Sh*t people say when you are applying to grad school

[blueasyou]

Yeah, pretty much all of the PhDs in my field that I talked to when I was first researching programs told me not to do it as well. They said if I had any interest in being an MD instead of a PhD to definitely go that route instead, as it's less stressful. 

 

Trust me, if that's what I wanted to do, I would do it....

[Quigley]

"DON'T DO IT!"

 

This is the response I got when I asked a grad student friend of mine if he had any advice about going to graduate school.

 

Hmm, yeah.  In 2008, my senior thesis advisor was the one responsible for putting this idea in my head. 

 

When I e-mailed him 18 months ago to tell him that I was going to apply for Fall 2013, he pulled a 180 on me and emphatically discouraged me from pursuing my PhD and a career in academics (declining financial state of higher education, dismal academic job market, heightened competition as many turn to higher education instead of the workforce in a bad economy, etc). 

 

But when you get your heart set on something and decide that it's the only thing you want to do with your career and the next 40 years of your life, it's kinda hard to let that go. 

[HigherEd2013]

My strategy to avoid answering questions:

 

Person: What are you doing next year?

Me: I'm applying to graduate school and some jobs (no, not really. just get off my back). We'll see what happens. (super proud of myself for being so nonchalant)

 

Person: Oh cool! Where are you applying?

Me: Out of state. I've always wanted to experience life out of *insert home state* (Will you just take the bait already and be distracted about me leaving?)

 

Person: Which schools out of state?

Me: Oh in California and the northeast No more, no more questions!)

 

Person: What's your top choice?

Me: Not sure yet. I'll have to see where I get accepted.

 

Person: Which schools in California? I want to visit you if it's somewhere cool!

Me: I'll let you know if I get in. Don't want to jinx it! (Drop it, NOW!)

[quilledink]

This thread is pretty fantastic Gotta say, "grumpy cat" is a pretty accurate depiction... I had a conversation with my dental hygienest a month or so back (while I was still in the process of finishing up my applications) that was rather...disparaging.

Her: So what is it you study?

Me: History

Her: Oh. What do you want to do with that, exactly?

Me (mentally rolling my eyes): Well, eventually I'd like to get my PhD. (Funny enough, that usually shuts most people up.)

Her: ...Hmm, but what are you going to do after that? I mean, what's the use in a PhD in history?

Me (completely flummoxed): Well, the idea would be to become a professional academic. Research, write papers, teach students...

Her: But what's the point in that?

Me: Um, well....Can I go now? Please? (I didn't actually say that, but it's probably more polite than what I actually said, which was likely along the lines of a rant about the abysmal appreciation of the humanities by the public in North America yada yada...)

 

*grumbles* (excessively)

 

But seriously, people just don't seem to understand the point of grad school and it drives me absolutely mad.

Edited February 7, 2013 by quilledink

[Darth.Vegan]

"See, what were you worried about, I knew you'd get in." 

[RiffRam]

One that I've heard quite frequently lately regarding the vast majority of places I've applied:

"What are you going to do there?!" or the variation "Why would you want to live there?!"

That's when my Grumpy Cat face comes out, and I answer "Go to the beach..." and walk away.(Most places I applied are in the Mid West)

[Quigley]

"Why would you want to live there?!"

 

I'm so tired of hearing this!  Because that's where they have strong programs in my field that match my interests!  Duh!

Edited February 7, 2013 by Quigley

[RiffRam]

I'm so tired of hearing this! Because that's where they have strong programs in my field that match my interests! Duh!

lol I've gotten tired of trying to explain that. Everyone around me doesn't quite understand this whole grad school thing, except the few I know going through the process also.

[Quigley]

lol I've gotten tired of trying to explain that. Everyone around me doesn't quite understand this whole grad school thing, except the few I know going through the process also.

 

Yeah, that's true.  Just like most of us here, nobody I know really does either.  A couple people I know have gone to law school but from what I understand that process is very different.

 

Of all the countless hours I've spent on this site, this thread is probably my favorite.  Reading through it is like a transcript of my life since January 2012.  

 

I made a friend of mine read the first few pages of this thread a couple of weeks ago because he's been telling me for a while how insane this whole thing has made me.  My point was to show him "see! this is how it feels from this side of things!"  His reaction was this: "Well what are we supposed to say to people like you?? There should be a thread for the rest of us called 'Sh*t people say when they apply to grad school.'"

