Venting Thread- Vent about anything.

[shadowclaw]

@Cheshire_Cat Your professor sounds like one that my teaching intern last term had for one of her classes. She showed me some of her tests, and the professor took off points for "not enough detail" when her answers were correct and adequately answered the question he was asking. I recall a policy class I took that really aggravated me when it came to our exams - we were learning about different laws and were given a situation and had to explain under which laws the people in the case study could sue each other. It ended up that we had seven or so laws to choose from, and one didn't apply. So I didn't address it in my answer and I lost a lot of points because I didn't write "this law doesn't apply." At least I still did well in the class.

I'm a little annoyed today because I've been working on a side project with several other people for over a year. I did all of the data analysis in February of 2016 and basically had the bulk of the paper written up by the summer. The other people on the project were responsible for putting together an introduction and adding some information to the discussion section. The literature review was basically finished before last summer started, but it's taken them this long to get everything typed up and to make a few conceptual diagrams. The person leading the project basically ignores it for weeks on end and occasionally sends out emails asking everyone to hurry up, even though she is working on the part of the paper we're waiting on! I will be glad when this finally gets out the door so I don't have to deal with it anymore. 

 

 

[shadowclaw]

I feel like the universe is currently working against me. I keep getting screwed out of fellowship opportunities. 

About two month's ago, my program head arbitrarily decided to nominate an incoming student for a fellowship from the graduate school, despite promising that if she had multiple students interested, she would form a committee to review the nomination packages. This is either because a) she waited until the last minute to send in the nomination and didn't have time to form a committee, or b) went with the new student because she's obsessed with recruiting.

I had a fellowship application due yesterday, and I spent the last two weeks putting in a lot of effort into my essays and getting everything looking really nice. My advisor, on the other hand, waited until the last possible moment to write a recommendation letter. He literally waited so long that he had to send the letter overnight for it to get there on time (and it's a hard deadline for all nomination materials to be received). However, either he or Fedex screwed up something, because instead of delivering it on Saturday, the letter is marked for weekday delivery only and won't get their until tomorrow (even though it arrived in the city in the wee hours of Saturday morning). I sent an email explaining that there was an error with delivering the letter in hopes that the fellowship committee will still consider my application, so fingers crossed.

[Levon3]

@shadowclaw that's terrible! I hope they take pity on you!

[AnniKatt]

21 hours ago, shadowclaw said:

I feel like the universe is currently working against me. I keep getting screwed out of fellowship opportunities. 

About two month's ago, my program head arbitrarily decided to nominate an incoming student for a fellowship from the graduate school, despite promising that if she had multiple students interested, she would form a committee to review the nomination packages. This is either because a) she waited until the last minute to send in the nomination and didn't have time to form a committee, or went with the new student because she's obsessed with recruiting.

I had a fellowship application due yesterday, and I spent the last two weeks putting in a lot of effort into my essays and getting everything looking really nice. My advisor, on the other hand, waited until the last possible moment to write a recommendation letter. He literally waited so long that he had to send the letter overnight for it to get there on time (and it's a hard deadline for all nomination materials to be received). However, either he or Fedex screwed up something, because instead of delivering it on Saturday, the letter is marked for weekday delivery only and won't get their until tomorrow (even though it arrived in the city in the wee hours of Saturday morning). I sent an email explaining that there was an error with delivering the letter in hopes that the fellowship committee will still consider my application, so fingers crossed.

Yikes! Best of luck to you.

[Feanor]

Okay, I need a bit of venting.

 

This school has teased me for about 2 months implying I'd be offered a place. For instance, they asked me to fill two lengthy forms to compete for special scholarships, one of which is for "outstanding graduate students", both requiring the Department itself to nominate the candidates (you can't apply on your own). They do have their own funds, which they use for the standard funding package for graduate students, those scholarships would be extras.

During this whole ordeal they proved to be a disorganized bureaucratic mess, and three weeks after the secretary said she'd "confirm I'd be offered a place" I finally emailed them again to find out I was rejected. They didn't even let me know by email, it seems they will send an actual letter (which will probably only reach me next month). 

 

Good grief, this actually sounds like a deliverance

[ellieotter]

On 3/24/2017 at 4:45 PM, nicoleMSW said:

Dealing with a very tough and very fresh break up here too, plus a couple of rejections from Master's programs. Feeling underwhelmed with life right now.

