Let’s just TALK about it...

[khigh]

13 minutes ago, katpillow said:

Too old for a dream? Never in a million years, even. You may be older than me (I have no idea), but if the dream is something you long for, don't let anything stop you. For my programs, I'm on the older end of the applicant pool, and for a while it really bothered me, deep down. I'm not actually old, it just feels like I am because the average age of the incoming class for my programs tends to float around 23-24 at most. I'll be hitting 30 when I (hopefully) start this fall, and though it still has an impact on certain aspects of my adult life (cough cough, income, social pool, etc), I have learned to not give a damn and just roll with it. I currently room with two history PhD students, they're a cool crowd. I hope that it all works out for you!!!

Minneapolis is a pretty cool city, though. 

I'll be 32 when I start.  The boyfriend will be 40 if I go back. My peers would be in their early 20s. It's just weird because they don't yet understand a house with bills, divorce, jobs, etc. I've been on my own for 14 years now and I don't do roommates (other than the boyfriend) and that's odd for the group around here because rent is so high. We'll be giving up our only steady stream of income and will honestly need to use student loans even with the stipend because even our modest lifestyle will not hold. I would be giving up a very good paying job, so that's a little nerve wracking and we are also to the point where if we don't have any children in the next few years, we likely will not have any. I started back at my undergrad when I was 27 so I know a lot of the struggle of going back after being established, but the average age of students there is 28.  It's in a military town, so most of the students are military spouses, retired military, or active duty soldiers doing Green to Gold.  We all knew life outside and had families and bills and houses to take care of. 

I see you're in Chicago. I can't wait to visit there, but I promised the boyfriend I would not until he gets home from researching in Berlin.  We are both lifelong Cubs fans and I have never been to Wrigley Field, so he wants to see my reaction (probably a lot of crying). I finally got to see them play in Milwaukee, but that's only Wrigley North. I'm from a more southern state, but Minneapolis has really grown on me.  I caught myself saying "oh, fer cute" today and that's the moment I knew we would be staying here. 

[katpillow]

4 minutes ago, khigh said:

It's just weird because they don't yet understand a house with bills, divorce, jobs, etc.

We are both lifelong Cubs fans

Preach. All of my peers in my master's program were all 22-23 when we started, and my nickname became Dad. I hated it in the beginning, but realized that all the life experience/knowledge I got after undergrad is worth the title. I often worry about ending up in a situation where having kids might become an impossibility, but the more time goes on, the more at peace I become with kids vs no kids. Be proud of where you are so far, and lean on your boyfriend. It is truly rare that a PhD is an easy road to pave, especially for subjects like history. There is a lot of blood and sweat that goes into it, and it is in many ways a work of passion. If you're passionate, don't let life's hindrances stop you. Just because it seems like it might be hard to pull certain things off from your current perspective, remember that there exists another perspective where you are knee-deep in the decision to move forward with it, and more often than not you find a way to make it work and are happy you did it in the end. There will be unhappiness, too. There will always be trade-offs.

10/10 recommend that Wrigley visit. Tickets can be pricey, but there are some decent deals among tix that aren't obviously great (but are), such as the upper deck's first 10 rows or so behind home plate and the dugouts. I grew up outside of Chicago, so it's been a dream to actually live here for a while. I predict that my time here is finally coming to an end, though. Who knows what'll happen.

[Oli150]

The application waiting process has been mentally degrading. I have been waiting a while now, and I feel really insecure about my chances of making it into the grad school I applied for. My gpa is not high, and  I applied to only one graduate school. The wait times for the decision has been extended twice , and the wait is getting harder. 

[GreenEyedTrombonist]

On 12/21/2017 at 8:58 PM, Carly Rae Jepsen said:

I'm back at living with my parents and while they were kind to take me back as a college graduate, it hasn't been easy at times. I want an emancipation, so getting into a program is a very big deal.

...

It's strange, but right now we're all thinking that we can't wait to start our Ph.Ds, but if we get in a program we'll have endless work and be stressed haha. So I'll try to enjoy the peace for now. Venting out in this forum/support group helps a lot, as I'm not surrounded anymore by other students who are trying to get into graduate school as well.

1

I'm in a similar situation, Carly. My parents were kind enough to offer a place to stay while doing my MA (which has helped immensely with stress and bills), but I am anxious to get out on my own. At the same time, it's terrifying to be without the support.

