Gradgirl2020

FTW!!!
 

FTW!!!
 

FTW!!!
 

One pet peeve of mine is the "safety school" BS. Like, I get it. We apply to a range of programs--some more attainable than others, some we want more than others. But you shouldn't look down on the "safety school." Don't apply if you have no intention of attending and will actively hate the option if you get in. And don't get so comfortable that you assume the safety school is just a given. Don't underestimate the difficulty of this process.

This is my 3rd round of applications after my first two rounds were unsuccessful. I've just been admitted to a program! I just want to say don't give up if you don't succeed on the first or even second round.

Oklash,
I empathize so much with you. Please don't give up on yourself. Please don't even consider the thought of hurting yourself or worse. You deserve life! You deserve happiness. You can and will find your path. But I know that sounds so much easier than it is actually done. But please, listen to me:
I have been where you are. A few years ago, I applied to graduate school and got rejected at 6/8 programs. This crushed me. None of my top schools seemed even remotely interested. I was rejected swiftly. One acceptance was to my safety school. One acceptance was to a good program, but no funding. I was living at home. I didn't have a source of income. I was in a very bad relationship, which was ending. I didn't think the amount of loans I would have to take out to go to school and minimally survive was a good choice. I just couldn't bear the thought, and I said no. This devastated me. I felt like such a fuck up. I spent hours and hundreds of dollars to apply to these schools. It felt like such a waste.
My parents were pressuring me to move on. They didn't exactly see what this meant to me. I dreamed of going into academia. I really wanted to teach. And I felt like it would never happen for me. I felt like a crucial part of my identity was lost. They told me to get a job somewhere and move on. The only job I could find was at K-Mart. Meanwhile, my professors and advisors told me, "There's always next year. This happens. Just try again." Try again? As if this is easy? As if this is affordable? It's neither. This process can be soul-crushingly difficult. It depressed me. I spent months deeply, clinically depressed. Not many people understood what I was going through or had the bandwidth to relate to me and talk to me. I felt so alone.
But, I chose to just adapt and to go on a totally different path. It was not easy. I changed career tracks. I didn't like it. I still don't. I struggled to find work outside of retail, but eventually did. It was meager, however. Finally, I met my then boyfriend (now husband). I began to learn that life is not linear. Life often does not make sense. The path is arduous and twisted and broken and frightening, but sometimes, there is method to its absolute madness. I would have never met my husband had this all worked out the way I had hoped. I also realized that your career does not have to be the only way you find fulfillment in life. There are ways to engage in your love and research interests outside of academia. Focus on finding those things. Focus on filling your life with people who you connect to and can confide in. You need support during this process. You need friends and love. And sometimes, that is the greatest fulfillment in life.
Like you, I have a BA in English and philosophy. I felt really unemployable where I was living in the Midwest. But when I moved to a metro area, I suddenly found I was very employable, just not in anything I deeply care about, which has been okay temporarily. I have worked in an off-shoot of my field, and I have spent time building my resume with professional experience. I have saved up money to apply again to graduate school and fund some of my education, should I get in. I spent years preparing to try again. And, in that time, I focused mostly on healing myself--repairing the broken confidence, proving my commitment to myself, and polishing the skills I need. My time away from school and this process has honestly been so well spent, and I have hope it is paying off.
My advice for your situation is to consider doing those things: take a year or two or three to build your resume;  consider moving to a metropolitan area where there are more jobs, if you can afford it; stay committed to your field through independent study, research, and attempts at publication; research different programs, maybe try a completely different batch of schools; seek out professionals in your field to provide you constructive criticism on your applications; find friends and a support circle; find other hobbies and things that make you feel good; focus on your mental health by seeking medical attention, talking to a therapist or loved one, taking a break from this process, taking a vacation (or stay-cation), taking up a new hobby, trying new exercise, etc.; and finally give yourself a break.
Listen to all of us in your shoes. We are all struggling. You are NOT alone! You are NOT a failure. You should not blame yourself so much or feel so worthless. It's just NOT fair to yourself. Give yourself some credit for all of the hard work and effort you have put in. Give yourself credit for taking a risk and trying again. Look at how far you've already come. You are GREAT. Please don't forget that! <3

@Gradgirl2020 This is everything

So much wisdom in so few words. 

Tamiflu!!!!  Go to your doctor asap....if you start Tamiflu right away, it might keep you from getting full blown flu. I know this, because the exact same thing happened to me this past weekend. My husband came down with a bad case of the flu last Monday, and I was scheduled to attend recruitment weekend at my top choice program on Thursday. I was taking care of my husband and scared as hell that I would get sick. We both took Tamiflu and my husband got better after only a few days, and I managed to not get sick at all.
I know what you're going through...it is so frustrating and stressful. I'm sending all of the positive vibes I can your way and hope everything works out! 

I have imagined some IT guy laughing his ass off at how much I log onto the app sites. 

I wonder if the graduate school can see the timestamps from the daily checks I do to the application page. 

