We've wined, we've waited, now it's time to celebrate 2016

[sjoh197]

57 minutes ago, Pink Fuzzy Bunny said:

I drive to the nearest bus station and then take the bus from there. For me, it's a mall. Is that an option for you, at least in the winter? 

Nah, it would defeat the purpose. I'd have to drive away from the university... And I'll only be 3 miles from it anyways.

If I start to feel uncomfortable, I'll just have my partner make the <2 minute drive to the bus stop.

[Pink Fuzzy Bunny]

11 hours ago, sjoh197 said:

Nah, it would defeat the purpose. I'd have to drive away from the university... And I'll only be 3 miles from it anyways.

If I start to feel uncomfortable, I'll just have my partner make the <2 minute drive to the bus stop.

I'm not sure I understand. If you are going to be walking from your bus stop and that does not defeat the purpose, why would driving defeat the purpose? It seems like a little "silliness" might be in order if you are concerned for your personal safety.

 

[sjoh197]

9 minutes ago, Pink Fuzzy Bunny said:

I'm not sure I understand. If you are going to be walking from your bus stop and that does not defeat the purpose, why would driving defeat the purpose? It seems like a little "silliness" might be in order if you are concerned for your personal safety.

 

You can't drive to any of the bus stops here and park. The nearest park and ride is further away from us than the university. The area that I'll be walking through is pretty safe most of the time, but the bums seem to multiply at night. I think if I'm on guard and just have some mace and stuff with me, I should be fine. 

I'm a middle of no-where mountains kind of person... so being in the city just makes me paranoid all the time. 

[MarineBluePsy]

20 hours ago, rhombusbombus said:

Update: my parents want him back. So he's gonna go home until i move next year. 

That sounds like its best in order to cut down on the complaints, while you search for a house or townhouse or something without so many attached neighbors.  It is really hard to have pets in apartments, especially if they're larger or anxious.  For all you know it wasn't just your dog disturbing your neighbors, but yours might have been the only one blamed.  At least the roommate situation will help you save money because a place that will be easier to keep your dog might cost more.

18 hours ago, sjoh197 said:

Well... I've been on the edge decision wise over using public transit, or driving to the university... mostly because over time, the cost would be about the same. However, I just found out that the uni just started a program that subsidizes your metro fare, giving you $30 a month on your metro card, or about 20 days of 1 ride there and 1 ride home, so long as you join the program. I think that might change things a little. 

Also, I talked to someone there, and they said that the particular bus I would have to use is pretty safe. Since a lot of the area around the uni is really sketchy, I don't want a bus that goes through those areas Lol. 

 

18 hours ago, sjoh197 said:

Yeah, I was mostly hesitant due to safety concerns. But the area I am going through is pretty safe. I have to walk a half mile from my bus station to my apartment. About a 20 minute walk. And I didn't really want to do that after dark (like 5:30 in the winter lol) But I'm going to have mace, and a taser, and a knife, and a My kitty personal key chain lol. 

The bus definitely sounds like it'll be slightly more affordable, plus the built in exercise walking to and from stops is nice.  Have you actually gotten on the bus to check out the route you need to take?  I have been doing that since relocating...hopping on different buses that go to campus to see how safe I feel getting to and from the bus stop, the route taken to campus, etc.  If you check it out before school is in full swing you can better decide how viable of an option it is for you.

Does your campus have student carpools or a student communication system where you can ask about them?  That could be something to consider in the winter months when it gets darker earlier or yes have your partner pick you up at the bus stop at night.  Your safety is not something to gamble with.  But as for the mace, knife, and taser make sure you actually are allowed to carry those things on campus.  With all the craziness on college campuses these days many have a zero tolerance for weapons and you just want to be sure what you're carrying isn't considered a weapon by their standards.

[sjoh197]

21 minutes ago, MarineBluePsy said:

That sounds like its best in order to cut down on the complaints, while you search for a house or townhouse or something without so many attached neighbors.  It is really hard to have pets in apartments, especially if they're larger or anxious.  For all you know it wasn't just your dog disturbing your neighbors, but yours might have been the only one blamed.  At least the roommate situation will help you save money because a place that will be easier to keep your dog might cost more.

 

The bus definitely sounds like it'll be slightly more affordable, plus the built in exercise walking to and from stops is nice.  Have you actually gotten on the bus to check out the route you need to take?  I have been doing that since relocating...hopping on different buses that go to campus to see how safe I feel getting to and from the bus stop, the route taken to campus, etc.  If you check it out before school is in full swing you can better decide how viable of an option it is for you.

Does your campus have student carpools or a student communication system where you can ask about them?  That could be something to consider in the winter months when it gets darker earlier or yes have your partner pick you up at the bus stop at night.  Your safety is not something to gamble with.  But as for the mace, knife, and taser make sure you actually are allowed to carry those things on campus.  With all the craziness on college campuses these days many have a zero tolerance for weapons and you just want to be sure what you're carrying isn't considered a weapon by their standards.

checked their rules and such. They'll actually have campus carry in August. But I certainly dont plan on that lol. I talked to some people about that particular bus and was pretty happy with the responses. My partner and I are going to check it out very soon and ride it closer to dark together. With all the terrible things in the news.... Coupled with my severe anxiety and panic attacks, it makes it really hard for me to be out in public alone lol.

