sc9an

I would have to disagree with some of your points. I agree that student evals can be problematic, but grades is only one part of it. Negative evals can signify that the students feel the information wasn't related as effectively as they think it should be. I taught for the 1st time last semester (because I have a master's, my program let's us be the professor of record rather than TA). I definitely did not give easy A's. Actually, very few students got A's and my evals were very positive. This is similar to the experience of several of my program-mates, and this is a diverse state school. 
If you really want to improve your evaluations, you need to examine where your weak points are. Usually evals have multiple questions covering specific topic areas and you want to focus on those that have the lowest ratings. Also, you can create your own eval. I like to give my own short (like 3 questions) evaluation in the middle of the semester that asks what they like about the class, what they don't like, and anything they'd like to see more of. 
I think your view of "students only like you if you give them an A" is simplistic and, as you stated, cynical. There will always be a few students who don't want to be there, but there are plenty of other students who do want to be there and want to learn. Aside from certain circumstances, most students are there of their own volition and made the choice to go to school and to pick this major/class/etc. I try to appeal to their sense of why they are there and how the subject I'm teaching is relevant to their interests. 
Of course, everyone's experiences with teaching/TAing can vary, and that is especially dependent on the college/department culture as well. But making a blanket statement of "the only way to get good evals is to give easy A's" can be a dangerous viewpoint for people to take away from a public forum. 

HEADER: Student Evaluation of [Class Name] for [Date of Class]
What aspects of the discussion interested you today? [A third of a page for free response]
What would you change about this class in the immediate future to make it a more enjoyable or satisfying experience for you? Please be as specific as possible. [A third of the page for free response.]
Three questions with a five-point scale. 1 = Poor,  2 =below average, 3 = average 4= above average 5= excellent. [The numbers are repeated after each question so a respondent can circle her answer.]
Overall how would you rate the teaching assistant this morning (compared to other instructors)? Overall, how would you rate the content of the discussion (compared to other classes)? How would you rate the organization and presentation of information in this morning's discussion (compared to other classes)? If you rate any of the three items above as either average, below average, or poor, would you please make specific suggestions for changes?
The form is one page.
 
 

Thanks @AP and @Sigaba for your suggestions! Like you said the meeting did go well and focus on specific steps I could take to potentially improve the outcome. Once the action steps are clear it becomes easier to handle.

Hi there,
 
The second month into my PhD, I ended my 5 year relationship. The breakup was very painful, poisonous, and vicious. At the time, it was hard. Battling the emotions everyday; figuring out the logistics of moving while managing course work, writing grant applications, and RA work; and putting on a brave face at school and work was so difficult. I can remember getting an email from him in the middle of the day at work, and having to quietly leave and cry in the bathroom. So yeah...it sucked. (throwing out his $300 golf shoes did feel good though!!)
 
With all that said...it was worth it. It gave me a sense of 'rebirth' (that sounds so new-age!)..but it's true! I got to go back an experience grad school being single and having the freedom to do whatever. I didn't have the constriction of catering to another person- I could work until 4am (or party!)....It REALLY changed me, and for the better.
 
So while it's hard now...know that you'll get through it. I didn't think I would ever heal or be able to move on- but I did. Take the time to recover and heal- it takes awhile.But know that afterwards, you'll be okay- and you'll be able to start over on an exciting path!

@orange turtle I think you can stick to your plan with the same seriousness and sincerity, as other great posts here have suggested. The chair probably needs that reconciliation even more now?

Unless you're exceptionally disciplined, your day to day responsibilities may place ever increasing pressure on your self study. I therefore recommend that you establish a modest plan with limited goals over an ambitious plan. For example, find a couple of resources (analog or digital) that you can use as references while you read works by your adviser and his peers. Work on familiarizing yourself with basic terms and concepts while leaving aside the nuts and bolts in depth knowledge for later. (Focus on the what rather than the how.)

Glad to know that worse outcomes did not happen, and hope you recover soon...
I am sure someone here could advise on this better than me. I am just guessing the chair knows he is not the person to mention this first, and it is up to you to set the tone of the debriefing. In any case it is the right thing to thank him for lending the clothes and the shower, and for help with the medic trip, so maybe you can start with that, shortly after you both get seated, and with the kind of polite, preemptive smile that is planned but seemingly emerged spontaneously as a result of embarrassment, and see how that works. (Edited typos.)

