danieleWrites

You definitely don't want him to go wandering around archeology conferences with a Tom Collins in hand telling everyone who'll listen what a disrespectful, thin-skinned whiner you are that enjoys wasting valuable time and resources just to turn traitor at the last moment for someone who'll coddle you. That means addressing the problem.

I have to wonder, after reading your post, how much of the compatibility problems stem from your feelings of being the outsider? Even we prefer-to-work-alones need to feel like we're a welcome part of a group. Humans = social animals (darn it all). I wonder this because you made two mistakes. The first was presenting the team-player, low-maintenance facade by acquiescing to the group. The second was giving your adviser no feedback about the real problem, so he could only make judgments based on the project.

Being assertive is ]i]not being high maintenance. Being submissive is not being low maintenance. So, now you're at a point where you switched advisers, but the old adviser thinks you did so because you couldn't handle the studenting part of it, and your inability to do the work prompted you to have some kind of primadonna moment.

Your task is to change that impression of you, because that's not the way it is. So, yes, you need to speak with him.

The problem with you not asserting yourself is that he likely had little to no idea that you weren't interested enough in the project to make it your thesis, and that you were having difficulties assimilating into the group. One of the major things about team work is that you have to treat yourself as an equally valuable part of the team, too. That means asserting yourself. So, he might have known a student that seemed easy-going and enthusiastic about the group, the program, and the thesis project, until things started going wrong and you started clashing with him. As the semester wore on, the problems he was aware of had to do with your work on the project, and eventually your responses to his criticisms, rather than your dislike of the project from the very beginning. So, when you swapped advisers completely out of the blue, what reasons for your switch did you give him to choose from?

You should not return to your old adviser's project, but you should have enough respect for yourself and for him to tell him what the real problems are. That means meeting with him and explaining how, in your efforts to be a good student and a good part of the team, you never stood up for yourself, and, in retrospect, the only thing that did was cause problems for you, for him, and for the team. If you have the opportunity, practice your conversation (whatever it is for you) with your therapist or with someone else you do trust. That way you can work out what to say, how to say it, and stuff.

You definitely don't want him to go wandering around archeology conferences with a Tom Collins in hand telling everyone who'll listen what a disrespectful, thin-skinned whiner you are that enjoys wasting valuable time and resources just to turn traitor at the last moment for someone who'll coddle you. That means addressing the problem.

I have to wonder, after reading your post, how much of the compatibility problems stem from your feelings of being the outsider? Even we prefer-to-work-alones need to feel like we're a welcome part of a group. Humans = social animals (darn it all). I wonder this because you made two mistakes. The first was presenting the team-player, low-maintenance facade by acquiescing to the group. The second was giving your adviser no feedback about the real problem, so he could only make judgments based on the project.

Being assertive is ]i]not being high maintenance. Being submissive is not being low maintenance. So, now you're at a point where you switched advisers, but the old adviser thinks you did so because you couldn't handle the studenting part of it, and your inability to do the work prompted you to have some kind of primadonna moment.

Your task is to change that impression of you, because that's not the way it is. So, yes, you need to speak with him.

The problem with you not asserting yourself is that he likely had little to no idea that you weren't interested enough in the project to make it your thesis, and that you were having difficulties assimilating into the group. One of the major things about team work is that you have to treat yourself as an equally valuable part of the team, too. That means asserting yourself. So, he might have known a student that seemed easy-going and enthusiastic about the group, the program, and the thesis project, until things started going wrong and you started clashing with him. As the semester wore on, the problems he was aware of had to do with your work on the project, and eventually your responses to his criticisms, rather than your dislike of the project from the very beginning. So, when you swapped advisers completely out of the blue, what reasons for your switch did you give him to choose from?

You should not return to your old adviser's project, but you should have enough respect for yourself and for him to tell him what the real problems are. That means meeting with him and explaining how, in your efforts to be a good student and a good part of the team, you never stood up for yourself, and, in retrospect, the only thing that did was cause problems for you, for him, and for the team. If you have the opportunity, practice your conversation (whatever it is for you) with your therapist or with someone else you do trust. That way you can work out what to say, how to say it, and stuff.

THIS!  I had this totally awesome idea for a quick research project.  I started reading the literature, and it's been done to death.  Not only did I save myself some time, I also saved myself from getting yelled at by my adviser.  lol

I admire your intelligent and rational approach to problem solving, Penny. I sincerely hope that your leave brings you the best result for you. Though I doubt it, hopefully the program you're critiquing will reconsider their Full Metal Jacket approach to pedagogy.

