Child free

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I don't know that I will, I mean Godforbid I could find out I'm infertile. I could just never get around to it (I really want a family not just a child)... I don't know life's circumstances. I do pick out baby names though, and hopefully I get to be a mom. I don't know what you want from me? What do you want me to say? That I don't think about babies or baby names? I mean why do you constantly feel the need to come for me? Does it bother you that much?

You make every relationship/children/family thread about yourself. I checked this thread specifically because I knew you would have posted in it (even though, as RunnerGrad said, it's obviously for people who choose to be child-free). And I was right. There was a post from you, talking about your dreams of having babies. 

[LittleDarlings]

You make every relationship/children/family thread about yourself. I checked this thread specifically because I knew you would have posted in it (even though, as RunnerGrad said, it's obviously for people who choose to be child-free). And I was right. There was a post from you, talking about your dreams of having babies.

You made this post about me. I was perfectly fine with what I said and I was done. You constantly do this. I can post what I want and where I want to and sorry if you or anyone else dislikes it. That's really a shame but oh well.

[beccamayworth]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am always interested in hearing from couples older than my SO and me, who have maintained a childfree lifestyle. 

Your situation sounds similar to mine, with the exception that I do not have any known medical complications that would affect my physical ability to have children.

 

Also, it's funny that you mention your sisters; I'll admit that I am holding out hope that my younger brother will have kids, so that my mom can still be a grandmother. 

 

I, too, hope my brother will have kids so that my parents can be grandparents. 

 

I can't say I am 100% decided on not being a mother, but I've never really felt the desire to have kids, and I can see myself living a fulfilling life without children of my own... I think academia is a good field for that, because you get to bond with your students. 

 

Also, this is AMAZING and many of you might enjoy it:

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/31/not-having-kids-parody_n_4703338.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

[Vene]

She asked if anyone is childless, I am. I posted for that reason, does it really matter?

Childless and child free are very different things, and I for one find it grating how you are making this thread about yourself and how a thread about people who have no desire for children has been hijacked about somebody here who is all but lamenting about not having any kids.

[microarray]

She asked if anyone is childless, I am. I posted for that reason, does it really matter?

 

To be fair, I was hoping that people that are child free by choice (and will most likely never ever ever have/want kids) would post here. Child free is a 'movement' if you will.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

You made this post about me. I was perfectly fine with what I said and I was done.

You made a post asking people who plan to be child-free if they think your eggs will still be good in 10 years if you got them frozen. 

 

"which seems like a good idea but say I got my eggs taken out now who is to say they will make it 10 years?"

Edited April 18, 2014 by Gnome Chomsky

[LittleDarlings]

You made a post asking people who plan to be child-free if they think your eggs will still be good in 10 years if you got them frozen.

"which seems like a good idea but say I got my eggs taken out now who is to say they will make it 10 years?"

The point of that was that you don't have to decide right now whether or not you want kids. I know the OP doesn't ever want them, but there were people who said they didn't know. In the end maybe it would stop being about me if you stopped attacking me and expecting me to not say something.

Edited April 18, 2014 by LittleDarlings

[microarray]

I'll chime in. I'm 36 with no plans for children. I love my nieces and nephews and my friend's children, but just don't desire any of my own. I'm on my second IUD, and that helps me avoid hormonal birth control.  I've had many people ask if I have kids, but never anyone that jumped straight to asking how many I have. I find that most faculty in academia are very accepting of this, and it's largely been a non-issue for me. My classmates have never brought this up (probably because they're mostly 23 years old and haven't thought of it yet), but I don't feel like people expect it of me, which I appreciate. Glad to know there are more of us out there

 

I am absolutely terrified of IUD's. Every time I think about switching, I read about or talk to women who have had horrible experiences. Since I know that I don't want kids, a permanent solution is better for me. I read about some procedure that removes the lining of the uterus to stop cramps, but I can't find it again. I was under the impression that it wasn't good to take hormonal birth control after 35 due to risks of stroke, etc?

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

In the end maybe it would stop being about me if you stopped attacking me and expecting me to not say something.

Like how you see the world "child" and have to post? Anyway, I'm done. Good luck with your baby names. Let's give it back to the child-free people. 

 

And I didn't "attack" you. Go back and read. I said this thread is for child-free (the movement) people. 

