Venting Thread- Vent about anything.

[ellieotter]

@shadowclaw yeah it was extremely upsetting and caught me completely off guard. I have worked with this company off and on my entire undergraduate career so since 2011. Never once been written up, always covering shifts, never asked for more money or hours. My coworkers are so unbelievably upset too so its nice to know that at least my departure isn't being celebrated. I'm looking into a few things now and hopefully can find something just to at least cover a couple bills till August. Thanks for the advice Only a few more months and I can forget all about this crappy week and look forward to my focusing solely on my education, right?

[Cheshire_Cat]

Ugh!  I love my sister, but sometimes...  She decided to come down and visit me this weekend because she wanted to get out of the town she's living in.  Well, my parents so happened to come down at the same time, from a different city.  My sister had just seen my parents last weekend and I haven't seen them in a while. And, I never have them to myself because before this, my brother lived with me until January, and the only other time my dad has visited since then, she also came down.

So my dad and I were talking about academia today, which admittedly has been a big topic of conversation all weekend, but its because he's a professor and I am just finishing up comps and we are trying to game-plan for my next 2 or 3 years of the program.   All weekend she's been on her phone and acting completely uninterested in anything we're talking about.  But then today, she interrupts and starts talking about what she wants to talk about, which I really wouldn't mind, except, she started by insulting what dad and I were talking about.  So in essence she was like "Your topic is so boring and dumb, lets talk about me."  And then, it isn't a conversation in which one person talks a few sentences, and then the other person responds, it is a 10 minute mini-lecture on her interest where she is the only one talking.    

And this is just how she is.  She's only interested in what she is interested in, and everyone else's interests are dumb, boring, or crazy.  And then she's like "I hope when I get married my husband's family will be interested in what I'm interested in." and "if I wasn't here this weekend, I could have gotten free tickets to a concert of a band I like." Well, guess what, sister, sometimes I'm not interested in what the parents or my siblings are interested in either.  However, I listen to them and try to talk to them about it, because the key to being interesting is being interested.  People don't want to talk to you if the only time you are talking to them, it is about you, and especially not if you insult their interests!!  And the parents came to visit me.  She already got to visit with them alone.  I'll get a little time alone with them, but not much.  I haven't talked to anyone in three weeks because I've been studying for comps.  Of course I want to talk dad's ear off about stuff.   Ugh!

[AP]

I just think is TOTALLY unprofessional when a historian cites/paraphrases a source and used their own past work as citation (where they have also cited/paraphrased the source). C'on dude! 

[shikkui]

10 hours ago, Cheshire_Cat said:

Ugh!  I love my sister, but sometimes...  She decided to come down and visit me this weekend because she wanted to get out of the town she's living in.  Well, my parents so happened to come down at the same time, from a different city.  My sister had just seen my parents last weekend and I haven't seen them in a while. And, I never have them to myself because before this, my brother lived with me until January, and the only other time my dad has visited since then, she also came down.

So my dad and I were talking about academia today, which admittedly has been a big topic of conversation all weekend, but its because he's a professor and I am just finishing up comps and we are trying to game-plan for my next 2 or 3 years of the program.   All weekend she's been on her phone and acting completely uninterested in anything we're talking about.  But then today, she interrupts and starts talking about what she wants to talk about, which I really wouldn't mind, except, she started by insulting what dad and I were talking about.  So in essence she was like "Your topic is so boring and dumb, lets talk about me."  And then, it isn't a conversation in which one person talks a few sentences, and then the other person responds, it is a 10 minute mini-lecture on her interest where she is the only one talking.    

