Tired of people asking if I got in...in December

[walkbyfaith]

If you don't mind me asking, how many programs did you apply to last year? I am in a very similar situation. I am married with children and some of my family doesn't understand why at this point in my life should I get a PhD. While they don't understand, they are supportive. But the whole waiting game is frustrating. They don't understand that it's not an easy process. I will be finishing my Masters in May. So they think I should be fine. I have years of research experience. I have a 4.0 Masters GPA but my undergraduate GPA is low. I started my BS degree in 1996 but didn't finish until 2005 due to family issues. I definitely can relate to your anxiety!! I wish you the best of luck.

The only people who know I have applied this go-around are you folks, my husband, and my immediate family. Everyone else thinks that since I didn't get in last year, I didn't apply again. I prefer it that way. No one but my husband knows WHERE I have applied this time around, because last time was so upsetting. My sister thinks I am ruining my family and my future by trying to get a PhD, and that if I wanted one I should have gotten it before I had kids. My mother doesn't understand why anyone would want a PhD and used my telling her as the chance to wax on all over again about how odd I am in comparison to the rest of the family. My husband wants everything to be about him and his new job right now. So, basically, I'm freaking out and stressed beyond belief as to whether or not I will be accepted this time around, and have no one to share my feelings and inadequacies with. And I am applying with a perfect 4.0 GPA at the master's level, multiple publications in my field, 13 years of state - licensed teaching experience students aged 10 through college, multiple conference papers, and a very decent GRE subject and GRE general verbal score, perfect AWA of 6, perfect teaching examination board scores...and was completely shut out last year despite all of that, because my undergraduate GPA from 1997 was low. I don't want to hear another thing about my applications until I hear back from the schools I have applied to - all of which have January 2 deadlines for applications, so NO, I won't hear about it until March at the earliest, and yes, I am so deeply and profoundly anxious about the whole thing I can't even see straight.

[EricaMarie]

Honestly, I wish my family would ask me if I got in anywhere. They seem to not quite comprehend how important getting accepted is to me. I think my mother is praying that I don't get in anywhere so that I can "get a good job and become a productive member of society. You can't be a student forever!" I'm so tired of it.

I almost wish I hadn't told any of them what I was doing. Then at least I wouldn't have to worry about them constantly telling me I'm useless for applying to programs now.

[sputnik]

Another one of my favorite annoyances...

"You're applying to Northwestern, huh? I hear Medill is fantastic! One of the best."

"It is, but I'm not applying to Medill."

"Wait...what?"

"Medill doesn't offer a PhD. I'm applying to the Comm program."

The next day...

"Did you get in to Medill yet?!"

[OnceAndFutureGrad]

"Did you get in to Medill yet?!"

Ha!

My mom is driving me up a wall. She didn't go to college, let alone grad school, but she thinks seeing me apply for and then attend a Masters program qualifies her to analyze my PhD prospects. She suspected me of making up Penn because she couldn't find "Penn" in her 2010 World Almanac and also keeps reminding me that "Philadelphia is a bad neighborhood" (yes, sic). She's convinced that I belong at Yale or Princeton because those are the only schools that she's heard of before...

[2am_frosty]

I can relate to this topic as well. My parents don't really understand the graduate school application process. They think since I have a decent GPA I can just choose which program I want lol. As a side note, they want me to go somewhere close to home. But they don't get how hard it is to get in ANYWHERE let alone having the option to choose where.