In other news... The gem and mineral show is coming to town this weekend. Yay. And it will be our 4 year "together" anniversary on Saturday.

[Effloresce]

i have such a weird relationship with my parents. like..my dad is supportive financially and our relationship has gotten better, but i still get extremely anxious visiting home because of how strict it was when i was growing up. i feel really awful feeling this way when my dad and stepmom have done so much for me, but the environment i grew up in was really body-shamey and there was always a lot of pressure to look, act, and be a certain way. i know things have changed, but i get back into the mindset whenever i come back home and it really sucks.

[sjoh197]

29 minutes ago, Effloresce said:

i have such a weird relationship with my parents. like..my dad is supportive financially and our relationship has gotten better, but i still get extremely anxious visiting home because of how strict it was when i was growing up. i feel really awful feeling this way when my dad and stepmom have done so much for me, but the environment i grew up in was really body-shamey and there was always a lot of pressure to look, act, and be a certain way. i know things have changed, but i get back into the mindset whenever i come back home and it really sucks.

My mother and stepfather were religious whack jobs, and my step father was very emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. After my mother divorced him (I had already left home) she quit religion and became more "normal". We have a great relationship now, but I still get that weird "police what you say" mentality sometimes. Its hard to disassociate your parents from your childhood overlords into becoming your friends.

[MarineBluePsy]

You guys!  I just walked out of my room and bumped into one of the male guests in nothing but his underwear!  And not even normal man underwear, but those way too small tight shorts brief things that leave nothing to the imagination.  I seriously just did one of those awkward stare apology things and am now hiding in my room where I seriously have to pee.  For heaven's sake he is married can't he wait until he gets home to his wife to walk around like that?  My new home can't be ready fast enough because there is just way too much nakedness here for me.

[sjoh197]

3 minutes ago, MarineBluePsy said:

You guys!  I just walked out of my room and bumped into one of the male guests in nothing but his underwear!  And not even normal man underwear, but those way too small tight shorts brief things that leave nothing to the imagination.  I seriously just did one of those awkward stare apology things and am now hiding in my room where I seriously have to pee.  For heaven's sake he is married can't he wait until he gets home to his wife to walk around like that?  My new home can't be ready fast enough because there is just way too much nakedness here for me.

You should just stare at it until it makes him uncomfortable. Maybe even squint a little.

[MarineBluePsy]

3 minutes ago, sjoh197 said:

You should just stare at it until it makes him uncomfortable. Maybe even squint a little.

Something tells me he'd enjoy the prolonged staring.  It's not like he rushed to move or anything, he just kept standing there.  I finally dashed out for the bathroom though otherwise I was going to burst.

[rhombusbombus]

Yeah. I'm realizing it's for the best. I'll also be able to find a place with less stairs for his poor old man hips.

 

I ordered a bike on sale from walmart and it arrived today! But as I was putting it together, I noticed some bolts were missing. Luckily, I bought the $7 warranty for it, so i put a claim in online and they refunded me the money for the bike! I thought they would just send me the missing bolts!! 

So that's my silver lining of the day!

[rhombusbombus]

I also don't really like my dog with her dog. She's pushy and stressful.

I'm positive it's going to come out that my dog wasn't the problem, but if he's welcome with my parents, i'd rather he be where he can be an only dog and comfortable. 

[Danger_Zone]

The lack of apartments for rent is starting to make me nervous. I'm not able to go visit until the end of next week and a few places have told me they might not have anything by then. I am hoping I can find just one place that works for my boyfriend and I. I guess I should have looked into apartments earlier but everybody assured me that I would have no problem finding them at this time...

I also just e-mailed one place right now so that I wouldn't forget in the morning, and they got back to me from their phone (it's 1:30am!) Now I'm afraid I've woken them up or something... why would they reply to me at 1:30am??

[dr. t]

On 7/22/2016 at 5:56 AM, rhombusbombus said:

Yeah. I'm realizing it's for the best. I'll also be able to find a place with less stairs for his poor old man hips.

 

I ordered a bike on sale from walmart and it arrived today! But as I was putting it together, I noticed some bolts were missing. Luckily, I bought the $7 warranty for it, so i put a claim in online and they refunded me the money for the bike! I thought they would just send me the missing bolts!! 

So that's my silver lining of the day!

Noooooo. Walmart bikes are literally the worst.

[MarineBluePsy]

I put down a deposit on my new home today!  And thank goodness too because I can't take another teeny underweared man sighting lol.  I am still sad about not having a tub though.

@Danger_Zone You'll find something!  If everyone assured you that you can find something around now then you can.  Maybe two weeks ago I was pretty upset because everything I was finding was awful.  Turns out I just didn't know where to look so some of the locals clued me in to the better sites to use and then I found something.

[RCtheSS]

I'm packing all weekend long in preparation for the Wednesday move! Wednesday is also the day my job is hosting my go-away party/happy hour.

