crazycheese8

Happy update to this thread - The POI got back in touch today to say I would be receiving an official letter of admission soon!

"Dear Dream School,
I am extremely excited about Dream School and I will definitely attend if accepted, as it is my first choice! However, I have received a formal offer from my second choice program, and they need my response by {date}. While I am very happy that I have received an informal offer from Dream School, is there any way I could be given a formal offer by this date? I feel uncomfortable turning down the other program before receiving an official offer from Dream School, which I would absolutely love to attend.
Thank you,
{you}"
 

Getting rejected/waitlisted is really difficult. When I got waitlisted at my dream school, I cried for 3 days straight and marathoned romantic comedies on Netflix. I think your boss is probably right, and you should take some time off of work to grieve.
I doubt your boss is mad at you, they probably just see that this experience is affecting your performance at work. I'm sure they were rooting for you, and were probably upset when you didn't get in as well. I would send an email thanking your boss for their support, and acknowledging that you need to take a couple of days off to deal with these feelings. 
I also recommend seeing someone to talk through your experience. Your sense of self is so thoroughly involved in applying to grad school, and the experience of getting rejected can be very shattering. Combine that with the stress of waiting, the numerous stages to the application process, and the introspection of writing the SOP,  and getting rejected feels extremely personal. A lot of really amazing people get rejected/waitlisted for grad school. I strongly suggest finding a therapist who will help you work through this experience – if you look through these forums, you'll find plenty of people who sought therapy after applying to grad school.
You mention that you don't have a backup plan. It sounds like you have a great job where you are a senior technician, with a very supportive boss who cares about your wellbeing. That sounds like a pretty good backup plan to me! 
Just because grad school doesn't happen this year doesn't mean it never will. It's tough, but see if you can treat it as a long term goal, rather than "this needs to happen for me immediately". Maybe you need to diversify and apply to more programs next year, the waitlist is an indication that at least one program sees you as being ready for grad school. Maybe there is some element of your application that you can strengthen for next time. For now, just focus on grieving, feeling your feelings, and allowing yourself to be sad.
Also, maybe when you feel up to it, you can ask the programs for feedback on why you were not admitted, to strengthen your application for next year? 90% of the time they won't be able to provide individualized feedback, but it's worth a try.

It's also worth mentioning that it may be too late to undo this, and it's possible they may have already admitted their second choice. In the future, I would be really careful about making demands like this!

I respectfully disagree. 
 
I was waitlisted last year, and it almost physically HURT. I got on the waitlist of my (at the time, #1 program) on April 4th. Yes. I remember the day, and the sour weekend following that. I was happy thinking "Hey, they kind of liked me. Almost there!" Then by that Saturday, April 7th, my thought turned dark "Why?" "How long will I have to wait?" etc. I finally decided to email them on Monday April 9th. They (secretary/coordinator) CALLED me back saying that they definitely wanted me -- funding issues -- my POI was running a crowded lab but may try to take me on etc. Now starts the most painful rollercoaster ride of my life. April 10th, this time the department chair emails me a super sympathetic email. "I know how hard it it to wait, but good news is there is a high possibility that someone will come off the waitlist, and it has happened in recent years.." and a similar vein. It was also obviously not a form email (in different font/style from previous form emails he had sent before). April 11th. The secretary confirms with me that I am on the waitlist through email. I shoot back an email replying Yes, and asking "why" she lets slip that one/two of their accepted students show hesitancy, and that again this is a good sign for me. April 12th. Radio silence. I'm letting myself feel happy around this point. "Maybe.. there's a chance!" April 13th. The Department chair and secretary sent me emails saying that one spot was vacated and the waiting list's first person got accepted. At this point they inferred that I was the second position on the list -- well now the first. Then April 14th. Keep in mind, this was a SATURDAY. I received a call saying that "I regret to inform you.." My heart dropped, and I really couldn't hear what he had said and had to ask for him to repeat. He said that "We will be unable to offer you admission to our PhD program this year. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but this year had an extremely competitive applicant pool." I thanked him and sort of phoned it in that day. I was planning to set up lesson plans for my TAing gig, and run some analyses for my thesis project. I did not have the functioning capabilities to do that. Instead, I indulged in comfort foods. I recall calling my mother and sister crying, but I can't remember what I said. I was devastated. I had been rejected everywhere else, except for one school that was way down the list, and I was considering saying No to regardless of the results. 
 
This school had raised my hopes and then brought it crashing back down on reality. I would have been happier not being in almost daily communication with them (though granted, they initiated it on some days. But I got the ball rolling). I really am not the sort of person to just fall apart like that, but the emotional rollercoaster just made it happen. I really think now I would have been happier if I had been flat-out rejected. I WISH I had been rejected. 
 
