...not excited

[dhg12]

I'm mostly nervous lately, with a small dash of excitement.

 

I just wrapped up my Bachelor's so I've been enjoying the freedom of sleeping in and catching up on books/tv/movies that I did not have time for during the semester. I'm mostly nervous because I lived at home during undergrad, so I am moving halfway across the country and living on my own for the first time. I'm more concerned about being able to handle shit on my own than the academics at the moment. I am going house hunting in June sometime with my mom and some family friends who live not too far from my school, so I imagine I'll hopefully start to settle my nerves by then

[PhDerp]

Whenever I get nervous about going in and I start to feel inadequate, I tell myself "they've had worse deadbeats than you" and I feel a lot better.

[Takara1]

It's so nice to know I'm not the only one feeling nervous, somewhat excited, and a whole lot scared. Why is it we feel we are the only ones going through something? Regardless, I am excited for grad school, but anxious about finding a place and being on my own again. I will only know one person (my potential advisor who I had as a teacher a year ago) and deciding if I should bring my pet. I know that seems trivial, but I don't want to take him away from the home he's always known. Gah! I go back and forth on this. Good luck everyone!

[maelia8]

I'm definitely feeling more excited than scared, but the prospect of the move is a bit overwhelming, since I'll be moving first across continents and then across states to get to where I'll be going to school. I have so much old stuff lying around my various residences to go through before I move that it's a bit daunting. I haven't even gotten to the point yet where I can really start to worry about anything related to the fall term - at the moment, that still seems impossibly far away. I can't seem to imagine anything beyond move-in day right now

[geographyrocks]

I'm not excited about moving across the country, but I'm pretty excited about everything else. 

A thousand times this.  It's not that I don't want to move across the country, it's the fact that this seems like an insurmountable task!  If only I could win $1000 from the lottery.  That would make moving soooooo much easier.

 

I'm so excited that I still have 4 weeks left before moving, but half of my stuff is already packed.

I'm so nervous that I'll be taking the free MIT courses online over the summer.  I seriously have the doubt going on.  I can't believe they haven't emailed me to tell me that they were mistaken yet!  Or maybe the doubt comes from being systematically put down by a professor for the past year...

Edited April 23, 2014 by geographyrocks

[MadtownJacket]

Nah, I'm excited about everything.  In 33 days I'll be leaving a job that I absolutely detest after working there for 1.5 years to move back south where I'll spend June and July at the beach before moving again for grad school in August.  I haven't found someone to sublease my current place and I haven't found an apartment to lease for grad school, but I've been through too much crap to get stressed out about that.

[biotechie]

Don't freak out. Just roll with it. Find ways to make your planning fun! That's what I had to do. Keep in mind I was also writing a MS thesis and working in the lab in the midst of my preparations to move.... and lost contact with my PIs when they were out camping two weeks before my defense (note that they stay in contact normally, but one had been injured and airlifted out... talk about stressful). So my thesis defense was moved to a week before I moved to my new school. I had to keep things fun so I didn't stress out.

 

The sudden stress of not knowing when or if I was going to get to defend before I moved also kind of snapped something in my brain. I was stressed initially, but I learned to go with the flow. If it was going to happen, I was ready for it. Turn everything into an adventure... and try to prepare for it. Lists are your friend. Plan fun things for a few hours on the weekends. Take the time to find guides about fun things to do in your new city, and schedule them into the days when you're moving so you have something fun to look forward to.

 

The anticipation for me was the best thing, and once I got over the stress, I was able to embrace the excitement and the thrill of moving over 1000 miles from home. That said, now I'm at the end of my first year, almost completely done with my coursework, and quals are in 5 months. I'm not scared or stressed. I'm very Zen about the whole thing. There aren't very many unpredictable things anymore other than random mouse problems that will arise. Now looking back on moving, getting things set up, starting classes, and going through rotations, it really was a lot of fun, and the most stressful part was my parents getting mad when I couldn't decide where to put my desk.

 

If you have specific questions about prepping to move, etc, hit me up. It's easier to be able to talk to someone on the "other side" than to all group together and compound your worries about the unknown!

[persimmony]

Oh good, I thought it was just me.

 

Everyone keeps asking me "Are you excited??!?"

 

And I'm like "oh.. uh yeah!"

