Venting Thread- Vent about anything.

[EdNeuroGrl]

Not sure if question at the end was rhetorical- assuming its not, my two cents:

 

Some of it is a matter of perspective, lets take being a dick for instance. At a recent academic conference I got tired of listening to bad presentations, so I started asking the presenters difficult questions, or giving critical feedback. "So...you didn't make research questions?" and "What rationale did you use to conduct a study not supported by similar previous research [like these 10 recent studies]?"  It may have been considered a dick move, but it is beyond me how they got that far without having asked themselves those questions, or been asked by others. It'd be a disservice to let that slide in my discipline.

Your situation as you've described it, some things are worth being a dick about. The pursuit of your goals, that's definitely one of those things. 

 

Throwing this out there also: there are a lot of interesting "TED Talks" about female leadership. They cite a lot of relevant studies in my opinion about confidence and when its necessary to be sort of aggressive about accomplishing your goals.

 

Thank you this actually did a lot to improve my mood.

 

I don't typically have any challenges in being more aggressive about research in general because that is kind of the point, you know discomfirmation and argumentation and the like. Traditions and all. :-)

 

I always have a bit more of a challenge going in and being more confrontational about more social/professional types of things, I never quite feel like I am doing it the right way and I am overwhelmed with fear that me showing anger or aggression in front of superiors is going to get me cut off entirely (oh yeah I carry some emotional baggage there).

 

I've put the TED Talks you linked to on my playlist. I always love them and perhaps they will help me walk that line a bit better.

[Sword_Saint]

I always have a bit more of a challenge going in and being more confrontational about more social/professional types of things, I never quite feel like I am doing it the right way and I am overwhelmed with fear that me showing anger or aggression in front of superiors is going to get me cut off entirely (oh yeah I carry some emotional baggage there).

 

I worked on a research project where the Principle Investigator was a professor of one of my classes, in addition to being my boss. We did not get along; pretty convinced he hates me. He was the kinda guy to get pissed off at someone calling him Professor [X] instead of Dr. [X]. End of the day though he respected me for all of the work I accomplished in his project and others around the department.

 

I can't imagine everyone liking you, but they can at least respect the quality of work you do.

[expandyourmind]

ultimate vent: my boyfriend of 3 years just left me. we were trying to coordinate where i should go to school, either in New York or in Chicago. I had two great choices-either UChicago or Columbia and decided UChicago was the best choice for me (although I loved Columbia). He had been depressed for some time and had the only thing I can describe as a mental breakdown.  The day after I committed he quit(got fired from) his job and told me he's moving back to New York to live with his family and that he doesn't love me anymore. he basically ran away from every responsibility and just checked out of life. it's been so hard, im still so in love with him, and i keep thinking what if i went to columbia or moved to new york and all these things to save the relationship and what we had. i could just use a hug. depression hurts not only those who are suffering, but those around them. 

Edited March 20, 2015 by expandyourmind

[kimmibeans]

expandyourmind,

 

I am so sorry to hear that. If I could, I would reach through the screen and give you a hug right now and not let go. Thinking "what if?" won't change anything, and it definitely won't help. It sounds like your ex was on a downward trajectory, and it has nothing to do with you. You're going to hurt for a while, but that's okay. Grief is good, but don't let it overtake your life. You're going to be pursuing your dream come the Fall, which is amazing! Grad school is going to be a clean slate, where you'll have lots of new experiences and meet plenty of new people. I don't want to ramble, but if you need to just talk feel free to PM me. I wish you luck.

[SublimePZ]

ultimate vent: my boyfriend of 3 years just left me. we were trying to coordinate where i should go to school, either in New York or in Chicago. I had two great choices-either UChicago or Columbia and decided UChicago was the best choice for me (although I loved Columbia). He had been depressed for some time and had the only thing I can describe as a mental breakdown.  The day after I committed he quit(got fired from) his job and told me he's moving back to New York to live with his family and that he doesn't love me anymore. he basically ran away from every responsibility and just checked out of life. it's been so hard, im still so in love with him, and i keep thinking what if i went to columbia or moved to new york and all these things to save the relationship and what we had. i could just use a hug. depression hurts not only those who are suffering, but those around them. 

*Hug* Time heals all. Take some time to do things you love to do and appreciate you for yourself. Be confident in your choices, UChicago is a great school and sounds like a good fit.

[Crucial BBQ]

Two days ago I went to have my vision checked.  With one eye, I began to read the top line aloud, "11, 14, ..."

 

"Those are letters!" the eye doc said.  

 

 

 

Never wore glasses in my life, but this does explain a lot (such as why these letters look "half" smeared and "half" clear).  Maybe this is why I did so poorly in school?   

 

And then yesterday I was rejected by my top choice program.  