Welcome to the US!  The vast majority of us are glad to have you!  I'll try to answer the questions I know:
Which bank(s) do you think is/are the best according to their quality of service? Which bank you use depends on where you go.  I've had to switch banks when I've moved across the US, although there are one or two that are nationwide (Chase, for example).  Personally, I'd go to google maps in your city, type in "Bank," and see how many come up.  You'll want ones that have lots of branches and lots of ATMs, preferably ones that don't charge you fees to go to out-of-network ATMs.  Your school may also have a school-specific credit union (another type of bank, basically), and those sometimes offer better deals than a generic bank.
Do you pay annual fees for credit cards in the US? It depends on the credit card.  You can get CCs with no annual fees.  That said, your bank will also give you an ATM/debit card, which functions as a credit card that withdraws from your account.  So you don't NEED a separate credit card for doing online purchases.
Finally, I am asking these questions assuming that I will have freedom to choose my bank, but do schools sometimes force you to open your account in a certain bank because they have a deal with them or something? Not that I've ever heard.
My second set of questions is about GSM Operators.
 Since I will mostly communicate with my friends and family members in my home country via Skype, Hangouts, and similar apps, I will not be using my old phone number. I will switch to an American GSM operator and get a new number to communicate with my new contacts in the US. Which GSM operator would you recommend based on your personal experiences? Again, it depends on your area, since cell phone providers have better coverage in some areas than other.  For example, my school is in a small city, and Sprint isn't very good here.  But I live in an even smaller city, and neither Sprint nor Tmobile are very good there.  So yes, it largely depends on your school, and where specifically you live.  Check with some members of your program and see what's most common.  Speaking broadly, Verizon is the most expensive.  I would suggest trying to go with Tmobile or AT&T if possible.  Most cell phone services have unlimited talking and messaging, but some require more payment if you use more data.  That said, Boston will probably be fine.  I can't imagine that any of them have "bad" service in a major US city.
 And my final questions concern the issue of Home textiles.
The residence hall will not be providing me with linens, pillows, blankets, and suchlike, so I have to buy them myself. I know IKEA is probably an affordable option for purchasing such things, but is there any other place that you could recommend? I'd probably look on Amazon first.  IKEA is cheap, but low quality for such things, so you'll probably be happier with the quality of the "AmazonBasics" stuff.
 
 
If you have more questions, keep 'm coming!  I'll respond as I have time.

I did quite some searching on this forum for "impostor syndromes" and there are some helpful threads here you could look up.
For me it's really about focusing on actionable steps I could take instead of generalized perception on my capabilities against the new environment.  

I thought  it is easier and more typical to sign a lease 1-3 months in advance unless it is for big metropolitan areas. Available leases are up online as soon as the previous tenants give their vacancy notice 60-90 days before the end of their leases, so it might be hard to get a lease on the spot after you arrived. Plus the process of settling down also takes time.
Several apartment rating websites as well as generic rating forums (google, yelp) might have reviews and pictures on the apartment units you searched. I have found those quite reliable. Another way to identify desirable apartment units is to ask your senior friends who are already there or on forums like this for recommendations.

1. I wish I would have fully grasped how busy I would become. It is so much more work than undergrad.

2. In that vein, I wish I would have done more prep work, gotten more freezer meals cooked and frozen before school started.

3. I got excellent advice from a friend: Set a time limit and don't go over it. Let's say it is 40 hours or 50 hours or whatever. When you reach it, STOP! Even if you haven't finished the reading. There are times when you have no choice and will have to break it, but try your best to stick to it.

4. Find a place you love and when it gets too much, go there and stay there until you have gained perspective. It could be the ocean, the forest, or our back yard.

5. EXERCISE! I have stayed sane by walking to school most days and taking walks with my husband at night. It gives us a chance to reconnect and let's me look away from the screen.

6. Learn to focus and cut out distractions. I installed Rescue Robot and it lets me know how long I have spent on each site and how productive I am. It is a free app and you can put it on multiple computers. I find it wonderful because so much of my time is spent on the computer or at home reading, so it is very easy to get sucked down rabbit holes. I have canceled my social media accounts as well, to cut down on mindless surfing.

7. Try to move to your new place early if you can. Having a couple weeks to settle, unpack, and get your bearings before you are hit with school is wonderful.

8. You will no longer be the smartest person in your class. Get over it. Also, don't be intimidated by other students. Remember they have had different training and preparation. One of the hardest things as a first year was to be thrown in a class with students who already have their master's and are studying for their qualifying exams. The only way I survived was that one of my classmates pointed it out to me and said to keep reminding myself of it.

9. One of my biggest breakthroughs this year has been learning to take criticism without automatically assuming it means I am stupid. Important lesson!