Sorry for the long story. Just ignore it. This was a bit cathartic for me (it still kind of hurts). I just wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, let alone you congenial people of TGC. Good luck to anyone waitlisted out there, and I hope you don't go through the mental hell I went through in just a little over a week's time last year.

Getting rejected/waitlisted is really difficult. When I got waitlisted at my dream school, I cried for 3 days straight and marathoned romantic comedies on Netflix. I think your boss is probably right, and you should take some time off of work to grieve.
I doubt your boss is mad at you, they probably just see that this experience is affecting your performance at work. I'm sure they were rooting for you, and were probably upset when you didn't get in as well. I would send an email thanking your boss for their support, and acknowledging that you need to take a couple of days off to deal with these feelings. 
I also recommend seeing someone to talk through your experience. Your sense of self is so thoroughly involved in applying to grad school, and the experience of getting rejected can be very shattering. Combine that with the stress of waiting, the numerous stages to the application process, and the introspection of writing the SOP,  and getting rejected feels extremely personal. A lot of really amazing people get rejected/waitlisted for grad school. I strongly suggest finding a therapist who will help you work through this experience – if you look through these forums, you'll find plenty of people who sought therapy after applying to grad school.
You mention that you don't have a backup plan. It sounds like you have a great job where you are a senior technician, with a very supportive boss who cares about your wellbeing. That sounds like a pretty good backup plan to me! 
Just because grad school doesn't happen this year doesn't mean it never will. It's tough, but see if you can treat it as a long term goal, rather than "this needs to happen for me immediately". Maybe you need to diversify and apply to more programs next year, the waitlist is an indication that at least one program sees you as being ready for grad school. Maybe there is some element of your application that you can strengthen for next time. For now, just focus on grieving, feeling your feelings, and allowing yourself to be sad.
Also, maybe when you feel up to it, you can ask the programs for feedback on why you were not admitted, to strengthen your application for next year? 90% of the time they won't be able to provide individualized feedback, but it's worth a try.

Getting rejected/waitlisted is really difficult. When I got waitlisted at my dream school, I cried for 3 days straight and marathoned romantic comedies on Netflix. I think your boss is probably right, and you should take some time off of work to grieve.
I doubt your boss is mad at you, they probably just see that this experience is affecting your performance at work. I'm sure they were rooting for you, and were probably upset when you didn't get in as well. I would send an email thanking your boss for their support, and acknowledging that you need to take a couple of days off to deal with these feelings. 
I also recommend seeing someone to talk through your experience. Your sense of self is so thoroughly involved in applying to grad school, and the experience of getting rejected can be very shattering. Combine that with the stress of waiting, the numerous stages to the application process, and the introspection of writing the SOP,  and getting rejected feels extremely personal. A lot of really amazing people get rejected/waitlisted for grad school. I strongly suggest finding a therapist who will help you work through this experience – if you look through these forums, you'll find plenty of people who sought therapy after applying to grad school.
You mention that you don't have a backup plan. It sounds like you have a great job where you are a senior technician, with a very supportive boss who cares about your wellbeing. That sounds like a pretty good backup plan to me! 
Just because grad school doesn't happen this year doesn't mean it never will. It's tough, but see if you can treat it as a long term goal, rather than "this needs to happen for me immediately". Maybe you need to diversify and apply to more programs next year, the waitlist is an indication that at least one program sees you as being ready for grad school. Maybe there is some element of your application that you can strengthen for next time. For now, just focus on grieving, feeling your feelings, and allowing yourself to be sad.
Also, maybe when you feel up to it, you can ask the programs for feedback on why you were not admitted, to strengthen your application for next year? 90% of the time they won't be able to provide individualized feedback, but it's worth a try.

Got an acceptance on 22nd Feb, with the Opera of the future group.
Had few portfolio visits in the last week of January followed by a Skype interview with the PI in the first week of Feb. It seems like the selection process is completely unique to each group and PI, which might make it frustrating for applicants in the dark. For future applicants, I think connecting on an individual level with the PI or the senior PhD students of the group, much before the application process, helps a lot (Atleast to get an idea of the upcoming projects and what the PI might be looking for; or if they are keen on taking students at all).
My congratulations to others accepted, crossing all the fingers and toes i have, for those on the waitlist. For those that did not get in this time, keep working on your inspiring projects, making an impact in your community, read your 'statement of purpose' again. That "purpose" is still within you and there are so many ways you can keep at it. I look forward to crossing paths with all of you!

