To live alone or not to...that is the question

[bioarch_fan]

I am starting my first year of graduate school at Mississippi State University in the Fall and I have been searching constantly (literally daily) for housing in the area. It's a cheap town to live in compared to many other college towns ($600 for a 2 bedroom), so I don't mind the living alone part if I stick with rent being about $600. But I have been thinking it might be better to get a roommate, at least for the first year, to save money that could be used for other things. My predicament is that I LOVE my privacy. I don't usually like to have roommates because I plan on having a life outside of grad school too; meaning that I will be having people over to visit or to stay the night and as a member of the LGBT community many people aren't okay with that.

So here's the thing:

Have a roommate and save a lot of money that can be used to pay off bills and loans from undergrad and also make a friend outside of the department.

Or live alone spend a little more money and have all the privacy I want.

What would you all suggest doing? I have someone that's already emailed me looking for a roommate for next year and he seems like a cool guy but I don't want to just jump into it yet. I'm not in Mississippi right now and won't be until August 1 or so, so meeting him early isn't a possibility.

[TakeruK]

In this town/city, what is the rental market like? Is it one of those places where you need to be there 60-90 days before your lease is supposed to begin in order to find a decent place? Or, is it a place where people typically show up, stay in a motel for a week and find a place then? Or somewhere in between?

And how does August 1 compare to the start date of your program / start date of your intended lease?

Some general tips:

I am also particular about where I live and I would never rent a place without seeing it first, unless it is something like a school owned building and the intent is to just live there for a few months, get settled, then move to another place if you don't like it. So, I wouldn't commit to either a place nor a roommate until I arrived there. For both of my moves, I visited the town/city ahead of time to see apartments and sign a lease. In one town (also a college town), renters give 60 days notice to vacate so the best time to go visit is 2 months before your intended lease start date and basically all of the good places get snatched up within days. All of the stuff that is remaining when school begins (i.e. when all the students come back) were either overly expensive places or very poor quality places. 

It's typical to "interview" roommates before signing a lease together. It's a serious commitment. If there is more than one person on the lease, then leases are typically "joint and several" for co-tenants, which means that each one of you will be responsible for the whole lease amount (the landlord will treat all co-tenants as a single entity). That is, if your roommate doesn't pay their half of the lease, the landlord will demand it from you and it's up to you to get that money from your roommate. If you are not named on the lease at all, then only your roommate is responsible for the rent, but then they can basically kick you out whenever (plus it may not be legal for them to not include you on the lease if you are there all the time). So, like how I would not sign a rental lease without seeing the apartment, I would not sign a contract with another person without meeting them first. Discuss important issues for you. Typically, some key points are whether you'd share food, how you'd clean the common areas, how clean you want the common areas to be, noisy/quiet times, whether guests are allowed etc. etc. 

For new students, it's pretty hard to both find a new place, see it, and also meet potential roommate if the roommate is also a new student (i.e. the timing of things might not line up). So, the "use student housing until you find something better" option is appealing to many who have the option. Or, if you can sign a very short term lease that might work too. Or, you can eliminate one complicating factor by doing a skype roommate interview but if they are also a new student, then there's still the issue of not seeing the place ahead of time.

Another thing that happens a lot in my department is that there are apartments/condos/houses that are typically rented by students in my school/department. When someone moves out, the other roommates typically send department-wide emails (to students and postdocs) seeking new tenants. If you are already on the dept mailing lists, you might get them. Alternatively, if you are not yet on these lists but have a contact in the department (a student perhaps), you can ask them to forward such requests to you. This is a good compromise if you cannot visit and you are a new student because 1) you can meet your potential roommate on Skype and 2) you can kind of see the place on Skype and that it's a real place that students live in.

Finally, for me, it was worth the money to fly out in advance to look at apartments. For the places I went to, the trip cost about 1 months rent. Since leases are typically one year long, it's well worth it, for me, to pay an extra month's rent than to be stuck for 12 months in a living condition I'd hate. But that's just my preference (I really want the place I live to be a sanctuary from the rest of life, so that's how I'd spend my money!). If you do this, research the housing market in the area to find out the best time to visit. I would even call landlords ahead of time asking about typical months/weeks that things go vacant, especially in a college town where there is likely a "season" where there is a lot of turnover.

[Pink Fuzzy Bunny]

I was in the same predicament as you, and I chose to live alone. Your first year you will be very stressed, you need to consider that a roommate may add to that. 

[Love3]

I was in the same predicament but I chose to have a roommate. I wanted to save money and I didn't want to move far away and live by myself (knowing no one). My hopes is that my roommate and I will get along and be friends and help each other through our 1st year in the program which I'm sure we will.

Go with your gut. Don't overthink the decision. 

[MarineBluePsy]

Perhaps there are listings for LGBT friendly rentals/roommates that would work for you if you decide to go the roommate route?