Edited February 7, 2013 by Quigley

[zecone13]

Here's my favorite:

 

"Oh, dude you'll get into Stanford for sure. You have a sweet GPA!"

[hwrios]

haha! this thread is so funny.  

Here is a conversation with me and my husband: 

Husb:  So when are you going to find out if you are accepted to these schools?  
Me: I don't know, maybe a month or longer.  
Husb:  Can't you just call the school and tell them that you really need to know right now?
 

HAHAHA!     If only.....

[hwrios]

one more funny thing my husband said: 

"You will definitely get into ----------.  The schools in New York take anybody."  

Wow.  Thanks.  If only.....

[TeaGirl]

Parent/family member/Advisor after getting my first acceptance telling random strangers, colleagues and everyone they meet "Oh, TeaGirl is going to University X for her PhD!"

Questions ensue about specific plans, travel dates, etc.

 

Err.... I don't even know I'm going there yet!!

[lelia]

"So, you're leaving Germany to study German in America?!"

And then they ask where I applied, and as soon as they find out it is not California (or Harvard), they look confused... then pitying... and then a little bit embarassed that they even know about my pathetic plan.

Fun fun fun!

[Solnce]

'When then are you going to start your career - when you are 50?' Stupid.

[Dawg05]

haha! this thread is so funny.  

Here is a conversation with me and my husband: 

Husb:  So when are you going to find out if you are accepted to these schools?  

Me: I don't know, maybe a month or longer.  

Husb:  Can't you just call the school and tell them that you really need to know right now?

 

HAHAHA!     If only.....

This is the best one yet! Bless his heart...

[pears]

"See, what were you worried about, I knew you'd get in." 

 

ugh, this! what do you even say to that? "invalidating my emotional rollercoaster that's lasted a few weeks too long is totally the best way to say 'congrats' ever! thanks!"

 

a good friend of mine who's almost 5 months along in her first pregnancy (aka, starting to show) hears this line a lot, too. like any good first-time mom, she's always nervous before dr. visits, but whenever things go well, most people say "see! i knew you'd be fine," as if they somehow know better than she herself does about her own pregnancy, or as if a bit of healthy concern is pointless. oy. just say "you're doing great!" or "wow, that's great news!" people! stop digging your own graves!

[bedmas]

my dad has said (more than once) "well, you have to let us know about each school either way."

 

nooo, i'm going to withhold that information.     i live with my parents and this will be my first time moving away... i'd say that they're pretty involved in this whole process and obviously i'll be letting them know.

[briannemg]

Me: "I got an interview!"

Family: " For a job?"

Me: "No for grad school!"

Family: "Oh...."  

 

*seriously I only talk about it everyday*

 

"Where did you apply?"

"all over, to like 15 schools"

"uh, why so many?" - BECAUSE IT IS COMPETITIVE!!!!

 

"I got an interview at Univ. of North Dakota!!!!"

*ugly face* "what is in North Dakota, isn't it cold there?"

"A flippin awesome PhD program for counseling psychology"

 

"So what are you up to?"

"Applying to phd programs"

" Isn't that a lot of work?"

LOL

 

 

I have given up on telling people my updates because everyone is a debbie downer or just don't "get it"

 

My fav- "So what programs are you applying to?" "Counseling psychology" "Oh, so you want to read minds?"

 

....huh?

 

I have nothing to add, I just was excited because I haven't seen anyone else applying to North Dakota.

[lmt007]

"Well, there are lots of jobs in (insert big city here)."

[FCP]

My favorites (in no particular order) from the first 15 pages of this thread (which BTW is awesome!):

 

2. "And what are you going to do when you're done?" (absolutely no one cares about what I'll do when I'm there)

 

 

"Oh, I 'm sure they'll just snap you up everywhere!" no help, there.

Or this gem, from my Mom: "Honey, you HAVE a degree. Just settle down, have some kids, and be happy with it."

 

 

I hate the "You'll get in somewhere" thing! My partner's parents and I had an awkward conversation which consisted of "Well, what would a sociology professor teach?" "Um, sociology?" "And what is that, exactly?"

 

 

"Why are you getting a Ph.D in that? There's no money in that field."
 