Like others have mentioned, they keep asking even though I told them I won't know until late February or March.

my situation exactly. I try to explain that there are hundreds of other applicants with BETTER GPA's, GREs & MORE research experience than me and how competitive ALL neuro programs are.... yet they still don't understand why i'm stressed out. I feel like when I started the entire application process I was calm, collected and confident. for some reason, every application i submit, i feel more & more concerned that i'm going to be flat out REJECTED by every single program. Initially I was going to apply to just 4 schools (UCSF, Univ of Washington, Vandy, UC Irvine), but after talking to numerous people, I bumped it up to 7 (USC, U. Illinois Urbana, Carnegie), and am still considering some others. I am progressively feeling burnt out from writing various SoPs & contacting faculty. I have a pretty good idea of what I want to study in graduate school, so it is unfortunate that I can't just put all my eggs in one basket. And the worst part of this all is that my experiments, the whole reason why I want to go to grad school, have been put to a halt for the past month because of apps. Why is it so hard to just do some science??

My research mentor just asked today if I've heard back from schools... i laughed, considering I haven't even submitted apps for some of them.

on a side note, i was wondering if anyone else is applying to neuro programs (emphasis on systems) & whether they've heard back from any of them?

[2am_frosty]

"You should consider going to Harvard, I hear it has a great program."

...

"why aren't you applying to MIT? people with good grades go there."

[Medievalmaniac]

If you don't mind me asking, how many programs did you apply to last year? I am in a very similar situation. I am married with children and some of my family doesn't understand why at this point in my life should I get a PhD. While they don't understand, they are supportive. But the whole waiting game is frustrating. They don't understand that it's not an easy process. I will be finishing my Masters in May. So they think I should be fine. I have years of research experience. I have a 4.0 Masters GPA but my undergraduate GPA is low. I started my BS degree in 1996 but didn't finish until 2005 due to family issues. I definitely can relate to your anxiety!! I wish you the best of luck.

I don't mind at all. I applied to five programs, from a decent range of top-25 schools, and then Catholic University. I was accepted at Catholic, but without funding - so obviously, with a family and the job market as it is, that was not going to happen. This year, based on the feedback I got from one of the schools I applied to ("Nothing you have done -neither your resume, nor your publications, nor your conference presentations, your recommendations nor any other aspect of your application is sufficient to compensate for your undergraduate GPA" - that's a direct quote from one director of English graduate admissions) I made my application much more proactive; I specifically addressed the undergraduate GPA in my SOP (which I didn't do last time) explaining why I got it and and highlighting the fact that I went from that 2.66 to a 4.0 at the Master's level, so clearly, it was an anomaly; I took the subject test and missed the Harvard median by 10 points/2 questions (so clearly, I am capable by THEIR standards of doing the work), I highlighted and underscored my teaching experience and research and publications, and I got another letter writer who could speak to my academic strengths. Because - screw that. EVERYTHING I have done since that undergraduate GPA from thirteen years ago qualifies me to do this work. I have the languages, the reading background, and essentially all of the elements I need to be a really freaking good medievalist; I just need the professional training, to work with professors who can show me how to really focus my efforts and help me get the skills I don't yet have. I don't know everything, but I do know that admissions director was dead wrong about me - so, I'm trying again. Our problem, of course, is that we are severely hampered by location - I have three programs I can apply to without our having to move, and so - I've applied to them. Here's where you really wish you lived in the northeast with that super high saturation of universities... le big sigh. But - I am very hopeful. I have to be very hopeful.

[qbtacoma]

Best of luck, Medievalmaniac (and everyone else!). Your story makes me glad that I wrote a sentence or two in my SOP about why I got an F in Calculus. Sheesh - I can't believe something like that would torpedo an entire application! It almost makes me wonder if the programs are forced by some internal standard to put extra weight on undergrad GPA, because by any reasonable standard you sound like a home run candidate.

[beanbagchairs]

Urgh..I totally understand..

I have this colleague of mine who uttered his astonishment after learning the number of apps I submitted. Granted that he DOES NOT know how grad school admission process works and how competitive these schools are.. He made me feel that I am stupid for sending these many apps....

After that, I dont share as much about my apps to anyone, except those that understand how extremely competitive these programs are

[Bison_PhD]

on a side note, i was wondering if anyone else is applying to neuro programs (emphasis on systems) & whether they've heard back from any of them?