And this is just how she is.  She's only interested in what she is interested in, and everyone else's interests are dumb, boring, or crazy.  And then she's like "I hope when I get married my husband's family will be interested in what I'm interested in." and "if I wasn't here this weekend, I could have gotten free tickets to a concert of a band I like." Well, guess what, sister, sometimes I'm not interested in what the parents or my siblings are interested in either.  However, I listen to them and try to talk to them about it, because the key to being interesting is being interested.  People don't want to talk to you if the only time you are talking to them, it is about you, and especially not if you insult their interests!!  And the parents came to visit me.  She already got to visit with them alone.  I'll get a little time alone with them, but not much.  I haven't talked to anyone in three weeks because I've been studying for comps.  Of course I want to talk dad's ear off about stuff.   Ugh!

I hate people like that.  Seriously, the world doesn't revolve around just what you're interested in!  A lot of my family members are like that, and it honestly sucks to spend a lot of time with them because of that.

[shadowclaw]

I'm starting to get annoyed with one of my advisor's colleagues. My advisor is away until late July. He has a joint appointment between my program and a university-affiliation organization, with a bit more of his time spent working on projects for this organization. While he's away, one of his colleagues has been responsible for going to meetings and doing a few other things that he normally does. She does a great job, but for some reason she refuses to respond to me if her response is going to be negative and she has been keeping me out of the loop on things that are directly related to my research.

For example, we went to a meeting together earlier in the year and I thought I left my water bottle in her car. I texted her asking if she could look for it and drop it off at the office next time she was in. She didn't respond and about a day and a half later I found it in my apartment (it had fallen out of my backpack and rolled under the couch). I texted her that I found it and she immediately responded with "great." Why couldn't she text me to say that she didn't have it? More recently, my advisor told her to order something that they would be using for training activities and for my research. She didn't immediately get back to him about it, so he asked me to check in with her. I emailed her asking if she ordered it and let her know some other info related to the project, but she didn't reply to me. A week and a half later, my advisor emailed her (and I was copied to the email) and she finally replied that she didn't order it because it wouldn't arrive in time for the training session, but that she'd order it now. Now I need what she was supposed to order for some public outreach in a week and I'm not going to have it  If she had just communicated with us, I wouldn't have this problem!

 

[shadowclaw]

Today started off as a good day. The sun was shining, my morning meeting went quickly, I wrote a quiz for my class tomorrow... I even got in some exercise! Then I got an email that pretty much ruined my day.

My program has slowly been progressing from a place where most students were funded and the program head was actively trying to make sure everyone in the program is taken care of, to a place where the focus in on recruitment and screw everyone already in the program. I didn't realize the program was headed this way until recently because I was one of the newer recruits that were financially taken care of - my first year due to a bit of luck, and this year because I was still new enough to warrant giving funding to. However, over the past year as I've met more of the older students, I discovered that many of them have basically been ignored in favor of driving all funding to new students. A few have taken jobs outside the university to support themselves as they try to wrap up their research and get out. One even told me that the program head told her to get a job bartending when she tried to discuss funding options. Two have moved back to their home states to work and are finishing their PhDs remotely. Our department assistant has traditionally helped students find TA positions in related departments as there are often excess TAships due to lots of grant money for RAs floating around, but today in response to an email I wrote her about funding opportunities for next year, she told me not to bother her with funding requests because the program head will decide who gets a limited number of TA positions our program has available and doesn't want students waitlisted for positions elsewhere because the funding isn't guaranteed.

In any event, I've gone straight to the departments themselves to request placement on their lists for next year, but I'm very annoyed that our program head seems to be trying to block access to funding for older students. What good is bringing in new students if you can't fund them later in their degree? Just another reason why I kick myself for taking an offer with shaky funding.

[Cheshire_Cat]

So, speaking of stray cats... I think one is trying to adopt me, but I can't be sure.  He's a really sweet orange kitty, not fixed.  He hisses at my dog if Duke gets to close, but isn't scared and seems to be very easy going.  My cat, a neutered male, enjoys having him around and they get along surprisingly well.  He showed up while I was on vacation I guess, and has been staying on my porch since at least Monday.  His fur isn't as soft as my cat's, he may have a tick to two, and it seems like he's been outside for a while.  He's convinced me to feed him a few times, which is bad, but he looks really hungry.  Anyways, I don't know what to do about him.  He's really sweet, but I already have a dog, cat, and rabbit (and a horse, but not on property) so I have enough animals for a grad student, and my apartment won't let me have any more.