It still hasn't fully sunk in that I'm closing another chapter of my life and starting another.

[sjoh197]

Well, here I am on gradcafe, laying in bed... On my anniversary, since somebody else has decided to play videogames and watch tv all afternoon. Yay me.

 

[MarineBluePsy]

45 minutes ago, sjoh197 said:

Well, here I am on gradcafe, laying in bed... On my anniversary, since somebody else has decided to play videogames and watch tv all afternoon. Yay me.

 

Ummm unless getting you frustrated is meant to distract you from the upcoming proposal I'd say you have a right to be completely peeved.

[sjoh197]

1 minute ago, MarineBluePsy said:

Ummm unless getting you frustrated is meant to distract you from the upcoming proposal I'd say you have a right to be completely peeved.

Well, he did take me to the gem and mineral show this morning. And he bought me a very pretty fluorite.

After we came home he said we could "do whatever I wanted to do"... But the gem show was my idea. I was hoping he would have at least suggested something. Idk. Anytime I want to do something together, I have to come up with it, and I have to plan it, and I have to make it happen. I'm tired.

[Danger_Zone]

5 hours ago, MarineBluePsy said:

I put down a deposit on my new home today!  And thank goodness too because I can't take another teeny underweared man sighting lol.  I am still sad about not having a tub though.

@Danger_Zone You'll find something!  If everyone assured you that you can find something around now then you can.  Maybe two weeks ago I was pretty upset because everything I was finding was awful.  Turns out I just didn't know where to look so some of the locals clued me in to the better sites to use and then I found something.

That's great! I hope you like your new place. It's too bad there's no tub, though (but at least there are no men in their underwear? )

Thanks, I'm hoping so! The soonest I can visit is on Friday, and many places have told me that they either have one place left or it's doubtful that there will be anything when I arrive. There are also some apartments in off-campus student housing but I need to find out if my boyfriend can move in with me. Oh and I also found out that some places won't allow you to share a bedroom as a couple unless you're married! I could not believe that one, but luckily I haven't encountered that in my search yet.

[MarineBluePsy]

@sjoh197 I totally hear you on not wanting to be the planner all the time.  It's a special occasion and surely he knows you sitting and watching him play video games is not the way to spend it.  That kind of behavior wouldn't fly for me at all.  Have you tried putting on something tempting and blocking his view?  If that doesn't work then he's really in the dog house.

@Danger_Zone Do you mean some campus affiliated housing requires a couple to be married if they wish to live together?  I guess they are allowed to make their own rules, but I'm not sure how they can truly enforce that.  Seems like most couples would just lie and then what?  Campus police barges in trying to catch you in the act?  Or do you mean housing owned by private owners and it is their preference that a couple be married if living together.  While unfair, with private property I don't know that they are held to the same standards as public housing.

Are you set on an apartment?  If zillow and trulia are popular where you are then you might find other options...townhouses, duplexes, etc.

[sjoh197]

1 hour ago, MarineBluePsy said:

@sjoh197 I totally hear you on not wanting to be the planner all the time.  It's a special occasion and surely he knows you sitting and watching him play video games is not the way to spend it.  That kind of behavior wouldn't fly for me at all.  Have you tried putting on something tempting and blocking his view?  If that doesn't work then he's really in the dog house.

Unfortunately we got into a fight instead, (something including the words bitchy and attitude) and I left the apartment to sit at starbucks alone and buy flowers for myself at the grocery store. I told him I hoped he and his tv had a nice anniversary together.

When I came home an hour ago he was grasping at straws for somewhere to take me to "fix it". He even asked if I wanted to go to the circus tonight since its in town. I said no.

Best anniversary ever.

[Need Coffee in an IV]

1 hour ago, sjoh197 said:

Unfortunately we got into a fight instead, (something including the words bitchy and attitude) and I left the apartment to sit at starbucks alone and buy flowers for myself at the grocery store. I told him I hoped he and his tv had a nice anniversary together.

When I came home an hour ago he was grasping at straws for somewhere to take me to "fix it". He even asked if I wanted to go to the circus tonight since its in town. I said no.

Best anniversary ever.

I'm sorry! fights are awful and are even worse when its suppose to be a happy day. I guess since you said you always planned things, your bf has a laid back, passive attitude towards things?

[MarineBluePsy]

@sjoh197  Oh no!  I'm sorry.  I was really hoping he'd pull it together in the end, but hopefully this fight is something that can be worked through.

[dr. t]

9 hours ago, sjoh197 said:

Anytime I want to do something together, I have to come up with it, and I have to plan it, and I have to make it happen.

Why, exactly, would you expect his behavior to be different this one time? Because you wished really hard?

Look, I don't claim perfection, but a lot of what makes a relationship work in the long run is (1) communication and (2) negotiation. The latter is twofold - with your partner and with yourself.

So, in this example, you know your partner does not take the initiative. (1): Did you directly communicate ("I want..." not "Oh hey this is happening *hint hint*") that you wanted to do something special? (2): Is this sort of explicit conversation a "price you're willing to pay" to be in a relationship with your partner?