I disagree with the comment above, I think you should DEFINITELY update the professor. Think about what you told them: "I absolutely will only attend this program if this other person gets admitted". That is a pretty strong statement and could really hold back an acceptance for you. Here's what I would write:
____________________________________________
Subject: Update to Application
Dear Professor X,
Thank you again for a wonderful conversation last month, I am still very excited about the Y program! At the end of our interview, I mentioned that I would only be able to attend Z school if my partner were able to attend as well. Due to some personal changes, this is no longer the case. I wanted to update you with this new information in case it is relevant in any way to the admissions process.
Best,
nz1996

I disagree with the comment above, I think you should DEFINITELY update the professor. Think about what you told them: "I absolutely will only attend this program if this other person gets admitted". That is a pretty strong statement and could really hold back an acceptance for you. Here's what I would write:
____________________________________________
Subject: Update to Application
Dear Professor X,
Thank you again for a wonderful conversation last month, I am still very excited about the Y program! At the end of our interview, I mentioned that I would only be able to attend Z school if my partner were able to attend as well. Due to some personal changes, this is no longer the case. I wanted to update you with this new information in case it is relevant in any way to the admissions process.
Best,
nz1996

It's also worth mentioning that it may be too late to undo this, and it's possible they may have already admitted their second choice. In the future, I would be really careful about making demands like this!

It's fine to not be so careful choosing a boyfriend 
Be careful about staking something like a graduate school acceptance on any relationship, let alone one that has the potential to end. If you search these forums, even married couples are advised not to sell their acceptances as a definite package deal. It's super risky. 
I really do hope you have the ability to undo this! Good luck!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
That is all. Scream with me if you'd like!

im getting ready to defend my masters thesis along with waiting, and a few weeks ago I had a dream that my current advisor invited one of my POIs to my defense as an interview.  It did not go well and I forgot everything, but instead of critiquing me they beat the shit out of me.  I woke up as I thought I was dying in my dream.  

It's also worth mentioning that it may be too late to undo this, and it's possible they may have already admitted their second choice. In the future, I would be really careful about making demands like this!

I disagree with the comment above, I think you should DEFINITELY update the professor. Think about what you told them: "I absolutely will only attend this program if this other person gets admitted". That is a pretty strong statement and could really hold back an acceptance for you. Here's what I would write:
____________________________________________
Subject: Update to Application
Dear Professor X,
Thank you again for a wonderful conversation last month, I am still very excited about the Y program! At the end of our interview, I mentioned that I would only be able to attend Z school if my partner were able to attend as well. Due to some personal changes, this is no longer the case. I wanted to update you with this new information in case it is relevant in any way to the admissions process.
Best,
nz1996

the wait. The Wait. THE WAIT. THE WAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT. [insert neurotic, freaking-out face emoji here, which someone really needs to make, btw]. Maybe this one: ?
Seriously, surely there are applicants who are just a flat-out NO from the get-go. My ideal world: At least do us the courtesy of cutting us loose as soon as you adcoms realize we haven't got a snowball's chance in you-know-where. I can mentally deal with the wait for a wait-list or an accept. If I wait this out and it's a rejection, I might print out my application and then set it ablaze in the firepit. ?
[Immediately checks application portal and the Grad Cafe Forums after submitting this post].

I sent an email to an AO about my application status and why I have not received an interview invitation yet(politely, of course)
Then I dreamt that I received an email containing a cake recipe and a set of math questions, the AO replied " DO NOT BOTHER ME AGAIN UNTIL YOU FIGURE ALL THESE OUT"
I literally scared to death. 

I've got a job offer at Google – as a bonus, my boyfriend also works at Google and we could live together instead of doing long distance while I get my masters. So I've got a pretty sweet fallback if I get rejected from my dream school! ?

I've got a job offer at Google – as a bonus, my boyfriend also works at Google and we could live together instead of doing long distance while I get my masters. So I've got a pretty sweet fallback if I get rejected from my dream school! ?

I've got a job offer at Google – as a bonus, my boyfriend also works at Google and we could live together instead of doing long distance while I get my masters. So I've got a pretty sweet fallback if I get rejected from my dream school! ?

That's amazing! With mine, they are just dreams and hopefully one day will happen! But you are actually going out and doing THE THING! I hope you have a wonderful time exploring Asia!

I feel pulled in both directions, but I would definitely go to my dream school if I do get in! I'm actually only applying to the one program, and I've been wanting to go there forever. I just finished my undergrad so I don't feel a strong need to jump into more school right away (unless it's the perfect fit).
The Google offer is really great, so if I don't get in I'm still super excited about what's next ?
 

"Alas, Harvard isn't ready for this jelly."

I've got a job offer at Google – as a bonus, my boyfriend also works at Google and we could live together instead of doing long distance while I get my masters. So I've got a pretty sweet fallback if I get rejected from my dream school! ?