[juilletmercredi]

I did graduate school in a city where graduate students couldn't really afford to live on their own and consequently those of us who were single (or whose partners were long-distance) almost always had roommates, and you wouldn't pay $600 even if you had 3 other roommates.

How much is your stipend? How big of a difference is an extra $300 going to be a month? Well - I think extra $300 a month is going to a big deal no matter how big your stipend is; that's $3,600 a year, which is likely 12-15% of your yearly salary. Roommates don't have to be stressful; I think most people have heard of one roommate horror story, but I've never really had a bad roommate and I had four in graduate school (one for just a summer). In fact, I'm still close friends with the three roommate I lived with for at least one academic year - my first roommate and I lived together for two years, and it was pretty great. For me, having the extra $300 hanging around would be so worth it on a graduate stipend. You would of course have to find someone who was okay with you having people over occasionally, but you'd also have to be a good roommate and choose not to have your partners or visitors over constantly or even just most of the time.

I agree, though, that you need to at least Skype the person first if you can't meet in person and chat with them about how they like to live, hobbies, interests, expectations, etc. Cleanliness and money seem to be the things that roommates fight about the most, so if you guys can be out in the open about how you treat those things that would be good. Given that you are going to a relatively inexpensive place, the two of you might shell out a little more for a bigger 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom so you can each have your own bedroom, your own bathroom, and maybe even your own little "wing" of the apartment depending on how it's organized.

[Need Coffee in an IV]

I would choose to live alone but I need to be alone to mentally decompress after being "on" all day. But I'll be living with my boyfriend so we are splitting things. I don't think roommates will always be awful. Its really up to you. I wouldn't live with a friend though. Working/living with friends seem to be the situations that become horror stories.

[mbfox125]

It really just depends on you, personally I've never had an issues with roommates that effected my life, and I only issue I really had was there have been a roommate or two that I didn't enjoy their company (it was mutual), so I didn't hang out with them, no biggie. Its all about compatibility, I don't know what town you are in, but of its a decent size I don't see way you couldn't find a LGBT friendly roommate who doesn't mind having guest over. If y'all both have your own rooms I'd think it'd be fine. However if what you really want is to not have worry about respecting a shared space ( having to quiet down sometimes, keeping common areas clean, etc.) then yeah if it's that important to you then go for it. Personally I'm planning of having a roommate since the savings would be substantial and the grad housing I'm applying to you have you own bedroom and bathroom.

Edited June 6, 2016 by mbfox125

[sjoh197]

Live alone.

lol

 

[Apogeee]

On 6/2/2016 at 0:04 AM, bioarch_fan said:

 

Have a roommate and save a lot of money that can be used to pay off bills and loans from undergrad and also make a friend outside of the department.

Or live alone spend a little more money and have all the privacy I want.

 

Would a one-bedroom place be a good compromise? On the other hand, if you are in an apartment building, or multi-dwelling home, it's not all as private as you might think anyway, so it might be the same if you can find a like-minded person and have a room mate. If it were me, I'd choose to live alone, if I could afford it, but try to go with a lower rent and a one bedroom place.

[Danger_Zone]

It depends, but personally I would rather have my privacy (and sanity), even if it costs me more money in the end. I lived with at least one suitemate all throughout university and never had a positive experience. You'll have a chance to meet others outside of your house, and considering you will be a busy student with different schedules you may not even see your roommates enough to really become good friends. However, there are issues of noise, cleanliness, and privacy, among other things, that you have to consider and deal with if you live with somebody. Maybe it's just my bad experiences making me bitter, but having to live with strangers definitely stressed me out needlessly. So for a bit more money you could free yourself of any potential problems (there may not be any, but you would be taking that chance of course.)

 

[Solio]

I'm not sure what the housing market is like in your area, but at least where I'll be I've managed to find a bit of a compromise.  

I'm going to be living in a house with 5 other people, which I'll admit sounds pretty awful, especially for someone who strongly values his/ her privacy!  Living with this many people means that I can afford to live in a nicer place, close to school, and pay significantly less than I would if I lived alone.  

Here's how I'm keeping myself sane:

I am going to be renting one of the two rooms in the basement.  It has it's own entry/ exit door to the house.  There is also a full bath and a refrigerator down there as well.  Worst case scenario, I can just come and go through the basement door and steer clear of my housemates altogether.  Hopefully I won't have to do this, but it is nice to know that I have a fall-back plan in case my roommates turn out to be less-than-awesome.  

Anyway, just thought I'd mention it.  But yea, if I had the money, I would definitely live alone.

[mbfox125]

Also remember you can change later, I don't want to move once I pick a place for grade school, but if you find someone you really want to live with or money becomes tight and you need to save cash, or if you find that it isn't working out with a roommate you aren't stuck forever. 

