Eigen

Also, fwiw, posting that here and asking for help triggers my instinct that this is crossing academic honestly lines.

My wife and I had been married a couple of years when we started grad school. We were definitely the minority, and there were some weird reactions at first, but people got over it pretty quickly. There are definitely stresses to grad school, but I'm not sure they're so much more intense than some high-stress jobs. Personally, I found having someone that I knew I could count on to be a support was immensely helpful, and it also reminded me that there were things outside of school that were important, and helped me ensure I took time to keep my life balanced as much as possible.

Interesting, I've only ever seen that with Research Assistant Professor/Research Associate Professor. Outside of that it was always "staff researcher".

If it's a job, yes. RA usually denotes a research assistantship, which while that's your nametag may or not be your actual job description, as it usually refers to someone who's doing it concurrently with a degree. You're more likely to be able to negotiate a raise, especially in light of another job offer- and especially if you're truly willing to leave for that other job. Different grant budgets are different- some require pay at particular levels set during the budgeting, some allow more flexibility on the part of the grants PI. Some institutions are also better than others (ie, public vs private) in flexibility of pay. My advice for negotiations is to know what you want, and ask for something fair and honest. You can easily present your case as not wanting to leave, but needing to make ends meet especially in light of this other offer. You can also "soft" negotiate, where you inquire as to the potential for a raise without directly asking for one- the response there tells you how likely you are to be able to negotiate. For most RAships, it's not typical to receive even COL raises, but sometimes they are built in. When they are, it's usually small and not something negotiated, but something built into the payscale. I would also suspect that if you want broader advice on job negotiations you ask in the Job forum- that's the only one that really has much discussion of people not currently in/applying to grad school, and you'll probably get more replies there from people who've been in/are in similar places.

The vast majority of grant funded RAs can't just change lab (much less institution), and tend to be in institutions where there's no pay discretion, so negotiating a "raise" is pointless. I also honestly can't imagine you have any leverage to negotiate a raise, even if it is allowed. Are we perhaps using RA differently? You mention going to another institution, but I've never seen a graduate RAship that would let you work at a different institution than the one you're currently attending. Or if you do, it's a job, not an RAship.

FWIW, travel policy for undergraduates at my school still supports co-ed rooms, 4 to a room, when the school is paying. It used to be mandated, now it's optional but encouraged. I think you certainly have a right to ask, but there are no direct liability worries to a school doing this- you always have the option to arrange your own accommodations. So I wouldn't just assume no school would do this, because some indeed do. I think it's perfectly fine for you to not want a co-ed room, and I'd hope most schools would be willing to work with you to accommodate that. It's just not always the norm.

It's going to be the same rate as any other income, adjusting for any educational deductions. That means any of the free online calculators will give you a good estimate- I use turbotax's, personally.

FWIW, we've had a lot of discussions on "over-credentialing" among students on my campus, with the general consensus from faculty being that a double major almost never helps admission chances unless you're applying to grad school specifically in that second major *and* the programs you're applying to require a major in that field. As a chemistry faculty member, I can see almost no point in double majoring in biology and biochemistry- in fact, we specifically disallow that combination of double majors on our campus, because there's too much overlap for it to be any use to the students. Grad programs may want to see specific coursework, but your transcript will show that, and letter writers can highlight it. Unless you want to take all of the classes a double major requires, I'd avoid doing it "just because".

Think of it as preparation for the academic (or non-academic) job market, where years of rejections from hundreds of places is pretty normal. And where you never hear back from most places you apply. Rejection is sadly a large part of academia, and learning how to deal with it so your confidence isn't crushed is key.

Oh, yeah- I can see that. We had 15 in the department (still pretty small compared to some of the huge departments out there), and you could have people from affiliated departments/schools on your committee as well. Even with a committee that got along, one of my committee members and advisor got into an argument during my defense on the proper use of "e.g."..... Was fun to watch while I stayed the heck out of it.

I just differentiate it because I have peers in other programs that meet with their committee regularly as a group, which makes it a lot more important to choose mentors. Personally, I chose people for my committee who I felt opened doors of some sort- instruments I wanted to use, connections to a different program/program type. Some of these were going to be mentoring relationships, others were just someone well placed who could speak to my abilities as a scientist. IMO, having people on your committee that get along with your advisor is the most important- and sometimes it's good to have mentors that don't.

I wouldn't worry much about the committee, but I'd definitely suggest picking up a senior faculty mentor or three. I did my PhD with a fresh prof, and it was really helpful for gaining independence and learning how to set up a lab and collaborations and that has been great for my career. But he wasn't much on mentoring, and I was completely on my own for the job market- he wrote what I hear are great letters, but that was it. I had senior mentors in my department, as well as people I met through conferences that were a lot more helpful in those areas, but who's lab I wouldn't have wanted to work in. As an aside, committees are pretty unimportant in a lot of the bench sciences. I met mine three times- once to ask, once for my prospectus, and once for my defense. None of them had any role other than evaluating my work. I know committees in other fields can be more involved.

CoL calculators can help a lot with this, but what I would rely on is asking current students how livable the stipend is. They're the ones that know whether it's doable, comfortable, or not.

