I is stressed *Non-Judgmental Space for PhD Applicants*

[ResilientDreams]

Haha, for once I'm almost glad I don't have a partner.

[AlexandraF]

I just got back from a 12 day adventure through Europe. ( 10 days in Germany- two stopovers one in Lisbon, one in Copenhagen). I’m super glad I did it. I was initially nervous about dates with interviews but said to myself eff that I need to live my life. And I’m glad I did! 

Ive been pretty chilled for the most part (mainly because I’m convinced I didn’t get in to the first 5 programs- maybe the 6th.) Sometimes I have a moment where I get mad- it’s horrible that they don’t send us any updates. Some of my earlier deadlines were late November, two months ago but this is it .... is what it is 

Edited January 22, 2019 by AlexandraF

[ilobebrains]

I need to take a chill pill. My first interview out of three back-to-back interview weekends is coming up, and I am freaking out. I'm usually someone of moderate, controllable anxiety, but this process is the first time I've been beginning to jolt awake from nightmares and feeling my chest tighten when I wake up. Does anyone have any tips or advice  I try to be mindful and meditate, relax, take deep breaths, exercise... but it's tough  Sigh!!

[spookycat]

I'm a little late to the discussion on partner issues, but wanted to throw my problems out there too hahaha. My worry is that my partner is VERY excited about one of my programs, which thankfully is my top program as well. They've assured me they are interested and happy to go to any city with me, but they've definitely made it known where their heart lies. But as everyone on this forum knows, this process is fickle and there is absolutely no guarantee that I will get into that program. 

So now I not only have to worry about disappointing myself if I don't get into that school, but also my partner who is all but picking out houses there. And it's very hard for people who haven't been through this process to understand just how competitive it all is. I've been told countless times by professors that they often have two or three candidates interview who are all equally fit for the lab, and that it more or less is a coin flip between some candidates. (Which, by the way, raised my blood pressure significantly). 

It all becomes so much more difficult when it's not just your own dreams that get crushed in this process ?

[Jung&Psyched]

On 1/22/2019 at 4:37 PM, ilobebrains said:

I need to take a chill pill. My first interview out of three back-to-back interview weekends is coming up, and I am freaking out. I'm usually someone of moderate, controllable anxiety, but this process is the first time I've been beginning to jolt awake from nightmares and feeling my chest tighten when I wake up. Does anyone have any tips or advice  I try to be mindful and meditate, relax, take deep breaths, exercise... but it's tough  Sigh!!

I am experiencing this too!! Working out has been my best friend ....but I'm finding it isn't enough for this situation. ugh.

Edited January 23, 2019 by liznlex

[chopper.wife]

1 hour ago, spookycat said:

I'm a little late to the discussion on partner issues, but wanted to throw my problems out there too hahaha. My worry is that my partner is VERY excited about one of my programs, which thankfully is my top program as well. They've assured me they are interested and happy to go to any city with me, but they've definitely made it known where their heart lies. But as everyone on this forum knows, this process is fickle and there is absolutely no guarantee that I will get into that program. 

So now I not only have to worry about disappointing myself if I don't get into that school, but also my partner who is all but picking out houses there. And it's very hard for people who haven't been through this process to understand just how competitive it all is. I've been told countless times by professors that they often have two or three candidates interview who are all equally fit for the lab, and that it more or less is a coin flip between some candidates. (Which, by the way, raised my blood pressure significantly). 

It all becomes so much more difficult when it's not just your own dreams that get crushed in this process ?

Ok just going to quickly chime in to say... you have to stop your partner from looking at houses! I learned this the hard way because you get so set on a place and a home that it not only is devastating if you don't get in, but also clouds your vision for interviews. I know the program is your top choice, but if you evaluate programs more objectively on interview weekends, you may find it is actually not your top choice. I have had to check myself numerous times with talking to my partner about places we may live and am now committed to pushing any preferences out of my mind in order to choose the program that is best for me based on the program itself/fit and not based on location. 

Can completely sympathize with you. I may be moving myself and my partner to an extremely expensive city to live in, and my partner is less than enthused about it... but it may just be the best move for me career-wise.