I admire your intelligent and rational approach to problem solving, Penny. I sincerely hope that your leave brings you the best result for you. Though I doubt it, hopefully the program you're critiquing will reconsider their Full Metal Jacket approach to pedagogy.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. This did happen to me, and not in a joking way. My ex-advisor seemed to think that I was intellectually capable of completing a graduate program, but not emotionally capable. She told me I needed to get over my "fear of ambiguity" and that some people can't. "That's the reason why not everyone has a PhD." I was and still am, to be honest, kind of an emotional, neurotic mess. However, I became that way after dealing with this bullying from my advisor for months (you can see my other threads for a summary of that). It's hard not to let harsh words like that affect you. I, for one, have decided to take a leave of absence to reconsider if I want to be part of a culture that allows behavior like this from people in positions of power, but I admire the people who can use this as motivation. To me it is incredibly demotivating.

This is a common myth that I see bandied around a lot, but I've done a bit of research on this and the consensus seems to be that it depends on a LOT of factors, including how long you intend to be in a place.  First of all, renting isn't flushing your money down a toilet; you're paying for a roof over your head.  It's just like paying for any other service.  Secondly, the assumption comes in that your maintenance costs will be nil in the house/condo; that you're going to at least break even when you sell the property (definitely not an assumption anyone should make in the current market); that your property taxes won't drive the cost of your mortgage above what you would pay to rent; and that, as someone pointed out earlier, that the cost of your homeowner's insurance (and mortgage insurance if you put down less than 20%) won't drive the cost up and over what you'd pay in renter's insurance.  Minus the interest and the agents' fees is a big minus.
 
Also about fixing up small issues to resell, you must consider the value of your time especially as a graduate student.  Do you want to worry about trying to sell your house when you are writing your dissertation and applying for jobs/postdocs?  Are you going to have time to work on fixing up that room or that deck or whatever when you are also studying for comprehensive exams?  I'm not saying no one absolutely will (in fact, many grad students buy!) but these are things to consider in addition to just the money.
 
I've heard it said that if you plan to be in an area for fewer than 5 years you should rent instead of buy.  Of course renting is profitable for the owners; that doesn't mean that it's a bad deal for the renter.  I mean, Coca-Cola is making a profit off your Coke too, but that doesn't mean that a Coke isn't satisfying.  Your money is gone but you weren't sleeping on the streets.  You might not have any equity in the place, but you DO have mobility (once your lease is up, you can move out and don't have to worry about listing and selling the place) and the luxury of free maintenance (pipe bursts?  Call the super, no out of pocket costs).  For some people - like myself - mobility is far more valuable than equity in a place, especially when I have no idea what my next move will be.  (My opinions are also colored by the fact that I live in NYC, so I wouldn't be able to afford anything here and more than likely I would have to hire a management company to rent my place out after I move.  One of my friends does own a 3-bedroom apartment here in the city, though, and he plans to rent it even if he moves away from the city.  It's very nice and he probably will make a little income off it.)
 
I'm not saying absolutely don't buy - in a lot of places buying is the way to go, as you'll save a ton of money.  But it's not true that buying is universally better than renting.
 
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FWIW my younger brother bought a 4-bedroom house in suburban Atlanta (where we're from) for $125,000.  I think his mortgage is maybe $800/month.  (One-bedroom apartments in that suburban area can range from $650-800/month.)  He does sometimes rent out at least one of his extra rooms to roommates.  Mostly he finds them through personal contacts; I don't think he lists it on CL or anything like that.  He also bought the house because he planned to live there permanently; he can afford to pay the mortgage by himself.  I think the threshold, for him, is a bit higher for a roommate because any damages the roommate makes are to his personal property and he has to fix it himself if the roommate does not, unless he's willing to take the time and expense to take the roommate to court.  He hasn't had that experience yet, thankfully.
 
IMO if you're going to buy a property it should be a mortgage that you (and a partner) can afford to pay on your own without roommates, just in case something happens.  It's not quite like signing a joint lease with a rental company.  If you're renting an apartment and your roommate skips out on rent, you might be SOL on the apartment but you're not out any money.  If you buy a place and your shady roommate disappears on the 30th, you're out their part of the mortgage that month and however many months it takes you to find a new roommate.  If you can't afford it by yourself, you could put yourself in a bind.

Not a bad idea at all. Think of an SoP like a cover letter. People reuse, recycle, and upcycle their cover letters for different jobs all the time. Just make sure to tailor the essay for the field placement to qualities and experiences they are looking for in a candidate.

Unless your school doesn't do teacher evaluations, your department already knows he's a crappy teacher. But he's got tenure, right? And he's a full professor, right? Not much that can be done about getting rid of him.

There are things that can be done if the department is willing, but there's not much you can do as a student and TA. I would suggest that you speak with a full professor that you trust in an off-the-record fashion for some advice. This person knows the rules for faculty of his stature and what you can and cannot do. At the very least, s/he might have some advice as to what to tell the students. If nothing else, you'll feel better because you did something and someone listened to you.