 

 

"Oh, you will get in" when referring to #3 program in the nation

 

 

"How are you going to pay for it?"
 

"So you're applying to a psychology PhD program? How many years is that, like 2 or 3?"

"Uh 5 years, plus an internship, plus a 2 year postdoc"

"Oh that's a lot! Well at least you'll be making bank when you're done!"

"Wellll, not exactly..."

 

 

Are you sure that invite letter is real and not a scam email? Like the Craigslist murderer? Can't trust the computer.
Why didn't they contact you through mail? I hope it isn't a scam! I bet the rejections are a scam! You never applied there in the first place; it was an information-collecting mill.
Parent: I don't care, you're bringing me to that grad dinner or I'll be very hurt. I can be a guest. Anyway, I want to see that school. Please don't run away from me...

 

 

I love it when people ask me how I'm going to pay for it... I tell them I am so in demand that the grad schools actually PAY me to attend If nothing else it makes them stop prying into my personal finances and then they quickly become interested in what I am studying

(Of course I usually end up telling them how little money I will make when I graduate which then convinces them to *not* talk their child/niece/neighbor's kid into studying anthropology)

 

 

From my mother yesterday after my first acceptance: "Great! Now we can find you a nice husband!"
Thank you mother? As if getting my PhD was really the more socially acceptable cover-up for getting my MRS degree?

 

 

"well I guess you can finally be a doctor ... just wish you had stuck with the math then you could be a real doctor"

 

 

"how could you be rejected? You're the smartest person I know!"
Perhaps, but that says more about you than it does about me.......

 

 

Upon calling to tell my Mom I was accepted to CUNY with funding:

Mom: Well, didn't you already get accepted there?

Me: No... I got an interview. Not the same thing.

Mom: Oh. Well I already told you you would get in everywhere. Hasn't anything interesting happened in your life?

Thanks Mom, your enthusiasm is contagious!

[FCP]

Favorites from page 16-30 on this thread (in no particular order): 

 

I definitely love the assumption that just because I'm applying I will A) get in and must be brilliant at everything.

But my #1 favorite so far was " biological research, why would you do that? Is there even money in that anymore?"

That was from my doctor at my last check up

 

 

This is a new one, from a co-worker.

"You don't need luck, you're smart!"

 

 

I texted my dad to tell him I got an acceptance + TAship. He asked how much they were offering & I told him 9k. To which he replied "HOLY SHIT!"

Really? I wasn't sure how to respond to that, but turns out he thinks that it's a great deal. Not sure 9k warrants a "holy shit!" even if it's just a master's, but okay dad. I appreciate the enthusiasm.

 

 

So what are you doing right now?

I've just finished my Master's.

So you're going to find a job now?

No, I've applied to do my PhD in Cognitive Neuroscience

Cognitive what? That has something to do with the brain right? (lay people really get a sense of pride from that keen observation).

Um, yes....*facepalm*

So what can do with that? Become a psychologist? Can you like, ANALYZE ME?

NO (exacerbated). I will do research on how the brain works.

What do you mean?

Never mind.....

 

 

After being rejected from Harvard, mother says: "Oh no, NOW how will you ever find a good and smart husband?"
Not like I was getting my PhD just for my MRS degree, but thank you mother for having faith in the men at the schools I was accepted into? And wait, what does that say about me in your eyes? O.o?!?!

 

 

What exactly can you even do with a Women's Studies degree?

 

 

Over brunch my father asked, "Why can't you just call the school to see if they'll tell you (the admissions decision) early?"

 

 

"You applied to 12 schools?! It can't be that hard to get in."

Relative: So, ready for the job hunt?

Me: I'm going to grad school, actually.
Relative: Oh, you got in?
Me: ...yes.
Relative: How long does grad school take? Two years?
Me: Closer to five for a Ph.D, usually.
Relative: What are you studying again?
Me: Linguistics.
Relative: ...and what are you going to do with a Ph.D in that??!

(it never ends, I swear.)

 

 

I have a BA and applied for an MA in International Affairs...

Me: I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get into grad school

Mom: What about engineering? All of the CEOs are engineers. You could get another undergrad?

Me: Seriously?!

 

 

Okay, my favorite (not): "But what are you going to DO with that?!" My mother [the MD] must have asked - in a sad, bewildered tone - at least 20 times so far.

