Teaching Faculty Wannabe

Boy problems! Who's got em? I got 'em too!

@IceCream & MatSci Same here. Hopefully its useful!!!

@ray92I haven't received anything official...and I'm starting my internship this week lol

That's a good one. I don't know about dating while doing a PhD because I am about to enter a PhD myself, but I do know dating while doing undergrad. From what I got from my experience, it was hard to find the balance between my social life, my studies, my health, and my boyfriend (ex now :/). My boyfriend and my social life were combined sometimes, but we also had to figure out when we could spend time with just the two of us. I will say that it also being my first relationship was overwhelming because I overthought a lot, I tried to spend as much time with him as I could (I actually spent too much time with him and eventually stopped hanging out with my friends, which is a big fat no-no), and in the end figured out that he was very toxic for me.
So, my advice to you is this:
1. If your first relationship will be in grad school, don't get swept up in it.  It is really easy to do, especially if it's your first one. There will be a honeymoon phase where you can't get enough of each other, but you have to remember that you have other things and other people in your life. Don't neglect your schoolwork nor the other relationships you have in your life.
2. Set boundaries with your significant others. Set up times weekly when you will get to see other, like a movie or date night. Don't spend every waking hour with them when you aren't in the lab or class. Of course, spend time with them, but this connects to number 1.
3. Make sure you have similar priorities. Is your partner also super focused on school? Are they okay with not seeing you in person everyday? Is your relationship causal or serious? Do they want it to become serious at some point? Are they okay with moving for a job or do they want to stay put? Etc. You don't have to talk about these things on your first date, but when things start getting serious, talking about these early on could save major heartbreak later.
4. Try not to date another grad student in your department. I have never technically never done this. I had a short fling with someone in the same graduating class and same department my senior year, and it wasn't fun when things ended. We still talked, but it did suck seeming them around. I have also gotten advice about this from other people, so I guess it's a common thing. I say TRY instead of DON'T because life happens. You can't really control who you develop a crush on.
5. Be there for each other, but don't become too dependent on them. This may sound weird because you do want to rely on your partner. However, don't become co-dependent. This will end up badly for the both of you.
6. You will probably get your heart broken during this process. I have dated two people already, and it was hard when they each came to an end. You can learn a lot from these experiences, and you want to use this knowledge to become a better partner and person. However, after break-ups or just even flings ending, it can be hard to do schoolwork and focus on things you need to get done.
I think, though, if you have a healthy relationship, each of you have talked about your goals (academic, professional, romantic, and personal), and have a general idea of when you will get to see each other while also having a life outside of your relationship, balancing a relationship with a PhD won't be extremely difficult. Sometimes it will be hard to find time to be with them, but if they are understanding about it, then I would think it would be okay.
I hope this helps!

I haven't heard anything official from GEM either but my internship starts next Monday

@IceCream & MatSci @cjmags  I have not heard anything either but I start mine this week!

So they finally got back to me and they basically told me they’re in the process of confirming everyone. So basically nothing really helpful 

@palyndrone@bibliophile222
1. I think the above two users did a good job of this. One thing I will point out is that if you are looking at apartment complexes, the leasing office will show you their best place. It will be like a showroom sort of thing. So, whenever you move, don't expect it to be that pristine, clean, and put together like the place they showed you. Also, ask what utilities (gas, electricity, wifi, heat, water, sewer, trash, recycling, cable, etc) are included and excluded in the rent?
2. 9 months would only be better if you are unsure about the place, but then that means you have to move earlier. So, it's up to you really. Be aware that the rent might be more expensive if you do a 9 moths lease.
3. and 4. It might be more expensive to live on campus, but if you are worried about loneliness, then this might be the best option. Living on campus connects you to the university and you can easily go to public places filled with students and go to school events.
I hope this helps!

I'm tired to defending my adulthood to people. I worked in the "real world" before coming to grad school, you can't just take my "adult" status away from me like that.
But the more I defend the more it's used against me, like a teenager saying they're an adult. I'm 24 year old, I live separate from my parents, I'm financially independent, I actually live on the opposite side of the continent from any sort of support network. I'm pretty sure I'm an adult. And yet, at least once every few weeks, I gotta have this same argument again and again. 