If I let myself think about it, I start freaking out at the prospect of moving, paying a ton of bills, feeding myself (there's a history there-long story short, I am not great about remembering to eat), and imagining how my California-native self will do in a place that has real seasons and a real winter. I'm trying not to obsess over it, but it's hard to avoid. And then, of course, the other anxiety of classes and teaching on top of all these other changes. I think it's gonna be great, but that doesn't mean I'm not terrified.

[khigh]

4 minutes ago, GreenEyedTrombonist said:

I'm in a similar situation, Carly. My parents were kind enough to offer a place to stay while doing my MA (which has helped immensely with stress and bills), but I am anxious to get out on my own. At the same time, it's terrifying to be without the support.

If I let myself think about it, I start freaking out at the prospect of moving, paying a ton of bills, feeding myself (there's a history there-long story short, I am not great about remembering to eat), and imagining how my California-native self will do in a place that has real seasons and a real winter. I'm trying not to obsess over it, but it's hard to avoid. And then, of course, the other anxiety of classes and teaching on top of all these other changes. I think it's gonna be great, but that doesn't mean I'm not terrified.

I think you will come to enjoy winter.  Depending on where you are (and even in places you didn't think about), there's skiing, snowboarding, ski-kiting *look it up, popular activity here*, hockey, snowshoeing, hockey, broomball, ice fishing, oh, and hockey :). Bonus is you can live in a place where you can laugh at southerners when they talk about it being sooooo cold at 40 degrees (try windchill of -25 to -40 for Christmas Day here). Then again, I'm that weirdo that moved north because of winter. It's really not as bad as people say and here at the University of Minnesota, they actually have an underground tunnel system for campus so you never actually have to go outside.  Downtown has a Skyway, so again, you never have to go outside. Also gives a new meaning/facet to the Minnesota Golden Gophers.

[GreenEyedTrombonist]

@khigh I do enjoy winter activities, but I've never spent more than 2 weeks in the snow (and never was required to, if that makes sense). Between being a Californian and having low blood pressure, I get cold pretty easily. My concern is largely about clothing, having enough blankets, and how expensive heat will be.

And yes, it's currently 55 degrees outside and I am cold, haha.

[khigh]

5 minutes ago, GreenEyedTrombonist said:

@khigh I do enjoy winter activities, but I've never spent more than 2 weeks in the snow (and never was required to, if that makes sense). Between being a Californian and having low blood pressure, I get cold pretty easily. My concern is largely about clothing, having enough blankets, and how expensive heat will be.

And yes, it's currently 55 degrees outside and I am cold, haha.

Luckily, my apartment has all bills included (including propane). People up here swear by Northface and Columbia jackets or investing in a goose down coat. I have a bag in my car with snow pants and waterproof boots just in case because I work at a job right now that requires being outside when it snows.  I work in luxury car sales right now, so we have to clean the snow off cars each time we get more than 2" of the white stuff. I also recommend a balaclava (face covering) and usanka (Russian military hat). I just ordered a surplus Soviet Siberian coat.  If it works for Siberia, it should work for Minnesota. Plus, they have warehouses full of them and they are relatively expensive; officer coats are more fitted and stylish than enlisted.  Russian Navy coats are well made and you can easily switch out the buttons.

For home, you can get heated blankets and heated rugs if you have wood floors. I also have a buffalo hide blanket and some wool Army surplus blankets (they really are the best, though an ugly drab green). I also cover the windows in bubble wrap and plastic sheeting, which keeps the cold and wind out.  

[deleteaccount]

I turned down a job offer in order to apply to grad school, so I'd really like to feel like I didn't screw myself. Also, being severely underrepresented in my field, it would be nice to ameliorate my representation in academia. It'll probably be around a month until I hear anything good or bad, so I'm hating this waiting process. It's hard because I'm a senior in college who wants to enjoy my last year in college, but there's also a part of me that just wants everything to speed up so I can figure out what I'm doing with my life.

I only applied to 5 schools because I didn't want to waste time and money applying to schools where I didn't really want to go. I'm just hoping *again* that I didn't screw myself.

[ShewantsthePhD101]

I want into Brown's Religion and Critical Theory PhD more than I've wanted anything for a very long time. I had no clear favourite until roughly 3 week ago when I had a phone call with them, and they were excited about the work I want to do. I've never had anyone exited about what I want to study. It was exhilarating. But now I'm worried that I've set myself up to be crushed. I've done the best I can possibly do. I've got a quality SOP and LORs. My writing sample is good and my GRE is decent. But I keep competing with this perfect student in my head, and am consistently coming up short. Is it ok to let myself want something so specific and difficult to attain? What am I going to do now that my heart is set on this if it doesn't come to fruition? For the first time in my life I have aspirations that I am not confident I can fulfill, and I am scared.