My ex-SO decided to drop the ball on our relationship FOUR DAYS before my applications were due so I feel your pain It was hard to deal with knowing the past four years obviously meant more to me than him but now after a few months, I am feeling more like myself again. I know people always say it gets better and you want to punch those people right in the face (maybe being a tad bit dramatic) but trust me, it really does get better. If you need a vent buddy, I am all ears. Hope you hear good news from schools soon!

[nicoleMSW]

2 hours ago, ellieotter said:

My ex-SO decided to drop the ball on our relationship FOUR DAYS before my applications were due so I feel your pain It was hard to deal with knowing the past four years obviously meant more to me than him but now after a few months, I am feeling more like myself again. I know people always say it gets better and you want to punch those people right in the face (maybe being a tad bit dramatic) but trust me, it really does get better. If you need a vent buddy, I am all ears. Hope you hear good news from schools soon!

Thank you so much for reaching out! Today has been especially hard, likely because I am sick and the weather has been gloomy, so it doesn't help. I am trying very hard to focus on the positives, give thanks for the good things in my life, and only focus on what I can control. It is tiring and difficult sometimes, but overall I think I am slowly regaining my inner happiness back. It's good to hear that time really does heal all, although it is sometimes difficult to believe. There are so many big transitions happening in my life right now and it can get overwhelming. Unfortunately, I don't think I've received any acceptances this application round either - so now it's time to move on to plan B. Between that and the relationship, it has been hard not wondering where I've gone wrong sometimes. But I really am trying to keep my chin up and just keep pushing forward!

[ellieotter]

10 hours ago, nicoleMSW said:

Thank you so much for reaching out! Today has been especially hard, likely because I am sick and the weather has been gloomy, so it doesn't help. I am trying very hard to focus on the positives, give thanks for the good things in my life, and only focus on what I can control. It is tiring and difficult sometimes, but overall I think I am slowly regaining my inner happiness back. It's good to hear that time really does heal all, although it is sometimes difficult to believe. There are so many big transitions happening in my life right now and it can get overwhelming. Unfortunately, I don't think I've received any acceptances this application round either - so now it's time to move on to plan B. Between that and the relationship, it has been hard not wondering where I've gone wrong sometimes. But I really am trying to keep my chin up and just keep pushing forward!

I completely understand how you're feeling since that was me all Dec-Jan. It can be so hard to keep your chin up, especially when it feels like life keeps knocking you down. I hope you have good friends/family/or lab mates that you can lean on, that was really the only way I am where I am in my personal happiness today. And yes, there are days where the loneliness creeps back into my mind (especially those rainy days, ugh!) but over time the good days outweigh the bad ones. I keep telling myself that something better, relationship wise, must be coming my way right? I know good things will be coming your way too Keep the faith that it will and feel free to reach out if you ever need to!

[Rliggs]

I am in need of a vent session:

I am torn between 2 phd programs. One is a top school, everything I need/want, offered full funding, and is close to my hometown. The other has equally great researchers but did not offer me any funding. However, my boyfriend would be able to move with me to that location because of his work, but not to the better top school. If we moved together, it would take a significant burden off me for navigating through being unfunded, and the program admissions team seemed extremely optimistic in my ability to achieve funding (the tuition waver is really the most important if my boyfriend covers rent and living for a year until I can get funding), however nothing is guaranteed. I feel like I'm in a teen romantic movie where I drop everything and go to the school that allows my boyfriend and I to be together, but for some reason, the notion seems to depress me. Also, he seems very much against long distance, consistently giving me mixed messages that "we will get through it together!" and "ugh, you know LDR are really hard..." Blah!! Alright I'm done complaining. 

[ellieotter]

5 hours ago, Rliggs said:

I am in need of a vent session:

I am torn between 2 phd programs. One is a top school, everything I need/want, offered full funding, and is close to my hometown. The other has equally great researchers but did not offer me any funding. However, my boyfriend would be able to move with me to that location because of his work, but not to the better top school. If we moved together, it would take a significant burden off me for navigating through being unfunded, and the program admissions team seemed extremely optimistic in my ability to achieve funding (the tuition waver is really the most important if my boyfriend covers rent and living for a year until I can get funding), however nothing is guaranteed. I feel like I'm in a teen romantic movie where I drop everything and go to the school that allows my boyfriend and I to be together, but for some reason, the notion seems to depress me. Also, he seems very much against long distance, consistently giving me mixed messages that "we will get through it together!" and "ugh, you know LDR are really hard..." Blah!! Alright I'm done complaining. 