I think the relative perceived prestige of the two awards is going to be pretty field-dependent... Personally, I was in biomedical engineering and was more impressed that my cohort had an NDSEG recipient than any single one of the several GRFP recipients. If you're only looking at what your peers think that's not really the important part of the picture, though... What do your potential future funders/employers think?
Also you can put the fact that you received both awards on your CV even though you'll only accept one. So to me that's a reason to go for the better package (whichever you decide that is) while weighing less heavily how they are regarded as you'll still get some of the prestige benefit from the one you turn down.

Aside from safety, noise, and getting as much stuff included in rent as possible, these are probably my two most important factors in a place. Avoid oil heat like the plague: if you live in a cold climate, it'll cost you a fortune. Hundreds of dollars per fill up, multiple fill ups a year unless you keep it like a fridge all winter. Never again!
And not having laundry in the building royally sucks. I procrastinate doing laundry as much as possible because it's such a chore going to the laundromat. It's also a huge time sink because the wash cycle isn't long enough to go do anything. Then for the dry cycle you have time to drive home for a half hour and then drive back again. Never again!
Noise level is also very important to me. I would hate to have one of those apartments with thin walls where you can hear everything. Living in a house with one apartment per floor isn't that bad as far as noise goes, especially if you're on the top floor.

I'm just starting my PhD this fall too, but I've been renting for a couple years now!
Before you go apartment hunting, look up projected living expenses & utilities in your city, and figure out a rough budget. Doesn't have to be exact, just an estimate. Pick a range of what you're willing to spend on rent, and stick to it. Think about transportation too -- are you willing to pay a little more in rent if it means you won't have to buy gas/bus passes? (etc, etc)
Living on campus can be good if you've never been on your own before, because typically utilities and maybe wifi are included, and of course its right where you need to be. You can always live on campus for a year and then decide to move somewhere with less tailgating after you get a better idea of the area.
When you visit apartments, pay attention to the condition of the appliances and the bathroom especially. Find the nearest grocery store, hospital, laundromat, bus stop, etc. Some questions to ask:
Is the heat gas or electric? Is insurance required? Are there laundry facilities in the building? Are you responsible for repairs or is the landlord/super? What are the rules for having people stay over? Is it mostly students in the area or are there a lot of families and retirees? Always look up the landlord or agency and do some thorough vetting -- you really don't want to get ripped off out of your security deposit or have somebody walking in unannounced to inspect you! Look out for red flags on review sites, beyond the normal complaints of loud neighbors.
Good luck!

Me neither as well, I sent them an email just double checking that I did every step and when we will get an official acceptance letter, hopefully they’ll reply soon and I’ll relay that info here. 

The grad school I'm attending received my official transcripts so I am now fully admitted, and this is really happening! It's a bit surreal to think that I'm actually moving across the country and doing this soon.

I am thrilled for you. I hope we are both incredibly productive on our BME PhD endeavors

Having a hard time looking for this thread.
I just want to say Thanks to my PI, my hubby and my best friend for all the support that they gave me! I was at a very low place in Jan-Feb, then I hurt my arm in Feb doing kickboxing. OVERALL low due to not getting into school and doubting my abilities and feeling old...
Early April, my PI offered me a spot in his new research group. I missed the deadline to apply for Grad school in the school for Fall 2019. But he assured me he could get me in for Spring 2020. What would I do in those 6 months? Then he recommended me to discuss that option with his coworker/ friend. And he was able to convince my PI to pull me into the program for Fall 2019 instead. 
I am beyond happy and surprised. I applied late to the program (like the end of March) and got an offer letter a week later. Really thanks to my PI who are being very helpful to me. And my husband and best friend who were there for me. HERE I AM BME PHD! I am ready!  