Probably the most important thing you can do for your students is be there to listen to their frustrations and complaints. But this is a be-careful thing. A sympathetic ear that commiserates with the situation can do wonders for student confidence, to assure them that it's not them, it's him; but you don't want to say anything or be put into a position by a student trying to use your words to better their situation. But Mr. Hobbes said... isn't going to hold any weight with anyone else they complain to. Students are usually good people who wouldn't want to do anything to bring trouble down on your head, but they haven't the first clue about how a university works, let alone how teacher hierarchy works. They know that Doctor has more expertise and authority than TA, but they don't know that, as far as the university is concerned, you're lumped in the student category with them, not with the doctors.

You can also dispense advice. Hand out Twain's homily: Don't let school get in the way of a good education! Talk about cost-benefit analyses in a realistic way. What good would it do poem-Becky to spend hours and hours fighting for a grade she can't get because of the teacher to the detriment of her other classes?

The most important bit of advice you can dispense involves how your university's grade appeal policy works and how long, after the semester ends, they have the option to appeal. And, particularly, that should a student feel it in their best interests to file a grade appeal, they should keep a record of everything and only send copies, not originals. For example, emailing the professor directly rather than talking about it after class or in office hours. Or, if they talk about it, put their phone, already recording, on the table/desk and inform the professor that the conversation will be recorded and would he like a copy emailed to him. States have varying laws about recording people and how that can be used, but all states are okay with it if all parties concerned know they're being recorded. Most especially they should keep the originals of the assignment instructions, the rubric (if possible), and their graded work. At any rate, grade appeal policies are in the student handbook, but students never pay attention to or remember this kind of thing, which means they don't feel that there's anything they can do when the grading is unfair. And because they feel they can't do anything about it, they feel powerless and get angry. I consider teaching students how to effectively advocate for themselves in the university one of the responsibilities of a lower division course. We're all human and make grading errors, or other errors that upset students, and they need to know the appropriate way to deal with it to the satisfaction of both parties. On top of that, most students in lower division courses came straight out of high school or a gap year, and all the advocating for their interests was done by someone else. I suppose I think this way because I teach two of the four courses every single undergraduate in the US has to take to get a degree (comp 1 and 2, public speaking, and algebra). Anyway, tell them who they can turn to for help (like their academic adviser, the counseling center, dean of students office, or something), and to practice the conversation with a friend, before having it.

I imagine that if he had a line of students waiting for him to justify his grades, his assignment "instructions," and his "rubric" before they took it to their grade appeals to the chair, or dean, or whatever, he'd change his ways.

One thing you can do about him, personally, because you and your fellow TA have access to both grades and students, is to see if you can find grading patterns. If he's writing and publishing "poetry" about grading based on curves, odds are he's probably doing it for realsies. If so, he's violating Title IX. If Dr. Dog is violating Title IX, the university has to do something about him. If his grading patterns show that he is grading based on sex and attractiveness, you have something that you can take to the department head that the department head can actually do something with. Because you're a TA, you can bring it to the department head quietly, on the downlow, without putting anyone on the spot right away. This can come back to bite you, though.

I figured it out a while ago when I figured out that good papers are written after reading a significant amount of discussion on the subject, not by figuring out the paper and then looking for sources. It was undergrad, a paper about the anti-Walmart movement. Good times.

Originality is one of those ridiculous words that means something different every where you go. Novel is just as ridiculous. Think of it less as "wowza, you cured cancer and solved for world peace!" and more as "what am I adding to the field?"

Isaac Newton said it best, and I paraphrase, he didn't consider his "discovery" of gravity and its laws as something novel or original. Instead, he thought of himself as standing on the shoulders of giants. We have an airline industry because of him, and we all think of him as this gigantic, original thinker. He saw himself as a person who was so familiar with the conversation in his field, that when the proverbial apple bonked him on his proverbial head, he was able to take what he already knew (from what others have done) and add his own voice to it.

So, nah, it's not finding a novel approach that's never been done before. It's finding your footing on the shoulders of the giants in your field.

I must admit to serious bias.

You're in an organizational learning and leadership program.

So be a leader.

Don't fall for laissez faire propaganda. Soft skills are just as important as the hard skills you're getting from your program. You're not in a vo-tech; you're in grad school. Stepping up and leading doesn't mean babysitting these people; but it does mean that instead of turning down study groups because you don't see value in studying with people who haven't read the material, go to the study groups and ask them questions you've prepared in advance. Not because you should teach them, but rather because teaching is one of the most effective ways of learning. It also motivates others to think

I'm not advocating that you take responsibility for their education, or for motivating them, or for any part of their trip through a grad program. I am advocating that you find ways to turn this situation to your advantage. The nice thing about doing so is that it also helps you cohort to a minor extent. You can't do it for them, but you can show them the way. That's what leadership is about, right?

I’m sorry that you are having such a bad experience. I obviously don’t know you, but I’m going to try to give you my honest impressions of why these things might be happening based on what I’ve observed of your communications in this discussion post. I am not a psychologist, so take it for what you will. I will say that there are a couple of people in my department who are going through similar problems and I’m seeing a similar trend. 
 