[shadowclaw]

WOW my best friend just told me the most ridiculous thing about her ex. She was with this guy for 7 years or so, and they were married for maybe 5 or 6 (can't remember). He's been cheating on her for pretty much their entire relationship (she found this out in the past year), and a few months ago she decided to cheat on him since he obviously had no interest in monogamy. Long story short, he got pissed off that she cheated, tried to make her feel like she was ruining her life by not staying with him, and has been sabotaging her efforts to move out. So he finally lets it go and decides to date a friend of theirs who lives a few hours away. This woman is 3 years younger than my bestie, and he apparently told my friend that he "replaced her with a younger woman." Like dude that's hardly a significant age difference. If you're going to be an asshat about it and play the trade-in card, you're going to need a much bigger age difference. As is, you just sounds like an idiot. My friend actually had a magnificent response, but it's not really appropriate for polite conversation.

[Assotto]

Just found out the two professors I wanted to advise me during my program are leaving the department. Its not the end of the world, though. Also, I start my program in August, but I wish I had known about the second one leaving before I committed to the program.

 

 

Edited June 16, 2017 by Assoto

[Cheshire_Cat]

Ugh.  Why does this forum get so many spammers and other unsavory folks? 

[spectastic]

On 6/16/2017 at 1:32 AM, shadowclaw said:

WOW my best friend just told me the most ridiculous thing about her ex. She was with this guy for 7 years or so, and they were married for maybe 5 or 6 (can't remember). He's been cheating on her for pretty much their entire relationship (she found this out in the past year), and a few months ago she decided to cheat on him since he obviously had no interest in monogamy. Long story short, he got pissed off that she cheated, tried to make her feel like she was ruining her life by not staying with him, and has been sabotaging her efforts to move out. So he finally lets it go and decides to date a friend of theirs who lives a few hours away. This woman is 3 years younger than my bestie, and he apparently told my friend that he "replaced her with a younger woman." Like dude that's hardly a significant age difference. If you're going to be an asshat about it and play the trade-in card, you're going to need a much bigger age difference. As is, you just sounds like an idiot. My friend actually had a magnificent response, but it's not really appropriate for polite conversation.

c'mon.. there are no filters here.

Edited June 20, 2017 by spectastic

[shadowclaw]

On 6/19/2017 at 6:45 PM, spectastic said:

c'mon.. there are no filters here.

Well all right. If any readers are easily offended, look away now.

After he said he replaced her with a younger woman, my friend replied with "she may be younger, but my vagina hasn't pushed out two 10 pound babies." OUCH. 

[shadowclaw]

Working a summer position that requires waders and boots. I gave my supervisor my shoe sizes in both men's and women's sizes (since that's what he asked for). He ordered my waders using my women's size number, but ordered men's. So the boots on the waders were way too big. Someone else who he didn't order gear for yet took them and we got the right size. He then ordered me some knee-high waterproof boots the same freaking way. The boots run a little big to begin with, so it's like wearing boots that are two sizes too big. He wouldn't return them and told me to just wear several pairs of socks. Gee thanks, I love wearing four pairs of socks in 85 degree weather. My ankles keep rolling in them because they're so big and I have blisters on my toes from my feet sliding around.

This morning one of my other supervisors asked if the label on my gear shelf was spelled right, since they had made a few spelling errors with others. I have a double barreled last name with no hyphen. They put a hyphen on the label, so I told her it was wrong and she made me a new label. I wasn't mad about it, but since she was offering a new label, I took it. Then the first supervisor basically told me that it wasn't a misspelling to add a hyphen. I informed him that my legal name has no hyphen. Then he got really pissy about it and started complaining that you can't have a hyphenated name with no hyphen. Whatever, dude. 