[maelia8]

@bioarch_fan It seems to me from the way you've written your post that the primary motivation you'd have in seeking a roommate would be saving money, and that you truly value your privacy over some of the other things that people often see as perks of having roommates, such as companionship. Since you don't live in a place where living alone is prohibitively expensive (such as my location, for example), I think you should follow your heart and rent a single place. If you decide after a year that it's too expensive to continue, or you find somebody during that year that you are genuinely interested in living with, then you could always consider the first year a trial period and change things up at the end if necessary.

[fuzzylogician]

19 hours ago, maelia8 said:

@bioarch_fan It seems to me from the way you've written your post that the primary motivation you'd have in seeking a roommate would be saving money, and that you truly value your privacy over some of the other things that people often see as perks of having roommates, such as companionship. Since you don't live in a place where living alone is prohibitively expensive (such as my location, for example), I think you should follow your heart and rent a single place. If you decide after a year that it's too expensive to continue, or you find somebody during that year that you are genuinely interested in living with, then you could always consider the first year a trial period and change things up at the end if necessary.

I would actually consider going in the other direction. Start with having a roommate and see if it's something you can live with, or if it would significantly improve your quality of life if you live alone. It's only one year, with the option of finding a place alone the following one, or staying with the roommate and continuing to save if it wasn't that bad. The first year will go by fast anyway, and it's generally likely to be not as good as other ones in terms of finding housing just because you'll know more about the city and opportunities in it once you're already there compared to when you're brand new to the city. So I'd expect my first year's living arrangements to be non-ideal to begin with, but with the possibility of improvement the following years. The reasoning behind this choice is that I think it's much easier to go from having a roommate to not than the other way around -- you'd be improving the quality of your life instead of downgrading it. It's also (I think) more difficult to have roommates the older you get. So it's easier to save and skimp on some things while you're young, especially if you've never had them to begin with, and it gets harder to do without things you did use to have as you get older. At the end of the day, it's very simply a question of comparing the expected difference in rent between having a roommate and not and asking yourself if that dollar amount is worth more or less than your need for privacy. 

[Sigaba]

On 6/1/2016 at 9:04 PM, bioarch_fan said:

 I plan on having a life outside of grad school too

What would you all suggest doing? 

I think you should start managing immediately your expectations. As a first year grad student working as a T.A., you're going to be very busy. Unless you're exceptionally disciplined and already have a firm understanding of your department, there's a good chance that you're going to have some difficult times ahead--over lapping course deadlines and TA deadlines, a professor standing on your head, and the pressures of everyday life. 

How will the privacy of living alone help you through the times of tough sledding? Will it enable you to focus better because you can depressurize as needed? Will the privacy push you to going full potato either through self imposed isolation or excessive socializing (or both)?

My recommendation is a slight variation on FL's post. For your first year, find a two-room flat in which you have your own bathroom and the rooms are on opposite sides of the common areas. Find a room mate who will respect your privacy but also will hold you to some level of accountability. Talk everything out before hand and present specific examples of what you would want and what you expect--avoid making assumptions. You can use some of the money you'll save to improve the quality of "life outside of grad school" and bank the rest to get you through the summer of 2017.

[janetjanejune]

Find a roommate.

Saves money and the majority of your time will be spent out of the house. If things go south, you will only have $600 to pay for. An affordable amount to pay on a decent stipend.

Ask everyone you interview how they're going to afford rent & utilities. If things sound fishy, run. Now is not the time to be lenient. Cool Bob isn't so cool when it's the first of the month and he's short.

[bioarch_fan]

Sorry everyone. I was in Europe for most of the summer after I posted this...I left like 2 weeks later for an archaeology field school. I got back and had to rush down to Mississippi for training. I decided on having a roommate this first year and see how it goes. She's a cool roommate so far and we get along well so far. I usually leave the apartment by like 8 every morning and don't get home until after 6 or 7 most evenings. So I'm very rarely home. And when I am home I'll sit in the living room for a little while and talk to her before going to my room to do more work and then sleep.

After this year I might re-sign the lease and keep the entire apartment to myself. It's $700/month for a 3 bedroom. So it's a little more than I'm comfortable with, but we're in the SEC for football and a lot of people come into town for the games. So I could rent the extra room or two for people coming into town for the games. This would give me extra income by a lot...I know people that charge over $150-200 per weekend for games. So I guess we'll see how that goes.

Thanks for the insight everyone!!!

[spectastic]

i don't mind roommates. living alone would mean 2-3x the cost. F that Sh

 

although. I will say you should choose wisely. my last lease (or sublease) had a roommate that had a dog that was neglected and took several shits on the living room carpet, never did any cleaning, and didn't do shit on move out day, while I stayed behind until midnight to clean up, and still got hit by a hefty fine, because the charges were distributed evenly.

however, my current roommates are responsible, and nice. 

Edited August 28, 2016 by spectastic