The first thing that stands out to me is your statement that your negativity is not a choice. Truth be told, negativity is always a choice. It’s hard to battle through it and sometimes you just have to have negative days, but a positive attitude will do wonders for you. If you genuinely feel like you can’t control it, that is a problem in academia--not because your problems are your fault, but because personal negativity shines through in every situation and, for many people, is a deterrent. It is likely that your professors and colleagues see this negativity and, as a result, take issue with you. It’s also likely that you don’t recognize that your negativity is coming out. A girl in my problem can’t seem to understand why no one (faculty and students alike) have bonded with her or taken an interest in her, despite the fact that she is very intelligent, but the faculty talk about her negative attitude behind her back and it’s going to affect her in more ways than class discomfort; she will have a hard time getting letters of recommendation, etc. Again, I say this not to come down on you, but to try and allow you to see what it is looking like from an outsider’s perspective. My advice would be to go to your DGS or a faculty member or even another and ask them to genuinely tell you how you come off in the department and how to improve upon it. 
 
Truthfully, the comments on this board responding to you have been a little harsh and I realize that you’ve been put on the defensive. That being said, your comments were equally harsh and brutal. You are asking people you don’t know to take an interest in your life. When they respond negatively, it is hurtful; but try to think about why they are responding negatively: is it something in your tone? Is it your attitude toward them? 
 
For me, your tone from the very first post (and remember, I recognize that I don’t know you on a personal level; this is purely perception) came off as very self-depricating, defensive, and self-entitled. If you want to garner sympathy, you need to cultivate a tone worthy of sympathy. I’m going to point out a few lines that may have contributed to the poster's negative perception of you: 
“...m cohort is kind of crappy to me,” “both professors seem to have something against me,” “both of these professors had clear favorites,” “both of these professors appeared to be sexist,” your narration about the male student who came into your class, "I get so upset about it and feel like there's no point... I might as well run away, get a job (seriously, even in retail they treat you better than this) and read on my own. The terrible thing is that I had a pretty crappy life before this" ​I’m not invaliding any of your experiences in this post, but the way in which you present your story makes it sound as though you feel like you are an innocent victim in all of this and that you are entitled to better treatment. That may be, but there is no evidence here of internal reflection. All of the blame is placed outward and little reflection is given as to why people might feel the need to treat you this way. 
 
In your other posts (wherein you obviously felt as though you were being attacked) you were extremely sarcastic and came off as very bitter. Even though I disagreed with the comments others were making to you, I found myself feeling absolutely no sympathy for you because the way you frame things makes you sound very petulant and unpleasant: 
"So I guess as long as I have been unhappy before, I must be unable to perceive anything normally. Maybe I'm also getting paid $5000/month and my attitude is making it seem like less? Maybe the reason crappy things happen to me all the time is people like you, who blame me whenever I suffer and who think that the fact that I am suffering is evidence that I'm full of s***." Your response was worse in tone and cruelty than the original response.
She is generally pretentious and mean to people all around. She particularly makes fun of one guy's english (he's not a native speaker, and neither is she, but her english is better) and really made him feel bad for a while. For some reason people seem to like her a lot despite her weird behavior. (I think part of it is that she is really good at acting. e.g. she laughs 'genuinely' at jokes she doesn't get or find funny.) This post makes you sound petty, jealous, insecure, and cruel. I am not saying you ARE these things; I’m saying that is how it comes off. 
"She also tried to correct my english in front of a professor one time, which was weird because she's not a native speaker and I am (and not surprisingly, her 'correction' was wrong)." This post sounds not only ethnocentric and somewhat condescending, it again makes you seem insecure and angry.
"I haven't talked to the other girls about sexism, so I'm not sure what they think. What I can say is that most of the girls don't talk much during class. I talked more than the others and as far as I can tell, got punished for it. The guy who came in an hour late (an hour! not 30mins) is in my cohort, so he actually doesn't have more experience than me. I really don't know how he could have had fabulous insights on a book he hadn't even begun to read." Again, this feels like a lot of displacing guilt and blame. Rather than saying “I was punished for talking” and making it sound you were a victim, take responsibility for talking in class. That can be a disruption. Also, it really feels like you are devaluing your male peer’s intelligence here. Just he was late doesn’t mean he hadn’t read and, even if he hadn’t, you shouldn’t be so concerned about him. Also, just because someone doesn’t have more experience than you doesn’t mean that they aren’t able to offer valuable insights. 
Yeah, we can still use the libraries, but I don't think that justifies $2000. Again, the cynicism here is off-putting. 
“What it amounts to is that I had a really horrible childhood which was mainly the fault of my parents, and as a result I have problems with almost every other kind of interaction in my life. But I've tried so hard to get help, and all I get is hurt worse. For example, a few years ago I saw a psychotherapist who started to help me, I got really attached to him and then he cut me off because there was a session limit at my university. I'm still, years later, dealing with feelings of abandonment and worthlessness because of him." I’m sorry that you had a miserable childhood. You anger toward your parents is likely justified. That being said, you are blaming your therapist here for doing their job and meeting their professional requirements rather than focusing on the fact that you are unable to accept the professional boundaries. You say that you are still “dealing with feelings of abandonment and worthlessness because of him.” It’s not his fault; he is a therapist and was doing his job. He can’t continue to treat you always when the university has a limit. Again, this is displacing blame and your tone is very harsh and condemning. It doesn’t garner sympathy. 
"If it's not a contest, why are you telling me what happened to you? Why do you think I would care? It seems like you're saying that your difficult childhood justifies your unkindness to me. It doesn’t." Quite honestly, this is hypocritical and flat out mean. You are asking a group of strangers you don’t know to give you insight and advice about your life and are claiming that you are justified in certain behaviors because of your negative life experiences. How, then, do you possibly justify a cruel response like this? I lost all sympathy for you after reading this line.
"You're known to come off as an asshole? Maybe it's becaue you are an asshole... just a thought worth considering." Wow. This is very harsh? Have you ever wondered if people think that you come off as an asshole? After reading this, you definitely did to me. Maybe you should also take this comment as a “thought worth considering?"
"I regret posting here. You know how I said that seeking help always comes back to bite me? I guess this is yet another example of it. I was only asking for help. Like it or not, you made me feel worse. There is no good outcome here. Do you really enjoy doing this to people?" Again, condescending and self-depricating. How do you expect others to treat you kindly when you come at them with negativity and cruelty?
 
