"Let's just TALK about it..." Decision Edition

[PsychedSloth]

11 minutes ago, dreamerr33 said:

I'll be(If I accept) in UIUC

Oh, you should be fine then! The cost of living isn't too bad. Feel free to PM me with any questions. I've been in the area for almost 7 years!

[iwearflowers]

I officially submitted all of my decisions today! Most of the emails I got in response to my rejections were very warm, but one professor just wrote "I hope this is a good decision for you." That kind of cemented my feeling that I made the right choice in turning them down. I mean . . . that's a bit passive aggressive, right?

[AB121212]

I am trying to calm the pit of nerves in my stomach. I have narrowed my decision down to two schools, and now I have to officially decline the other two. One to-be-declined school released their official financial aid decision today and it's just not affordable for me. The other hasn't released a final financial aid offer beyond a GA position, but my visit there left me feeling it was not a good fit for me and my goals. I can't stop worrying that I am letting go of my options prematurely even though there is nothing left at this point that could make me want to choose my declined schools over the two still in contention. And I know it must be agonizing to be stuck on the waitlist this late, and me declining would open spots up for people for whom these schools are their first choice. Just got to work through the nerves, I guess.

[kaylie]

1 hour ago, iwearflowers said:

I officially submitted all of my decisions today! Most of the emails I got in response to my rejections were very warm, but one professor just wrote "I hope this is a good decision for you." That kind of cemented my feeling that I made the right choice in turning them down. I mean . . . that's a bit passive aggressive, right?

I also officially submitted my decisions today! It is a relief to decide, but also hard not to second guess it haha. I had warm responses too. Yes, that sounds a bit passive aggressive so maybe good you didn't go there. 

[SetDec]

2 hours ago, iwearflowers said:

I officially submitted all of my decisions today! Most of the emails I got in response to my rejections were very warm, but one professor just wrote "I hope this is a good decision for you." That kind of cemented my feeling that I made the right choice in turning them down. I mean . . . that's a bit passive aggressive, right?

@iwearflowersI try to interpret emails in the best way possible, like texting it can sometimes sounds more passive aggressive then they intended. I would hope that a professor would genuinely hope you make the right decision for you since the decision impacts your life! Congratulations on your decision! 

[katpillow]

I've never had to make a school choice before. I only had one app in undergrad, and only got into one MS program last time I was applying. I more or less closed the door on one of my three options (on purpose). Now I'm looking at two, and both represent fairly different directions (engineering vs biological sciences). At this point I'm just going to write out all the pros/cons of each, maybe make some Venn diagrams, do a little dance, and hope that I have clearer vision of what I want.

I really like my two choices, so at least that is a good problem to have.

[Elephas]

9 hours ago, katpillow said:

do a little dance, and hope that I have clearer vision of what I want

Seems like the best method for decision making. 

[bluebird8]

Well, I got my wish. Only got one acceptance so I didn't have to decide! I confirmed my offer today and I am very excited for this new start.

[bumbleblu]

19 hours ago, AB121212 said:

I can't stop worrying that I am letting go of my options prematurely even though there is nothing left at this point that could make me want to choose my declined schools over the two still in contention. And I know it must be agonizing to be stuck on the waitlist this late, and me declining would open spots up for people for whom these schools are their first choice. Just got to work through the nerves, I guess.

I'm having this same feeling. I am pretty sure (99.99%) that I will not be attending one of these schools, even if I don't get off a waitlist at a different program. But it seems very scary to decline before I've made a final decision. On the other hand, I want to maybe help out some folks on the waitlist at this school. 

I'm just gonna have to go for it, I guess. 

[Bayesian1701]

34 minutes ago, bumbleblu said:

I'm having this same feeling. I am pretty sure (99.99%) that I will not be attending one of these schools, even if I don't get off a waitlist at a different program. But it seems very scary to decline before I've made a final decision. On the other hand, I want to maybe help out some folks on the waitlist at this school. 

I'm just gonna have to go for it, I guess. 

Decline emails are hard.  If you know you like somewhere better you can go ahead and decline.  I am not committing yet but I am starting to decline mine as well.   It was scary for me to decline funding offers up in the air but I knew it wasn’t for me.  But you don’t need to feel guilty about the people on the waitlist.  If you need more time April 15 is over 20 days away.  