I am very proud of all of those you got the award! That's awesome!
However, as a "Not Recommended" person with some conflicting reviews and I think a bit nitpicky at that, I feel defeated. The thing keeping me going is the fact that I got an internal fellowship and an external fellowship and I have an awesome PhD research advisor with great project ideas, which I feel super lucky about. Also, I can't let this experience as well as my successes define me, just have to put a little bit of effort into getting over the reveviewers' words. I guess you can't win them all.
Also, I am proud of myself for a good application in general. I didn't have a mentor to help me, and I wasn't even currently working on research at the time, but I did get help from two people, which I am super thankful for.
Good luck to everyone on their future endeavors!

Thank you so much for this! I know a little bit of Spanish, and I think have heard that phrase, but I had to look it up to remember, haha. I am going to write it down to remember!
I am proud of everyone else in the BME/BIO chat! I feel like we sort of became an online family and some from that chat are going to be in same cohort as I am at UConn, which is exciting!
It has definitely made me thing about my work, and I will grow from this. Not all of it, but some of my reviewer's feedback were useful. I also thankful for the GEM Fellowship since I get extra money and an awesome internship this summer!
Thank you for offering to help! I might take you up on that!

I am very proud of all of those you got the award! That's awesome!
However, as a "Not Recommended" person with some conflicting reviews and I think a bit nitpicky at that, I feel defeated. The thing keeping me going is the fact that I got an internal fellowship and an external fellowship and I have an awesome PhD research advisor with great project ideas, which I feel super lucky about. Also, I can't let this experience as well as my successes define me, just have to put a little bit of effort into getting over the reveviewers' words. I guess you can't win them all.
Also, I am proud of myself for a good application in general. I didn't have a mentor to help me, and I wasn't even currently working on research at the time, but I did get help from two people, which I am super thankful for.
Good luck to everyone on their future endeavors!

¡Pa' lante! (I hope you understand Spanish?) --- keep going forward! We at the BME/BIOE chat are SO proud of you!! And besides, this is just the first attempt - you'll get them next year or the next one. I also didn't have a mentor/faculty to help/review, but sometimes we have to work with what we have at the moment. And you know what? It makes you grow, in all aspects. Don't be hard on yourself. After all, you are on an awesome fellowship and have plenty of time to come up with a stronger application for NSF (and I can help if you'd like!).

I am very proud of all of those you got the award! That's awesome!
However, as a "Not Recommended" person with some conflicting reviews and I think a bit nitpicky at that, I feel defeated. The thing keeping me going is the fact that I got an internal fellowship and an external fellowship and I have an awesome PhD research advisor with great project ideas, which I feel super lucky about. Also, I can't let this experience as well as my successes define me, just have to put a little bit of effort into getting over the reveviewers' words. I guess you can't win them all.
Also, I am proud of myself for a good application in general. I didn't have a mentor to help me, and I wasn't even currently working on research at the time, but I did get help from two people, which I am super thankful for.
Good luck to everyone on their future endeavors!

I am very proud of all of those you got the award! That's awesome!
However, as a "Not Recommended" person with some conflicting reviews and I think a bit nitpicky at that, I feel defeated. The thing keeping me going is the fact that I got an internal fellowship and an external fellowship and I have an awesome PhD research advisor with great project ideas, which I feel super lucky about. Also, I can't let this experience as well as my successes define me, just have to put a little bit of effort into getting over the reveviewers' words. I guess you can't win them all.
Also, I am proud of myself for a good application in general. I didn't have a mentor to help me, and I wasn't even currently working on research at the time, but I did get help from two people, which I am super thankful for.
Good luck to everyone on their future endeavors!

I'm in a MSc program, but in Canada, everyone starts grad school as a MSc student, graduates, and then applies for PhD programs (which can be at the same or a different institution). I'm finishing up my second and final year now.

First -- your question about time: It really depends on your program / department / research group / supervisor as well as your own goals in academia. For me, almost all of my research work can be done remotely (although I prefer to work in the office) so I really only need to go to school to attend class, TA, talk to my friends, attend seminars, and meet my supervisor. None of these things happen outside of 9-5 so I tend to stick to a 9-5 ish schedule and do extra work from home if necessary. I usually try to not do any "work" outside of 9-5 and not take my "work" home. However, I don't count course-work as "work" and I try to do that at home so it doesn't cut into research time too much. But if you work in, say, a chemistry lab, you might have stricter requirements as to when you need to be in the lab.