 

And today is the first day of Spring and it is snowing here in Maryland.  

[brown_eyed_girl]

ultimate vent: my boyfriend of 3 years just left me. we were trying to coordinate where i should go to school, either in New York or in Chicago. I had two great choices-either UChicago or Columbia and decided UChicago was the best choice for me (although I loved Columbia). He had been depressed for some time and had the only thing I can describe as a mental breakdown.  The day after I committed he quit(got fired from) his job and told me he's moving back to New York to live with his family and that he doesn't love me anymore. he basically ran away from every responsibility and just checked out of life. it's been so hard, im still so in love with him, and i keep thinking what if i went to columbia or moved to new york and all these things to save the relationship and what we had. i could just use a hug. depression hurts not only those who are suffering, but those around them. 

I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds like this may end up being a really positive new beginning for you, though. Dating someone who struggles with depression is very difficult, and you don't need the stress of worrying about someone else's mental health while also adapting to a new city and trying to adjust to a new program. I also think that having some distance between you will give you necessary space to heal and move on. Also, big congrats on getting into two excellent schools and starting a new chapter of your life! Sending hugs. 

[expandyourmind]

thanks guys, it'll be some tough few months but i'm really excited for uchicago.

[mseph]

I know ranking matters and school name is important! But can we talk about resources available at each department and the research fit just for a moment? Just. for. a moment... then it will make your decision much easier.

 

...Actually, whatever. I don't care, it's your school. It's up to you. So don't ask me for my advice anymore. 

[shadowclaw]

I have two friends that have tried being sales consultants to earn some extra cash. A few years back, one friend started selling Mary Kay products. We were both bridesmaids in another friend's wedding, so she had a Mary Kay party for us and the mothers of the bride and groom.My mom thought this was so rude that she "had the nerve to guilt her friends into buying expensive makeup." Even though we all had jobs and she told us we didn't have to buy anything.

Now another friend is selling Jamberry nail decal things and is having a Facebook party. I showed my mom some of the designs and she went on a rant about how terrible it was to invite me to the Facebook party when I don't make much money, and she had no right to pressure me into buying things I don't need.

Yet she doesn't have a problem with my sister selling scentsy products to me, and my mom even hosted a scentsy party. Really, what's the difference between me buying $25 of wax from my sister or $30 of nail designs from a friend? If anything, pretty nails and makeup are least going to be seen by other people. Nobody smells the delightful scents in the burner in my room.

[psychgal123]

My best friend just got a job in Florida for next year (we are graduating undergrad), and i'll be stuck in snowy and cold New York! my vent is that I should have applied to more schools in warm places! 

[ss2player]

My best friend just got a job in Florida for next year (we are graduating undergrad), and i'll be stuck in snowy and cold New York! my vent is that I should have applied to more schools in warm places! 

 

Yeah, but it's Florida: www.reddit.com/r/FloridaMan

 

Come to TX; far less crazy. ;-)

[.letmeinplz//]

Yeah, but it's Florida: www.reddit.com/r/FloridaMan

 

Come to TX; far less crazy. ;-)

Texas calling Florida crazy is like North Dakota calling Minnesota cold.

[mockturtle]

I just got rejected by the REU site I've been dreaming of for years, and this is my last eligible summer  Owwwwwwww

[MidwesternAloha]

Texas calling Florida crazy is like North Dakota calling Minnesota cold.

My friend from Vermont informed me of a game he used to play called, "Florida, Ohio or Arizona" where you look up hilarious/weird news articles and people guess whether it's from FL, OH or AZ.

 

I was not amused. (Ohioan)

[SublimePZ]

On the topic of crazy Texas v. Florida, Jon Stewart does a pretty good segment on his show:

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/05/jon-stewart-texas-florida_n_6619634.html

[glow_gene]

My life kind of imploded in February. Now I can't seem to get back into the swing of things in lab despite all the major non-lab issues being dealt with. I'm scared I'm going to stay this disconnected from my work until it's too late to recover/get data/graduate. Sometimes I find myself just staring at my computer screen.   Just needed to get that off my chest. My friends keep telling me it'll be fine and I'll get back to it...but sometimes I just need to vent my fears. 

[Cheshire_Cat]

That sucks.  My worklife imploded in February, and sometimes I find myself just staring at my computer screen too.  It is ok to just be afraid sometimes.  I know there have been times in my life when everyone tells me it will be ok, and I know logically it will, but that isn't how I was feeling right then, and I just needed someone to tell me that what I was feeling was ok.

[Sword_Saint]

My life kind of imploded in February. Now I can't seem to get back into the swing of things in lab despite all the major non-lab issues being dealt with. I'm scared I'm going to stay this disconnected from my work until it's too late to recover/get data/graduate. Sometimes I find myself just staring at my computer screen.   Just needed to get that off my chest. My friends keep telling me it'll be fine and I'll get back to it...but sometimes I just need to vent my fears. 