10. Have fun and remember you are in an incredibly privileged position. I think 5% of Americans have an advanced degree.

1. I wish I had known the first few months were going to be so expensive-- finishing up with moving costs, establishing the new place, the new computer, textbooks and school supplies, some new clothes, socializing with the cohort (bar costs!) and Christmas/holiday travel and gifts. Starting a budget earlier would have eased some of that post-Christmas money panic where I wasn't sure if my remaining income/stipend would yield enough savings for summer. Adding excess money worries to the already stressful life changes was unfortunate, so I recommend being honest with yourself, your income, and your expenses as they might play out over a long period of time (and not just month to month).

2. Time budgeting can be just as important as money budgeting. I was great about reading for the first four or five weeks, and then I slipped into the (very common) habit of only doing about half of the reading for any given class. It hasn't hurt my grades, but my choice to socialize or just take a lot of relaxation time at home has probably eroded some of the educational benefits of discussion and reading outside of my research for seminar papers.

3. Speaking of seminar papers and term projects: Start earlier than you ever have before. If you ever procrastinated on your big assignments in the past, this new time at school is the opportunity to break the habit and start treating these assignments like what they are: part of your job, and a stepping stone to your career. Waiting until the last week to research, or the last day to write, is something I see a lot of grad students still doing. Sure, plenty of them are doing okay in terms of grades, but they aren't doing their best work and-- let's face it-- we're getting too old for those late-night shenanigans.

4. Everyone knows you will be busy, so they might not say anything, but try not to lose contact with your friends and family from home. There will be plenty of new friends to be had, and starting fresh relationships can be liberating, but they likely won't be able to replace the deeper roots you've established elsewhere. Don't forget to call or write or facebook with the people who know you best.

I made some Grad School Resolutions last summer (the thread is still kicking around somewhere) about saying yes to invitations and being more positive, and I think that I held to them and they yielded some nice results. There are definitely some other things I might add later, but these are the first that come to mind.

See, personally, I feel that working on one task (school) for more than a certain amount per week (usually around 50 hours or so, depending) has severely diminishing returns. 
 
Keeping other interests in life, relationships and leisure activities gives your brain time to work on different tasks, or have downtime, and you usually end up better for it- your research and studies as well, in my opinion. 
 
That's not to say that there aren't crunch times where you have to work more, but my anecdotal experience is that people working more than 50 or 60 hours a week are usually less efficient than those working less, and tend to spend more time on tasks that could be finished in less. Most European researchers, I've found, are very dedicated at working a short, highly productive week. They get in, take the job seriously, work 8 hours, and then clock out and do something else. It makes their working time more productive, and limits burnout. 
 
You may think that you're the kind of person that avoids burnout, but I have not yet met someone who isn't susceptible to it in some way- you may just be less productive, you may miss connections that you'd otherwise see in your work, or you may just not have as good of a perspective of how your work fits in the broader scheme of things. 
 
There are a lot of discussions on the inter webs about work-life balance, and I have yet to see any convincing data that focussing on your work to the exclusion of all else in your life is ever beneficial, and there are lots of suggestions that it's actually detrimental, both to the quality of your life and the quality of your work. 

Eigen has good pointers. I want to add that things will be much harder in grad school, especially during your first year. Be prepared! Your wellbeing is the top priority. You can't work 24/7! That said, schedule in down times to unwind. Seek supports from your cohort and be friends with them, or find a hobby that you can do when you are not studying/doing research. This will make your transition a lot smoother and prevent burnouts.
 
It is especially important to stay optimistic. Being pessimistic will really erode your motivation slowly, to a point of causing you to drop out. This is most prevalent when you are in the middle of your PhD. I have bouts of existential crisis and doubts of my own ability from time to time, the advice I got is "never fear, push forward!". Take baby steps when it seems too much. 

This is definitely field-specific and also depends on where you're seeking employment. A number of TT jobs I applied for this year asked for a teaching portfolio, evidence of teaching excellence or effectiveness, or copies of teaching evaluations along with my application, before or after a phone interview, and prior to a campus interview. While it may not help a great deal, it can definitely hurt an applicant, especially if the evals you get aren't very good and there are other applicants with better evals you're being compared to.
 
