Any Older PhD Candidates Out There?

[leeners]

I am on my second career and am finishing up my MS in Mental Health Counseling this May. At the behest of one of my professors, I applied to PhD programs for Counseling Psychology and lo and behold, got in with my first choice professor as POI and a graduate assistant-ship that will cover 2 classes/semester.

Issue is, I have two kids at home and am already in my 40s. Best case scenario, I won't finish until I'm 46; worst case scenario, about 82. 

I would love to hear from other parents (moms in particular) if you have done, or plan to do, this. My life not withstanding, it would be a no brainer to accept; but unfortunately I don't live in a vacuum and need to consider impact on my family to make my decision.

Edited February 18, 2020 by leeners
grammar revision

[PsyDuck90]

So I'm not a mom (husband and I are holding off on kids until I finish), but I am considered an older student compared to the vast majority of my program-mates (30 and in my 2nd year). I also have a classmate who is a mom and I know she finds it very difficult to balance everything, and she is fortunate enough to have a lot of help.

I think the main thing for you to consider is what is your ultimate career goal. You said that you applied to PhD programs at the behest of your professor. Does your professional goal require a PhD or is the masters level licensure enough? Yes, you can get paid more as a doctorate level clinician. However, once you factor in the cost of tuition (it sounds like you were awarded some assistance but it isn't a full ride) and time spent out of the workforce and therefore not earning anything, you may just break even (or not even). Add in that you will likely not be contributing to retirement funds during your time in the program, so that can increase the amount of time you have to work before you can afford retirement. These are just some things I would consider when factoring in the decision. I know I thought about a lot of these types of things prior to applying because I was in a good and psych-adjacent career with a master's before I decided to quit to pursue clinical psychology. 

[Psyche007]

Dad here with an adult daughter living at home. 40s. 1st year clinical psychology PhD student.

It's going to depend on several factors.

How old are your kids? What kind of a support structure do you have? Partner? Family nearby? Financially solvent? Travel commitments for any reason? Ailing parents?

As PsyDuck90 said, what do you want to achieve with a PhD?

This is a highly personal decision. Are you looking to gauge the changes that might affect your family? Things will certainly change. I can't say what a counseling psychology PhD looks like, but a clinical psychology PhD is very different from the one semester I completed in a Mental Health Counseling MS. Way less writing, way more studying, far more presentations. Definitely stressful, but it's rewarding so far.

[PsyZei]

I will (hopefully) be in my 40s when I finish my PhD (I started college for the first time in my 30s) as well and I'm married with kids at home, also. Like you I am graduating with my masters this May. My spouse does not have a college degree, but he is supportive of my academic and career goals. I would sit down and decide if this is a goal of yours or not. It is of mine, I want to be academic faculty and do research- I need a PhD for that and it's an important enough goal I am willing to invest the time and effort despite being an older, non-traditional student.

Something that has been significant is the way we divide up taking care of the kids. I tend to be the primary care-provider in our home for the kids when it comes to things like staying up at night with sick kiddos. On the flip, he tends to be the one to take them to doctors appointments during the day. I tend to be the one that goes to the school events. He tends to be the one that sits down with them to help with homework. Etc... It's not perfect (for example, with the recent colds and flu that came through our town I averaged less than 3 hours sleep a night for over two weeks straight, that was really rough with it coinciding with traveling for a couple PhD interviews), but overall it seems to work out okay for us.

[PsychPhdBound]

I don't have kids but will be starting my PhD at 37, so you're definitely not alone (even though it can definitely feel like we are ?)

[SoundofSilence]

*raises hand*

I'm almost mid-30s and will most likely start a second master's this year, with the goal of reapplying to PhDs in 2021. If all goes well (and it won't take two more rounds to get in), I'll finish by early 40s. I also have a spouse that I'm dragging half  way across the world (again). I'm pretty worried about job opportunities for him and also losing the close support of family and friends. 

I question myself often on this decision. I guess sometimes you just have to "jump". I'm also debating whether it would be a good idea to consider starting a family in the later years of a PhD. Anybody have any experience with that? As in, how hard was it go manage baby and research? I would be ok with the program taking longer to complete, I would just be scared of getting kicked out since you're not as "productive" I guess. 