Edited April 18, 2014 by Gnome Chomsky

[LittleDarlings]

Like how you see the world "child" and have to post? Anyway, I'm done. Good luck with your baby names. Let's give it back to the child-free people.

Yeah I see "child" or "marriage" and it is my kryptonite! Anyways thank you, I can't wait to use all these lovely baby names:) maybe you will stop tracking all my posts now? I know that's too much to ask. You love to attack me. It's evident in every single post I have made or any response, it's fine I'm a big girl I can handle it, if that makes you feel good about yourself then hey.. More power to you dude. I will continue to post what I want where I want to, you can ignore it or go on the attack against me... No sweat off my balls. Edited April 18, 2014 by LittleDarlings

[microarray]

I'm 42, my husband is 49. I have endometriosis, so it is unlikely I could have ever conceived naturally (my endometriosis is severe), even had I wanted children, which I never have. Fortunately, my husband and I agreed on the "no children" thing right from the start. We have three cats, and those are our babies. We are fortunate that we both have sisters who had children to satisfy our parents' desires for grandchildren.

I've never wanted children, and never felt my biological clock ticking. I never enjoyed babysitting as a teenager. I don't enjoy being around children and never wanted a child of my own. Even when I was a child, I preferred to 'hang out' with adults.

My husband and I are child-free by choice. It is the right choice for us, and fortunately, now that I am in my 40s, people have stopped asking when we're going to 'start a family.' It's the right choice for us, and I'm very happy with our choice.

 Thanks for sharing your story! Happy to hear people have stopped asking about you starting a family.

[rising_star]

Have you seen the post about tattoos/babies? It's pretty awesome. http://theuglyvolvo.com/2014/04/01/why-you-should-never-ever-ever-get-a-tattoo-but-having-a-baby-is-fine/

 

FWIW, I think it's just fine to be child-free if that's what you and your partner want. Yes, people will ask questions but really it's none of their damn business.

[maelia8]

What I think it's important to keep in mind when discussing the terms "childless, child free, and not sure yet" is that for many people, these decisions change and evolve over time. I know many people who when they were 20 said they absolutely did or didn't want to have children but now at 25 have changed their opinion one way or the other. It's really important to keep this in mind and be careful not to judge people for changing their minds over time ("but you always wanted to have kids!" "but I thought that you of all people would never have kids!"). These decisions are not alway monumental, and depend a lot on factors such as current partner and current income.

 

I know a lot of people who are not categorically against having children but who respond to the question with something like "At the moment, that would not be financially feasible, and I'm not sure when it will be" or "Maybe someday, but I haven't found someone yet with whom I'd like to have a child." When I'm asked whether I want to have children, I usually answer "I'm not sure yet" (I'm almost 25) but if I were really honest, the answer would be something more like this: "If at some point in the future I am in a relationship that I feel is stable enough to support childrearing, have enough money to afford to raise a child, have a stable job and have the desire to have a child with my current partner (who is also considering reproducing), then I might start to think about having a child." I just couldn't even consider it one way or the other unless these requirements were fulfilled, so at the moment it's a moot point (I have neither a stable job, money in excess, or a partner with whom I would consider reproducing). 

[stella_ella]

Child-free and enjoying it

 

I don't hate children though, and actually get along quite nicely with my nieces. I spoil them silly with carbs and sweets, and since chocolate is my air, this makes me very popular with them.

 

I think my main reason for not wanting to have kids is just that. Having kids freaks the living sh*t out of me. I minored in Biology and the prospect of giving birth still terrifies me. My sister had a c-section and to say it was gruesome is an understatement.

 

But, since I don't hate kids, I may one day decide to adopt or become a foster parent. For now, carpe diem!

[DogMa]

I'm 42, my husband is 49. I have endometriosis, so it is unlikely I could have ever conceived naturally (my endometriosis is severe), even had I wanted children, which I never have. Fortunately, my husband and I agreed on the "no children" thing right from the start. We have three cats, and those are our babies. We are fortunate that we both have sisters who had children to satisfy our parents' desires for grandchildren.

I've never wanted children, and never felt my biological clock ticking. I never enjoyed babysitting as a teenager. I don't enjoy being around children and never wanted a child of my own. Even when I was a child, I preferred to 'hang out' with adults.