[spectastic]

On 7/3/2017 at 11:24 PM, shadowclaw said:

Well all right. If any readers are easily offended, look away now.

After he said he replaced her with a younger woman, my friend replied with "she may be younger, but my vagina hasn't pushed out two 10 pound babies." OUCH. 

omg why would you write something like that on the internet??? you should be ashamed....

 

jk that shit's hilarious 

 

those are big ass babies too... 

 

Edited July 5, 2017 by spectastic

[Neist]

Graduate student office politics suck.

[avflinsch]

29 minutes ago, Neist said:

Graduate student office politics suck.

In general all office politics suck. It is not limited to the graduate student office.

[spectastic]

yea no kidding

[hippyscientist]

On 8/10/2017 at 1:34 PM, Neist said:

Graduate student office politics suck.

With you there. Our office is having a massive shake up with new faculty and new students, in addition to other tensions. It's going to be an interesting fall semester! Hope your office politics get resolved/calm down!

[Islamahmed]

This my first time venting on this forum and I have a LOT to contribute, but for now, I'll just stick with one complaint: Since last December, I was certain to wanted to go to grad school for Cognitive Psychology or Neuroscience and subsequently found my dream program and school (Neuroscience and Education at TC Columbia University), I delayed submitting my application for months before finally submitting it two weeks ago (my program has rolling admissions) because I don't cope well with rejection. I was accepted (which I was ecstatic about) but now I face the burden of tuition and how I'm going to pay for it. My dilemma is this: I willing to undertake assistantships to help pay for my tuition (in fact, I'm eager) but many of the assistantship positions relevant to my field of study have been filled. I looked and contacted the Office of Financial Aid and inquired about fellowships, grants, and scholarships that aren't contingent on completing independent research, but it seems Doctorals the priority (ugh). Do you guys have any advice?

 

P.S- I LOVE scrolling through this topic and reading all the vents, so amusing.

[8BitJourney]

I had to unsubscribe from one of my favorite youtubers because of some racist crud he said during an interview. Like dude you qualify as a POC if you haven't noticed but you're bringing some inflammatory statements to the table :/ I didn't raise a stink, just unsubscribed. Other subs on the channel loved to throw the 'you're overreacting' line at anyone that called out the youtuber's questionable stats but my mindset was 'this fools is so sure that because of [skin tone/ethnicity] I'm more likely to [insert illegal activity here]? Nope, nope, nope!' 

Also kinda peeved that the grad student space I saw during the interview process was not the actual space I'll be working in :/ But what can you do?

 

 

 

[KittyCat_PhD]

What is wrong with people that they can't respect each other's time? Me and my housemate have been searching for a third housemate, and had multiple people have scheduled times to see the house only to not show up or cancel.

The worst was this one dude, who failed to show up, and when I texted him to ask if he was still coming he said something came up and he couldn't come tonight. So I suggested tomorrow, and he said yes. The next day he again fails to show up, I ask "Are you still coming?" and he asks me to send him pictures of the house. Even though the pictures were on the ad. So I do extra work to take more pictures, send them, no response. Then, last night (almost a week later), at 8:30pm, he has the gall to ask if tonight is a good night. At this point I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine and not respond. Then today he texts, "Good morning." ... REALLY? You make us wait for nothing twice in a row, then pretend to be polite? I'm sorry, but actions speak louder than words. I told him we had found someone else (which is partially true but not confirmed).

The worst part is, it seems like this started happening more often when I took a turn posting the room ad in my name after my (male) housemate did it for awhile. Just goes to show, people seem to think a woman's time is worth less than a man's.

[Cheshire_Cat]

8 hours ago, KittyCat_PhD said:

What is wrong with people that they can't respect each other's time? Me and my housemate have been searching for a third housemate, and had multiple people have scheduled times to see the house only to not show up or cancel.