 

I'm almost dreading it! It's been 3 years since I graduated so I'm nervous about handling the work load. I love coming home everyday at 5pm and spending the next few hours cooking and watching the tv with the bf. No worries and care-free weekends. I can be bored and unproductive and not feel bad about it. I'll miss that feeling..

 

I just remind myself of what it'd be like if I didn't get in anywhere or if I didn't even try. I'd probably just feel like I was in a rut and be jealous of my friends who are all moving forward...so it's for the best and once I get the hang of it I'm sure I can keep it going

[Domino]

I so agree with you, persimmony!  I graduated from undergrad 5 years ago and have been working in clinical research full-time since then.  Work has been stressful at times but it's been so nice to mentally check out at 5pm, head home, cook dinner, and relax!  I've gotten so used to doing nothing every day after work, and I have a feeling that will be the hardest adjustment once school starts again. 

[ed2122]

I'm glad I'm not alone here. I am getting more nervous and worried about making the right choice as I get closer to going. I know (or at least am pretty darn sure) that once I get to grad school, it'll all fall into place and feel right and I'll be excited, and love the environment like I did when I visited the department. But for now I just keep thinking about everything I have to do to get ready, all the HUGE changes that will happen in nearly every aspect of my life, and everything that I'll be leaving behind. I think that since I'm older (finished undergrad 7 years ago, so I'm nearly 30) it's especially hard. I worry about the steep pay cut, losing my free time, being unsure if I can ever again take a nice vacation any time of the year when I want to, wondering how I'll be able to start a family with my fiance... And actually things in my life now are going really great, so it seems weird to ditch that in favor of a huge unknown. Especially since I'll have to spend at least the first semester on my own, without my fiance or my cat (lol), and without enough money to go visit him more than about 2 times during that period (it's too far for a train or driving to be a reasonable option), until my fiance wraps up his job, finds a new one in our new location, and can move.

 

But, I also know that people live just fine (if frugally) on grad stipends, people start families in grad school, people are nervous, etc etc. And my mom keeps reminding me that it's "better to leave the party while you're still having fun" and it may be better to move on now then wait until I'm miserable. There are a lot of good things coming and I will be okay once I start! But now as I have to make decisions and everything is becoming "real" I'm freaking out a little. Or a lot...

[bakalamba]

My excitement and ennui come in waves.

 

There was the initial excitement of getting into programs - Oh my god! I actually got into one! two! three! this year - coupled with actually visiting the programs after being accepted - Wow! They don't just exist on paper and websites, there's people here in actual buildings, imagine that - to having months to procrastinate moving, cleaning my house, making arrangements. Luckily I had a job that's a sinecure, but it gives me too much time to speculate and research little things - how close would the nearest coffee shop or Trader Joes be? What's the bike route vs bus route vs walking vs driving?

 

I agree heartily with parsimmony, but I'm looking forward to exchanging my free afternoons for not having to wake up at 6 AM every morning, and replacing a pretty fixed schedule with something more flexible. Being able to take a long walk in the morning, exchanging a cubicle for a library, coffee shop, living room.

 

I think as things start becoming more real to me - and this may not happen until my stuff is in boxes and I'm driving across the country - the excitement and nervousness will become more palatable. After speculating about going back to school for three years, it hasn't dawned on me yet that I'm actually moving and attending.

[1WheeledGeo]

The move is killing me but more than that, I am just fearful that I won't produce any worthwhile work when there. In undergrad, I knew I was one of the better writers in the class. Now, I'll be surrounded by equally if not more qualified published writers and the fear is overwhelming. To top that off, I keep having nightmares that I'll move to a new city, and start my first day of school, and then the department tells me I never finished my undergrad. It's recurring and horrible.

I'm hoping this anxiety disappears after a few weeks there.

 

Yes on the recurring dream! I dream that I've moved across the country for grad school, but I somehow forgot to quit my job. Now I have to balance being a full time student in New England and a logging geologist working 60+ hrs/wk in Colorado.

 

Overall though, I'm excited. Nervous about TA-ing structure, since it was the most difficult (and interesting) geo course for me as an undergrad.

[ed2122]

lunarem - If it wasn't a relief (of a sort - I wouldn't wish the stress on anyone!) that you're in the same position as me, I'd find it eerie! lol. But yes it seems we are definitely not alone. Are you moving far for your program? How are you dealing with this? I am just about to get started on some reading so I can catch up on stuff I've missed in my field since undergrad and get a little bit of a head start for the fall... but I'm also hoping that digging into the material will help remind me why I wanted to do grad school in the first place. Whenever I've immersed myself in academics (attending a conference, dept visits) I get excited and I'm hoping this will be the case again.