[Jung&Psyched]

1 hour ago, spookycat said:

I'm a little late to the discussion on partner issues, but wanted to throw my problems out there too hahaha. My worry is that my partner is VERY excited about one of my programs, which thankfully is my top program as well. They've assured me they are interested and happy to go to any city with me, but they've definitely made it known where their heart lies. But as everyone on this forum knows, this process is fickle and there is absolutely no guarantee that I will get into that program. 

So now I not only have to worry about disappointing myself if I don't get into that school, but also my partner who is all but picking out houses there. And it's very hard for people who haven't been through this process to understand just how competitive it all is. I've been told countless times by professors that they often have two or three candidates interview who are all equally fit for the lab, and that it more or less is a coin flip between some candidates. (Which, by the way, raised my blood pressure significantly). 

It all becomes so much more difficult when it's not just your own dreams that get crushed in this process ?

Oh I feel this so much!! I'm kind of having the opposite dilemma.  I have been offered two interviews so far and one is my top choice program, but my husband has definitely voiced that its in a place he does not want to live, and the other is a good sounding program (but not my top pick) in an area that he absolutely loves.   

While I know he will move wherever I decide and we will be happy no matter where we live, it does add an extra layer of stress knowing that it is somewhere that they have to live, work, and find friends in.  

It almost makes me hope that I only get one admissions offer so I don't have to make that choice ?

[PsyDuck90]

Yeah, having a partner makes it far more difficult. I tried to include my fiance on program choices in terms of climate. We live on the northeast, and he didn't want anything colder than what we experience now. I kinda wasn't hearing up to apply to anything like that anyway, so that was fine. I did stress to him about how research fit is important and how competitive it is (like 1% chance for any 1 program). I ended up only getting 1 offer, which happened to be in our home area so it didn't require any moving at all, so it probably worked out for the best lol. But I also made it very clear that there is still internship and postdoc that can require moves as well. This is a very transient field, especially early on. It's a lot to ask of a partner, so I feel like providing them some input is so important as the decision to go to grad school requires so much sacrifice on their part as well. Definitely making sure they feel that their opinions and wants are being validated, even if you ultimately choose a program that isn't in their top choice city. 

[Katie B]

Transitioning from the partner discussion (though I can completely relate as my long-distance boyfriend lives in Texas), my stress comes from the fear that I won't get accepted anywhere this cycle. I've only had 1 interview and I feel it went well, but all of us are highly qualified and I'm competing against 5 others! Otherwise, I have two confirmed rejections and two presumed which means that I'm at 4/9 rejections. I applied to a couple master's programs as backups, but I haven't heard from those programs either and with each passing day my heart is sinking lower. I am a ball of pure anxiety in this waiting process.

[Psyhopeful]

My interview is this weekend. I leave Thursday if the polar vortex lets me, and I’m sick! Serious head cold. I’m panicking. Not sure how I’m going to make it through and seem like an ideal candidate!

[brighteyes]

Man, this is a great thread. I applied to 9 schools (7 PhD and 2 MA in developmental/human development/social), and I've only heard back from one. I had a really good Skype interview with my #2 choice last week, and she said the committee was meeting tomorrow, and decisions would be made soon after that. 

I had an amazing Skype talk with my #1 school back in October. We have great overlapping interests, and her research is exactly what I want to do. She connected me with one of her grad students, whom I also spoke to on Skype, then told me to email her when my application was in, which I did in November. Silence since then. ?

Stressed. Ugh.

[HAC]

10 hours ago, Katie B said:

Transitioning from the partner discussion (though I can completely relate as my long-distance boyfriend lives in Texas), my stress comes from the fear that I won't get accepted anywhere this cycle. I've only had 1 interview and I feel it went well, but all of us are highly qualified and I'm competing against 5 others! Otherwise, I have two confirmed rejections and two presumed which means that I'm at 4/9 rejections. I applied to a couple master's programs as backups, but I haven't heard from those programs either and with each passing day my heart is sinking lower. I am a ball of pure anxiety in this waiting process.

I completely empathize with you! I feel the exact same way. I also have only had one interview out of the 8 places I applied, it went well but haven’t heard anything else and have begun thinking of things to do from now until next cycle when I will have to reapply ? 

[Waiting272]

Can anyone provide tips for doing long distance relationship? All the schools I am invited to interview at are pretty far from home. My partner and I have been together for 2 years and he is also doing his phD right now (in the city we live in). 

