lemma

If the worst case happens and you don't get in anywhere this year, you may still have a great career as a researcher. I had a few friends who got rejected at all of their programs first time around (incidentally all physics). They were all devastated.
A year later, and one had been accepted into an ivy for a different quantitative discipline, one had topped a masters program in a different field more closely related to his career ambitions, and another was doing a research internship at a top tech university. I would say things are far less dire than they originally seemed. 

Hey, good on you for thinking of taking this step - it's pretty brave. 
From my own experiences and the experiences of my friends, the first few months are the hardest when moving away. This is the period before solid friendships form. However, if you keep on pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, within 12-18 months you have a group of people who will have your back no matter what. I found joining interest groups (sports, music...) useful at making friends. Sometimes you also need to be the person to propose something - be it an ice-cream hangout with your cohort, a study session at your apartment with the people who sit next to you, or finding someone to walk with you to pick up lunch. 
Skype is so helpful. It makes a huge difference. Something that might seem paradoxical is that my classmates who had the hardest time integrating were the ones who spent an excessive amount skyping home at the beginning of the year. This was because they were spending time online instead of meeting new people and forming bonds. Skype a couple of days a week is usually fine, but when it turns into everyday at the beginning of the degree, it can be hard.
If you decide to move away, I would recommend getting a mental health treatment team set up well before semester starts. Moving is stressful for everyone, and given your previous experiences of mental illness, it would probably be helpful to have someone work through the transition with you. 

From the faculty side, we don't talk amongst ourselves about specific students, and we don't generally ask about the whys. 
I do generally set aside some time to sit down with each student that has accommodations and make sure that we're on the same page about what they need from me. 
I have a good many students who notify me of accommodations they may need. We talk about what they might need, and how they will let me know, and we schedule time to check in during the semester. 

My understanding is that if you experience any stigma from your professors or TAs that the disability office is equipped to intervene on your behalf.  I'm going to guess that most professors and TAs don't want to make a student feel uncomfortable or singled out and would encourage students who need accommodations to come to office hours or email them about their needs.

I have not had this experience myself. But from talking with and advocating for students who have, it seems like most schools are good at keeping your information confidential. The students tell me the main downsides are that some schools require a ton of documentation that might not be easy to get and the hardship of going through the process. If your main concern is confidentiality, it could help you to talk to the disability office without disclosing anything to find out what your profs or TAs might know and how to disclose just enough to get help without giving up your privacy. 

I only found out my application outcome recently, but something that struck me was how much trouble I had sleeping while waiting. I would recommend keeping an eye on this, as less sleep means less emotional resources to deal with application results and other aspects of life. I found exercise helped with sleep, and if anyone needs guided meditations, I finally found a few that work for me. 
Keeping busy probably kept me sane. Now that the holiday season is here, it's a perfect time to bake/make jam/set up a christmas tree/listen to christmas music/find interesting gifts for people. 
Hope everyone is doing OK. The waiting game is a rollercoaster of emotions. 

This will be a very cold comfort, but please do know that those years of getting ripped to shreds actually do help you later on in life. I finished my PhD in 2014 and I currently work in a non-academic industry job. When my manager or senior peers give me feedback on my work, I barely blink an eye, because corporate feedback generally isn't anywhere near as bad as academic feedback (and my advisor was still relatively tame). I'm far better at taking feedback and criticism in both my professional and personal life because of my experience during my doctoral program.
Is she giving you actual constructive feedback? Is she helping you identify areas in which you need to improve and giving you the tools to start working on them yourself? You say that you know you aren't making sufficient progress - have you been able to identify why you aren't and what you can do to improve? One thing that helped me get better at taking criticism (I used to be pretty bad at it) is reframing every conversation about my progress as a way to learn and grow. I envisioned that my professor (or whoever) were saying these things because they really wanted me to get better and improve the project (even if I wasn't...100% the speaker was).
So if I was in situations when I didn't understand why a piece of criticism was delivered in a specific way, I'd say "Hmm, thanks for that. Do you have suggestions for how to deal with that area?" or "Hmm, so what I'm hearing is [...]. My idea for fixing that is [...]." In other words, turn it into a dialogue, so you're not just listening to an endless litany of your shortcomings but instead you're having a conversation with your advisor as equals (in your own head, at least) about how you can improve some work that you happen to be workshopping right then. You can even say something like "Hmm, I'm not sure how to take that. Are you saying that this section is completely worthless?" If she's at all a self-aware person and you are saying that multiple times, she may take a step back and realize how she's coming off. (But I would only say things like that if she's truly making it sound like specific thoughts or sections are without merit.)
Also, this also sounds...cold-hearted, but really the guilt and anxiety is kind of a good thing. If you felt warm and fuzzy every time you came out of your advisor's office you wouldn't make progress and she'd be doing you a disservice. I'm not saying you should feel like a worm either, but use the knowledge that you are falling short as a motivation to identify those areas where you can do better.