My husband and I are child-free by choice. It is the right choice for us, and fortunately, now that I am in my 40s, people have stopped asking when we're going to 'start a family.' It's the right choice for us, and I'm very happy with our choice.

I am 51 and my husband is 49 and we made the decision early in our marriage that we would only have dogs and cats. Thankfully both of us have at least one sibling with kids so we don't get the guilt trip from the parents. Early in our marriage people thought we were crazy, selfish (?) or just hated kids.

I was never that comfortable around kids as a young adult and also didn't babysit when I was a teen. Of course we got the "you don't know what you are missing" at first and get the "well who is going to take care of you when you get older" now that we are middle aged.

Oh and I had a tubal ligation when I was 37. He was going to have a vasectomy but I ended up needing surgery to correct a side effect from depo provera used as birth control.

Edited April 18, 2014 by DogMa

[seeingeyeduck]

I am also planning to never have kids. I respect anyone else's desire to have them but I've never even felt an iota of desire to have kids. Partly because I'm an only child and never had siblings and partly because growing up was just no fun with my parents' terrible marriage. But mostly it just seems biological. I just feel weird when around babies and kids cuz everyone else finds them so adorable and they just have no effect on me. I don't dislike them but I just can't feel what the fuss is about.

I just turned 31, so I've been in the stage where my parents bug me about it despite my having informed them of my decision. I don't know if the in-laws are aware but they are more polite and are unlikely to pressure us. My friends aren't pushy but they give me the "oh but you never know, you could change your mind." I know some people do but at this point, having never felt any different and having never felt warm and fuzzy about babies, I'm pretty sure it's forever! I'm happy with it, since I'd be miserable and probably a terrible parent on top of that. That combo would result in such a miserable kid. I'm sticking to my decision.

[bsharpe269]

I am absolutely terrified of IUD's. Every time I think about switching, I read about or talk to women who have had horrible experiences. Since I know that I don't want kids, a permanent solution is better for me. I read about some procedure that removes the lining of the uterus to stop cramps, but I can't find it again. I was under the impression that it wasn't good to take hormonal birth control after 35 due to risks of stroke, etc?

 

To give another opinion on this, I have a copper IUD and love it! I have always been a bit hesitant of the hormal stuff and everytime I have gotten on it, I have immediate weird effects like headaches or weight gain. I may just be more sensitive to it than most. The IUD has been great though! I have had no weird effects and you dont feel it at all or have to remember to take pills.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

What I think it's important to keep in mind when discussing the terms "childless, child free, and not sure yet" is that for many people, these decisions change and evolve over time. I know many people who when they were 20 said they absolutely did or didn't want to have children but now at 25 have changed their opinion one way or the other. It's really important to keep this in mind and be careful not to judge people for changing their minds over time ("but you always wanted to have kids!" "but I thought that you of all people would never have kids!"). These decisions are not alway monumental, and depend a lot on factors such as current partner and current income.

 

I know a lot of people who are not categorically against having children but who respond to the question with something like "At the moment, that would not be financially feasible, and I'm not sure when it will be" or "Maybe someday, but I haven't found someone yet with whom I'd like to have a child." When I'm asked whether I want to have children, I usually answer "I'm not sure yet" (I'm almost 25) but if I were really honest, the answer would be something more like this: "If at some point in the future I am in a relationship that I feel is stable enough to support childrearing, have enough money to afford to raise a child, have a stable job and have the desire to have a child with my current partner (who is also considering reproducing), then I might start to think about having a child." I just couldn't even consider it one way or the other unless these requirements were fulfilled, so at the moment it's a moot point (I have neither a stable job, money in excess, or a partner with whom I would consider reproducing). 

I get what you're saying. You don't have to be a card-carrying child-free advocate to post in the child-free thread. A lot of people say they never want a child now but might change their minds, and vice versa. But LittleDarlings is far from that. 

 

This is a girl who a few months ago was deciding between going to grad school or finding a guy to have a family with. She goes on dating websites and dates a different guy every day and struggles to not reveal to him that she's desperate to have a child. She picks out future baby names during work hours. 

 

I understand she did make a major "breakthrough" in her post. She finally said she's content with the idea of not finding a husband and having a family until she finishes grad school in 2 years when she's 25. Before that, she was jealous of her friends who got knocked up in high school and considered cutting ties with all her friends because they all had boyfriends. 