[ShewantsthePhD101]

7 hours ago, GreenEyedTrombonist said:

@khigh I do enjoy winter activities, but I've never spent more than 2 weeks in the snow (and never was required to, if that makes sense). Between being a Californian and having low blood pressure, I get cold pretty easily. My concern is largely about clothing, having enough blankets, and how expensive heat will be.

And yes, it's currently 55 degrees outside and I am cold, haha.

Ginger helps with blood circulation, if you weren't aware. Hot ginger tea (especially if you add a little rum) while under and electric blanket with nice warm socks and a knit hat oughta keep just about any human being warm.  

Goodwill is always a great place to sweater shop - and ugly sweaters worn ironically is in right now, so ugly or cute it really doesn't matter.

You can totally do this.

[pataka]

4 hours ago, ShewantsthePhD101 said:

Is it ok to let myself want something so specific and difficult to attain? What am I going to do now that my heart is set on this if it doesn't come to fruition? For the first time in my life I have aspirations that I am not confident I can fulfill, and I am scared.

Of course! There are goals you just can't attain if you don't take this risk. You have to want it that badly. And you'll keep trying until you get it! You'll be okay <3

[LookingforMM]

I feel that everything is against me in the more selective departments I'm applying to.  My undergrad was several years ago, I majored in fields different from the one I'm going into, and on top of that I was a semi-underperforming student (four C grades, CGPA between 3.0 and 3.5, but with general upward trend).  Even though my GRE scores are great (V 99%, Q 76%, AW 98%), I have a lot to prove.  Putting in the application fee for Columbia felt like throwing money away...

On top of all that, I'm not going to hear back from any of these schools until February!  At least I got into a master's program at my safety school already.

Edited December 24, 2017 by LookingforMM

[ShewantsthePhD101]

17 hours ago, pataka said:

Of course! There are goals you just can't attain if you don't take this risk. You have to want it that badly. And you'll keep trying until you get it! You'll be okay <3

This just feels so much more risky than I am used to/comfortable with...

[LolJustAdmitMe]

As of late, I’ve really been at peace with the idea of ‘whatever happens, happens’. My top choice waitlisted me and for me, that’s 100X better than the 8 PhD rejections I’ve received within the past yr and I now know for a fact that I’ve given it my best shot(for now, can’t change anything really) and that’s REALLY been helping me move through the holidays but I’m sort of worried if the anxiety will return after the holidays knowing they could email me at anytime to say “We’d love to see you” or “I regret to inform you”. Mainly because there’s a higher chance I’ll receive a “We regret to inform you” and I know it will hurt the most after getting so close.

[lookingfortheson]

On 12/20/2017 at 2:11 PM, LolJustAdmitMe said:

People always urge others to find hobbies or things to keep them busy as they wait for their admissions results BUT what if we treated the process like therapy and talked about??? What if you were allowed to get those thoughts out? Maybe you’d be less inclined to think about it every 10 min (if you’re anything like me, my friends and family are TIRED of talking about it w/me). I say we give it a try and make a thread dedicated to talking about what schools we want to get into, why, why it *MEANS* so much, our worries, or really whatever comes to mind during the application process...shamelessly(I can think of a million times where I held back on a thread b/c I was scared my emotions were overkill lol).  Anybody???

I love this idea! I am fairly sure that my family is ready to put a muzzle on me.

I applied to one program and one program only.

Harvard's Ed.L.D. for System-Level leadership. They only accept 25 applicants so of course, it's a long shot. 

That's always how I've moved through life though, with long-shots.

It means so much to me because it would give me the opportunity to revolutionize the preK-12 education system in the US. The thing is, I plan to do this either way. The program would simply make the journey much easier. 

I applied to this program because it blends my passions and strengths. Education, Policy, Business and really Design. I've looked to see if there is anything similar, but there is not.

I'm also in the perfect spot right now in terms of my own life. I have a very supportive significant other who wants this as badly as I do. I feel that I've gone as far as I would like to go on my current trajectory with education. To be honest, the next step would be administration but I already have a masters and do not want to spend 2 years in school for a job that I am not passionate about. In my current situation, I have been able to have more influence as a classroom teacher on my school and in my district that I would have been able to as an administrator. The scene for administrators is very political and that's not a game that I am wanting to play. Nor do I think I can play it well.

I haven't thought too much about a back-up plan. I'll cross that bridge when and if I have to come to it. Right now, my soul focus has been on getting into the program. Long-shot and all.