As for actual advice, I'll start with the following:
- Figure out what resources are available to you as a TA or instructor in your department, in your college, and through the university's teaching center. And then take advantage of them. My PhD university's teaching center flat-out told me that I was one of three grad students from my department (90 grad students) they had ever met with or assisted. Now part of this was due to my department's culture where consulting the teaching center was seen as an admission of failure but that's BS and you should ignore that if people are saying it.
- When in doubt, consult the internet. By which I mean, if you have to create a syllabus, google around to see syllabi others have created for that course or a similar course. If you're looking for appropriate wording for a policy, again you can consult the internet (though you may want to consult your peers and department first because some stuff is university-specific and/or university mandated). Looking for an assignment idea? Google it. Sample rubric? Google for one. There's really no reason to reinvent the wheel.
- Accept that it will take you a while to gain your footing in the classroom. Be willing to change midway through the term and to do different things for different sections because not all students are the same.
- Take advantage of any courses/workshops/tutorials that will help you become a better teacher. Again, the teaching center will probably offer workshops or brownbags. These are awesome as a grad student because most of the attendees will be TT faculty so you can see what they're struggling with or what they're doing that works and use it in your teaching. Doing that early on will make you more effective in the long run, leading to better evals.
- Devise and administer a midterm evaluation of your students that's for you. Take their feedback seriously and incorporate it into the course. It almost always leads to improved semester evals, even if you don't change very much.
- Have someone else (an experienced teacher) observe your teaching. It will be painful and awkward and difficult. But, it will help you improve. It will also give you more material for your future teaching portfolio.
- Take the time to identify excellent teachers on campus (whether or not they're in your field) and observe them. You may need to ask them first, of course. If you're having trouble finding someone, ask the teaching center. Watching other people who are awesome, especially those who do it in totally different ways (like observing a lecture for 400 students vs a seminar for 30 students), will help you understand the variety of what works and identify some techniques that will work for you.
- Oh, and take the time to learn your students' names whenever possible. They appreciate it.
 
Okay, that was a lot of advice and probably more than you can do all in one semester. But, I hope it helps someone!

I got a rejection letter yesterday, I felt so sad and lonely today, didn't know who should I talk to or what I should start the conversation...then I saw this on Reddit: (it made me laugh, I hope it brings some joy in your heart too) 
"If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror-movie. After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore."
 

Not every roommate will be your friend. Some will want a house mate simply because of finances, but may not be looking for a new friend. Others are more social and want someone who will also hang out with them. That's a question to bring up with potential roommates and to keep in mind when you choose one. 
The finances question is separate. You'll need to ask yourself if you can afford to live alone in your prospective city, and if so, if it's worth the extra investment as opposed to having a roommate. This is a personal choice so no one can tell you what to do. If you've never lived away from home, in my opinion a roommate situation is often easier to get started because they will help with furniture and paying bills and other questions you might have (as well as things you never knew you needed to ask). I'm also suggesting this because someone who's never lived alone may also have a harder time planning their finances, so it's safer to start slower and learn to understand your own spending habits, then move out and live alone later if you so choose. That said, it's totally personal and up to each person to decide.

With regard to imposter syndrome, there is a relevant proverb from the Analects of Confucius (3.15):
"When [Confucius] went inside the Grand Temple, he asked questions about everything. [Later] Someone remarked, 'Who said that the son of the man from Tsou understood the rites? When he went inside the Grand Temple, he asked questions about everything!'
[Confucius], on hearing of this, said, 'The asking of questions is in itself the correct rite.'"
The whole Analects is actually really great reading for meditations on grad school, and on teaching when you come around to it.

Started undergrad at 33, master's at 38, starting a PhD program at 40.  Professors I inteviewed with said my life/work experiences were what caught their attention.  

The first time I applied I was 21 (senior in college), I was completely naive about the whole process and was ultimately rejected from the 4 programs I applied to. I'm 28 and about to graduate with my MS. Unfortunately it was a no go on PhD programs this cycle but I will be trying again. I've worked at a prestigious institution as a research assistant for the past 3 years and I am going to continue working on my publication list and gaining experience. Although it has taken me longer than I would have liked, I'm glad I took the time to get real world experience and mature before I enter such a rigorous program. However, it all depends on who you are and if you are mentally prepared for how challenging it is. 