 

But saying you're content with getting an education first and won't drown in your sorrows if you have to wait until 25 to have a baby and being someone who never wants to have children or doesn't know if they'll ever want children are two entirely different things. 

 

There's just absolutely no point of posting in a child-free movement thread and saying things like, "do you think my eggs will still be good in 10 years if I get them frozen?", and, "God forbid I ever find out I'm infertile!"

[LittleDarlings]

I get what you're saying. You don't have to be a card-carrying child-free advocate to post in the child-free thread. A lot of people say they never want a child now but might change their minds, and vice versa. But LittleDarlings is far from that.

This is a girl who a few months ago was deciding between going to grad school or finding a guy to have a family with. She goes on dating websites and dates a different guy every day and struggles to not reveal to him that she's desperate to have a child. She picks out future baby names during work hours.

I understand she did make a major "breakthrough" in her post. She finally said she's content with the idea of not finding a husband and having a family until she finishes grad school in 2 years when she's 25. Before that, she was jealous of her friends who got knocked up in high school and considered cutting ties with all her friends because they all had boyfriends.

But saying you're content with getting an education first and won't drown in your sorrows if you have to wait until 25 to have a baby and being someone who never wants to have children or doesn't know if they'll ever want children are two entirely different things.

There's just absolutely no point of posting in a child-free movement thread and saying things like, "do you think my eggs will still be good in 10 years if I get them frozen?", and, "God forbid I ever find out I'm infertile!"

Wow you're still going on about me?? Thanks:) and interestingly enough I actually haven't talked to my pregnant friend in a while, since she asked me to help her pick out a middle name... Ummm no thanks dude figure it out on your own. Also, I will be 26 when I graduate or pretty close to it. Edited April 18, 2014 by LittleDarlings

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Wow you're still going on about me?? Thanks:) and interestingly enough I actually haven't talked to my pregnant friend in a while, since she asked me to help her pick out a middle name... Ummm no thanks dude figure it out on your own. Also, I will be 26 when I graduate or pretty close to it.

"Pretty close" to 26 is still mathematically 25. And I mentioned you because someone said how it's okay (for you) to post in here if you're childless but don't know if you want children. I was saying that you don't fall into that category. 

[ahlatsiawa]

Guys give it a rest. Please.

[LittleDarlings]

"Pretty close" to 26 is still mathematically 25. And I mentioned you because someone said how it's okay (for you) to post in here if you're childless but don't know if you want children. I was saying that you don't fall into that category.

I thought you were done?? It matters to you that much where I post? Lol you're now the posting police? Hmmm

In the end it doesn't matter, I want kids I don't have them, I am child free at the moment. It is not my intent to go through life child free. Some people choose that and that's great it isn't for me. Maybe I shouldn't have posted but I did so sorry OP for taking away from the point of your thread. Done.

Edited April 18, 2014 by LittleDarlings

[ParanoidAndroid]

"Pretty close" to 26 is still mathematically 25. 

 

 

Technically no. 25 years and a bit is strictly larger than 25. 

 

.... 

[lasercats11]

I will never have kids. There is no compromising on this point. I am not interested and have never been interested in kids. I don't feel anything towards them. I don't mind being the "fun aunt" but I could never see myself having kids. I'm 27 and a lot of my friends are getting married and getting pregnant, which is fine for them, but when I imagine my life with the addition of kids I just want out of that situation. The loss of independence and additional stress of having children is not something that I want to add to my life. I've also never had any sort of biological urge to procreate, so my life will be child free and I am super stoked about it. There are so many other things that I want to do with my life.

 

Also, that's super exciting that tubal ligation is covered under graduate insurance. I will have to look into that at my school when I start in the fall. It's something I've been considering, but I just haven't had insurance for a while. I'm pretty paranoid about the possibility of getting pregnant which definitely takes some of the fun out of sex. I brought it up at a doctor's appointment a few years ago only to get the "You'll change your mind" speech (which I find super condescending, but even more so from a doctor). Hopefully, as I get closer to 30, people will start taking me a bit more serious about not wanting to have kids.

[Vene]

I brought it up at a doctor's appointment a few years ago only to get the "You'll change your mind" speech (which I find super condescending, but even more so from a doctor). Hopefully, as I get closer to 30, people will start taking me a bit more serious about not wanting to have kids.

An aggravatingly common attitude.