[bumbleblu]

5 minutes ago, Bayesian1701 said:

Decline emails are hard.  If you know you like somewhere better you can go ahead and decline.  I am not committing yet but I am starting to decline mine as well.   It was scary for me to decline funding offers up in the air but I knew it wasn’t for me.  But you don’t need to feel guilty about the people on the waitlist.  If you need more time April 15 is over 20 days away.  

I just gritted my teeth and did it. I knew I wasn't going to end up there, so there was no point waiting. And I do feel better knowing I'm one step closer to a final decision. 

[JustPoesieAlong]

On 3/10/2018 at 11:53 AM, Carly Rae Jepsen said:

Hi everybody! Has anyone heard of schools offering to help you settle in (with money)?

I've heard of people negotiating with universities as in "hi School A is offering me this--could you offer it as well?" and while that sounds great I feel afraid to try lol

Hey there. I did indeed do this. I had never heard of such a thing until one of my schools offered it. I asked the DGS at another school about it over the phone, and it was no biggie. I mean, sadly, they said they've tried to get that sort of funding before but hadn't been successful, but I'm glad I asked! 

[brainlass]

23 hours ago, iwearflowers said:

I officially submitted all of my decisions today! Most of the emails I got in response to my rejections were very warm, but one professor just wrote "I hope this is a good decision for you." That kind of cemented my feeling that I made the right choice in turning them down. I mean . . . that's a bit passive aggressive, right?

Before I finalized all my decisions yesterday, I met with my current mentor to talk it all through. My main goal was to get advice on how to turn down offers, because I felt terrible about it! She made the excellent point that if a PI gives you a hard time about declining and does not want the best for you, then that is a red flag potentially indicating that had you chosen to work with them, they would not have had your best interests at heart. I think you made the right call.

[SomeoneThrewMyShoe]

So yesterday I visited one of my schools, felt like the biggest imposter in the world, maybe had a bit of a stroke, and then I SIGNED A CONTRACT?

I haven't even heard back from two of my schools (one I'm waitlisted at, another is an assumed rejection) but I FELL IN LOVE with the labs and the department and some potential advisers and the current grad students were all really cool (and sooooo intelligent, I'm kinda out of my league here). 

And because of the snow that's hitting the East right now I'm stuck here for another day (and the department generously paid for another night at the hotel) so I'm going to go buy some apparel and explore.

I.am.so.at.peace. 

[Bayesian1701]

5 hours ago, SomeoneThrewMyShoe said:

So yesterday I visited one of my schools, felt like the biggest imposter in the world, maybe had a bit of a stroke, and then I SIGNED A CONTRACT?

I haven't even heard back from two of my schools (one I'm waitlisted at, another is an assumed rejection) but I FELL IN LOVE with the labs and the department and some potential advisers and the current grad students were all really cool (and sooooo intelligent, I'm kinda out of my league here). 

And because of the snow that's hitting the East right now I'm stuck here for another day (and the department generously paid for another night at the hotel) so I'm going to go buy some apparel and explore.

I.am.so.at.peace. 

That just happened to me yesterday.  I felt so intimated because the student got a master’s first and took graduate classes before.  They wouldn’t have admitted us unless they thought we could handle it.  Congrats on making a decision. 

[SomeoneThrewMyShoe]

13 minutes ago, Bayesian1701 said:

That just happened to me yesterday.  I felt so intimated because the student got a master’s first and took graduate classes before.  They wouldn’t have admitted us unless they thought we could handle it.  Congrats on making a decision. 

One of my potential (well now, future) professors mentioned that in my meeting with him. I casually mentioned impostor syndrome and he said "It took me about 10 years to get over that". So, something to look forward to?

Thank you so much! Now I just have to send the dreaded "I am not going here" emails. 

[SetDec]

16 hours ago, SomeoneThrewMyShoe said:

So yesterday I visited one of my schools, felt like the biggest imposter in the world, maybe had a bit of a stroke, and then I SIGNED A CONTRACT?

I haven't even heard back from two of my schools (one I'm waitlisted at, another is an assumed rejection) but I FELL IN LOVE with the labs and the department and some potential advisers and the current grad students were all really cool (and sooooo intelligent, I'm kinda out of my league here). 