1. There's just no pleasing some people. This includes fellow students as well as faculty. Recognize these people and adjust your expectations accordingly, lest you succumb to the trap of killing yourself while trying to please the unpleasable. Instead, try to surround yourself with people that will cheer you on rather than tear you down, even if it's just your peer group, as realistically, you might not have much say with your assignment for your supervisor.
2. Don't sweat the small stuff and know when to say no. It's hard not to in an environment that is so stressful and will take over your entire existence if you let it. Just remember that it's a marathon, not a sprint, and that you need to pace yourself accordingly.
3. As hard as it is, set boundaries. Before you start graduate school, you need to outline what is truly important to you and what graduate school can't have. This could be your significant other, time for hobbies, money to splurge on something that will keep you sane, etc. Either way, be mindful of what you are willing to give up and what you are not willing to give up, as graduate school will take as much as you give it (which is everything, if you let it).
4. A good advisor is one of the best tools you can have when navigating a PhD program. Make sure that you match well with your advisor in terms of working style (i.e., are they a micromanager, are they more hands-off) and personality over research fit, as even the best research fit with a bad personality will make your life a living hell. It's hard enough; don't make it harder by not having some support from faculty Additionally, sometimes you will find that your advisor just serves as a figurehead and that your true mentor isn't your formal "advisor". However you do it, just make sure you become close and have a good relationship with at least one faculty member. It will make your time in the program much easier.
5. Branch out in your research. I know the cookie cutter advice is to write every single class paper on what will be your thesis or dissertation, but I disagree with this advice. While I think most work should be oriented towards a dissertation, about once a year, I pick a different topic that departs from what I usually research. Not only has this been a welcome break from the monotony of doing the same topic, but it can open up the door for new research interests (or hell, even a new course you'd like to teach), and I find that doing something outside of my comfort zone has really pushed me as a researcher.
6. Try to have a few friends outside of your program. I find that it's helpful to socialize with people who aren't academics.
7. Don't focus on grades. Focus on learning new skills.
8. Be realistic; accept the possibility that if you are trying to land an academic position, it might not happen. If you are aiming for the ivory tower, be cautiously optimistic, but anticipate other career possibilities. To this end, if you have the free time, I would recommend learning skills that can be taken to non-academic jobs. This might mean doing an internship over the summer. This may be field-specific, but in my field, I've found that the networking associated with doing internships for non-academic companies/agencies has come in handy (if you can land a paid internship, bonus!).
9. Always, always, ALWAYS be nice to the administrative staff/secretaries. They are the gateway to many things, such as submitting important paperwork and free food.

About your dog: I think that depends entirely on you and your program. I am in a social science program where the majority of my analysis and writing can be done from home, and I prefer to work from home or from a library (as opposed to my cube in the windowless cube farm). When I was taking classes I was generally there from 9-6 or so, but now that my coursework is finished I am rarely at the school itself. I go for meetings, seminars, interesting kinds of things and I do most of my work remotely. My time is verrry flexible, and if my building didn't prohibit it I would get a dog in a heartbeat. Another thing to keep in mind: a dog can be a great comfort when you're all stressed out over graduate school.

Advice?

Age:
-Don't feel like you have nothing to offer just because you are younger. I was 22 when I started graduate school. You got accepted to the program for a reason, and chances are you are just as equipped as any older students are to successfully complete the program, just in a different way.

-Your older classmates may be just as terrified as you. Talk to them. You have a lot in common. You are, after all, in the same place.

-You will feel like an imposter, like you don't belong, or like you are constantly behind. Or all three. It's normal. It will pass. (Well, sort of.) People of all ages go through this.

Adviser related:
-If you are lucky enough to get both research interest fit and personality fit perfect, congratulations! But sometimes, personality fit is more important than research interest fit as long as the research isn't too different. A great adviser is interested in your career development, likes you as a person, advocates for you, and wants to hear your ideas. Even if his or her research is quite different from yours, they may give you the autonomy to work on your own projects and just supervise you. A bad personality fit will drive you nuts, even if you love his or her research. Consider that when evaluating your adviser fit. (This will vary by field: research fit may be less important in the humanities, more important in the natural and physical sciences. Social sciences are somewhere in-between.)

-Don't be afraid to be straight up blunt with your adviser when it comes to asking about your progress. Ask if you are where you should be both academic program wise and getting-a-job-after-this-mess-wise.

-Be proactive. Advisers love when you draw up an agenda for your one-on-one meetings, come with talking points and progress to share, have concrete questions to ask, and have overall shown that you have been thoughtful and taken control of your own program. Of course, this won't immediately come easily to you, but in time you will work up to it. Every semester I type up my semester goals, and at the beginning of the year I type up annual goals. I show them to my adviser and we talk about whether they are too ambitious, or whether I need to revise them, and how I can meet them.

-Don't expect your adviser to actually know what courses you have to take to graduate. They will know about comprehensive exams and the dissertation, but a lot of professors don't really keep up with the course requirements, especially if their program is in flux. Get you a student handbook, and find out what you need to take. Map it out in a grid, and check off things when you finish them. Show this to your adviser every semester. You may have to explain how such and such class fills a requirement.

-Nobody loves you as much as you, except your mother. Keep this in mind as you take in advice from all sources, including your adviser. Your adviser is there to guide you, but that doesn't mean you have to do everything he says.

Studying:
-You will have to read more than you ever did before, in less time than you ever have before, and you will be expected to retain more than you ever have before. The way that you studied in undergrad may need some tweaking. Be prepared for this.