[lookingfortheson]

 

On 12/21/2017 at 5:50 PM, LolJustAdmitMe said:

It’d be weird if I made this post and never shared my own feelings during this process, so I’ll share. For short, I have a lot of mixed feelings. This is my second round applying to PhD programs. I’ve watched my friends whom said they only wanted to get their PhD “for the title” get into PhD programs. I’ve had friends state that they wanted to get into the easiest program they could (one of them is flunking out rn) and get into programs. Despite the fact I felt my intentions were pure, motivated and shared the same educational background as them, I’ve failed to get into a program. In the past yr I’ve felt so embarrassed by it as countless people would ask “Why didn’t you get in??” and I have no good answer. But despite being left speechless by the question, it also hurts. Going into this round of applications felt more meaningful for me. I started to realize how EXPENSIVE it’s become. I’ve become more invested in the programs, POIs and the application process. This round would hurt even more than the last if I strike out, again. I’ve put so much effort and time in and I know I’m up against a million great applicants but *GOD* all I need is one shot. Just one interview and I have faith I could make into a Program. But I’m almost positive my GRE scores are the sole reason most schools would pass me up, despite all the great accomplishments I could bring to the table. So far this round, I have been rejected by one School and waitlisted by my top choice (which is a miracle in comparison to last yr’s turnout). I was heartbroken to not receive an invite but then I realized how lucky I was that they even considered to put me on their waiting list, which helped me stop crying and moping around about it.... So basically I’m super emotionally involved. I spend most of my work day worrying about it, hoping and praying I hear good news back but it really sucks when the odds are stacked disgustingly high against you. That’s all.

I can relate to you so much here. I think that your pure motivation says so much and will yield the results you are seeking. Thank you for starting this thread. I look forward to following your journey!

[mrs12]

Lately, especially over the holiday season, it's been very difficult to maintain my equilibrium. I tell myself all the time that I am a good candidate, that I am doing my best, and that I will find my way in life. But then everyone wants to tell me that I will get this or that, or that I have to do this or that because it worked for some other random person, or why should I be worried about my chances when it's all going to work out fine -- and I know they mean well, but it's upsetting. I prefer having very low hopes, and I usually manage to do that without feeling like I'm the wrong part of the equation. It's just a truth of the matter, at this stage everyone is amazing and my level of amazing isn't to such a degree as to make anything a guarantee. It's better to recognize that now, than think things will unfurl before me just because I have good intentions and am smart. So when everyone tries to tell me to stop being so negative, I don't think they realize that they're upsetting my careful balance and actually making me feel worse. If I'm okay with acknowledging the luck aspect of this whole process, that it's not entirely fair, and that my chances aren't guaranteed, then they should respect that. 

Because otherwise I start to wonder... What will they say when I get my inevitable rejects? Do they really just expect perfection? Why can't we celebrate the normal people in life? The people who keep going despite the hiccups and avalanches and rocky roads? What if I end up doing something totally different in life but I know I've tried my best, will they still be telling me it'll all work out and how I should just go for it again? 

I know they mean well, and I know too that they don't really understand the system, but sometimes I just want everyone to stop endlessly propping me up and to be more realistic about this process. A simple, "I believe in you, let's see what happens," would suffice. 

Wow... That was really helpful! I've never been able to say that to anyone, but it was really nice!

[AspiringGC]

Being a second year applicant, I feel like I have a lot riding on getting in this year.  My mother has been wonderful enough to cover the application expenses of applying to 8 schools both rounds... I feel like I would have to cover application costs if I were to apply a third time. Overall, my application is a lot better compared to the year before,  but I still don't feel great on it. I have kind of resigned myself to getting interviews from just two of the 8 schools (one where I know the program director and the other gives every applicant an interview). I'm not sure if that's being too pessimistic or what, but I really had my hopes crushed last year when I didn't even get an interview last year. I just really don't want to apply a third time... 

The other thing that sucks is I won't know till late April whether or not I get in. At least I'm working full-time and I have another class starting in January, so I will  be really busy with other things to help with the waiting period between applying and getting interviews. 

[basketballfrost]

On 23/12/2017 at 10:08 PM, Oli150 said:

The application waiting process has been mentally degrading. I have been waiting a while now, and I feel really insecure about my chances of making it into the grad school I applied for. My gpa is not high, and  I applied to only one graduate school. The wait times for the decision has been extended twice , and the wait is getting harder. 