It's the first time in my life when I'm seriously questioning how the hell is this gonna work out LOL I'm excited for all these opportunities, and am very VERY grateful. I said to myself I will not let anything stop me from going down this career path, but I also can't help but also factor in how much I care about this relationship (and my family).

My parents are first gen immigrants and I am the main person who deals with medical stuff, translation, etc. So it is hard to let go and not worry.  

[neocortical.coffee]

On 1/17/2019 at 10:58 PM, lmk94 said:

Stressed to the max right now and just needed to get it off of my chest!

I applied to all Canadian PhD programs with a minimum GPA requirement of an 80%. I thought that with my B.A. GPA being a 3.80 and my M.A. GPA being a 3.50, I was more than qualified enough, especially given my 5 years of advanced research experience and several pubs/presentations. Well, one of the schools reached out, and said my M.A. GPA is below their threshold, as a 3.5 is a B+ and apparently in Canada that is considered a 78%. WHAT! Every syllabus I ever received in the states indicated that a 78% is a C, which I have never received in my life. My POI at this university is advocating for me, but now I am super paranoid that a percentage difference between countries may keep me out of graduate school. ? Completely sick to my stomach and just needed to vent it out. 

I am Canadian and yes the percentage grade to GPA thing is very confusing. At my institution 90-100 is an A+, 80-90= A or A-, 70-79= B range. Each school is different in how they interpret grades from each institution.  

[ilobebrains]

25 minutes ago, Waiting272 said:

Can anyone provide tips for doing long distance relationship? All the schools I am invited to interview at are pretty far from home. My partner and I have been together for 2 years and he is also doing his phD right now (in the city we live in). 

It's the first time in my life when I'm seriously questioning how the hell is this gonna work out LOL I'm excited for all these opportunities, and am very VERY grateful. I said to myself I will not let anything stop me from going down this career path, but I also can't help but also factor in how much I care about this relationship (and my family).

My parents are first gen immigrants and I am the main person who deals with medical stuff, translation, etc. So it is hard to let go and not worry.  

I think there are a lot of tips that are helpful like being sure to have a devoted amount of time set aside to have skype dates or visiting as often as possible. For me, I was LDR with my boyfriend for almost 4 years before finally now being able to move to him where he's doing his PhD (just got accepted to a program in his city!), and I think having an "endgame" is the most essential. You need to know that the time apart will end at some point--a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Otherwise, you have to ask yourself why you're putting yourself in limbo. You both need to be able to commit to the fact that you can see yourself being together after your respective programs are over. Best of luck! 

[honeyrue]

20 hours ago, Psyhopeful said:

My interview is this weekend. I leave Thursday if the polar vortex lets me, and I’m sick! Serious head cold. I’m panicking. Not sure how I’m going to make it through and seem like an ideal candidate!

This happened to me on my first ever application round. All I can say is: SLEEP! If possible, take off work or other responsibilities to get some good rest. That will make or break if you get better.

Try not to stress. I'd highly recommend you go see a doctor/hit up urgent care to get some medication (I wish I was able to do this when it happened to me. Z-Packs -as bad as they are for antibiotic immunity and as much as I hate relying on medication - are true lifesavers. My cold came on around 1am the night before the interview, so, I unfortunately did not have time/it would not have made a difference in such a short amount of time). Pack medication, tissues, cough drops, and TONS hand sanitizer in your bag (if you carry one). 

[dancedementia]

Welp. I came back from an interview weekend with the flu. Thank god I don't have my next interview for another 2 weeks. I feel like death. All of this travel and exposure to germs is not doing my any favors.

[Waiting272]

1 hour ago, ilobebrains said:

I think there are a lot of tips that are helpful like being sure to have a devoted amount of time set aside to have skype dates or visiting as often as possible. For me, I was LDR with my boyfriend for almost 4 years before finally now being able to move to him where he's doing his PhD (just got accepted to a program in his city!), and I think having an "endgame" is the most essential. You need to know that the time apart will end at some point--a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Otherwise, you have to ask yourself why you're putting yourself in limbo. You both need to be able to commit to the fact that you can see yourself being together after your respective programs are over. Best of luck! 

Thank you for sharing! It's def a conversation to be had, and probably a tough one. Congrats on the acceptance btw!! 