Part of the issue is that most schools expect that students should only be applying to 3-5 places, where they fit best. The advice I give my students is to not apply to more than 6, and only that many if there are compelling reasons. The arms race of the sheer number of schools students are applying to doesn't help anyone- it means fewer truly tailored applications, more people that get into a school they aren't a good fit for, and more work + cost for everyone. Part of the reason behind application fees is that it helps to prevent students applying with a shotgun approach, and promotes carefully selected options. I also don't know anyone that has really benefited from applying to a ton of schools over finding a handful you're a good fit for. "Reach" schools and "Safety" schools are OK in undergrad admissions, but they're generally a crappy idea in graduate school applications. The criteria that matters the most is fit, and you can't have "reach" fit and "safety" fit. Apply to where you feel like you will mesh with the department and be happy. Don't apply to schools just to get in, don't apply to places just because they're prestigious.

My experience has been that the overall culture and atmosphere at larger universities is relatively unimportant. You will encounter it a lot less than you will the culture of your research group. There's also going to be enough chemistry grad students that you'll likely be able to find a group you get along with. Ideally, you shouldn't go anywhere (imo) that you don't have at least 3 faculty members that you feel are good potential mentors. You can't get a perfect feel for someone until you're in their group, but through talking to them and their students/post-docs during a visit, you can get a pretty good idea of what they're like. Having 3 people & groups that seem reasonable after meeting with them means that 2 of those groups can not work out and you'll still be OK. Also, the question's you're asking here are things you should be asking the graduate students on your visits. You get a lot more (and better) information talking to people face to face than you do online, and it's a lot easier to pick up on subtle cues that way. Back when I was applying to grad school, it was pretty clear after visits where I felt like I'd fit best, and where I felt like it would be a stretch. That's the whole point of visits. Take notes while you're there, and then at the end sit back and visualize where you felt most at home, and where you felt most excited about working with a group of people. Hopefully those are the same place.

I've cut my list down a lot my last year for travel. Laptop/iPad takes care of digital needs. iPad has both work study snd pleasure reading If I'm going to be giving a talk, I have two small bags that go in my briefcase- one with adapters, a spare USB drive and my laser pointer, the other with chalk and dry erase markers. I also do the "go bag" for toiletries, and refill when I get home rather than when I need to leave. For clothes, I do two jackets and jeans, with some wrinkle free oxfords and a tie versatile, comfortable, and can wear for several extra days if I need to without it looking bad. After 38 hours of combined flight delays one tripl this rocketed up my list of importance! I do digital for all my travel documents, personally, as its one less thing to have to bring and keep track of. The other thing I've found really nice to have is a good spill-and-leak proof coffe cup. I fill it up as soon as I'm through security and keep it with me all trip. I can also fill it up throughout the day wherever I am.

You shouldn't be comparing Yale vs Princeton, you should be comparing specific faculty and research groups that you want to work in (and have openings for you). You also have other schools with strong programs on your list. Past a certain point, prestige of the school and department means a lot less than how well connected your specific mentor there is, and how good of a mentor they will be to you.

Thankfully, two of my institutions have had photos in the LMS, and it makes things a lot easier to study. They're a lot more helpful for freshman than seniors, as @rising_star mentions. Nametags have never worked well for me, sadly, and most science classes don't have enough discussion that having students give names doesn't help much. I find pairing students into preset groups helps a lot- it lets me learn pairs of names by association as they do group work in class.

No, I'm just out of date and couldn't check since the site is down. It was three when I applied and when the last student I helped applied. In your case then, I think the 4 th letter will help not hurt. A weak letter doesn't detract when coupled with strong ones, and as you say, you need one from your current school.

I didn't think you could use three references. Did they change that?

The shutdown means all reviews in progress stop, and FastLane shuts down completely, so if it goes on too long it could conceivably have an effect, yes.

I have a not horribly uncommon american name, but it comes with a south Tennessee pronunciation that most people outside my family has ever been able to get or even hear, for the most part. I reverted to the more traditional version of it years ago- although it took me a long time of practice to be able to say it, to be honest. Only my closest friends have ever really tried, and most of them have gotten it with practice. I tell students about this sometimes, because it's not just something that happens to international students, and can make everyone feel more comfortable.

When I applied, I did 3 schools, all of who had applicstion waivers if you got accepted. I had a family to support and was working my way through undergrad. You don't always have to apply to a ton of schools- you just have to pick ones that you're likely to fit well at.

I try to do almost nothing at home, but I do sometimes have to bring reading and grading home with me. The easiest way for me to keep mental separation between home and work is to have a physical separation as well. I used to work at home more, and found it was really hard to get away from the mental pressures of things that were going on and deadlines coming up. Much easier to be "present" at home now, and just go in when I need to work. That said, I have a nice office and it's not far from home, so that plays a large factor. I find I can grade papers pretty consistently with other things going on. That's about it. Other things I need more focus for. That said, I can tune pretty much anything out when I'm writing.

I have a beginning of the semester survey where I ask students to tell me about themselves, and one of the questions I ask is what they'd like me to call them. Sometimes it's a case like this, sometimes it's a "Thomas" who'd much prefer to be called Tom. Along with asking preferred pronouns, it's a space for students to tell me what they would prefer, and then I go by that.