It's nice to get a chance to talk to people in similar situations on here, since most of similarly-aged friends have no idea why we are doing this to ourselves lol :))

[HAC]

I am 30 years old and have a soon to be toddler at home. I will be starting a PhD in the coming year. I have found that quite the contrary to what people say, being an “older” student and a mother has made me a better student and researcher. I have had no choice but to prioritize things and accomplish them rapidly without delay. I have been working in research for 5 years now and have realized that people with more life experience make better academics in general. I know it may seem intimidating to be in a different phase of life than other students but I think you’d be surprised that there are more of us out there than you might imagine. ❤️ 

[leeners]

This is all incredibly helpful - thank you!

Career goals: I will be a licensed therapist with the LMHC but the research and larger impact would come with the PhD. I mention my professor's influence because I would never have considered it for myself, mainly along the line of "who do I think I am" kind of thing, not that I wouldn't want it. But because of that, it's all new to consider.

Thank you to all of you who responded - your feedback is really thought-provoking, which is what I was hopeful for.

[SocDevMum]

Here! 

I am 42, a married mom of three teens. The eldest is at college here in MO, and she plans to stay and finish her degree.  The other two are still at home and will be relocating with us. 

I will be at least 47 by the time I finish my PhD, and I'm ok with that. I am a much more confident and capable person now than I was in my 20s or even 30s, and I know the life skills I've developed will be a huge help to me.  My mentors here at home have been nothing but encouraging, and the PI for my PhD program is already sharing information and excitement with me. If she says being an experienced parent can only be a help, I'm going to take her expert word for it.  

 

[justacigar]

It's so motivating to hear all of your stories!

I'm not considered "old" but am older than most applicants, turning 29 this year. I have a lot of anxieties wrapped up in starting a PhD when I am 30 if I don't get in this year, mainly due to the societal norms that have been engrained in me since childhood about what a "typical" life timeline looks like. F*ck that! There is no typical timeline. It's cliche, but it really is better to accomplish something in your 30's, 40's or 50's rather than not accomplish it at all. I'm working really hard to eschew those social norms, no matter how hard it is. 

Best of luck to all of you on your quest to attend graduate school! 

[Lioness]

I am almost 40 and just started getting my feet wet by taking the GRE applying to one program this year. I am limited to programs in my city since I have two kids and my husband's job is here, and this is home. I didn't get an interview. So I am trying to decide on my next move, and whether to apply to more programs here next year or apply for an online program based in Europe. As much as I would love to have the full-time, on-campus experience, I am thinking the ship has sailed. 

What I was saying to myself all along was I will go for it, see what happens, and quit if it gets too hard (knowing that I rarely quit anything). If I had an opportunity like you have, I would at least give it a shot!

 

 

[SocDevMum]

12 hours ago, Lioness said:

I am almost 40 and just started getting my feet wet by taking the GRE applying to one program this year. I am limited to programs in my city since I have two kids and my husband's job is here, and this is home. I didn't get an interview. So I am trying to decide on my next move, and whether to apply to more programs here next year or apply for an online program based in Europe. As much as I would love to have the full-time, on-campus experience, I am thinking the ship has sailed. 

What I was saying to myself all along was I will go for it, see what happens, and quit if it gets too hard (knowing that I rarely quit anything). If I had an opportunity like you have, I would at least give it a shot!

 

 

Don't give up! I am 42, and starting this Fall.  I'm lucky in that my husband was more than willing to relocate, and our kids (that are still at home) are teens and pretty self-sufficient. Do you have opportunities to work in research or a position this year, to beef up your applications for next year? I feel like there are several online Masters programs out there too, that may buy you some time. 

[MrsDoubleE]

Hi!  I am 36 and starting a PhD in the fall, dragging my husband to a new city (I am lucky, like many of you, to have a supportive husband willing to uproot).  We do not have children yet but hope to start a family!  This is a crazy, ambitious endeavor for anyone to undertake and any age, but I think being a bit older we are equipped with a special set of life skills.  This is a second career for me, my first was over a decade in a completely unrelated field with long, demanding, pressure-filled hours, and tons of personal sacrifice.  This journey is so much more enjoyable and my end goal is to be a researcher & clinician so this is a necessary step for me.  Just know that whatever you believe you can do, you can do it.  If you have made it to this point, you have already shown you can handle this and more!    

[PumaDuty]

Also starting a Phd program in the fall at 33. No children, but married.  I’m feeling excited about having more direction and knowing exactly what I want to accomplish.