[Icydubloon]

I'm also "not excited"

[QASP]

I was hoping (and expecting) to have a grand adventure where I moved to a new city, experienced new and unusual things in a city/state I know nothing about, explore the area, etc. I was so excited for that specific part, and then I got accepted at a school I really never expected (I mean, I applied so I guess I should have expected it?), in my home town. I am thrilled with the program and everything, but the part where I am moving back to the place where I grew up has dampened some of the fun and excitement.

 

Also having concerns about making finances work on less than half my working salary, the various hurdles between here and graduation, possible mentor clashes, academic job market stuff, etc. But I can get over those mostly by reminding myself (and actually believing) that these things will work out. The part about not moving somewhere truly new to me bums me out a little.

[astroyogi]

I'm also not excited. I keep trying to be and feel like I'm not being grateful enough for these amazing opportunities I've been given, but the only feelings that exist for me at the moment are dread about moving across the country and away from everyone I love, worry about finding a livable housing situation, and further dread about starting this whole thing over again -- proving yourself, courses, homework, exams, endless stress... I feel like I just finished all of that. I'm not even interested in going to any seminars or talks in my department right now. I'm thinking I'm just burned out, and will see how I feel when I'm actually in grad school and settled in. But taking that step is gigantic, and not having any motivation does not help. 

[Postan92]

You're most certainly not the only one! I'm actually very nervous about starting graduate school in the fall! I heard a lot of stories about busyness and a significant change in life and it unnerved me. But reading through the rest of the posts on other threads here have calmed me a bit.

 

It sounds like even though biology experiments will force wonky hours and a lot of work, that it can still be balanced with time to relax. I try my best to also recall the fact that if you're going to graduate school, then it's a huge accomplishment. In many cases, high grades and successful research experiences (in some capacity) are required to be accepted. Plus, I also recall the times I felt terrible when I couldn't find a supervisor. To see one who wanted me in and to work on his project is also an honour. In many cases, graduate supervisors only pick 1-3 prospective students at most out of a pool of 100 students to choose from.

 

Sure I'm still nervous, even when grad school's 3 months away, but perspective is really important to calming fears and to do well once it starts. 

[Threeboysmom]

I keep having nightmares that I'll move to a new city, and start my first day of school, and then the department tells me I never finished my undergrad. It's recurring and horrible.

I'm hoping this anxiety disappears after a few weeks there.

I am having a similar anxiety attack. I keep thinking the school is going to change my acceptance to a rejection.

[Threeboysmom]

I'm married with three and my husband has a great job so I was limited to schools near by. I wish I could move to a new state for a fresh start. In some ways it feels like I won't get the full experience. Reading all the posts of people moving, buying furniture etc., sounds exciting. Meanwhile I'm hoping my home will be quiet enough for me to comprehend my reading. A bit of wishful thinking.

[gingin6789]

I remember transferring to a four-year school after spending three years at a local community college that became my second home.  I remember how nervous I was, how excited I was, and how, for the first time in my entire life, I knew absolutely nobody in the area. 

 

That's exactly how I'm feeling now.  

 

Now, on my first day as a transfer student at my four-year college, I met my roommate and my boyfriend.   So, I really lucked out there.  I can only hope my transition to grad school is half as smooth!!!

 

I'm absolutely down the days until I move into my very first apartment and get started at grad school!!!  I graduated in December, so after 8 months of working and helping out at home, I'm absolutely ready (yet still nervous) to get going!!!

[LittleDarlings]

I'm really nervous now I'm actually terrified.

[geographyrocks]

I'm really nervous now I'm actually terrified.

I'm meeting my adviser for the first time today or tomorrow and I'm terrified.  Of course, I'm seriously suffering from imposter syndrome which is mostly due to the fact that my UG dept was small and my senior year I was the expert in the thing I was studying.  My new adviser, on the other hand, is one of the foremost experts in his field. 

Excuse me while I go have a small mental breakdown...

[NavyMom]

Absolutely. Terrified.  Although I am a pretty confident person, I feel I am back down to the quivering-legs-young-undergrad-first-time-in-college scenario from 15 years ago.

Edited July 10, 2014 by NavyMom