I am applying to several cog neuro programs and have only heard back from one, but it is not one of the ones you listed. This is my second application cycle (FUN!), and in my experience most don't contact until early January. Also, I can almost guarantee that Vandy hasn't contacted applicants yet. I work there/here and they wait until Jan. usually.

[Tex]

My mom was asking if I heard anything as early as September! I hadn't even started the applications yet. I'm a big procrastinator, so every time she asked how my apps were going it would drive me up the wall. Some people here said they're pretty secretive and keep things close to the vest. I wish I did that. My mom loves the idea of me going to Harvard. I do too, but I'm keeping my expectations really low (I don't think I have any, honestly). Yet every now and then she'll say something like "It would be so nice if you got into Harvard." Understatement of the year

My dad hasn't really asked anything about my applications. I don't think he even knows the schools I'm applying to. Maybe I should keep it that way.

[RDX]

My mom was asking if I heard anything as early as September! I hadn't even started the applications yet. I'm a big procrastinator, so every time she asked how my apps were going it would drive me up the wall. Some people here said they're pretty secretive and keep things close to the vest. I wish I did that. My mom loves the idea of me going to Harvard. I do too, but I'm keeping my expectations really low (I don't think I have any, honestly). Yet every now and then she'll say something like "It would be so nice if you got into Harvard." Understatement of the year

My dad hasn't really asked anything about my applications. I don't think he even knows the schools I'm applying to. Maybe I should keep it that way.

Gosh.. I guess you guys are having much better moms than I do..

My mom has started checking out real estate properties in Boston since............ LAST YEAR... My parents said they would consider moving along with me (which, of course, is what I'd hope rather not to happen)

When I told them I'd be really really grateful if Columbia wanted me, they said: "oh... we think your uncle has been there... it's a...errr... small and desolated college?"

I really don't know what to say....

[RDX]

By the way, my parents are not Americans anyways so I'm already very glad that they even know Harvard. I am optimistic that they will eventually figure out what/where my college is...

[vigneshr]

Keeping it private is really simple.

Mom: did you apply to all univs yet

Me: No

Mom: What r u doing now

Me : Busy

Mom: Why r u stayin up so late

Me: apps

All questions can be answered in a word or two to those ppl who r really concerned , but freak you out if you start telling them the odds. They also give their prospective into your declining health household mishap in general and sky-rocketing credit card statements which obviously is a turn down.

Edited December 29, 2010 by vigneshr

[DrFaustus666]

But they don't get how hard it is to get in ANYWHERE let alone having the option to choose where.

Add to that, I overheard a fellow PhD applicant blithely say, "Well if I don't get into the schools I want, I'll just get my PhD online at University of Phoenix."

Many people think that a Phoenix-PhD is the same as a top-10-brick-and-mortar-PhD.

Edited December 30, 2010 by DrFaustus666

[neuropsych76]

Add to that, I overheard a fellow PhD applicant blithely say, "Well if I don't get into the schools I want, I'll just get my PhD online at University of Phoenix."

Many people think that a Phoenix-PhD is the same as a top-10-brick-and-mortar-PhD.

That is simply awful. The general public certainly has a skewed view of graduate school though.

However, I don't think a Phoenix PhD will make it easy to find a tenure track position somewhere...

[NadaJ]

Add to that, I overheard a fellow PhD applicant blithely say, "Well if I don't get into the schools I want, I'll just get my PhD online at University of Phoenix."

Many people think that a Phoenix-PhD is the same as a top-10-brick-and-mortar-PhD.

I hope this person is being facetious.

My problem at the moment, is that Fall 2010 grades aren't due until 1/4, and I just wish my profs would post the grades so I can send an updated transcript. The suspense is killing me. I check for new grades every hour.

[Zouzax]

how many times did you have to say: "Not until March" this holiday season? I've been keeping track, my number is up to 6. And 2 of those were to the same person, on different occassions.

