."

Now I don't know what to do. I'm not comfortable with this. Like, I'm livid to the point where I'm considering withholding my permission when the publisher e-mails me. On the one hand, that robs me of my very much anticipated first publication and what should be among the greatest achievements of my undergraduate career. On the other, is having a publication even worth it when I'm just listed as one of four, with no indication that this was predominantly my work? I don't know what to do. Do I flat out tell this guy that I'm not comfortable with this? Is it even worth it? Do I go ahead with it anyway, even if I'm feeling cheated? Or do I withhold my permission, so this way nobody gets a publication from it? I feel like I'm going to cry. And it's worse because in the past, I had a pretty abusive relationship with a professor. So I'm always a little nervous about building relationships with professors now. But against my better judgement, I trusted this guy. And after two years of working together, I liked him and thought that we had a good rapport as colleagues now. And he turns around and does this to me. Now I'm questioning everything. Do I even want to be a part of academia, if they go ahead and take advantage of people like this? Can I commit to working with a professor on a doctoral dissertation for an extended period of time when all prior experiences point to professors being people who generally can't be trusted? That was my fear all along. I knew that trusting a possible thesis adviser was going to be a massive hurdle for me. But I looked to people--this guy among the very short list--from undergrad who turned out being helpful and trustworthy. And it turns out, that was a lie and I was right to be skeptical.

I'm so upset. I poured so much of my time and energy into this. And for what? A free hard copy of the book. So I can stare at that list of names and be reminded every day of how I was taken advantage of and had my work on my very first project diminished and any substantial credit for what I did ripped out from under me. I'm very disillusioned with academia as a whole now.

So, something somewhat similar happened to me. I'm going to take advantage and vent as well. Sorry if I sound like too disparaging, but I honestly shudder when I think about this. I too had discussed a project with my advisor, and ended up working on it for over two years, even quit my full time job to get this project done as it was my 'baby'. My professor was incredibly busy during this time period and put in minimal effort, constantly made mistakes due to his utter disorganized and hasty manners of doing anything. Ultimately, to his surprise, I got results and towards the beginning of paper writing, he decided to add one of his MS students who was seeking a publication opportunity. This MS students was going to be a second author for helping me make plots. So, I hated everything and everyone for a period of time, which in retrospect, may have been an overreaction. However, I poured sweat and blood into this project. I developed the theory, ran every experiment (freaking destroyed my OWN computer's hardware due to the extreme heat from the simulations), and had to keep "presenting" everything from the beginning to this absent minded professor. The MS was getting paid for his RA position, and I was not and here he was, reaping the benefits of my hard work. Ultimately, the MS student did not have time to make plots either, and my advisor had the nerve to include the student for "at least making an effort to attend meetings." For this and many other reasons (sexism, neglect, absolutely no consideration of the sacrifices I made, etc) compounded, I became disillusioned with academia. I'm kind of an angry gal, so I just went for it because advisors need to be better people if they want to attract genuinely hard working students into academia. I told my professor exactly how I felt about this. I told him that in previous research experiences, I was never put on any papers despite having done SOMETHING. If it didn't work, I wasn't an author, so yeah, I was a little bitter. 

There were many things about this professor that were red flags, so I knew I didn't want to continue having a relationship with him. In telling him how I felt, I took a risk and I guess everything turned out fine, but I never spoke to this professor again after this paper was out. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong about telling a colleague what makes you uncomfortable. You're an undergraduate - it's not really your job to be generous and promote other people, besides yourself right now. I don't know a lot about book publications, and I don't know whether it's proper etiquette in graduate school to confront advisors about things like this. I just think it's messed up. I'm sorry that's happening. 

[Srweller]

I'm going to diverge from the theme here because I have a sadness vent. I've always wanted to go to grad school and I'll have to move away from where I am now in order to do so. I am starting to become depressed over this.... because weirdly.... I'm really going to miss one of my professors. He's taught me so much and has helped me through so much.... but ultimately he has been my friend in am world where I don't have many of those. I always look forward to our meetings and am just genuinely happy whenever I'm around him. We always have fun and it's nice knowing someone else thoroughly enjoys my company (although he's almost an emotional robot and I can't imagine him flat out saying he enjoys my company, I know it's true because we can't help but smile together- like we have a good secret that we can't share with anyone else yet).