Many of my friends in school have dogs. Some of them take a break in the middle of the day to go home and walk their dogs or see them, if they live close. I try to treat grad school as a "job" -- unless there are deadlines approaching, I don't feel bad leaving at ~5pm even if there is stuff left to be done since it will still be there tomorrow! I know this means I'm not working to my fullest potential, and I'm okay with that. I'm not aiming to be the best in my field, and I choose to have other priorities.

Which comes to the second thing I want to say -- grad school is as much work as you want it to be. To use a cliche -- you will get out of it what you put in. So it's important to think about what you want to get out of your PhD program and then schedule your life accordingly! I think it's really important to budget your time and energy so that you don't neglect your priorities (whether it's courses, research, teaching, family, dogs, whatever). I think graduate school is hard enough even when you have a positive/healthy mindset, so maintaining whatever makes you happy is important.

I got some advice from my mentors (previous supervisors) that I thought was really valuable. They said to pick your supervisor and project in a way that will help you get a post-doc job (if that is the goal after PhD). If so, your PhD project will be the strongest argument you have for yourself when you apply for jobs. Pick something that will be interesting to people ~5 years from now, don't work on a super specific field that only you or your supervisor cares about (instead, do these as side projects). You don't have to love your thesis topic, just don't hate it! Next, make sure your project contributes to the field in a meaningful way, so that ideally people will start to connect the concepts you are working on with your name.

As for picking supervisors, my mentors told me that I should find someone who is a good mentor, not just a good researcher. We will need to trained in other skills such as how to write papers really well, how to apply for grants, how to give compelling presentations, how to get ourselves known. Many good researchers have these abilities but not everyone is good at teaching these abilities too. Also, if possible, find someone who will care about their students' success and will give us opportunities like attending conferences and so on. If you have an external scholarship and thus your supervisor may not pay you at all (or very little), it's common in the physical sciences to actually negotiate non-salary things like having a budget for travel or equipment, and so on. (Last piece of advice -- apply for external fellowships whenever possible, even if you are already funded by internal means. You probably won't get any more money, but you will get a lot more freedom and independence).

Those were some of the important (in my opinion) things I've learned in the last 2 years as a graduate student and from many conversations with my mentors while applying for PhD programs for this fall! Hope that gives you some things to consider

About your dog: I think that depends entirely on you and your program. I am in a social science program where the majority of my analysis and writing can be done from home, and I prefer to work from home or from a library (as opposed to my cube in the windowless cube farm). When I was taking classes I was generally there from 9-6 or so, but now that my coursework is finished I am rarely at the school itself. I go for meetings, seminars, interesting kinds of things and I do most of my work remotely. My time is verrry flexible, and if my building didn't prohibit it I would get a dog in a heartbeat. Another thing to keep in mind: a dog can be a great comfort when you're all stressed out over graduate school.

Advice?

Age:
-Don't feel like you have nothing to offer just because you are younger. I was 22 when I started graduate school. You got accepted to the program for a reason, and chances are you are just as equipped as any older students are to successfully complete the program, just in a different way.

-Your older classmates may be just as terrified as you. Talk to them. You have a lot in common. You are, after all, in the same place.

-You will feel like an imposter, like you don't belong, or like you are constantly behind. Or all three. It's normal. It will pass. (Well, sort of.) People of all ages go through this.

Adviser related:
-If you are lucky enough to get both research interest fit and personality fit perfect, congratulations! But sometimes, personality fit is more important than research interest fit as long as the research isn't too different. A great adviser is interested in your career development, likes you as a person, advocates for you, and wants to hear your ideas. Even if his or her research is quite different from yours, they may give you the autonomy to work on your own projects and just supervise you. A bad personality fit will drive you nuts, even if you love his or her research. Consider that when evaluating your adviser fit. (This will vary by field: research fit may be less important in the humanities, more important in the natural and physical sciences. Social sciences are somewhere in-between.)