-Corollary: you may find that your methods change with age or interests or time. I preferred to study alone in college, but in grad school, I prefer to study in groups. It keeps me on task and the socialization keeps me motivated. You may find that you shift from being a more auditory learner to a visual learner or whatever.

-You will feel behind at first. This is normal.

-At some point you will realize that your professors don't actually expect you to read everything they assign you. This, of course, will vary by program, but there will be at least one class where the reading is actually impossible to do in one week. The point is to read enough that you know the major themes and can talk intelligently about them, and then pick some of the readings to really dig into and think more deeply about.

-For most programs, don't worry so much about grades. If you stay on top of your work and do what you're supposed to, you will probably get an A. How much grades matter varies from program to program. In some programs, a B is a signal that you are not up to par, and more than a few Bs will warrant a discussion with your adviser or the DGS. My program isn't like that - A, B, it's all meaningless. My adviser doesn't even know what my grades are. But at almost all programs, a C means you need to retake the course, and two Cs means you have to convince the DGS not to kick you out.

Extracurricular activity: What's that? No, seriously:
-A lot of your time will be unstructured. You will have coursework, but most grad classes meet once a week for two hours and you may have three classes. You may have meetings with your adviser every so often and some seminars or things to catch (like we have grand rounds and colloquia that are required), but a lot of time will be unstructured. However, since you have so much more work than you had in undergrad, you actually will have less free time than you had in undergrad. This may initially cause you great anxiety. It did for me. Some people love unstructured time, though. (I don't.)

-Because of this, you'll have to be planful about your non-grad school related stuff.

-TAKE TIME OFF. DO it. It's important for your mental health. However you do it doesn't matter. Some people work it like a 9-5 job. Some people take a day off per week (me) and maybe a few hours spread across the week. Some people work half days 7 days a week. However you do it, there needs to be a time when you say "f this, I'm going to the movies."

-Find your happy place, something that keeps you the you you were when you came in. I love working out. It gives me energy and I feel good. I stay healthy. I also love reading fiction, so sometimes I just curl up with a good book, work be damned. You have to give yourself permission to not think about work, at least for a couple of hours a week. You may also discover new hobbies! (I never worked out before I came to graduate school.)

-Your work will creep into all aspects of your life, if you let it. This is why I hate unstructured time. You will feel guilty for not doing something, because in graduate school, there is ALWAYS something you can do. ALWAYS. But since there will always be more work, there's no harm in putting it aside for tomorrow, as long as you don't have a deadline.

-You may need to reach outside of your cohort for a social life. None of my close friends are in my doctoral cohort. I've met master's students in my program, master's students in other programs, and I know a few non-graduate students I hang out with, too. Go to graduate student mixers. (If your university doesn't have any, organize some, if you like planning parties.) Join a student group that doesn't take up too much time. I had a doctoral acquaintance who kinda laughed at me because I joined some student groups other than the doctoral student one, and I was usually the only doctoral student in those groups, but I met some close friends (and future job contacts) and had a good time.

-DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING A LIFE OUTSIDE OF GRADUATE SCHOOL. This is paramount. This is important. You are a well-rounded, complex, multifaceted human being. NEVER feel bad for this. Everybody wants some kind of life outside of work. Yes, you may loooove your field, but that doesn't mean you want to do it all day long. Some other doctoral students, and perhaps professors, may make you feel bad about this. Don't let them. Just smile and nod. Then disappear when you need to.

Career:
-This is job preparation. Remember that from Day One. Always be looking for ways to enhance your skills. Read job ads and find out what's hot in your field, what's necessary, what's in demand. For example, in my field statistics and methods are a hot commodity, and they're not a passing fad. I happen to really like statistics and methods, so I have pursued that as a concentration of mine.

-Don't be afraid to take on volunteer work and part-time gigs that will give you skills that will be useful both inside academia and out, as long as it's not against your contract. Your adviser may be against it, but he doesn't have to know as long as it doesn't interfere with your work.

-If you want to work outside of academia - if you are even *considering* the possibility - please please definitely do the above. Even if you aren't considering it, consider the possibility that you won't get a tenure-track job out the box and that you may need to support yourself doing something else for a while. You will have to prove to employers that you have developed usable, useful skills and this is one of the easiest ways to do it. But don't overdo it - get the degree done.

-For more academic related ones - always look for opportunities to present and publish. Presentations look good on your CV. Publications look better. When you write seminar papers, wonder if you can publish them with some revision. Write your seminar papers on what you maybe think you may want to do your dissertation on. Even if you look at them three years later and think "these suck," you can at least glean some useful references and pieces from them. Discuss publication with your adviser early and often, and if you have the time and desire, seek out publication options with other professors and researchers. But if you commit to a project, COMMIT. You don't want to leave a bad impression.