Hey Oli150, I do understand the waiting anxiety. Unfortunately I can't tell you whether you'll be accepted or not. But if this is something you truly want try again later. Your low gpa will not be a problem if you show the admission office GRE subject tests, or at list with other great things on your application it will not have a bad weight on it. Don't worry too much on your application, whatever they decide on, does not reflect your own qualities as a person/researcher. 

You worked hard either way, and there is always compensation for hard work

[frenchlover]

On 12/24/2017 at 1:33 PM, LookingforMM said:

I feel that everything is against me in the more selective departments I'm applying to.  My undergrad was several years ago, I majored in fields different from the one I'm going into, and on top of that I was a semi-underperforming student (four C grades, CGPA between 3.0 and 3.5, but with general upward trend).  Even though my GRE scores are great (V 99%, Q 76%, AW 98%), I have a lot to prove.  Putting in the application fee for Columbia felt like throwing money away...

On top of all that, I'm not going to hear back from any of these schools until February!  At least I got into a master's program at my safety school already.

Completely feel ya. Want to cut out Columbia from my list; it's ridiculously competitive. Other schools too. Ugh.

[cashewmilk]

Can I just say, I love this thread! Feels like therapy for hopeful doctoral candidates, and im so here for it! 

[LolJustAdmitMe]

Ugh! I emailed my POI a paragraph restating my interest in the program, since I was placed as an interview alternate, and only received back a “Thank you for your email Tammy!”....Idk what I was expecting(lol jk I was expecting a “Actually a slot did open!”) but I have a tiny feeling I won’t be receiving an interview and that I’m prob at the bottom of the alternate list. It sucks but I feel like I’m going to half to accept that this year of applications may be a bust as well *sigh*  Maybe I’m just dramatic but I feel like the chances of getting off the alternate interview list are super slim, if not unrealistic.  

[LolJustAdmitMe]

24 minutes ago, cashewmilk said:

Can I just say, I love this thread! Feels like therapy for hopeful doctoral candidates, and im so here for it! 

I’m glad you love it!!

[LolJustAdmitMe]

20 hours ago, mrs12 said:

Lately, especially over the holiday season, it's been very difficult to maintain my equilibrium. I tell myself all the time that I am a good candidate, that I am doing my best, and that I will find my way in life. But then everyone wants to tell me that I will get this or that, or that I have to do this or that because it worked for some other random person, or why should I be worried about my chances when it's all going to work out fine -- and I know they mean well, but it's upsetting. I prefer having very low hopes, and I usually manage to do that without feeling like I'm the wrong part of the equation. It's just a truth of the matter, at this stage everyone is amazing and my level of amazing isn't to such a degree as to make anything a guarantee. It's better to recognize that now, than think things will unfurl before me just because I have good intentions and am smart. So when everyone tries to tell me to stop being so negative, I don't think they realize that they're upsetting my careful balance and actually making me feel worse. If I'm okay with acknowledging the luck aspect of this whole process, that it's not entirely fair, and that my chances aren't guaranteed, then they should respect that. 

Because otherwise I start to wonder... What will they say when I get my inevitable rejects? Do they really just expect perfection? Why can't we celebrate the normal people in life? The people who keep going despite the hiccups and avalanches and rocky roads? What if I end up doing something totally different in life but I know I've tried my best, will they still be telling me it'll all work out and how I should just go for it again? 

I know they mean well, and I know too that they don't really understand the system, but sometimes I just want everyone to stop endlessly propping me up and to be more realistic about this process. A simple, "I believe in you, let's see what happens," would suffice. 

Wow... That was really helpful! I've never been able to say that to anyone, but it was really nice!

This whole post is unbelievably relateable. I have so many friends and family members who treat me as if I’m Einstein and owe’d a spot in PhD programs. It’s like they don’t get how BIG and competitive PhD programs have become. My grandma swears it’s a simple as a phone call to get in haha! Bless her soul. It’s not just good grades and experience that get you in anymore. It’s so much more and you’re facing so many wonderful candidates that it’s hard to really believe it’ll work out, especially when you know what you’re up against. It would be 100% fabulous if people knew how to be supportive, yet realistic and that’s why I made this thread. A lot of our family and friends just don’t get it. Some of them are tired of hearing our worries that they equate to just being ‘anxious’, when in reality most of us KNOW the reality of this process. Great post! 

[LolJustAdmitMe]

20 hours ago, lookingfortheson said:

 

I can relate to you so much here. I think that your pure motivation says so much and will yield the results you are seeking. Thank you for starting this thread. I look forward to following your journey!

Awww thank you! Hopefully, we’ll all have PhD Cinderella endings! Lol