This is wise! Another thing that helps is to think about what really matters in a partner, not just what we might think of initially. I can't imagine someone who would entertain, challenge and support me like my partner, however, if I had met him a few years earlier I might not have gone on that first date. I had pretty rigid ideas of what made a good partner, and given what my previous relationships were like, I wasn't honing in on what really mattered to me. 

This is wise! Another thing that helps is to think about what really matters in a partner, not just what we might think of initially. I can't imagine someone who would entertain, challenge and support me like my partner, however, if I had met him a few years earlier I might not have gone on that first date. I had pretty rigid ideas of what made a good partner, and given what my previous relationships were like, I wasn't honing in on what really mattered to me. 

Ah, it's definitely hard once you've seen where you want to end up! What has helped me in the past is thinking of how everyday life would look in a granular manner if it wasn't a good fit. What it would be like to choose a less interesting project because my top choice professors were too busy already. What it would be like if I wasn't adequately prepared for the coursework, and I was up all night, struggling in class, and felt too self conscious to ask my classmates for help. What it would be like if I found out that there weren't enough professors with interests that aligned with mine. How grocery shopping, rent, dental and medical bills would look if I was on the lowest-tier scholarship because I had been ranked towards the bottom of the admitted cohort. What if the department didn't have enough travel money to go around because they admitted too many students and I couldn't go to my top choice conferences. This may sound pessimistic, but for me it reminds me that things can go wrong if it's not the right place for me. 

Something I would recommend is organizing something that makes you feel accomplished, useful - or even simply good. That means that bad news one day is partially offset by something positive. A few years ago, when I was going through a very hard time (where there were definitely more negatives than positives), I forced myself to write down three positive things about each day before I went to sleep. It helped to remember that even when bad things kept on happening, I was still lucky in many respects. 
More specifically to graduate schools - the best outcome from graduate school admissions isn't necessarily getting into a particular school, but is getting into a program where you can thrive, feel supported and feel like you belong. During applications for graduate school (and a few years earlier when I was looking for jobs), I kept on telling myself that if I wasn't accepted or hired, it didn't necessarily mean I wasn't capable. It just meant that I wasn't a good fit. Fit can be research interests, preparation, culture, expectations coming into the program... ultimately, even if a program sounds awesome on paper, if it's not a good fit, it's not somewhere you want to be. 

I only found out my application outcome recently, but something that struck me was how much trouble I had sleeping while waiting. I would recommend keeping an eye on this, as less sleep means less emotional resources to deal with application results and other aspects of life. I found exercise helped with sleep, and if anyone needs guided meditations, I finally found a few that work for me. 
Keeping busy probably kept me sane. Now that the holiday season is here, it's a perfect time to bake/make jam/set up a christmas tree/listen to christmas music/find interesting gifts for people. 
Hope everyone is doing OK. The waiting game is a rollercoaster of emotions. 

Hi all,
I'm ashamed to post this to complete strangers but I'm hoping you all might be able to give me some advice.
I started college in 2003 and had to leave prematurely due to medical issues. At that time, I had what was to later be diagnosed as schizoaffective disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and a severe depressive disorder. 
This was so rough on me that my GPA plummeted to an abysmal 2.1.
Fast-forward to today. My conditions, though not cured, have improved dramatically and I'm going back to school to finish my B.S. in geology next Fall. I'm going to be going to a different university but I'm wondering that if (and I absolutely will)  perform well, as in get all A's in my remaining classes, do you think a master's program would consider me? My dream is to get my PhD but I'm sure with such a poor record they won't even consider taking me.
Thanks everyone!

Got notified that I received two scholarships for my top choice PhD program. What a good email! 

Got notified that I received two scholarships for my top choice PhD program. What a good email! 

On the plus side, I view this as "the system working". I drill into my students heads the importance of soft skills and being decent human beings, and it's nice to see confirmation that it actually matters. 

UPDATE: I've written to four people who have not specified who they wanted to work with. Two guys so far have written back and addressed me by my first name and both said they wanted to work with "Dr. Other Guy" (though one said he'd work with me too, lol). The woman who wrote back properly addressed me as "Dr."
Get it together guys. Your biases are showing.