I won't tell you my whole life story on a post but I went through something very similar with my ex-SO. If you need someone to chat with about personal experiences with long distance/PhD choosing/etc. feel free to message me!

[AnniKatt]

I sent in my application on February 15th and worked dealt with the transcript issue in late February/early March and now they tell me the AdComm just received my file last week?

"I apologize for the slow response – I was on a flight back from China when your message came in, and I am still trying to catch up.

I see in the system that your folder was prepared for the Admission Committee… again… on the 27^th. (After the problem we had with your transcripts “expiring”).

Normally we tell students we’ll have an answer for them within 4 – 6 weeks… but it is normally faster than that.

Hopefully we will have news for you soon – and best of luck!"

[JuniusBattius]

My anxiety is definitely at a height: I still have heard nothing out of UNC, with absolutely no application movement, and saw that they released another batch of decisions on Monday and Tuesday. This is excruciating.

[Chasing_Shadows]

First-time poster, here. I really need to vent, otherwise I think I am going to cry.

A bit of context: I am coming out straight from undergrad and out of field, so I applied to mostly MA programs this cycle to boost my credentials for eventual PhD applications. Today I heard from the last place I applied, and the outcome was much better than I hoped: I got accepted to five MA programs, one of them a very prestigious MA program in Europe. I hoped to be able to fund some of those programs with internal scholarships, but those plans fell through, sadly.

Now, there is a program (let's call it Program A) that offered me funding that will basically cover all my tuition plus a small 3k a semester stipend to cover a fraction of living expenses, so this is where I am going this fall. Frankly, I love my offer, the department seems very cool, and the research fit is great. I talked with some current grad students and they had only good things to say. It's a medium-sized public research university, not top-ranked or anything but a good, solid school.

Here's where the venting part comes in: my (very Asian) family is aware of my application process, the scholarships and programs I applied to. They have nothing but good intentions and love me, but they also, for the most part, operate under the assumption that only a fully-funded offer counts as something worthy, and if you have to pay money for a degree, your acceptance doesn't count for anything. In their heads, it's  "Anyone who can pay, no matter how bad their academics are, will get accepted, right?" which, after trying a couple of times I gave up on trying to explain how the system works, it's just not worth it.

Given this mindset, it's not surprising that today, when I told them I heard back from all of the places and am going to Program A, what I basically got from them was: "Oh, so those other scholarships didn't work out? Pity. So how much do we have to pay for that Program A again?" That reaction just sucked out all the joy from me right there. It's so stupid, and I know they honestly come from a good place, but just like that, they dismissed all of my hard work to get those acceptances. In a world of MA programs, especially when you're an international student, it's something to be proud of, and my family turned them into failures; it makes me feel like a failure because I did not get a fully funded offer. I feel very upset, and they keep asking me these questions like "Is it a top program? Will you have a job after this? It will be so expensive to move there, isn't it?" which just makes me feel worse. They just don't understand why I am so hurt by their reaction, and I can't explain any of it without this turning into a fight.

I wanted so badly to feel good about my acceptances, to have them be glad for me, to finally commit to a school and plan my future in peace, and now I just don't feel much of anything. What keeps running through my head is "you should have gotten a fully funded offer, somehow". I know, rationally, that this feeling will eventually go away, it's just an immediate reaction, but it doesn't make me feel any better at the moment.

Anyway, if you managed to read this far, thank you. Putting all of this down in words helps a little.

[angesradieux]

I was the TA for a winter semester course that ended in January. Towards the end, there was an issue with a number of students being dropped because of issues with payment--in some instances students had neglected to pay, in others the registrar had mistakenly applied winter semester tuition to the spring semester. In any case, it was a mess. But now it's April. Grades were due back in January. All of these issues should have been taken care of by early February the absolute latest.

Today a student emailed me saying that she didn't have a grade for the winter course and didn't know who to talk to. I'm sitting here wondering why she waited until nearly three months after the course ended to contact me. At this point, I don't even know if there's anything that can be done. For all I know it's too late to make changes. Plus the professor isn't teaching this semester, so I contacted him, but I don't know how regularly he's checking his email.

I don't know. I'm just frustrated because I thought the situation was resolved and now that it's come up again so late, I have no clue what to say beyond letting her know that I've forwarded her email to the professor. It just totally baffles me that she decided to wait so long to finally address the issue.

[dumbunny]

I'm a coward and a failure and a burden to society.