-Don't be afraid to be straight up blunt with your adviser when it comes to asking about your progress. Ask if you are where you should be both academic program wise and getting-a-job-after-this-mess-wise.

-Be proactive. Advisers love when you draw up an agenda for your one-on-one meetings, come with talking points and progress to share, have concrete questions to ask, and have overall shown that you have been thoughtful and taken control of your own program. Of course, this won't immediately come easily to you, but in time you will work up to it. Every semester I type up my semester goals, and at the beginning of the year I type up annual goals. I show them to my adviser and we talk about whether they are too ambitious, or whether I need to revise them, and how I can meet them.

-Don't expect your adviser to actually know what courses you have to take to graduate. They will know about comprehensive exams and the dissertation, but a lot of professors don't really keep up with the course requirements, especially if their program is in flux. Get you a student handbook, and find out what you need to take. Map it out in a grid, and check off things when you finish them. Show this to your adviser every semester. You may have to explain how such and such class fills a requirement.

-Nobody loves you as much as you, except your mother. Keep this in mind as you take in advice from all sources, including your adviser. Your adviser is there to guide you, but that doesn't mean you have to do everything he says.

Studying:
-You will have to read more than you ever did before, in less time than you ever have before, and you will be expected to retain more than you ever have before. The way that you studied in undergrad may need some tweaking. Be prepared for this.

-Corollary: you may find that your methods change with age or interests or time. I preferred to study alone in college, but in grad school, I prefer to study in groups. It keeps me on task and the socialization keeps me motivated. You may find that you shift from being a more auditory learner to a visual learner or whatever.

-You will feel behind at first. This is normal.

-At some point you will realize that your professors don't actually expect you to read everything they assign you. This, of course, will vary by program, but there will be at least one class where the reading is actually impossible to do in one week. The point is to read enough that you know the major themes and can talk intelligently about them, and then pick some of the readings to really dig into and think more deeply about.

-For most programs, don't worry so much about grades. If you stay on top of your work and do what you're supposed to, you will probably get an A. How much grades matter varies from program to program. In some programs, a B is a signal that you are not up to par, and more than a few Bs will warrant a discussion with your adviser or the DGS. My program isn't like that - A, B, it's all meaningless. My adviser doesn't even know what my grades are. But at almost all programs, a C means you need to retake the course, and two Cs means you have to convince the DGS not to kick you out.

Extracurricular activity: What's that? No, seriously:
-A lot of your time will be unstructured. You will have coursework, but most grad classes meet once a week for two hours and you may have three classes. You may have meetings with your adviser every so often and some seminars or things to catch (like we have grand rounds and colloquia that are required), but a lot of time will be unstructured. However, since you have so much more work than you had in undergrad, you actually will have less free time than you had in undergrad. This may initially cause you great anxiety. It did for me. Some people love unstructured time, though. (I don't.)

-Because of this, you'll have to be planful about your non-grad school related stuff.

-TAKE TIME OFF. DO it. It's important for your mental health. However you do it doesn't matter. Some people work it like a 9-5 job. Some people take a day off per week (me) and maybe a few hours spread across the week. Some people work half days 7 days a week. However you do it, there needs to be a time when you say "f this, I'm going to the movies."

-Find your happy place, something that keeps you the you you were when you came in. I love working out. It gives me energy and I feel good. I stay healthy. I also love reading fiction, so sometimes I just curl up with a good book, work be damned. You have to give yourself permission to not think about work, at least for a couple of hours a week. You may also discover new hobbies! (I never worked out before I came to graduate school.)

-Your work will creep into all aspects of your life, if you let it. This is why I hate unstructured time. You will feel guilty for not doing something, because in graduate school, there is ALWAYS something you can do. ALWAYS. But since there will always be more work, there's no harm in putting it aside for tomorrow, as long as you don't have a deadline.