I have always felt like I was ment to know him. We started off on the wrong foot but my instincts told me to give him a chance and I'm happy I did. I truly believe he was ment to be my friend and I love him very dearly and I have no doubt he is fond of me as well. 

Someday I'll probably tell him I'm going to miss because I've always been pretty open about how highly I think of him (probably won't tell him I love him though because could go into a whole 'nother world of awkwardness and misunderstanding- I'm certain he knows how much I care about him, though). I'm just sad now because I know my days of seeing him are numbered. 

 

And before any assumptions are made... I am not seeking any sort of romantic relationship or anything. We have just grown close and I care very deeply about him (Plus we're both married). It's more like having to give your dog away because of moving. You're used to seeing the dog all the time and it makes you happy and you love your dog... but you can't take it with you.

[angesradieux]

11 hours ago, swannsway said:

So, something somewhat similar happened to me. I'm going to take advantage and vent as well. Sorry if I sound like too disparaging, but I honestly shudder when I think about this. I too had discussed a project with my advisor, and ended up working on it for over two years, even quit my full time job to get this project done as it was my 'baby'. My professor was incredibly busy during this time period and put in minimal effort, constantly made mistakes due to his utter disorganized and hasty manners of doing anything. Ultimately, to his surprise, I got results and towards the beginning of paper writing, he decided to add one of his MS students who was seeking a publication opportunity. This MS students was going to be a second author for helping me make plots. So, I hated everything and everyone for a period of time, which in retrospect, may have been an overreaction. However, I poured sweat and blood into this project. I developed the theory, ran every experiment (freaking destroyed my OWN computer's hardware due to the extreme heat from the simulations), and had to keep "presenting" everything from the beginning to this absent minded professor. The MS was getting paid for his RA position, and I was not and here he was, reaping the benefits of my hard work. Ultimately, the MS student did not have time to make plots either, and my advisor had the nerve to include the student for "at least making an effort to attend meetings." For this and many other reasons (sexism, neglect, absolutely no consideration of the sacrifices I made, etc) compounded, I became disillusioned with academia. I'm kind of an angry gal, so I just went for it because advisors need to be better people if they want to attract genuinely hard working students into academia. I told my professor exactly how I felt about this. I told him that in previous research experiences, I was never put on any papers despite having done SOMETHING. If it didn't work, I wasn't an author, so yeah, I was a little bitter. 

There were many things about this professor that were red flags, so I knew I didn't want to continue having a relationship with him. In telling him how I felt, I took a risk and I guess everything turned out fine, but I never spoke to this professor again after this paper was out. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong about telling a colleague what makes you uncomfortable. You're an undergraduate - it's not really your job to be generous and promote other people, besides yourself right now. I don't know a lot about book publications, and I don't know whether it's proper etiquette in graduate school to confront advisors about things like this. I just think it's messed up. I'm sorry that's happening. 

Thanks for responding. Part of me feels like maybe I should just accept it, because at least my name's first in the list. But then I looked at an e-mail from about a year ago. I guess I was starting to have concerns, for whatever reason, so I asked how royalties would work, if there were to be any. A year ago, he told me any royalties would be split three ways, between me, him, and the original author. A year ago, the state of the project was such that the entire first draft had been done for a long time, he had finally gotten around to editing, and he'd sent me the edits and I'd gone through them, reformatting, making adjustments, etc. Essentially, we had a revised draft put together. And at the time of this revised draft, these other people weren't involved.

So what, exactly, was left for them to translate if they came in after we'd already gone through a round of revisions? Everything was translated. Did they help revise for another draft? If so, why didn't I see that draft? And if that's the case, they shouldn't be listed as translators, because at the time they apparently decided to latch onto the project like a pair of parasitic leeches, we had a translation already. There was nothing of the original French left that needed to be translated into English. Plus, this publication is much more crucial to me than it is to either of these other people. One is already established in academia. She's the head of my school's study abroad program in France. She doesn't need this to significantly advance her career. And her partner? Her partner owns a wine and cheese shop in Burgundy. So she definitely doesn't need a publication. Meanwhile here I am, fresh out of undergrad, no other publications for my CV. So first, just one a matter of principle, I've been involved from the inception of the project, and I did the work. And second, this is a much bigger deal for me than these other people. 