And because of the snow that's hitting the East right now I'm stuck here for another day (and the department generously paid for another night at the hotel) so I'm going to go buy some apparel and explore.

I.am.so.at.peace. 

CONGRATS!

[SomeoneThrewMyShoe]

9 hours ago, SetDec said:

CONGRATS!

Thank you! I emailed everywhere else to let them know I'm not attending so:

I'm officially done!!! 

[iliketurtlestoo]

Thank you so much for this thread. You all are in my head: how my decision will impact my family, how do we move to an really expensive area, I would also be giving up and already great paying job as I'm returning to school later, saying no to a school that's been helpful and supportive thus far, living with insane daily anxiety about my decision. It seems like it would be so great to have someone/something else make the decision for me somehow! I realize these are all the right kind of problems to be having but it doesn't make it any easier! Thank you so much for this thread!!!

[Carly Rae Jepsen]

Everyone: would you attend a program you did not visit? Everybody in grad school tells me it is imperative to attend a grad school to see the environment for yourself and, while I agree,  I do feel bad for rejecting a place mostly because I was unable to visit. In my defense I think funding is better at another program that I visited and fell in love with, but this program I couldn't visit seems fantastic on its own, too.

Just wanted to hear an opinion (I know not everybody gets a chance to visit before attending a program), but honestly I am closer and closer to deciding.

[surprise_quiche]

I visited all of my programs, and if I hadn't I feel like I would've made a huge mistake. One place which was high on my list before I visited wasn't a good fit at all. I wouldn't want to wait to see what happens.

[SomeoneThrewMyShoe]

2 hours ago, Carly Rae Jepsen said:

Everyone: would you attend a program you did not visit? Everybody in grad school tells me it is imperative to attend a grad school to see the environment for yourself and, while I agree,  I do feel bad for rejecting a place mostly because I was unable to visit. In my defense I think funding is better at another program that I visited and fell in love with, but this program I couldn't visit seems fantastic on its own, too.

Just wanted to hear an opinion (I know not everybody gets a chance to visit before attending a program), but honestly I am closer and closer to deciding.

I was 100% in the same situation. There were two schools that I didn't visit, so therefore I didn't get to meet their current grad students, see the department, fall in love with it, etc. I completely fell in love with the program i ended up deciding on and visited, so I guess I'm not super wondering what those other programs would have been like? But to be fair I chose to visit the school I decided on because I needed to see it before I committed. The other two I didn't try to visit. And honestly visiting them would have probably just made my decision more difficult - I felt way more guilty about rejecting the schools I visited than the schools I didn't (but that might just be because "I'm not going here" emails cause me a lot of anxiety). 

[Bayesian1701]

2 hours ago, Carly Rae Jepsen said:

Everyone: would you attend a program you did not visit? Everybody in grad school tells me it is imperative to attend a grad school to see the environment for yourself and, while I agree,  I do feel bad for rejecting a place mostly because I was unable to visit. In my defense I think funding is better at another program that I visited and fell in love with, but this program I couldn't visit seems fantastic on its own, too.

Just wanted to hear an opinion (I know not everybody gets a chance to visit before attending a program), but honestly I am closer and closer to deciding.

I rejected places I didn’t visit and I was pretty sure where I was going before my visit to a program and the visit was more of a formality.  It sounds like you made up your mind and that’s perfectly fine. 

[surprise_quiche]

Being done with this cycle is so amazing. Deleting all of my application-related emails is honestly the most therapeutic thing I've done all year.

[Carly Rae Jepsen]

1 hour ago, SomeoneThrewMyShoe said:

I was 100% in the same situation. There were two schools that I didn't visit, so therefore I didn't get to meet their current grad students, see the department, fall in love with it, etc. I completely fell in love with the program i ended up deciding on and visited, so I guess I'm not super wondering what those other programs would have been like? But to be fair I chose to visit the school I decided on because I needed to see it before I committed. The other two I didn't try to visit. And honestly visiting them would have probably just made my decision more difficult - I felt way more guilty about rejecting the schools I visited than the schools I didn't (but that might just be because "I'm not going here" emails cause me a lot of anxiety). 

 

1 hour ago, Bayesian1701 said:

I rejected places I didn’t visit and I was pretty sure where I was going before my visit to a program and the visit was more of a formality.  It sounds like you made up your mind and that’s perfectly fine. 

Thank you guys!