-You may need to reach outside of your cohort for a social life. None of my close friends are in my doctoral cohort. I've met master's students in my program, master's students in other programs, and I know a few non-graduate students I hang out with, too. Go to graduate student mixers. (If your university doesn't have any, organize some, if you like planning parties.) Join a student group that doesn't take up too much time. I had a doctoral acquaintance who kinda laughed at me because I joined some student groups other than the doctoral student one, and I was usually the only doctoral student in those groups, but I met some close friends (and future job contacts) and had a good time.

-DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING A LIFE OUTSIDE OF GRADUATE SCHOOL. This is paramount. This is important. You are a well-rounded, complex, multifaceted human being. NEVER feel bad for this. Everybody wants some kind of life outside of work. Yes, you may loooove your field, but that doesn't mean you want to do it all day long. Some other doctoral students, and perhaps professors, may make you feel bad about this. Don't let them. Just smile and nod. Then disappear when you need to.

Career:
-This is job preparation. Remember that from Day One. Always be looking for ways to enhance your skills. Read job ads and find out what's hot in your field, what's necessary, what's in demand. For example, in my field statistics and methods are a hot commodity, and they're not a passing fad. I happen to really like statistics and methods, so I have pursued that as a concentration of mine.

-Don't be afraid to take on volunteer work and part-time gigs that will give you skills that will be useful both inside academia and out, as long as it's not against your contract. Your adviser may be against it, but he doesn't have to know as long as it doesn't interfere with your work.

-If you want to work outside of academia - if you are even *considering* the possibility - please please definitely do the above. Even if you aren't considering it, consider the possibility that you won't get a tenure-track job out the box and that you may need to support yourself doing something else for a while. You will have to prove to employers that you have developed usable, useful skills and this is one of the easiest ways to do it. But don't overdo it - get the degree done.

-For more academic related ones - always look for opportunities to present and publish. Presentations look good on your CV. Publications look better. When you write seminar papers, wonder if you can publish them with some revision. Write your seminar papers on what you maybe think you may want to do your dissertation on. Even if you look at them three years later and think "these suck," you can at least glean some useful references and pieces from them. Discuss publication with your adviser early and often, and if you have the time and desire, seek out publication options with other professors and researchers. But if you commit to a project, COMMIT. You don't want to leave a bad impression.

-If you can afford it, occasionally go to conferences even if you aren't presenting. You can network, and you can hear some interesting talks, and you may think about new directions for your own research. You can also meet people who may tell you about jobs, money, opportunities, etc.

-Always try to get someone else to pay for conference travel before you come out of pocket. Including your adviser. Do not be shy about asking if he or she can pay. If he can't, he'll just say no. Usually the department has a travel fund for students, but often it's only if you are presenting.

-If you are interested in academia, you should get some teaching experience. There are two traditional ways to do this: TAing a course, and teaching as a sole instructor. If you can help it, I wouldn't recommend doing a sole instructor position until you are finished with coursework. Teaching takes a LOT of time to do right. You should definitely TA at least one course, and probably a few different ones. But don't overdo it, if you can help it, because again, it takes a LOT of time. More than you expect at the outset. If you are in the humanities, I think sole instructor positions are very important for nabbing jobs so when you are in the exam/ABD phase, you may want to try at least one. If your own university has none, look at adjuncting for nearby colleges, including community colleges. (I would wager that the majority of natural science/physical science students, and most social science students, have never sole taught a class before they get an assistant professor job. At least, it's not that common n my field, which straddles the social and natural sciences.)

-Always look for money. Money is awesome. If you can fund yourself you can do what you want, within reason. Your university will be thrilled, your adviser will be happy, and you can put it on your CV. It's win-win-win! Don't put yourself out of the running before anyone else has a chance to. Apply even if you think you won't get it or the odds are against you (they always are), as long as you are eligible. Apply often. Apply even if it's only $500. (That's conference travel!) Money begets money. The more awards you get, the more awards you will get. They will get bigger over time. If you are in the sciences and social sciences, you should get practice writing at least one grant. You don't have to write the whole thing, but at least get in on the process so that you can see how it's done. Grant-writing is very valuable both in and outside of graduate school.