Edited April 7, 2017 by dumbunny

[justanotherlostgrrl]

Cannot wait to escape the kindergartners in my program.  Not only do I have buyer's remorse about the program, almost everyone in my program is annoying the hell out of me.  There's about 3 people I can deal with, but the rest of them are (and I hate this term, but it fits so well) such special snowflakes, and I am going to celebrate never having to see anyone of them again.  I like the faculty, like the work we've done, but these students embarrass me.  Too much groupwork with people I would never have chosen to spend time with otherwise.

[Cheshire_Cat]

Feeling a lot of anxiety about the end of the semester.  I am so physically, mentally and emotionally drained.  I don't think I'll fail any of my classes, but I'm just so tired and just want to do nothing.  Also, I've had a hard time with teaching evals in the past couple of semesters, and although I think I've gotten a lot better this semester, I'm still anxious about getting those back.  Additionally, comps are coming up in May and I know passing them is not based on teaching evals, but I am afraid that if I don't do well at teaching, they will ask me to leave. (Even though I've had to teach 2 sections each semester this whole year while taking 4 freakin classes myself)

And my parents are moving to the frozen north. And I think I am going to have to put my childhood dog down.  She's almost 15, but it is still hard. Apparently she has lost her mind (old dog syndrome), she is blind and deaf, and seems to be in a lot of pain.  Given that, and how stressful it would be to move her, they think it would be best to do it before then, but my parents don't want to do it themselves, so they want me to take her.  I've never had to put a pet down before.

Also, since they are moving, I am going to have to rehome my tortoise, since I can't keep a 60 lb tortoise in a 1 bedroom apartment.  I've already found her a home, but I've had her for 18 years, so I really don't want to give her up.  

I was the one who ultimately convinced my parents to move, because my dad's job was too stressful and I was worried about his health, but it is causing me more anxiety than I expected.  They have lived in the same house for 24 years, and so they are moving from my childhood home.  Also, wtf, people are supposed to retire to Florida, not Illinois.

[Causofit]

I've been thinking a lot about combining my MFA in Fine Arts with something non-art related? Like Medicine or psychology, or.... I don't even know.

I've been sort of terrified lately, with all the news in the world and the defunding of the arts and going into debt and war and trump and the apocalyptic consumer culture we're in. I'm seeing this more and more, where people are working more for less and willing to put up with a lot of shit, just to receive the minimal. I feel like the quality of life in the USA is extremely poor (unless you are in the top 2%) and I am constantly hearing amazing things coming out of Europe, i.e. my friend paying $5 for insurance in Denmark. I miss riding my bike throughout the Nederlands and never worrying about getting hit by a car. But I am not in the position to move to EU now or create a bombastic happenings (however, I'm working on that!)

I don't really have an idea of how to combine my art degree or how to go about doing this, does anyone have experience with this? 

 

*Sorry I just copy and pasted this from another post*

[Dwr]

There is a person who makes me feel everything good I have should really just belong to somebody else. 

Edited April 15, 2017 by Dwr

[guitarHeroAn]

Applied to 5 Canadian schools, was my dream to pursue masters from the day I stepped in my crappy undergraduate institution. Told myself I didn't belong there, and decided that I will work my ass off to change it. Set an aim to go in world's topmost graduate schools for my masters. Worked very hard for 5 years (4 years bachelors and 1 year job) on performing original research, publishing, internships, moving around the country, all against big odds. Finally came to a point where my profile was impressive enough, even for a masters holder. Applied with enthusiasm and optimism to Canada...But meanwhile...

All hell broke lose in USA. An orange turd got elected and scared away all international students looking to pursue their masters/PhDs from US. All those scared shits applied to Canadian schools. The schools helped them apply by extending deadlines. Who doesn't like extra application money haan? Now there's not much choice in Canada for good universities, so only a handful (literally, 5-6) had to take the hit from the surge of applications. Result?

A university which was taking in students without even a single internship (and bad GPA) until last year, is now accepting (and rejecting) students who've worked at Microsoft, Google, published significant research, have clear research goals. Why? Because god knows why. When you get 2000 applications for about 50 funded positions total, things are going to get competitive.  Worst year for me. I could have gone to a good university in Canada had I applied last year, because it wasn't as competitive back then. And you know what's worse? Looking at the turds in your batch who didn't do anything in their lives, failed classes, just applying to expensive 9 month/14 month management programs at big name universities and getting accepted in a heartbeat! Shit!? He can't even speak English properly, barely got out of IELTS, and this? 

I'm planning to get out anyway. Will probably go for a short term course in a community college and then look for job or transfer to university. I'm not going to stay where I am and wait another year. I will lose my mind (permanently this time. Anxiety is not good for prolonged periods) if I stay here (India). 