-If you can afford it, occasionally go to conferences even if you aren't presenting. You can network, and you can hear some interesting talks, and you may think about new directions for your own research. You can also meet people who may tell you about jobs, money, opportunities, etc.

-Always try to get someone else to pay for conference travel before you come out of pocket. Including your adviser. Do not be shy about asking if he or she can pay. If he can't, he'll just say no. Usually the department has a travel fund for students, but often it's only if you are presenting.

-If you are interested in academia, you should get some teaching experience. There are two traditional ways to do this: TAing a course, and teaching as a sole instructor. If you can help it, I wouldn't recommend doing a sole instructor position until you are finished with coursework. Teaching takes a LOT of time to do right. You should definitely TA at least one course, and probably a few different ones. But don't overdo it, if you can help it, because again, it takes a LOT of time. More than you expect at the outset. If you are in the humanities, I think sole instructor positions are very important for nabbing jobs so when you are in the exam/ABD phase, you may want to try at least one. If your own university has none, look at adjuncting for nearby colleges, including community colleges. (I would wager that the majority of natural science/physical science students, and most social science students, have never sole taught a class before they get an assistant professor job. At least, it's not that common n my field, which straddles the social and natural sciences.)

-Always look for money. Money is awesome. If you can fund yourself you can do what you want, within reason. Your university will be thrilled, your adviser will be happy, and you can put it on your CV. It's win-win-win! Don't put yourself out of the running before anyone else has a chance to. Apply even if you think you won't get it or the odds are against you (they always are), as long as you are eligible. Apply often. Apply even if it's only $500. (That's conference travel!) Money begets money. The more awards you get, the more awards you will get. They will get bigger over time. If you are in the sciences and social sciences, you should get practice writing at least one grant. You don't have to write the whole thing, but at least get in on the process so that you can see how it's done. Grant-writing is very valuable both in and outside of graduate school.

-Revise your CV every so often. Then look and decide what you want to add to it. Then go get that thing, so you can add it.

-The career office at big universities is often not just for undergrads. I was surprised to learn that my career center offers help on CV organization and the academic job search, as well as alternative/non-academic career searches for doctoral students. In fact, there are two people whose sole purpose it is to help PhD students find nonacademic careers, and they both have PhDs. This will vary by university - some universities will have very little for grad students. Find out before you write the office off.

-It's never too early to go to seminars/workshops like "the academic job search inside and out", "creating the perfect CV," "getting the job," etc. NEVER. Often the leader will share tips that are more aimed towards early graduate students, or tidbits that are kind of too late for more advanced students to take care of. This will also help you keep a pulse on what's hot in your field. It'll help you know what lines you need to add to your CV. And they're interesting.

Other:

-Decide ahead of time what you are NOT willing to sacrifice on the altar of academia. Then stick to it.
I'm serious. If you decide that you do NOT want to sacrifice your relationship, don't. If it's your geographical mobility, don't. I mean, be realistic, and realize that there will always be trade-offs. But you have to think about what's important to you for your quality of life, and realize that there is always more to you than graduate school.

-If you don't want to be a professor, do not feel guilty about this. At all. Zero. However, you will have to do things differently than most doctoral students. Your adviser will probably never have worked outside of the academy (although this may vary depending on the field) so he may or may not be able to help you. But you have a special mission to seek out the kinds of experiences that will help you find a non-academic job. Test the waters with your adviser before you tell him this. My adviser was quite amenable to it, but that's because I told him that my goal was to still do research and policy work in my field just not at a university, AND because it's quite common in my field for doctoral students to do non-academic work. If you're in a field where it's not common (or where your professors refuse to believe it's common, or it's not supposed to be common)…well, you may be a little more on your own.

-Every so often, you will need to reflect on the reasons you came to graduate school. Sometimes, just sit and think quietly. Why are you doing this to yourself? Do you love your field? Do you need this degree to do what you want to do? Usually the answer is yes and yes, and usually you'll keep on trucking. But sometimes when the chips are down you will need to reevaluate why you put yourself through this in the first place.

-To my great dismay, depression is quite common in doctoral students. Graduate work can be isolating and stressful. Luckily your health insurance usually includes counseling sessions. TAKE THEM if you need them. Do not be ashamed. You may be surprised with who else is getting them. (I found out that everyone in my cohort, including me, was getting mental health counseling at a certain point.) Exercise can help, as can taking that mental health day once a week and just chilling. Don't be surprised if you get the blues…

-…but be self-aware and able to recognize when the depression is clouding your ability to function. Doctoral programs have a 50% attrition rate, and this is rarely because that 50% is less intelligent than, less motivated than, less driven than, or less ambitious than the other 50% that stays. Often they realize that they are ridiculously unhappy in the field, or that they don't need the degree anymore, or that they'd rather focus on other things in life, or their interests have changed. All of this is okay!