-Revise your CV every so often. Then look and decide what you want to add to it. Then go get that thing, so you can add it.

-The career office at big universities is often not just for undergrads. I was surprised to learn that my career center offers help on CV organization and the academic job search, as well as alternative/non-academic career searches for doctoral students. In fact, there are two people whose sole purpose it is to help PhD students find nonacademic careers, and they both have PhDs. This will vary by university - some universities will have very little for grad students. Find out before you write the office off.

-It's never too early to go to seminars/workshops like "the academic job search inside and out", "creating the perfect CV," "getting the job," etc. NEVER. Often the leader will share tips that are more aimed towards early graduate students, or tidbits that are kind of too late for more advanced students to take care of. This will also help you keep a pulse on what's hot in your field. It'll help you know what lines you need to add to your CV. And they're interesting.

Other:

-Decide ahead of time what you are NOT willing to sacrifice on the altar of academia. Then stick to it.
I'm serious. If you decide that you do NOT want to sacrifice your relationship, don't. If it's your geographical mobility, don't. I mean, be realistic, and realize that there will always be trade-offs. But you have to think about what's important to you for your quality of life, and realize that there is always more to you than graduate school.

-If you don't want to be a professor, do not feel guilty about this. At all. Zero. However, you will have to do things differently than most doctoral students. Your adviser will probably never have worked outside of the academy (although this may vary depending on the field) so he may or may not be able to help you. But you have a special mission to seek out the kinds of experiences that will help you find a non-academic job. Test the waters with your adviser before you tell him this. My adviser was quite amenable to it, but that's because I told him that my goal was to still do research and policy work in my field just not at a university, AND because it's quite common in my field for doctoral students to do non-academic work. If you're in a field where it's not common (or where your professors refuse to believe it's common, or it's not supposed to be common)…well, you may be a little more on your own.

-Every so often, you will need to reflect on the reasons you came to graduate school. Sometimes, just sit and think quietly. Why are you doing this to yourself? Do you love your field? Do you need this degree to do what you want to do? Usually the answer is yes and yes, and usually you'll keep on trucking. But sometimes when the chips are down you will need to reevaluate why you put yourself through this in the first place.

-To my great dismay, depression is quite common in doctoral students. Graduate work can be isolating and stressful. Luckily your health insurance usually includes counseling sessions. TAKE THEM if you need them. Do not be ashamed. You may be surprised with who else is getting them. (I found out that everyone in my cohort, including me, was getting mental health counseling at a certain point.) Exercise can help, as can taking that mental health day once a week and just chilling. Don't be surprised if you get the blues…

-…but be self-aware and able to recognize when the depression is clouding your ability to function. Doctoral programs have a 50% attrition rate, and this is rarely because that 50% is less intelligent than, less motivated than, less driven than, or less ambitious than the other 50% that stays. Often they realize that they are ridiculously unhappy in the field, or that they don't need the degree anymore, or that they'd rather focus on other things in life, or their interests have changed. All of this is okay!

-You will, at some point, be like "eff this, I'm leaving." I think almost every doctoral student has thought about dropping out and just kicking this all to the curb. You need to listen to yourself, and find out whether it is idle thought (nothing to worry about, very normal) or whether you are truly unhappy to the point that you need to leave. Counseling can help you figure this out.

-Don't be afraid to take a semester or a year off if you need to. That's what leaves of absence are for.

Lastly, and positively…

…graduate school is great! Seriously, when else will you ever have the time to study what you want for hours on end, talk to just as interested others about it, and live in an intellectual community of scholars and intellectuals? And occasionally wake up at 11 am and go to the bank at 2 pm? Sometimes you will want to pull out all of your hair but most of the time, you will feel fulfilled and wonderfully encouraged and edified. So enjoy this time!

All my positive thoughts to you.
The first thing that came to my mind when I read your post was the phrase you use as your signature: "I'm no longer accepting the things I cannot change... I'm changing the things I cannot accept." You can't change the past... it's done, already happened, gone. What you can do is be outraged by the idea of not succeeding. You can't accept that. You won't. You'll move forward, as you already said.