But what really kills me is now I'm afraid of grad school. It's hard for me to trust people. My first two years in school, I had a professor who really did a number on me. I worked one on one with her each week, and she'd like grab my hair and stuff. Which, it did have a purpose, but I wasn't okay with it. And she also made all sorts of disparaging comments--not only about my progress, but also about the way I wore my hair, my weight, my clothes, etc., none of which had anything to do with anything. But the last nail in the coffin, so to speak, was she ended up sabotaging me, to the point where I had to leave my program, and I both transferred schools and ultimately ended up changing fields. While it was happening, I didn't understand. But then I started talking to another professor at a different school, told her how things shook out in my final semester, and she said "Well, of course you were having problems. Given what she had you working with, there wasn't anything you could have done."

So I went into my new field--history--pretty jaded and cynical. But then I started working with this guy, and he made me feel like he actually valued my work and I let myself trust him. I did a bunch of work for him--I did shorter translations in addition to the book, not with the intention of publication, but just so he could use the text for his classes, I was his TA for two winter semesters and one spring semester, and last spring he also brought me in on another project because his paid RA wasn't keeping up with the work and he needed me to pick up the slack. I did a ton of work for him, and I thought I'd found someone I could trust and be comfortable working with. And that was big for me. One of the things that really scared me about grad applications was having to pick a POI and go in knowing that I'd be working closely with a professor for an extended period of time, because even after some good experiences, that first person I worked with left me with a strong feeling of "You can't trust them." But I thought about experiences at my most recent institution and it gave me courage to think that maybe I was wrong. But nope. He just waited a bit longer to take advantage of me. So now I feel like going into grad school, it's going to be even harder for me to feel comfortable trusting whoever I end up working with.

Sorry for the novel. I'm just really disillusioned and frustrated. And I'm hesitant to confront this guy about it, because he was one of my letter writers, and I'm not officially in anywhere yet. So now I'm kind of afraid of whether he could or would send something retroactive that would mess with my applications if I start to make a fuss over this. On the one hand, they can't publish without my consent, so I have a bit of leverage. But does that really matter compared to his leverage?

[stereopticons]

Can I vent about how the UTA computer science folks are having a full on conversation on the results page? Like, that's what the forum is for. Can you guys please stop clogging up the results page and move it over here?

[.letmeinplz//]

8 minutes ago, stereopticons said:

Can I vent about how the UTA computer science folks are having a full on conversation on the results page? Like, that's what the forum is for. Can you guys please stop clogging up the results page and move it over here?

Agreed, time for some banhammers to be swung (or at least some prunning). Hard to see results when everyone is asking what they see on the housing portal.

Edited January 22, 2017 by .letmeinplz//

[spectastic]

got word today that a 19 year old (Tommy) got killed in a hit and run yesterday. he left home at 5 pm and never came back. his mom found him the next morning at 7, and stayed with him until he passed away... the driver ran away........ I didn't know him, but I remember him in races from last year, and this past weekend. He got a lot stronger, and I was looking forward to competing with him. I would never have expected that he would be dead 2 days after we raced right next to each other..

My teammate says he wants to organize a ride to raise awareness. Trek might be involved. Lance Armstrong says he'll get involved.. everyone in the community who's hearing about this is reacting to this right now.. it suckss to think we have to share the road with people who don't fucking pay attention, more over people who refuse to take responsibility in taking someone's life, and it angers me to no end. We do what we can to ensure our safety on the road, and sometimes that's not enough, because people behind the wheel have fucking ADD. that's such a disgrace

Edited January 25, 2017 by spectastic

[Charlsa]

I really hope any school accepts me at this point because I do not want to be working for the public library in my rural hometown for the rest of my days. I just got over a stomach flu and my boss gave me extra hours. I hope everyone who comes in enjoys vomiting and diarrhea non-stop, because that's what y'all just checked out.

[Archaeodan]

My depression is acting up for several reasons, but primarily because the schools I applied to haven't released decisions yet. My f...ed up brain has decided that means I'm too inadequate to merit perusal of my application, so admissions must have thrown it out at first glance and doesn't take me seriously enough to tell me I'm that bad. 

Oh, and I left my sunroof open the night before a noreaster snowstorm came through, so my car has an inch of snow and ice coating the interior. So, I'm trying to dry it out by with several kitty-litter-filled-pantyhose packages dispersed throughout my car. So, less musty car smell, more wet litter grossness. Yay. 