The worst was this one dude, who failed to show up, and when I texted him to ask if he was still coming he said something came up and he couldn't come tonight. So I suggested tomorrow, and he said yes. The next day he again fails to show up, I ask "Are you still coming?" and he asks me to send him pictures of the house. Even though the pictures were on the ad. So I do extra work to take more pictures, send them, no response. Then, last night (almost a week later), at 8:30pm, he has the gall to ask if tonight is a good night. At this point I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine and not respond. Then today he texts, "Good morning." ... REALLY? You make us wait for nothing twice in a row, then pretend to be polite? I'm sorry, but actions speak louder than words. I told him we had found someone else (which is partially true but not confirmed).

The worst part is, it seems like this started happening more often when I took a turn posting the room ad in my name after my (male) housemate did it for awhile. Just goes to show, people seem to think a woman's time is worth less than a man's.

My sister has had the same problem with finding housemates.  It really sucks!

[Cheshire_Cat]

I can't even... I need to stop watching the news and focus on my "summer" paper.

But for the record- Fuck Nazis.

 

In another slightly related note, a girl posted something about how if you don't have to care about politics, it is because you are privileged.  While I agree to some extent, I also think it is important to not get too wrapped up in politics that we neglect our lives and the ways we can make a difference.  Me reading one more article about white privilege or the alt-right isn't going to help our country.  If I *personally* really believe black lives matter, then what *I* need to be doing is spending more time on learning how to teach effectively, because at least 75% of my students are black and being the best teacher I can be is what will really help them in the long run.  

All in all, if you find yourself privileged, stop posting about it and trying to convince everyone you are better than them because you woke, go out and do something!  As much as we all wish we could punch the Nazis, you don't have to do that to give them a big FU.  Teach ESL to immigrants who need it. Work for an after-school program tutoring underprivileged kids.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter for battered women.  Do something! And NOT just for Instagram likes!  Stop just bemoaning the state of things and trying to make the government force everyone to be equal when you won't even go to the "bad side of town" for fear of getting dirt on your shoes.  At risk of sounding cliche- BE the change you want to see in the world.

(Note, this isn't directed at people who bemoan the state of things and try to fix it, just the ones who post articles about white privilege in one sitting and post Instagram pictures of their $5 latte in the next- all while saying they don't have money to give or time to volunteer.  It's all about assuaging their guilt so they don't have to actually do anything.)

[_kita]

I was on the phone with my older sister the other day. Trying to 'catch up' with her. The 45 minutes was basically me listening to her (and sometimes weighing in) as she set-up her 6 year olds NeoPets account. So I attempt to share some news. I go, "so sis, I'm talking to Drexel and Hopkins in the next two weeks about going for the DrPH. I'm considering doing that as I work full-time since I can do by dissertation and practicum through my job."

Her response was, "That seems silly, and like unnecessary stress. You should just get a hobby or something." I tried to point out that: 1) my myriad of hobbies 2) career benefits 3) love of learning. She dismissed the conversation going. "but you'll do what you want to" and went back to NeoPets.

[speechfan222]

6 hours ago, _kita said:

I was on the phone with my older sister the other day. Trying to 'catch up' with her. The 45 minutes was basically me listening to her (and sometimes weighing in) as she set-up her 6 year olds NeoPets account. So I attempt to share some news. I go, "so sis, I'm talking to Drexel and Hopkins in the next two weeks about going for the DrPH. I'm considering doing that as I work full-time since I can do by dissertation and practicum through my job."

Her response was, "That seems silly, and like unnecessary stress. You should just get a hobby or something." I tried to point out that: 1) my myriad of hobbies 2) career benefits 3) love of learning. She dismissed the conversation going. "but you'll do what you want to" and went back to NeoPets.

 

Sorry to hear your sister wasn't being very understanding or supportive of your decisions. 

Random and not important, but you brought back a memory to me. I used to have a NeoPets account and forgot about it. You just reminded me of it. Obviously, it's for children, but it's a pretty good site. There is quite a bit to do there! 

Hope everything else is going well. :o)