Like I said, I don’t know you personally and can’t effectively comment on your situation. I can, however, say this: if the attitude you put forth daily (even subconsciously) is what it appears to be from this discussion board, I can honestly understand why you aren’t having a lot of professional and personal success in your program. Try to consciously think about your tone and attitude and worry yourself less with the actions and opinions of others. If you feel like you can’t do that, it may be in your best interest to leave academia--a field which is entirely dependent upon having thick skin and persevering despite terrible odds and biases.
 
I wish you the best of luck and hope that you read this message knowing that the intention here is to help and shed light, not attack or criticize. 

I just want to clarify that despite my first post stating that I would generally gladly share notes, I basically agree with this. I wouldn't give out notes to someone who I knew or I felt was taking advantage of me. From the first post, that did not seem to be the case for sure, but since I don't know all the details obviously, I prefaced by whole post with the condition that I don't know the whole relationship. 
 
I guess I want to clarify that while I would not give my notes to people I know to be taking advantage of others because they are not pulling their own weight, I would generally give people I don't know very well the benefit of the doubt and won't assume they are taking advantage of me until they do something that makes me feel uneasy. I guess this is what people might call "not being suspicious of friendly emails". But generally, I don't think people need to "earn my respect" before they get my notes, they just need to not lose my respect. (Hey, I'm an optimist!)
 
From all of the posts, I didn't see any actions that indicate irresponsibility. I can't judge anyone for taking a week off of grad school because I pretty much did the exact same thing for my honeymoon. I don't think being married gives me any special powers or privileges, so if I am able to take a week off for a personal trip, anyone else should be able too (especially a big trip planned for awhile). Grad school is basically a job right, and you generally get 2 weeks off (my institute does state that grad students are to be able to take 2 weeks off per year, plus normal holidays). I would say the only thing you shouldn't blow off for vacation is TA work, unless you are able to reschedule it. 
 
Of course, like I said in the first sentence of my original post, as a random person on the Internet reading only a few sentences describing the situation, I don't fully understand the nature of the relationship between these two people. I think the OP is fully justified in denying their notes if they feel they are being taken advantage of / feel like they are enabling someone. But generally, I don't think one person missing a week of class one time (for any reason) would automatically make me guarded of my notes, unless there was something else that warned me to be more careful of being taken advantage of!

Forgot to mention.

You should have read the literature before you concluded your research. We have an idiom for doing work before reading the literature: re-inventing the wheel. You should read the literature first for a variety of reason. First, you want to make sure that you're not repeating someone else's work (not plagiarizing, but doing the same thing someone else did). You're an undergrad, so they're going to be forgiving about grading, but if you have ambition, you should do what you can to make sure you're not repeating someone else's research. There is an exception! If you are deliberately repeating someone else's research for a purpose, rather than by accident. Many people duplicate research to verify someone else's results. Second, you want to make sure that your research hasn't already been proven or, worse, disproven. You can't do that if you don't check. Third, the literature review will help guide your research by helping you focus it, or giving you ideas of things to question and discover that you might not have had.

Literature reviews should have several sources in them, not just a two or three. Or, ack!, one. This is not a high school paper where you already know what you're going to say, you just need to find some sources to support you. This is a college paper where the first step is to read sources and use synthesis to focus your work.