So much wisdom in so few words. 

UPDATE: Was accepted to University of Delaware! 
First ever acceptance! Third round of applications - don't give up if you really want it!

So, maybe, shortlisted is more high on the list and, thus, more likely to be accepted. But, I am not really sure about that.

My University of Maryland (chemistry, inorganic) app status changed from “under departmental review” to “under graduate school review”... is this a good sign or bad sign? I submitted my app back in late November. 

You are absolutely right. A few days out I've processed it a bit and realize that if I'm lucky enough to score another interview, I'll be more prepared to articulate my research in a much more coherent way.  I am out of "likes" but thank you for the assurance that there is hope. 

If you really want to now soon call or email the department to confirm that they have sent out all acceptances.  It's still possible to get one later on.  It seems early to make a final decision.  I don't know what the timeframe is in your field or for your applications but I wouldn't personally assume rejections and fully commit somewhere else just yet.  Could you wait a week or so? If you are going to visit some programs you might get notifications between now and your visits. 

Each person has their own goals, motivations, resources, and priorities!
Personally, if I was in this situation, I would never take an unfunded terminal Masters. My thought is that there aren't any post-PhD career paths that would be worth an unfunded graduate degree (at any level). So even if the unfunded Masters led to a great PhD program, there's nothing beyond that which would make up for the unfunded Masters. But this is my opinion based on what I value/prioritize.
So, if the okay PhD program will still allow me to accomplish my career goals, I'd consider that. If I was not happy with any funded PhD offers then I would either take a different career path that doesn't require a PhD or apply for funded PhD programs again in a future year. 
When I applied to PhD programs, I aimed high and only applied to programs that I would be excited about and led to good career prospects. My reasoning was that I wouldn't want to attend an okay PhD program like you described---I would rather not be in grad school / academia at all. 

2/10 on the venting scale

First off, thank you for responding. After talking to my husband about it, I think their feedback was, for the most part, to get me to think. Two of the three members were actually actively attempting to make connections between my research ideas and said that there are more similarities than one would think at first and that I'm trying to answer very complicated questions, but my methodologies are disparate. l am hoping they can see my potential. Grad school is supposed to mold you, right? I'm hoping that they see I just need molding. 

This is amazing!!! CONGRATULATIONS! You are on top of the world!!
 
Also, just reminder to everyone that schools don't send out all their info at once. Even if people heard from a certain school already, that does NOT mean you're rejected or even necessarily waitlisted. You all have so much to offer each of these schools and this is just the beginning of the process!
 
I've been distracting myself with Doctor Who lately, in case anyone else is a fan. It's my first time watching and WOW what a roller coaster.

Well I was actually driving listening to an old this American life podcast titled, “how I got into college.” I saw my email pop up from the school, but I figured it was about plane tickets, since they were flying me down to visit. I waited until I got home and read the email. I was shocked. My eyes filled with tears and I looked at my husband and said, “They admitted me.” We hugged. I drank a beer and called my mom. It made the planned visit a lot less stressful. 

I wouldn't worry too much about this. In addition to what others said, the admissions process is holistic, so the interview is only one part of the decision factor. Just like someone might have a lower than average GPA and still get an offer, someone might not have done super great on an interview and still receive an offer. And in your case, this was one part in the interview, not the whole thing.
I have limited experience on the "selection"/"evaluation" side of things, but the way most people and I have made decisions is not to look for the perfect candidate that has zero issues. That person pretty much never exists. We encounter weaknesses in every candidate/proposal/etc. The question is whether the candidate's strengths and the program they are entering will be able to overcome their weaknesses. For example, when looking for an undergrad research student, one not-big-deal weakness might be the lack of background knowledge/courses in Astronomy because we can teach that to them. But zero training in mathematics will probably be a deal-breaker.
I think in your case, you would be fine. You may still not get the position since there are lots of other factors at play, so don't beat yourself up over this part of the interview, i.e. you could have aced that part and still not get the offer. It's still a good learning opportunity for other interviews though! Good luck

In terms of internships and jobs, the applications and interviews I thought I had absolutely aced led to rejections. Two jobs where I thought I completely screwed up the interview I got the job. Facial expressions and tones of voice mean more than words and questions - did they sound annoyed at the disparity or was it more to open debate and challenge your thinking?

Hi GFCers, 
I just had an interview with my top school (YAY!), but I thing I bombed (boooo!!!). Everything was going so well. I had answers for all their questions. My language was fluid and I even managed to make a connection to one of the interviewers via research interests. Then, I was asked to describe some research ideas. It was clear that my first idea DID NOT fit what the program does. The second idea, was EXACTLY the kind of thing the dept. does, but was so disparate from the first idea (and they told me as much). Then questions about HOW do I see myself fitting in despite the disparities. What exactly is the common thread in my research? Great questions that I should be truly asking myself, but, like before I applied. I am going to go drink myself into a coma. Did anyone think they bombed an interview, but actually prevailed? I need all the hope I can get.