[PsychedOutHopeful]

I don’t really know what I’m asking for but I am freaking out a bit over my upcoming interview at my DREAM school. I’m fangirling over my POI and the more I prep, the more giddy I get. I know to be excited and flattered about my interview- and I am! It’s a huge compliment! But I’m also nervous and know odds still aren’t in my favor. I have a somewhat unconventional background, and that worries me. I mean, my POI knows that, but still. I’m older than a lot of applicants, and this is my second cycle, and I just don’t know that I’d apply again. I mean, maybe. But either way- I feel like it’s all I think about! And the interview has gotten my hopes up. 

Ah. I just want to interview tomorrow and be like tell me on the spot!!!

 

[xxxxxxxxxx]

5 minutes ago, FreudEgg said:

I don’t really know what I’m asking for but I am freaking out a bit over my upcoming interview at my DREAM school. I’m fangirling over my POI and the more I prep, the more giddy I get. I know to be excited and flattered about my interview- and I am! It’s a huge compliment! But I’m also nervous and know odds still aren’t in my favor. I have a somewhat unconventional background, and that worries me. I mean, my POI knows that, but still. I’m older than a lot of applicants, and this is my second cycle, and I just don’t know that I’d apply again. I mean, maybe. But either way- I feel like it’s all I think about! And the interview has gotten my hopes up. 

Ah. I just want to interview tomorrow and be like tell me on the spot!!!

 

Older, unconventional background applicants unite!!!!! WOHOOO! We have sooooo much, real life experience to talk about (vs. younger applicants, straight out of undergrad)- use it to your favor! Tie in stories, experiences with patients + any other unique, life experiences that sparked your curiosity, and make the faculty (and ultimately PI) REMEMBER your stories! 

This is what one of my advisors told me, and I’m honestly sooooo pumped! ? You are going to do amazing, they picked you to interview for a reason- stop over thinking it!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[PsychedOutHopeful]

4 minutes ago, checkingmyemail said:

Older, unconventional background applicants unite!!!!! WOHOOO! We have sooooo much, real life experience to talk about (vs. younger applicants, straight out of undergrad)- use it to your favor! Tie in stories, experiences with patients + any other unique, life experiences that sparked your curiosity, and make the faculty (and ultimately PI) REMEMBER your stories! 

This is what one of my advisors told me, and I’m honestly sooooo pumped! ? You are going to do amazing, they picked you to interview for a reason- stop over thinking it!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

YES!!! Hahaha!! Those are such excellent points- I need to remind myself of them. One of my mentors said that my background is part of why they are interviewing me so not to worry about it. But it’s hard to not get in my head and overthink everything. Thank you so much ❤️  your suggestions/ framing is perfect

[Psyhopeful]

21 minutes ago, FreudEgg said:

YES!!! Hahaha!! Those are such excellent points- I need to remind myself of them. One of my mentors said that my background is part of why they are interviewing me so not to worry about it. But it’s hard to not get in my head and overthink everything. Thank you so much ❤️  your suggestions/ framing is perfect

I am also older and unconventional (so unconventional that I am also straight out of undergrad) and one of my POIs picked me basically for that reason. I really think that being older is a bonus in terms of feeling more confident around professionals and life experience. Good luck with your interview!

[PsychedOutHopeful]

13 minutes ago, Psyhopeful said:

I am also older and unconventional (so unconventional that I am also straight out of undergrad) and one of my POIs picked me basically for that reason. I really think that being older is a bonus in terms of feeling more confident around professionals and life experience. Good luck with your interview!

Thank you so much- I have liked too many things today so I couldn’t like your response (ha oops, clearly need to spend less time on here ?). Congratulations to you on finishing your undergrad and getting interviews! I really appreciate the reminders! 

[lmk94]

On 1/29/2019 at 3:24 PM, neocortical.coffee said:

I am Canadian and yes the percentage grade to GPA thing is very confusing. At my institution 90-100 is an A+, 80-90= A or A-, 70-79= B range. Each school is different in how they interpret grades from each institution.  

Since I posted that, I have gotten accepted into two Canadian schools so far ? Glad the admissions committees looked at my entire application — I freaked out for no reason! 

[Psyhopeful]

So after all the drama of my sickness and the 8 interview schedule, I don’t even get to go to the interview weekend because of the polar vortex! I am instead going on Monday to meet my POI and their grad student and maybe a couple other professors along with another student who couldn’t make the weekend. I have to say I’m relieved at least to be able to get some more rest before I go, even if I am missing a midterm!