attraction to PI?

[GeoDUDE!]

i'd do it. what ever. life is short

[St Andrews Lynx]

Don't worry OP, you'll end up hating your PI at some point during your PhD. Everyone does.

[Ambystoma]

I don't think this is that abnormal, you clearly know that taking any action on this is not an option so I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. We are only human after all, except those people that claim to never be attracted to anyone but their SO, they must be cyborgs.

[i.am.me]

Hm. So what is the big...deal?

 

The situation does not really seem to be different from being attracted to a co-worker or a boss much. I think it's good to recognize the attraction and appreciate their attractive good looks FROM A SAFE DISTANCE. --> assuming you still want to be with your SO. 

Edited April 5, 2014 by i.am.me

[the_sheath]

Yeah, so I'm from SoCal and there are certain places I can go and see a new attractive person every 10 seconds. I fully acknowledge this. I don't think it's bad to be flirty, since banter is fun and harmless. I honestly cannot see how flirting with absolutely no intent to pursue from either side is inherently morally bad. Unless you're insecure or on a high horse, I guess.

[spellbanisher]

You people need more religion in your lives. Here are some words of wisdom from the reverend Donne.

I can love both fair and brown,

Her whom abundance melts, and her whom want betrays,

Her who loves loneness best, and her who masks and plays,

Her whom the country formed, and whom the town,

Her who believes, and her who tries,

Her who still weeps with spongy eyes,

And her who is dry cork, and never cries;

I can love her, and her, and you, and you,

I can love any, so she be not true.

Will no other vice content you?

Will it not serve your turn to do as did your mothers?

Or have you all old vices spent, and now would find out others?

Or doth a fear that men are true torment you?

O we are not, be not you so;

Let me, and do you, twenty know.

Rob me, but bind me not, and let me go.

Must I, who came to travail thorough you,

Grow your fixed subject, because you are true?

Venus heard me sigh this song,

And by love's sweetest part, variety, she swore,

She heard not this till now; and that it should be so no more.

She went, examined, and returned ere long,

And said, Alas! some two or three

Poor heretics in love there be,

Which think to ’stablish dangerous constancy.

But I have told them, Since you will be true,

You shall be true to them who are false to you.

Edited April 6, 2014 by spellbanisher

[rising_star]

Too bad your PI is married and you're involved. Otherwise, you might've just found a less competitive way to a tenure-track position (the spousal hire). Ah well. Just establish some clear personal boundaries (in your head and possibly with your SO) and make sure you stay within them. What munchlax did seems wise.

 

Now I wish I were in a field with attractive PIs!

[KindaHardWorker]

Keep the door open during meetings

[PsycD]

I wish...

[wildviolet]

Oh, wow.

 

If I were in your situation, I would probably... definitely fantasize about him. But, I wouldn't "flirt" at all or do anything in his presence to make it seem as if I were interested. It's a tough situation. I hope it works out for you!

[mandarin.orange]

There was a thread here a few years ago about intellectual crushes on PIs and so many people came out of the woodwork to say they experienced it as well. I wish I could find it, but have never found the GC search function very intuitive.

 

One woman in particular mentioned that the moment she saw an email from her PI hit her Inbox, she'd close the office door, put on some classical music, and then open the message to read it reverently.

[mandarin.orange]

There was a thread here a few years ago about intellectual crushes on PIs and so many people came out of the woodwork to say they experienced it as well.

 

Guys...GUYS I I am so glad that the precious proposal-writing time I gave up to do this, was not in vain!

OK so had it backwards, the OP mentioned turning off her music, but still had the objective of taking in every word of her intellectual crush. Not sure why she got downvoted...felt she was kind of poking fun at herself more than anything.

 

And just to add, b/c this thread has made me wonder, would I crush on my PI? Answer: GOD NO. Personality wise, he reminds me so much of an uncle of mine: intense, Type A, extroverted, even some overlapping interests/hobbies. So it's the generational gap/incestuousness of it that makes this a NOPE.

Edited April 20, 2014 by mandarin.orange

[Maleficent999]

I have sexual dreams about this one professor from undergrad sometimes. We still keep in touch so I think it is just an intellectual crush because in person I'm not physically attracted to him at all. I wake up from these dreams feeling aroused and very confused. I try not to think about it too deeply.

Edited April 21, 2014 by Maleficent999

[personalityresearcher]

The thought of doing something with my PI is as gross to me as doing something with my brother. My PI is young and good-looking - many students find him attractive. Still...gross.

[juilletmercredi]

^gotta agree with personalityresearcher, but only at this point.  It's from 6 years of an advisor-advisee relationship.  Not gonna lie, though, I was attracted to my advisor when I first met him.  It wasn't really a crush, though, more just like "Whoa, this guy is kind of hot."  Absolutely not a problem now - he's more like a...well, not a father figure because he's too young, but a wise older cousin?

 

Funny though, he came to a party in my secondary department during my second year, I think, and a couple of students did think he was my boyfriend (we're both black...and in the extreme minority, so, I suppose an understandable assumption to make...?)  Even by that point the mentoring relationship had evolved enough that that was just hilarious (to both of us) as opposed to awkward.

 

Don't worry OP, you'll end up hating your PI at some point during your PhD. Everyone does.

 

You know, I was actually fortunate enough to have this not happen to me.  There have been times that I've been frustrated with him, but I can't remember a time that I was genuinely pissed at him.

Edited May 2, 2014 by juilletmercredi

[fancyfeast]

Ugh. Ok. This just reminded me of a dream I thought I had forgotten in which I hooked up with my PI. I just took it as one of "those" dreams that didn't mean anything, since I had never once thought of him that way, but I did struggle to make decent eye contact with him for a week because of how embarrassed I was.