-You will, at some point, be like "eff this, I'm leaving." I think almost every doctoral student has thought about dropping out and just kicking this all to the curb. You need to listen to yourself, and find out whether it is idle thought (nothing to worry about, very normal) or whether you are truly unhappy to the point that you need to leave. Counseling can help you figure this out.

-Don't be afraid to take a semester or a year off if you need to. That's what leaves of absence are for.

Lastly, and positively…

…graduate school is great! Seriously, when else will you ever have the time to study what you want for hours on end, talk to just as interested others about it, and live in an intellectual community of scholars and intellectuals? And occasionally wake up at 11 am and go to the bank at 2 pm? Sometimes you will want to pull out all of your hair but most of the time, you will feel fulfilled and wonderfully encouraged and edified. So enjoy this time!

I'm saying there is no such thing as "feeling like an adult". Everyone feels like a weird nomad. That doesn't change when you first move out, or start your first relationship, or get married, or have your first child, or get your first "real" job. (Or when you have your first grandchild, or your first great-grandchild, according to my grandma.) We're all just making it up as we go along. Sorry I don't have better news.  
As for people around me, they know that I am working toward a particular career goal and they're supportive of that. That's all I ask. (But my family lives an ocean away and most of my friends are academics, so there's that.)

I just want to say that I honestly don't believe that's true. Or rather, that one can be thinking and reading about all sorts of things unrelated to their field and still live an intellectual life. I'll share a valuable piece of advice several junior TT faculty told me when I was about halfway through my PhD: the PhD is the easy part compared to a TT job at a research-intensive university. Rather than teaching one class, you'll be teaching two, in addition to having service (departmental and university level), advising, thesis/dissertation committee work, and the need to get grants and publish. In my field, you need a minimum of two peer-reviewed pubs in quality journals per year to be competitive for tenure, in addition to needing to show you can get major funding from a national funding agency. If you're already working 50-60 hours a week without doing those things, how many hours will you need to work in order to do them? Just something to consider.
My real concern is that prospective graduate students will read this and think they aren't working enough if they aren't putting in 50-60 hours a week. That may be the case for you but it is far from a universal truth.

I realize that this might seem excessive depending on personal habits and institutional culture, but I've been doing it for nearly 5 years and don't feel like my life is a hellscape. I have time to work out, cook, spend time with my partner, go out for a walk, and have a beer on a Friday night. A lot of people considering PhD programs ask me about hours worked, and I always feel weird answering, because I don't view (most of) what I'm doing as a job. For example, a lot of my weekend hours are spent reading and writing. I'm in a literature program, so reading theory and literature and jotting down my reflections would count as "work". But I would be doing this on any given weekend regardless, because it's what I enjoy. Whenever I'm reading I'm thinking about how I could teach this material, and start mapping out syllabi. That would also count as "work". Dropping by a conference on campus on a Saturday would also be considered "work". But I go, even if it means adding more to my schedule, because I love the intellectual dialogue. It's fun. So I don't feel burnt out, even though I'm technically "working" 8 hours on a Saturday or a holiday. Of course, there are things that definitely feel like work, such as answering e-mails, grading, organizing conferences, etc. That stuff I try to keep to what would be considered the "work week". I save the more pleasant tasks for the weekend so it doesn't feel like I'm constantly on the grind. 
When I started my PhD program I went in with the attitude that this was a job, and that I needed to keep track of my hours to prevent burnout. I tried to limit my work to 40 hours a week, as if it were a 9-5. This actually stressed me out more. I wasn't able to do everything in 40 hours, and my institution expects much more than what you can fit in between 9 and 5. When I was tallying up the hours it took me to finish everything, I was discouraged because the "hours worked" mindset led me to think that I was an employee clocking in 60 hours for slightly more than a subsistence stipend as "compensation". Meanwhile, I had friends working much less and making much more, spending their weekends traveling or going out. This was discouraging. After discussions with my adviser and other faculty members I changed my mindset and began to think of academia not as a job but as a lifestyle. At this point it's hard for me to differentiate between work and non-work. When I'm asked about hours worked, I try to put myself back into my original mindset (grad school is a job) so that I can give this person an honest answer. But I just don't care if I "work" that much...I don't need a hobby because reading and writing are my hobbies. And I'm happy with that. I was drawn to the PhD because I wanted to live an intellectual life, and that requires you to be constantly thinking, reading, and writing.