That sucks.  My worklife imploded in February, and sometimes I find myself just staring at my computer screen too.  It is ok to just be afraid sometimes.  I know there have been times in my life when everyone tells me it will be ok, and I know logically it will, but that isn't how I was feeling right then, and I just needed someone to tell me that what I was feeling was ok.

 

Keep holding out, take one day at a time, and realize that it isn't the end of the line:

 

I applied for IRB approval on an exempt proposal that I wanted to start data collection on in mid-December. By early January I realized I would have to do data-collection during the semester and wouldn't be able to take the stats class that I wanted to, that would make my grad school applications look better. The IRB approval came in the third week of January, nearly two months after I send it in, on a damn exempt proposal. Then, I was relying on a grant to travel to an academic conference, the grant paperwork was approx. 25 pages and reviewed by multiple faculty members. The amount of the funding was about 1000 dollars and in late January it was rejected, after it was already rejected once in November and I revised and resubmit it. The grant committee told me to revise and resubmit it in late April, when they knew it would take 4 weeks to review the grant applicants, and my conference was on March 3rd. They don't retroactively award funding. I question whether they told me to resubmit it out of kindness or passive aggression.

 

It was the end of my prospects of going to the conference, presenting this research I'd been working on for about 6 months in some capacity. Presenting at the conference was a major facet of my individual research course and it all went to hell, or so I thought. Turned out my department took pity on me, paid for my hotel expenses, flight expenses and per diam for 5 days (about 1,950 total). 

 

Then the next week I was told that my Tuition Scholarship essays (2 one page essays) were the source of roughly 1,700 dollars of tuition reimburse for the semester. Combined with a grant my adviser nominated me for, my tuition for the semester was completely paid. Since late January I have gotten 3 generous acceptance packages from graduate programs I want to attend.

 

What started as the worst semester became the best in a matter of weeks. No, I didn't get that grant, and no, I didn't get to take the "Applied Stats for the Social Sciences" capstone course I wanted, but I pushed through that and focused on all of my short term goals, one day at a time, and for me it ended up working out in the end.

Edited March 25, 2015 by Sword_Saint

[TheMercySeat]

My parents still support my older sister in every sense of the word. My sister can't hold down a job for more than three months at a time "because of her ADD." I'm talking... Car insurance, rent, bills, her tuition from all of the classes she failed, health insurance, the works.

I rarely ask my parents for anything, but my request to have a ride to the airport for PhD interviews didn't bode well.

...did I mention my sister is 31 years old?

I'm really sick of being the black sheep of the family, and I am glad that I will have a reason to not attend family functions once I move to where ever to work on my PhD.

[shadowclaw]

Today, one of my fellow grad students told me that she's presenting some of her research on Saturday at a conference and she still isn't done collecting/analyzing her data (she plans to bang it all out in the next two days). I wonder what exactly she put in her abstract when she registered.

 

She also told me that after this weekend, she plans to bang out her masters thesis in two weeks. She hasn't written a word of it yet. Not even an introduction or methods section. She just has her sources picked out. I think she's going to be very sorry at the end of the semester when her committee still hasn't signed off on it because they don't have time to review it.

 

I had previously suggested that she apply for the NSF GRFP, because 1) it's a huge honor to receive it and 2) the stipend is way better than what most programs are offering. At the time, she told me she didn't think she needed it. Today, she asked when I would hear back about it. Then she said she planned to apply for it once she got settled into a lab and knew what she actually wanted to do for her dissertation. I didn't have the heart to tell her she wouldn't be eligible after this year.

 

Then she finished the conversation by telling me that she got waitlisted at one of her top choices, so she's basically in.

 

I don't know why I'm venting about other people's strange ways. I was just really shocked by the whole conversation.

[TheMercySeat]

Leaving a job that treats me well to sustain myself off of a PhD stipend in hopes that there will be a job for me in 6 years.

I need a drink.

[attackonthedoctor]

Just turned down an offer to be a research assistant that would pay me $12/hr. For what? To attend graduate school. Yup, I'm crazy and kinda want to punch myself in the face.

Edited March 25, 2015 by attackonthedoctor

[Cheshire_Cat]

The good news, is that I will be paid almost $60 an hour for my "job" as a GA.  The bad news is that the GA position is only 10 hours a week, and my real job of studying and researching on my own will be full time and unpaid.

[Sword_Saint]

The good news, is that I will be paid almost $60 an hour for my "job" as a GA.  The bad news is that the GA position is only 10 hours a week, and my real job of studying and researching on my own will be full time and unpaid.

 

Told you'll only have to work 10 hours a week as a GA?

 

Prepare your body.