So unfair. 

[shadowclaw]

@Cheshire_Cat I'm not sure Illinois counts as the frozen north!  

I'm very sorry to hear that you have the responsibility of putting your dog to sleep. Although from personal experience, it's better to be the one who takes the pet in. My parents put my first dog to sleep without even telling me AND they didn't even stay with the dog - just dropped her off. I held it against them for years and I felt very guilty about not being there for the dog in her final hours for quite a while. When it came time to put down our second dog, neither of them wanted to do it, but when I stepped up, I think I shamed my father in going with me. I ended up taking my old childhood cat to be put to sleep myself. It's extremely rough, heart-breaking, and otherwise painful beyond belief. On the plus side, the vet does give your dog a sedative to calm them beforehand, which hopefully makes it a little less terrifying for them, and they have you to hold them as they slip away. However, it was hard to think of them for a while because my mental image immediately went to their death, but after a few months I could look at photos without weeping and I could think of them in their youthful glory instead of in their old, sickened state. Although to be honest, I'm balling my eyes out right now and it's been 7 years since my cat died and almost 12 years since my second dog died.

My parents are moving also (or at least are trying to move). However, they are taking the warm weather route! 

[Cheshire_Cat]

50 minutes ago, shadowclaw said:

@Cheshire_Cat I'm not sure Illinois counts as the frozen north!  

I'm very sorry to hear that you have the responsibility of putting your dog to sleep. Although from personal experience, it's better to be the one who takes the pet in. My parents put my first dog to sleep without even telling me AND they didn't even stay with the dog - just dropped her off. I held it against them for years and I felt very guilty about not being there for the dog in her final hours for quite a while. When it came time to put down our second dog, neither of them wanted to do it, but when I stepped up, I think I shamed my father in going with me. I ended up taking my old childhood cat to be put to sleep myself. It's extremely rough, heart-breaking, and otherwise painful beyond belief. On the plus side, the vet does give your dog a sedative to calm them beforehand, which hopefully makes it a little less terrifying for them, and they have you to hold them as they slip away. However, it was hard to think of them for a while because my mental image immediately went to their death, but after a few months I could look at photos without weeping and I could think of them in their youthful glory instead of in their old, sickened state. Although to be honest, I'm balling my eyes out right now and it's been 7 years since my cat died and almost 12 years since my second dog died.

My parents are moving also (or at least are trying to move). However, they are taking the warm weather route! 

When you compare it to growing up in a city that never sees a day below 30, it is the frozen north  They get snow, ok. Haha.

If I don't take my dog to have her put down, they won't do it.  Maybe it will be less-hard on me because I haven't lived with her for four years, but she was my first dog, and I spent the most time playing with her and training her.  I also have a geriatric rabbit and horse, and all three are heart pets, so these next couple of years are probably going to be really painful.  Trying to prepare myself for it, but there really isn't much you can do except remind yourself that they have had a long life and you've done your best to make it a good life.

[swannsway]

I applied to 4 schools and had only 1 PhD acceptance to the school that I considered a "safety" purely based on my statistics + those of previously accepted students. When I visited the school, my cohort just didn't seem to compare to my peers at my undergrad - People mostly talked about drinking, cartoons, how much they evaded doing work in college as if it were a badge of honor and asked borderline ridiculous questions, ones that defeat the purpose of research. I did not sense passion, just lukewarm interest disguised as "science is so trippy." Professors have told me quality of students worsen with school selectivity, and this is reasonably obvious. 

I feel depressed at the thought of my upcoming graduate life. I am embarrassed that I am going from such a phenomenal undergrad with brilliant scholars to a program that no one here would even consider. All of my grad school bound friends are going off to incredibly strong programs and this talk of "department rankings matter for faculty hiring" is exacerbating the situation. I am starting to doubt that I ever belonged to such a great place, and this doubt is transiting to severe resentment. I feel so heartbroken over how lackluster I turned out to be.

I disgust myself for thinking like this, but this is how I feel and I can't shake it off. 

[Need Coffee in an IV]

urggggg why does it take forever to get a study approve?! I know the logical answer but i wanna whine

[OptimiscallyAnxious]

Well it is official, my 5+ year relationship is over. I think I'm numb because I don't even feel sad, yet. Maybe I need more time for it to actually sink in. I just wish it wasn't happening right before I'm set to leave for a research trip abroad and as I try to get ready to start grad school this fall.