 

 

More variety of people this time:

Wow, have you seen how much stipend money school X gives? Man, some of us have to work for a living.

 

 

Backstory: applied to 1 graduate program last year (d'oh!), didn't get in.

Mother-in-law (to my husband): Have you heard back from any graduate programs yet?
Husband: Not yet but...
Mother-in-law: So what if she doesn't get in this year? Do you have a Plan B?
Husband: Well, we're still waiting to....
Mother-in-law: DOES THAT MEAN YOU'LL HAVE BABIES?!?!?!?!
Husband: *Crickets*


Uhm, yes. This is a binary circumstance; having children and getting an advanced education are mutually exclusive. Clearly, one either has a master's degree or is a mother.

 

 

have heard all of these...


1. Don't worry it will work out.
2. Linguistics isn't that competitive its not even science
4. If you get a Phd you'll be how old before you get out of schooL?!?!

 

 

"Since you already have a Master's degree shouldn't you be working some fancy corporate job or on wall street and making over $80,000 already?"

--People who obviously hadn't applied to a job in the past few years

 

 

Brace yourselves, I've been keeping a list of the insensitive stuff people have said to me throughout this process in order to try and get a laugh out of all the misery.


• "Just like... don't think about it." Silly me! I should have thought of that!
• "So what are you going to study?" Honestly? IF I get in, I'll do whatever they tell me to do and love the heck out of it.
• "Guess you'll just have to wait and see..." OMG! You're like, totally wise!
• "What are you doing after you finish undergrad?" Don't know yet. Wish I did. What I do know is that I dislike you right now.
• "Wouldn't you rather get a real job and make some money?" See, for some of us, the money isn't important.
• "So when are you going to hear back?" If I knew do you think I'd be in this constant state of full on panic?
• "But I mean, you're SO SMART, you're gonna get in everywhere, so just stop worrying." Because smart is clearly all that matters.
• “You have to get in SOMEWHERE…” Actually that’s a common misconception.

 

 

Old man friend: So, are you going to get your Masters?
Me: Actually, I'm planning on going straight for the Ph.D.
Old man friend: Why would you do that? Why wouldn't you get a Masters?
Me: Well, because I want to be a professor and do research, and that requires a Ph.D.
Old man friend: Well, I hear Masters are in pretty high demand these days. Maybe you should get a Masters.
Me: I think a Ph.D. is more useful for what I'm hoping to do, and it entails a Masters....
Old man friend: Well, you should get a Masters instead. You won't be able to get a job if you don't get a Masters.
Me: I already have a job in my field.
Old man friend: Oh. Well, you should still get a Masters.

 

but my favorite is... "whatever happens will be the best option for you. Everything happens for a reason."

Maybe I should put that on my resume under education, "everything happens for a reason"
 

 

 

My mother after telling her I was rejected from Stanford: "Can't you just call them and tell them how interested you are in the program?"

No mom. It doesn't work that way, and even if it did, it's not the best fit for me anyway.

 

 

My friend: Did you get into the grad school you wanted?
Me: Yeah, I received financial aid!
My friend: Great, so how much?
Me: XX dollars, which covers tuition and living costs.
My friend: Only that much! So you wont be able to save money.
Me: (No comment)

 

 

1. Parents: "Why don't you just try to work at the bank?" Well maybe because my field is Architecture, Urban Planning and Design!!

 

~random people : "damn! u r a smart pants aint ya?"

[FCP]

My favorites from pages 31-50 - in no particular order. I hope everyone likes my summary of this thread. 

Me: "I got into School A's PhD program!"
Someone I know (not really a friend): "School A?? I thought you wanted to go to school B? Where is school A anyway?"

Is it REALLY THAT HARD to say a simple "congrats" first, before bombarding me with those questions????

 

 

Them: "So you're graduating this year? What are you going to do after you graduate?"
Me: "Well, if all goes according to plan, graduate school."
Them: "Oh, what do you want to study?"
Me: "I want to get my PhD in computer science with a focus on artificial intelligence and robotics."
Them: 0_0
Them: "...So like Terminator and stuff?"
Me: Sigh...

 

 

A few weeks after I told my Mom I wanted to go to grad school, I was watching reruns of an old tv show.