Synthesis, in this context, is taking specific information (data), finding patterns in the data, and arriving at conclusions. It's inductive reasoning. You should take the sources you've read, and combine the data they offer into a paragraph or two.

Here's a link to an article on an open source, online journal: http://www2.bgsu.edu/departments/english/cconline/FromManuscripttoDigital/
This article is about composition, but it's generally readable to non-composition scholars as the English it uses is more conversational than formal. You can see how the literature review has been worked into the paper. You should go online to the databases your university offers and find peer-reviewed journals in your field. Use the articles in these journals as a guide for constructing your paper.

I think it depends on your field and what you hope to gain from it.

Every poem I've published is on my CV. Every reading I've been party to is on my CV, though readings aren't usually on CVs. The novel I've been typing at for the past three years is on my CV. The one time one of my poems was totally ripped and published as part of a larger op-ed "lifestyle" piece in the local newspaper is on my CV. The classes I've substitute taught in are on my CV. When my first name is Doctor, I will take them off my CV because, yeah, who cares if I subbed in a gen lit class half a decade ago, right?

I've never been near someone who watched porn during class, but I was near one who torrented anime. I poked him enough to get his attention and told him to get away from me or I'd start yelling and force the prof to do something. If it had been porn, I would have started yelling like a wet cat. Oh My Gawd, dude, we're in class. If you want to spank the monkey get a room. That looks like one of the Golden Girls! She's naked! Gross! What can I say, humiliation is a spectator sport.

This has been an interesting thread and I'm really glad someone started it and that so many people have had so many well-thought replies. I've learned a lot.

I've TA'd and adjuncted and then TA'd again for years. I started out with a draconian cell phone policy, mostly because my fellow students' texting habits always hosed up lecture for me. At first. And then I got all bent out of shape as the first semester wore on. I eventually figured out that cellphones and computers (all electronic devices, really) have three issues involved: attention, student learning outcomes, and disrespect.

Attention is what we all seem to focus on. They can't pay attention if they're texting. They keep others from paying attention. And so on. We all know that there's a direct correlation between the amount of attention paid in class and student learning outcomes. Disrespect is where, in my unresearched opinion, the upset comes from. After all, we don't grind our teeth and arrrrgh! when they're doodling or peeling their split ends. It's the electronic devices that do it for us. And it's not just that by texting they're disrespecting the teacher, they're also disrespecting other students, and the people who are footing the bill for their education.

In the end, I think the cell phone thing and computer thing comes down to control. By banning the use of devices and punishing students (participation points, asking them to leave, making jokes about why they're smiling at their hands moving in their laps--or is that just me?) we are trying to control how they use their attention. We might have the best of intentions in doing so, but even if we collected all electronic devices at the door, we still can't control how they use their attention. I wrote, pencil and spiral notebook, my first novel during algebra 1. The outcomes for both sucked.

Personally, I've decided this is a battle that can't be won because ultimately, it's a battle for their attention in class, not over a device. I don't have participation points, don't have attendance points, and ignore devices unless they're bothering others. Instead, my first day of class is all about the word adult and my relationship with them, as adults. I tell them I love teaching, but kids give me hives so I picked college for a venue, and we should now have a moment of pitying silence for my child who managed to be well-adjusted despite his mom. I tell them that they're adults now, legally if not emotionally, and it's not my job to parent them. It's my job to provide the education they paid for the opportunity to have. We discuss how much it costs. There's even math. I like math. Amortizing student loans on the board in a composition class? Priceless! I explain why I don't bother with attendance points, participation points, and what not. They serve no pedagogical purpose beyond directly incentivizing good student behavior. Then we talk about the relationship between grades and participation.

Though, I do like the idea of reseating device-zombies on the peripheries.

Anyway, whether these things work or not for my students? The only device-use change I've noticed between my Stalin phase and my it's all cool, brah, phase is that they put them on the desk instead of in their laps. It does work for me, personally. I'm way more zen these days, and I have noticed a major shift in the number of students who will approach me for help, clarification, and whatnot. Stalin is not a good look on me, apparently.

I must admit to serious bias.

You're in an organizational learning and leadership program.

So be a leader.

Don't fall for laissez faire propaganda. Soft skills are just as important as the hard skills you're getting from your program. You're not in a vo-tech; you're in grad school. Stepping up and leading doesn't mean babysitting these people; but it does mean that instead of turning down study groups because you don't see value in studying with people who haven't read the material, go to the study groups and ask them questions you've prepared in advance. Not because you should teach them, but rather because teaching is one of the most effective ways of learning. It also motivates others to think

I'm not advocating that you take responsibility for their education, or for motivating them, or for any part of their trip through a grad program. I am advocating that you find ways to turn this situation to your advantage. The nice thing about doing so is that it also helps you cohort to a minor extent. You can't do it for them, but you can show them the way. That's what leadership is about, right?