[bee kel]

I feel like when I started the entire application process I was calm, collected and confident. for some reason, every application i submit, i feel more & more concerned that i'm going to be flat out REJECTED by every single program. Initially I was going to apply to just 4 schools (UCSF, Univ of Washington, Vandy, UC Irvine), but after talking to numerous people, I bumped it up to 7 (USC, U. Illinois Urbana, Carnegie), and am still considering some others.

Same boat here! Severe anxiety caused me to send in a last minute app, and I'm glad I did because now I'm pretty sure it's my most likely option.

[Medievalmaniac]

That is simply awful. The general public certainly has a skewed view of graduate school though.

However, I don't think a Phoenix PhD will make it easy to find a tenure track position somewhere...

A Phoenix PhD won't nab you a tenure-track position anywhere but at an online university. It's not considered an academic degree by anyone but Phoenix and other online university systems. It's really for private-sector, mainly for education (i.e. principals, school board members, etc.) and the business world folks. And even some of them look at it askance.

Edited December 30, 2010 by Medievalmaniac

[Count de Monet]

I get asked every day "so...where are you going?" In addition to "when are you getting a job?" and "so, why are you not going to law school" or the dreaded "why not go to law school first?" from my father.......ugh

[eklavya]

slightly different perspective on this topic - as soon as you get an interview and/or admission offer, the tables will be turned and YOU will be itching to spread the news to your friends and families. i know some of us here try to be secretive until we hear interview and admission offers. so, the question is, how secretive you will (/can) be once you get the good news?

[balderdash]

slightly different perspective on this topic - as soon as you get an interview and/or admission offer, the tables will be turned and YOU will be itching to spread the news to your friends and families. i know some of us here try to be secretive until we hear interview and admission offers. so, the question is, how secretive you will (/can) be once you get the good news?

This one is easy for me. I'll really only discuss with my girlfriend and parents, and close friends that specifically ask. No one needs to discuss "Yes, but the stipend at Columbia, adjusted for the cost of living in New York..." with an acquaintance.

[zjwah]

lol, I love this thread. It makes me realize I'm not the only one who has to deal with these issues!

My family varies from complete support (my dad), to utterly not caring (my siblings and cousins), to thinking I should "settle down and get a job" (my uncle), to only supporting me if I stay close to "home" and not "run away" (my grandmother).

I don't know how many times I've told various members of my family that I won't know anything for another couple months. Additionally, I have yet to tell them I applied to Emory because I live in the Atlanta area and if I tell them they will pester me to go there (even before I'm accepted, IF I'm even accepted). And then if I'm not accepted, all I'll ever hear about for the rest of my life would be, "if only you had gotten into Emory..."

Oh, the joys of being the first in the family to attempt grad school! And this is even my second time doing it (I've already gotten one Masters, you'd think during the second time around the family would be a little more understanding- but nope!).

At least many of my friends have gone to or are currently attending grad school, so I don't have them pestering me every time I talk to them.

Edited January 6, 2011 by zjwah

[awvish]

I'm relatively lucky with parents--they don't pester me much. But my dad thinks I walk on water, and even though my mom is a little more realistic, she can't totally hide that she thinks that if I tried, I might sink only up to my ankes. They have each--individually--let slip multiple times references to "When you go to ___" and "So when I visit you at ____". Makes me sort of regret telling them my two favorite choices.

But with my social group (mostly other Peace Corps Volunteers, who are really supportive but not very informed of the specifics of my field) it's nervewracking. I told them all where I was applying, and now they all think I'll definitely get in everywhere. I keep trying to explain that--as everyone else says--it's not WHEN, it's IF. But they don't listen, and while I don't mind saying that I didn't get into Harvard, I don't want to have everyone think I'm just making excuses when (I mean if) I try to explain how competitive it is afterwards.

This might not even make sense. Any road, I wish they'd just put me out of my anxiety.