Mom: "Are you getting your PhD because <character on tv show> got her PhD?"
Me: (in my head) Yes, Mom, I've decided to spend 5+ years of my life in grad school because she did. Obviously I couldn't have made this decision for any other reason...

 

 

spouse: but you have a good job, how are you going to make money in grad school?
me: how about I only go if I get funded.
spouse: but will they give you enough to pay rent, utilities, and groceries for us?
me: <<shrug>> maybe enough to get by, but not much more...you know, I think there are two able-bodied adults in this house, though - since you're done with school you ***could*** try looking for a job...
spouse: yeah but...how much will you make when you get out?

 

 

In-laws: What are you getting your degree in?
Me: Clinical psychology.
In-laws: I sincerely hope you can fix our family!
Me: ..... I want to work in a prison.
In-laws: Oh.

 

 

Them: "You did great on the GRE! Of course you'll get in everywhere."

Me: "Well, that's not the only thing they look at. In fact, it's probably the least important part of the application."

Them: "Oh, well, what do they look at then?"

Me: "Research experience."

Them: "You have that!"

Me: "Not enough. Some people have publications already."

Them: "Oh. How do they expect you to do that?"

 

 

Cousin (loudly): "So I hear you are moving to Pennsylvania!?!".  

Me: No...where did you hear that?

Cousin: "My dad said that you are moving there, he heard it from your dad."

Me: "What?  I'm not moving to Pennsylvania.  Why would he say that?"

Cousin:  "He said you're going there for grad school."

Me: "You mean because I applied to Penn State?  I just applied that's all!  I applied to a lot of schools all over the country."

Cousin:  "Oh, well my dad is telling everyone you are going there."

Me: *sigh*

Aunt (laughing): "You know how he always gets everything confused!"

 

 

"But what about my grandchildren?!?!?!" 

 

 

I am also an only child, and I'm turning blue in the face trying to explain to my mom why she shouldn't pack up and follow my husband and I wherever I get in. She seems to think that I'll move this once, graduate, then get a job at the same university. And is unwilling to listen to anyone tell her otherwise. Oy. Just what I need is her following me.

 

 

This makes me picture the adcom as just a group of evil masterminds, making arbitrary decisions with the sole purpose of causing the most frustration.

 

 

 

"Oh you're applying to neuroscience programs? My [insert relative] has [insert neurological condition].  you should try to cure that"

 

I've been asked to cure alzheimer's, schizophrenia, parkinson's, and brain cancer so far...none of which are related to my research

 

 

I am so sick of hearing "You got this!" From friends and family. What part of only 25 selected out of 3000+ applications don't they understand!!!

 

 

I got the "What do you want to do after [MA/MLIS] graduation?" speech from my father a couple of days ago. Dad, let me focus on the fact my applications are JUST in and I need to know what CONTINENT I'll be on before I start making after-graduation plans.

 

Last year after my partner proudly told his family how I was accepted into [ivy School X] his (jerky) uncle said: Well it's not like there was more than ten people applying to that school for a PhD in *Art History* (asterisks added to denote his tone of utter contempt for my chosen field)

So humiliating and infuriating.

 

 

 

I don't think there's a jury in the world that would vote to convict.

 

 

"Hey, shouldn't you be hearing back from some of these schools soon?"
 

 

 

"Heard anything yet? No? Not from anyone? Well when will you know?"

 

 

 

"Are you trying to avoid the real world?"  (because academia is sooooo easy, right?!  grrr!)

 

"Do you really need ANOTHER degree?".  (it's not about the number of degrees!  it's about doing what you love!)

 

"See, what were you worried about, I knew you'd get in." 

 

'When then are you going to start your career - when you are 50?' Stupid.

Edited February 7, 2013 by FCP

[kaloskagathos]

friend: The thing is, as much as grad school will suck, it's kind of perfect for you.  And you have people to pay for it.

me: Well, my programs are funded, yes.

friend: Also grandparents, no?

me: The programs are fully funded. I'm not expecting to need it.

friend: Huh.  Well.

me: I can live on [generous stipend], I think.

 

My friend was also planning to apply for PhD programs this cycle until a couple months ago.

[RiffRam]

I can't believe I forgot this one:

"Doesn't School X have a crappy football team? Why do you want to be associated with that crap?" Literally no words... smh