attraction to PI?

[samruns]

I realize that this is a super weird question but am wondering if anyone else has found themselves in the situation.

 

My PI is a very attractive man in his late 30s. He is brilliant, good looking, dresses well, etc. I find myself attracted to him unfortunately and I think the feeling is mutual. It is always awkward when we are alone in his office and there is always tons of sexual tension (at least I feel it).

 

Now, let me say that I would NEVER pursue this or let it turn into anything and I don't think that he would try anyway. He has a family and I have a SO who I would never ever ever cheat on. The tension is there whether I like it or not though and even though most of our meetings are in group settings, 100% avoidance of 1 on 1 meetings isnt an option.

 

I am just wondering if anyone else has had a similar situation before and how you dealt with it. Obviously, I will be ignoring the feelings as much as possible.

[AwesomeBird]

OooOOooo...  now this is interesting. I say embrace it. I mean... don't ACT on it, but there's nothing wrong with an INNOCENT sense of flirtation; in fact it's fun, healthy, exciting.  I could NEVER understand the notion that once you start dating someone/get married/committ to a relationship any sense of sexual attraction to anyone else is unacceptable and should never be felt and if it is it should be pushed deep deep down in the pit of your soul where it will turn into a rotting repression that will eventually lead to cancer and certain death.... okay, I'm exaggerating slighty, but in all honestly, it's human nature. Don't feel bad or guilty or nervous. Enjoy it. Really. Oh.. and watch American Beauty. Note, he (Kevin Spacey) never seals the deal, but the awakening he has simply from the feeling and fantasy of sexual attraction is enough to completely change his life and perspective.

[samruns]

OooOOooo...  now this is interesting. I say embrace it. I mean... don't ACT on it, but there's nothing wrong with an INNOCENT sense of flirtation; in fact it's fun, healthy, exciting.  I could NEVER understand the notion that once you start dating someone/get married/committ to a relationship any sense of sexual attraction to anyone else is unacceptable and should never be felt and if it is it should be pushed deep deep down in the pit of your soul where it will turn into a rotting repression that will eventually lead to cancer and certain death.... okay, I'm exaggerating slighty, but in all honestly, it's human nature. Don't feel bad or guilty or nervous. Enjoy it. Really. Oh.. and watch American Beauty. Note, he (Kevin Spacey) never seals the deal, but the awakening he has simply from the feeling and fantasy of sexual attraction is enough to completely change his life and perspective.

 

haha thanks for the advice.

 

I will clarify that my resistance to the flirty thing has less to do with morals and more do to being in a very male dominated program and lab. Seriously, imagine the big bang theory. Thats my lab group. I am sort of the Penny of the group (except inteligence wise). I don't mean that in a bragging sort of way... I am just trying to paint the picture that i don't have the standard nerd look and I am surrounded by a bunch of men who don't seem to take me seriously until midterms come around and I kick their butts on the test. I think that my PI currently thinks pretty highly of me since I have been working my butt off in the lab but I don't want to lose that and be thought of as that ditzy, flirty girl since I work hard to fight that actually.

 

That explains why I am feeling a bit unsure about it. I work really hard impress him and don't want to ruin that by turning out relationship from professional to all flirty.

[ExponentialDecay]

once you start dating someone/get married/committ to a relationship any sense of sexual attraction to anyone else is unacceptable

 

there is a danger of leading people on. i think some people take flirting more seriously than others.

 

 

I don't want to lose that and be thought of as that ditzy, flirty girl

 

here's my take on feminism. nothing good comes of acting unprofessionally in a professional setting, but nothing good comes of denying your impulses either. it takes a lot of courage to be able to admit "vulnerable" things like being attracted to somebody, or being a woman who must exist in a male-dominated environment and find a way to express her gender and sexuality. i think people would respect you for that.

[munchlax]

Wow are you me? I made a separate account just to post this because I can relate almost 100%. I ended up telling my SO about the situation. He took it really well and basically we talked about things so thoroughly that I couldn't really think anything about my PI without my SO in the picture, which helped me a lot. (I'm still with the same SO three years later, and on great terms with my PI as well. In retrospect, it wasn't so bad and at least it gave me some extra motivation to work hard for him!)

Edited April 3, 2014 by munchlax

[AwesomeBird]

haha thanks for the advice.