I must admit to serious bias.

You're in an organizational learning and leadership program.

So be a leader.

Don't fall for laissez faire propaganda. Soft skills are just as important as the hard skills you're getting from your program. You're not in a vo-tech; you're in grad school. Stepping up and leading doesn't mean babysitting these people; but it does mean that instead of turning down study groups because you don't see value in studying with people who haven't read the material, go to the study groups and ask them questions you've prepared in advance. Not because you should teach them, but rather because teaching is one of the most effective ways of learning. It also motivates others to think

I'm not advocating that you take responsibility for their education, or for motivating them, or for any part of their trip through a grad program. I am advocating that you find ways to turn this situation to your advantage. The nice thing about doing so is that it also helps you cohort to a minor extent. You can't do it for them, but you can show them the way. That's what leadership is about, right?

Thank you for proving my point.
 
As you would not be happy in an English department, which finds hasty generalizations and the concept of "words on a page" as unpalatable as you seem to find literary approaches to Shakespeare. Less so, perhaps, since hasty generalizations are a sign of poor abilities with rhetoric. Thus, we are all very pleased that you are not in English. Though, I have done fine in theater.

I'd agree with what DanieleWrites says in that your definition of "academic guidance" might be what she considers "hand-holding". 
It isn't clear from this what kind of questions you are asking. But if you were asking questions like "Should I repeat this study again, changing X variable?" or "Should I alter this chapter to include a brief discussion on Y?" then that probably counts more as hand-holding. They are questions concerned with the minutae of the project, that a bit of self-reflection or consultation with another senior group member could probably answer. 
 
What I would consider to be "academic guidance" would be asking more macro-level questions about the project. "I was thinking of changing the variables X, Y & Z in the study because I think otherwise __ will affect the results. Do you think this is an effective way to test the hypothesis?". A good way to assess whether your question is a hand-holding vs. academic guidance is if you think a fellow group member or postdoc could answer the question for you just as well as the advisor (often-times they can, especially if they've run similar studies or examined similar topics to you). You advisor clearly expects you to fill in the blanks after her commands. That makes sense if her main concern & responsibility is with the "macro perspective" of your thesis.

I must admit to serious bias.

You're in an organizational learning and leadership program.

So be a leader.

Don't fall for laissez faire propaganda. Soft skills are just as important as the hard skills you're getting from your program. You're not in a vo-tech; you're in grad school. Stepping up and leading doesn't mean babysitting these people; but it does mean that instead of turning down study groups because you don't see value in studying with people who haven't read the material, go to the study groups and ask them questions you've prepared in advance. Not because you should teach them, but rather because teaching is one of the most effective ways of learning. It also motivates others to think

I'm not advocating that you take responsibility for their education, or for motivating them, or for any part of their trip through a grad program. I am advocating that you find ways to turn this situation to your advantage. The nice thing about doing so is that it also helps you cohort to a minor extent. You can't do it for them, but you can show them the way. That's what leadership is about, right?

I must admit to serious bias.

You're in an organizational learning and leadership program.

So be a leader.

Don't fall for laissez faire propaganda. Soft skills are just as important as the hard skills you're getting from your program. You're not in a vo-tech; you're in grad school. Stepping up and leading doesn't mean babysitting these people; but it does mean that instead of turning down study groups because you don't see value in studying with people who haven't read the material, go to the study groups and ask them questions you've prepared in advance. Not because you should teach them, but rather because teaching is one of the most effective ways of learning. It also motivates others to think

I'm not advocating that you take responsibility for their education, or for motivating them, or for any part of their trip through a grad program. I am advocating that you find ways to turn this situation to your advantage. The nice thing about doing so is that it also helps you cohort to a minor extent. You can't do it for them, but you can show them the way. That's what leadership is about, right?

I must admit to serious bias.

You're in an organizational learning and leadership program.

So be a leader.

Don't fall for laissez faire propaganda. Soft skills are just as important as the hard skills you're getting from your program. You're not in a vo-tech; you're in grad school. Stepping up and leading doesn't mean babysitting these people; but it does mean that instead of turning down study groups because you don't see value in studying with people who haven't read the material, go to the study groups and ask them questions you've prepared in advance. Not because you should teach them, but rather because teaching is one of the most effective ways of learning. It also motivates others to think

I'm not advocating that you take responsibility for their education, or for motivating them, or for any part of their trip through a grad program. I am advocating that you find ways to turn this situation to your advantage. The nice thing about doing so is that it also helps you cohort to a minor extent. You can't do it for them, but you can show them the way. That's what leadership is about, right?

I read the newer thread before I read this one. My bad.