Hi all.
As you all go about your applications, I thought I'd write with a recent cautionary tale from the other side of the table. This forum was a great help to me as I went through my grad school application process and hope that I can contribute to the knowledge here.
As a relatively new faculty member I am still excited to get grad applications--I start looking at them right away. I recently looked at one that listed areas of research interest that align with what I do, but did not list faculty members of interest. I wrote the applicant to ask for elaboration. I did not sign the email other than with my signature line which specifies my full name and my degrees (including PhD).
He wrote back promptly (which is good), but addressed me by my first name only (not Dr. Me) and said that he wanted to work with "Dr. Other Person" (male), because of his work (that is similar to mine).
This signals to me a few things: 1.) there are possible sexism issues, 2.) the student did not really read my web page or work, 3.) there are likely respect issues.
This was an otherwise fairly strong candidate that I was potentially interested in. No more. Perhaps he will still end up with Dr. Other Person, and it will be fine, but it is a small program, and it is always good to cultivate multiple mentoring relationships.
Perhaps those of you who are in the stage of applying and communicating with potential mentors can learn from this.

I was in a sort of similar scenario. I did some college courses in high school and was enrolled at two universities at once by necessity (long story). I didn't feel that either fell neatly into the application form, so I created an additional document that described these, and added a note saying to contact me for more information or transcripts as needed. They haven't contacted me, so I hope all is OK. 

I think this would fall under Title IX. I would reach out to any relevant departments (my undergrad had an active women's center) and ask for advice about how to proceed. Doing so means that your actions will be somewhere in writing. 

I'm glad that you had such a positive experience. I can tell you the issues I faced had absolutely nothing to do with being drunk or being fazed. There were many incidents, but one included having my body grabbed by a stranger in a busy street in the middle of the day, where he did inappropriate physical/sexual things to me. I was sober, it wasn't an unknown place at dark (it was actually a market) and I think what I experienced would have fazed most people. I've lived in France twice and the first time had no issues. The second time was a lot more distressing. 
I'm not trying to say that your experience is invalid, but more that you were lucky, as many people are too. That said, I know many other women who had experiences like my own in Paris. As such, I strongly believe it is worth erring on the side of caution, and understand that you can be doing everything right and still have incidents like this. If something happens, it's not your fault. 

I think this would fall under Title IX. I would reach out to any relevant departments (my undergrad had an active women's center) and ask for advice about how to proceed. Doing so means that your actions will be somewhere in writing. 

France has issues with harassment - there's no other way of putting it. I don't think WOC are especially targeted though - I am ethnically French and used to speak the language fluently, but was the target of some pretty brutal harassment/assault. 
Try to travel in groups when talking the streets. Don't engage when strangers try and talk to you - keep on walking and ignore them. Don't smile on the train or walking the streets because someone could take that as license to harass you. Don't catch public transport very early in the morning or very late at night. Read up in advance to see what parts of the city are unsafe - I was spending time with a Moroccan-French friend who has lived in Paris most of his life, and there was an area of Paris where he wouldn't let us walk - we had to run when going through it. 

Don't send an email. It will make it a bigger deal than he needs to be. Just turn up next week, and do what he says without interjecting. He will notice the difference. 
Industry is more about getting things done than exploring all potential paths for the sake of it. They have a process and their process runs well - they don't see a need to necessarily change it now. My recommendation would be to be quiet when he's explaining things unless you don't understand the procedure - he's trying to teach you so you can get up and running ASAP. If you have qualitative and conceptual questions, ask him at a time when he's not busy (ie. not showing you how to use the equipment), or ask someone more junior. You can collate a list of questions to ask at a convenient time. 
You may also want to think about how you're phrasing your thoughts, because although your intentions are good, the way you're saying it could be perceived as crossing the line. I would probably be mildly irritated if I was under pressure and had a new employee telling me how to do my job without understanding the systems. When you ask, ask "why" rather than "why not like this". There is a place for "why not like this" but only once you're familiar with the work and have reason to think it needs improvement - not in your first week.
(I have been in industry a few years.)

France has issues with harassment - there's no other way of putting it. I don't think WOC are especially targeted though - I am ethnically French and used to speak the language fluently, but was the target of some pretty brutal harassment/assault. 
Try to travel in groups when talking the streets. Don't engage when strangers try and talk to you - keep on walking and ignore them. Don't smile on the train or walking the streets because someone could take that as license to harass you. Don't catch public transport very early in the morning or very late at night. Read up in advance to see what parts of the city are unsafe - I was spending time with a Moroccan-French friend who has lived in Paris most of his life, and there was an area of Paris where he wouldn't let us walk - we had to run when going through it.