 

I will clarify that my resistance to the flirty thing has less to do with morals and more do to being in a very male dominated program and lab. Seriously, imagine the big bang theory. Thats my lab group. I am sort of the Penny of the group (except inteligence wise). I don't mean that in a bragging sort of way... I am just trying to paint the picture that i don't have the standard nerd look and I am surrounded by a bunch of men who don't seem to take me seriously until midterms come around and I kick their butts on the test. I think that my PI currently thinks pretty highly of me since I have been working my butt off in the lab but I don't want to lose that and be thought of as that ditzy, flirty girl since I work hard to fight that actually.

 

That explains why I am feeling a bit unsure about it. I work really hard impress him and don't want to ruin that by turning out relationship from professional to all flirty.

 

 

Wow... I'm sorry, but that is such a limited idea of flirtation.... I'm basically saying enjoy the relationship you have with your PI and stop worrying so much about consequences, hesitations, threats, and ESPECIALLY what other people are thinking of you. You two are adults, yes? There's nothing wrong with attraction and sexual tension in healthy doses. There exists a line. Don't cross it and you're fine. That's all I'm saying.

[gr8pumpkin]

 

I am just wondering if anyone else has had a similar situation before and how you dealt with it.

 

Yes.  By masturbating.

 

I'm not joking.

[Fayon]

This thread disgusts me. I honestly believe you shouldn't FEEL attracted to someone other than your SO, which apparently you people are. It is okay to recognize that someone is attractive, but to actively think and dream about it is repulsive.

 

Apparently it takes a certain kind of good person to be able to be loyal in action and thought. I'm glad both me and my SO are like this.

[AwesomeBird]

This thread disgusts me. I honestly believe you shouldn't FEEL attracted to someone other than your SO, which apparently you people are. It is okay to recognize that someone is attractive, but to actively think and dream about it is repulsive.

 

Apparently it takes a certain kind of good person to be able to be loyal in action and thought. I'm glad both me and my SO are like this.

 

Hahahahahaha!

[gr8pumpkin]

This thread disgusts me. I honestly believe you shouldn't FEEL attracted to someone other than your SO, which apparently you people are. It is okay to recognize that someone is attractive, but to actively think and dream about it is repulsive.

 

Apparently it takes a certain kind of good person to be able to be loyal in action and thought. I'm glad both me and my SO are like this.

 

You can't be serious. For one thing, I'd bet a certain amount of folding-money that your SO watches porn behind your back, just based on the numbers.

[Fayon]

You can't be serious. For one thing, I'd bet a certain amount of folding-money that your SO watches porn behind your back, just based on the numbers.

Nope (not even joking). Don't try to group everyone with your habits.

[bsharpe269]

This thread disgusts me. I honestly believe you shouldn't FEEL attracted to someone other than your SO, which apparently you people are. It is okay to recognize that someone is attractive, but to actively think and dream about it is repulsive.

 

Apparently it takes a certain kind of good person to be able to be loyal in action and thought. I'm glad both me and my SO are like this.

 

First, sex is natural. People cant control their biological feelings. They can only control whether they act on them.

 

Second, I don't think the OP mentions dreaming and actively thinking about the person. They also say that they would "NEVER pursue this." That isn't disgusting? They are controling any feelings because they care about their SO.

 

Also, you cant really say what your SO thinks about... you have no idea.

[ss2player]

This thread disgusts me. I honestly believe you shouldn't FEEL attracted to someone other than your SO, which apparently you people are. It is okay to recognize that someone is attractive, but to actively think and dream about it is repulsive.

 

Apparently it takes a certain kind of good person to be able to be loyal in action and thought. I'm glad both me and my SO are like this.

 

Oh snap, we got a mind reader here!

[DropTheBase]

Yes.  By masturbating.

 

Fact: the PI's doing the same.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Nope (not even joking). Don't try to group everyone with your habits.

I slept with your SO last night.

[ExponentialDecay]

[Munashi]

[spectastic]

the demon always finds a way out. 

[ahlatsiawa]

^ http://themetapicture.com/the-kraken-has-learned-to-release-itself/

[DeafAudi]

I think this is the next most entertaining thread I've come across besides the "How to find a husband in graduate school" thread.

[DigDeep(inactive)]

Hahahahahaha!

 

This. The part where you laughed heartily in his/her face and made me choke on my coffee. 

[ExponentialDecay]

 "How to find a husband in graduate school" 

 

Answer: do a PhD in engineering.

 

 

although for some, even a BS is enough.

[gr8pumpkin]

 

Also, you cant really say what your SO thinks about... you have no idea.

 

Exactly.

[gr8pumpkin]

I think this is the next most entertaining thread I've come across besides the "How to find a husband in graduate school" thread.

 

Oh, I just HOPE it goes on for another epic thirty pages.

[NothingButTheRain]

I'm always attracted to irrationals...