From what I gather, a thesis committee cannot work as a committee from the very beginning. You can't get feedback on every step from every person on the committee. They'll disagree and you won't get anywhere. It's more important for you to think of your adviser as the gatekeeper of the committee. With every step of the process, you'll go through her first, and then on to the others. She'll let you know when whatever stage of work you're at is ready for the committee to look at. They aren't teachers. You're doing the research yourself, but at every stage, the adviser is there to herd you toward the path to success. You should have had at least two methodology courses (one in undergrad and one during the MA) by now. You should know how to design and implement a research project.

To echo geologizer, your adviser and your committee expect you to be able to manage a research project on your own. They're there to steer you back when you go off course, not to verify that you're doing it right. The fact that you spent months revising and revising and revising your research proposal because you didn't feel it was ready, and you wanted your adviser and your committee to what? Be supportive how? You write a proposal draft, send it to the adviser, the adviser tells you what to fix (not what you did right), you fix it and send it back, she tells you what to fix, repeat last two steps until she tells you to send it to the others in the committee. They send you minor fixes, if necessary, and then your proposal is approved. You move on. You use your proposal to guide how you complete your research project. You don't email your committee often. It's your advisers job to guide you through the process, not the committee's. They come in when your adviser feels that you need their help, or when they need to approve the next step of the process.

It sounds as if your adviser and your committee are frustrated with you. You want guidance (not hand holding), but you may be asking them for hand holding without realizing it. Send your adviser an email with a subject line that requests a brief meeting about expectations for a thesis student. At the meeting, tell her that you think you've been going about things the wrong way, and that you're frustrated, and that you believe she is frustrated, so you'd like to clarify what she expects from you. Specifically, what she needs to approve before you proceed with something and what you need to do on your own. You should suggest that you alter how you communicate with her that best suits you both. Perhaps you should schedule weekly or bi-weekly meetings, to be changed as necessary during the course of the thesis. At the end of that meeting (and each meeting), you should ask her (if she hasn't already told you) what you should have ready for the next meeting. Theoretically, she's approved your proposal, your research design, and other things. You should know what needs her approval before you should do it, and you shouldn't concern yourself with approval in between those things unless you run into a problem that stops you (not an insecurity, but a problem).

I would also suggest that you spend some time considering your personality and what you need from others, particularly your authority figures, for your emotional well-being, and how you go about meeting those needs. I don't mean this in a you're wrong way. I mean this in a self-awareness is useful way. Everyone is different, yanno? I have to tell my profs and advisers that they must be blunt with me, even if it seems rude and hurtful, because I rarely get hints. I get hurt feelings when they get upset because I never seem to realize "That's a great insight; thanks for sharing!" actually means "Shut the heck up and let someone else say something! Argh!" Anyway, it's about figure out what your needs are and then figuring out where your needs don't fit with your adviser's (and others) responsibilities (either for realsies or in their way of thinking), and then where to get those needs fulfilled. For example, if a person where to need a weekly dose of "you're doing fine, you're doing good work, don't give up!" and the adviser is the kind of person that thinks "just fix this one thing, see you next week" is high praise, that means cultivating a mentor somewhere else.

Personally? I've haven't had problems with negative and/or discouraging profs and/or advisers even though I've had my share of profs/advisers with bad attitudes. My master's thesis was a pitched battle with my thesis adviser. We fought tooth and nail from the get-go. She thought I was being a stubborn, condescending know-it-all arguing just to argue (or so she told me). I thought she was myopic and hypocritical. Our weekly meetings generally involved a lot of "you can't do that" and "this is worse than before" and "change this and this and this and..." Anyway. I have a completed thesis that's been defended and signed. My thesis adviser and I still talk often. She thinks I'm stuck up and I think she's wearing blinders.

I prefer my advisers to be hands-off. I come organized, prepared, and with a delineated list of expectations from both sides. I also know where to find the psychologist on campus for my perfectionist flare-ups. I don't accept "because I said so" and I feel free to argue. Any suggestion of change requires an answer a reason why. I don't think I have problems with advisers and/or profs simply because I really don't care if they like me or not. I need their professional approval and that professional approval is ultimately expressed by a signature on a thesis (and eventually a dissertation). I will modify my work and my behavior for that goal. Naturally, I like it when they give me personal approval, but it's not necessary. I find my personal approval elsewhere.

I must admit to serious bias.

You're in an organizational learning and leadership program.

So be a leader.

Don't fall for laissez faire propaganda. Soft skills are just as important as the hard skills you're getting from your program. You're not in a vo-tech; you're in grad school. Stepping up and leading doesn't mean babysitting these people; but it does mean that instead of turning down study groups because you don't see value in studying with people who haven't read the material, go to the study groups and ask them questions you've prepared in advance. Not because you should teach them, but rather because teaching is one of the most effective ways of learning. It also motivates others to think

I'm not advocating that you take responsibility for their education, or for motivating them, or for any part of their trip through a grad program. I am advocating that you find ways to turn this situation to your advantage. The nice thing about doing so is that it also helps you cohort to a minor extent. You can't do it for them, but you can show them the way. That's what leadership is about, right?