[Cheshire_Cat]

I have a cold and I have to teach.  Ugh.

Also, can we talk about pet adoption for a second. Completely unrelated to academia, but hey, so are a lot of things.

 I am a conservationist and have three rescue pets and think it is important to take care of our environment and the animals we bring into the world.   However, I think the adoption scene has gotten ridiculous.  They have lost sight of the goal.  And the adopt don't shop rhetoric is great, until you think of the ramifications.  The end goal is not to get everyone to adopt pets.  The end goal is to not have a need to have an animal shelter because pets are being kept by responsible pet owners.  In which case, we will need responsible breeders who care about the health and well-being of their dogs to breed puppies.  But currently, it is seen as morally reprehensible to even consider buying a puppy from a breeder rather than a shelter, and breeders are looked down on as worse than Trump supporters.  And the only thing in our shelters is pit bulls and Chihuahuas because for whatever reason irresponsible people keep breeding these two breeds of dogs.  We can't even have pit bulls in an apartment so you can't adopt them.  So, what if you want a dog of a specific breed?  "Go to a breed specific rescue" people will say.  Well, my friend did just that.  She is looking for a mini poodle and the poodle rescue in our area actually had one that would be perfect for her.  She is a single woman with no kids or other pets and plenty of time to spend looking after a dog.  But, the rescue only adopts to people who have had prior experience with poodle hair.  So, how could she get experience without owning a dog like that beforehand?  She can't.  So, she has to buy a dog from a breeder in order to gain that experience so that she can adopt some day down the line.  Well, that is convoluted.  They should offer classes in poodle hair care or something, but just disallowing the adoption is crazy, imo.

That rant probably didn't make sense.  All I am saying is that I see problems down the line for pet ownership if we continue to go down the road we are going down, and while it is important to shut down puppy mills and the like who torture dogs for money, we need to focus more on responsible pet *ownership* rather than just where you get your pet from.

Also, since I am already pissing off everyone who owns pets... I like purebreds as much as the next person, and I think we should keep breeding purebreds because you can get an idea of temperament and stuff from a specific breed, but the people who are mixing the dogs to make "Chi-weenies" and "Shi-poos" are probably doing us a service, as most purebreds are inbred and have health problems. 

I don't mind if you argue with me.  I just see these problems and I don't see anyone even talking about them, and I want answers, haha.

[stereopticons]

I actually agree with you! I've heard some ridiculous stories about people getting turned down by rescues for reasons that have nothing to do with their ability to take care of a pet. Most of what is in our shelter here too is pits and chihuahuas, and because of breed restrictions, they usually get stuck there. Some breeders are reputable and fine, and there's nothing wrong with getting a dog there. I'm not sure what the solution is, though...

[PhDorBUST]

Tearing ligaments in ones right knee is SUCH a wonderful way to distract oneself from this awful waiting process....said no one ever...

[angesradieux]

21 hours ago, Cheshire_Cat said:

I have a cold and I have to teach.  Ugh.

Also, can we talk about pet adoption for a second. Completely unrelated to academia, but hey, so are a lot of things.

 I am a conservationist and have three rescue pets and think it is important to take care of our environment and the animals we bring into the world.   However, I think the adoption scene has gotten ridiculous.  They have lost sight of the goal.  And the adopt don't shop rhetoric is great, until you think of the ramifications.  The end goal is not to get everyone to adopt pets.  The end goal is to not have a need to have an animal shelter because pets are being kept by responsible pet owners.  In which case, we will need responsible breeders who care about the health and well-being of their dogs to breed puppies.  But currently, it is seen as morally reprehensible to even consider buying a puppy from a breeder rather than a shelter, and breeders are looked down on as worse than Trump supporters.  And the only thing in our shelters is pit bulls and Chihuahuas because for whatever reason irresponsible people keep breeding these two breeds of dogs.  We can't even have pit bulls in an apartment so you can't adopt them.  So, what if you want a dog of a specific breed?  "Go to a breed specific rescue" people will say.  Well, my friend did just that.  She is looking for a mini poodle and the poodle rescue in our area actually had one that would be perfect for her.  She is a single woman with no kids or other pets and plenty of time to spend looking after a dog.  But, the rescue only adopts to people who have had prior experience with poodle hair.  So, how could she get experience without owning a dog like that beforehand?  She can't.  So, she has to buy a dog from a breeder in order to gain that experience so that she can adopt some day down the line.  Well, that is convoluted.  They should offer classes in poodle hair care or something, but just disallowing the adoption is crazy, imo.

I agree that demanding all kinds of qualifications of people looking to adopt is ridiculous. Obviously there has to be some sort of vetting process to make sure that animals aren't going to abusive homes, but beyond that, making people jump through all kinds of hoops and denying anyone who can't check off every last box on an absurd list is stupid. It's especially ridiculous because I've heard stories of breed specific rescues adopting purebred dogs and cats from the SPCA where people could have adopted them much more easily, and then keeping them until they find their idea of the "perfect" person. Honestly, I think, except maybe in cases with breeds that are notoriously difficult to handle, it's better for the animal to find a permanent home with a well meaning but inexperienced person sooner rather than spending more time in a rescue, waiting for the exact, specific person the rescue chooses to bestow a pet on to come along.

And, honestly, if grooming the poodle's hair becomes too difficult for your friend to do herself, so what? A lot of pet stores offer affordable grooming services. There are definitely options for people who might have a hard time with a higher maintenance coat. I definitely agree that some "rescues" have lost sight of what should be their primary goal.

I also disagree with the notion that buying a dog is evil and unethical. Sure, it would be nice if everyone adopted and every dog in shelters found a home, but it isn't always feasible. First, there's the fact that some rescues make it nearly impossible to adopt a dog and not everyone has the time or patience to deal with that. And second, some breeds just don't fit in with certain peoples' lifestyles, due to allergies, activity levels, tolerance for children, etc. People shouldn't be barred fro owning a pet just because they might not be able to accommodate the dogs that are currently in the shelter. Anyway, I think you make a very valid point. Given the rampant holier than thou "adopt don't buy" attitude, rescues should consider making it easier to adopt, and frankly I think removing specific breeds from the SPCA and essentially holding them hostage in a breed specific rescue is by far more morally reprehensible than people choosing to purchase a purebred dog because they wouldn't be able to have a pet otherwise.

[muddystone]

I do not know what to make of my communication with my supervisor. 

 

Edited January 27, 2017 by muddystone
does not matter

[DBear]

On 2017. 1. 22. at 11:49 PM, stereopticons said:

Can I vent about how the UTA computer science folks are having a full on conversation on the results page? Like, that's what the forum is for. Can you guys please stop clogging up the results page and move it over here?

I wish people would stop having conversations on the results page! All these people asking if anyone has heard anything or asking people to post their specializations etc..... I came here to vent about that and saw you beat me to it!

[stereopticons]

48 minutes ago, DBear said:

I wish people would stop having conversations on the results page! All these people asking if anyone has heard anything or asking people to post their specializations etc..... I came here to vent about that and saw you beat me to it!

Seriously! That's the whole purpose of having the forums in addition to the results! 

[stereopticons]

Similarly, I feel like it's bad form (and possibly hazardous to your career) to say things like "I heard bad things about this POIs lab" in the results section when you are identifying the POI initials and indicating that the POI talked to you. The internet is really not as anonymous as you think...

[DBear]

17 hours ago, stereopticons said:

Similarly, I feel like it's bad form (and possibly hazardous to your career) to say things like "I heard bad things about this POIs lab" in the results section when you are identifying the POI initials and indicating that the POI talked to you. The internet is really not as anonymous as you think...

Yep, that has to be the dumbest thing. Even in the forums, people saying they are too good for one program or other- dude, there are people here that may go to that program and you may end up there as well.... Tsk tsk

[Cheshire_Cat]

Someone emails me after 5 pm on Thursday and then when I don't respond, they email me and the department head on Monday Morning.  Seriously?  Give a girl a little more time before getting him involved.  Ugh.

[Charlsa]

I forgot my mother's birthday entirely yesterday and had planned to clean up the house, get her a gift, and make dinner after lunch. Until I slipped on the icy sidewalk outside the restaurant and popped my knee out (very briefly--it slipped right back in to place). Now i'm sitting with it elevated in a brace with heat, but doubt I can get everything done by 5. Do I drop cleaning the kitchen or buying a gift?

[GreenEyedTrombonist]

Regarding venting about the results section, whenever I see someone post a rejection and bad mouth the program in their comment, I immediately assume the program dodged a bullet.