Sh*t people say when you are applying to grad school

[grad_wannabe]

This is not so much ill-intentioned or asinine as it is just mis/uninformed.

 

"But how are you going to pay for that? X university is SO expensive!"  Then they think I'm nuts when I explain funding.

 

It really didn't occur to me until I started this whole process that so many people didn't know PhD students usually don't pay but rather get paid.  I thought it was common knowledge.

 

Same here. I was talking to a friend who tentatively asked "... so ... how will you pay for school? do you have to get loans?" and I told her "the good programs will pay all my tuition and pay my living expenses for the next three to five years" she shouted HOLY COW REALLY?!?

[hyronomus4]

 

These are the things people told me AFTER I submitted all my applications. The unreal hypocrisy is that, for the most part, the same people were encouraging me to apply for grad school by noting all its merits.

 

 

 When I was asking for feedback when I was trying to decide if I wanted to apply everyone was in full support.  Once I was actually in the application process and now the waiting part (not very interested in feedback) the typical reaction has been "oh, you mean you're actually doing that?".  So irritating.  

[laurenkef]

"Have you heard anything about grad school?"

[eeee1923]

"So you'll go to school X since it's close to your family, right?"

[BeatrizBear]

"So you'll go to school X since it's close to your family, right?"

 

Same. My mother in particular keeps hinting that I should pick a particular school because it's three hours away. Nevermind that I haven't gotten one acceptance yet. She's also certain that I'll get in everywhere and doesn't understand why I'm worried.

[dw3000]

I hate the "You'll get in somewhere" thing! My partner's parents and I had an awkward conversation which consisted of "Well, what would a sociology professor teach?" "Um, sociology?" "And what is that, exactly?"

OMG I GET THAT ALL THE TIME.

[mb712]

"Psychology? Cool! Hey I think my coworker might be a sociopath, want to meet him?"

No...

Also, "So, you aren't going to have any kids?"

(I'm only in my 20s, damn!)

And my favorite, thanks to political psychology: "Oh so you're one of *those* people who like politics."

I don't even know what that's supposed to mean.

[mb712]

This is not so much ill-intentioned or asinine as it is just mis/uninformed.

"But how are you going to pay for that? X university is SO expensive!" Then they think I'm nuts when I explain funding.

It really didn't occur to me until I started this whole process that so many people didn't know PhD students usually don't pay but rather get paid. I thought it was common knowledge.

My dad was absolutely floored when I told him how Ph.D. funding works most places. He had sat me down wanting to talk about my loan and repayment plan, as any account father would be dying to do, then just sat there eyes wide. Then he contemplated graduate school for himself haha

[TXInstrument11]

"Psychology? Cool! Hey I think my coworker might be a sociopath, want to meet him?"

No...

Also, "So, you aren't going to have any kids?"

(I'm only in my 20s, damn!)

And my favorite, thanks to political psychology: "Oh so you're one of *those* people who like politics."

I don't even know what that's supposed to mean.

Hm. About politics, I think I know what they were trying to get at. If so, this person is an asshole, IMO. The mom of a friend basically said, "Oh, so you're going to be one of those spin doctors on TV that spins all the news stories and lies!", when I was a poli sci major.    She wasn't even kidding. She didn't like me very much, obvs.

 

As for the kids thing, a lot of my family is now convinced that I am really after the PhD as an MRS degree. My grandma even had the audacity to say that she was sure I was interested in going to one school because my POI is a relatively young (30s) man. I had to explain, "No, grandma, I'm not at all interested in him like that. I think he's married anyway and just no. No. Sleeping with your adviser is really not okay." [insert a "She's after the (Ph)D!" joke here]

 

I guess it beats the fam thinking I'm destined to be a crazy cat lady. Maybe. 

Edited February 11, 2015 by TXInstrument11

[Tianmeihua]

"Oh you are applying to Indigenous Studies? That's... nice. And er, what can you do with it after?"

 

"Can you get a job with your degree?" 

 

"What if you don't find a job with it?"

 

"Is your degree recognized?" 

 

"You will get in somewhere!" or "You will be accepted everywhere, there is no need to worry" 

 

"Research? But... what can you research?" 

 

And the worst (coming from a dentist from my home country. not completely related to grad school in particular): "OH so you're studying in Canada??? Is it true they have lots of beavers and lumberjacks? And... Indians?" Before proceeding to spending the entire session listing all the stereotypes about Canada while I was hopelessly lying unable to speak while he was checking my teeth.  

Edited February 11, 2015 by Tianmeihua

[VulpesZerda]

"Oh you are applying to Indigenous Studies? That's... nice. And er, what can you do with it after?"

"Can you get a job with your degree?"

"What if you don't find a job with it?"

"Is your degree recognized?"

"You will get in somewhere!" or "You will be accepted everywhere, there is no need to worry"

"Research? But... what can you research?"

And the worst (coming from a dentist from my home country): "OH so you're studying in Canada??? Is it true they have lots of beavers and lumberjacks? And... Indians?" Before proceeding to spending the entire session listing all the stereotypes about Canada while I was hopelessly lying unable to speak while he was checking my teeth.

Lol. My dentist, eye doctor, and primary care doc all had interesting comments for me. Eye doc even said something to the effect of "a PhD will give you the prefix but won't make you any money" he may as well have said "... Like me!"

[kimmibeans]

My dad was absolutely floored when I told him how Ph.D. funding works most places. He had sat me down wanting to talk about my loan and repayment plan, as any account father would be dying to do, then just sat there eyes wide. Then he contemplated graduate school for himself haha

 

Lol, my family had the same reaction. I was at a Christmas dinner with my extended family, all of whom are lawyers, and they we got on the topic of grad school. They asked me if I was going to be able to get a job to pay off all of my loans from school and I told them I had no loans. I then explained how PhD funding worked and they all stared at my wide eyed. Up until that moment I thought they all knew that I was essentially getting paid to go to school. My father had never looked so proud (and a little bit smug) after I revealed that bit of information.

[mb712]

Lol, my family had the same reaction. I was at a Christmas dinner with my extended family, all of whom are lawyers, and they we got on the topic of grad school. They asked me if I was going to be able to get a job to pay off all of my loans from school and I told them I had no loans. I then explained how PhD funding worked and they all stared at my wide eyed. Up until that moment I thought they all knew that I was essentially getting paid to go to school. My father had never looked so proud (and a little bit smug) after I revealed that bit of information.

 

Haha! A similar thing happened with a good friend of mine who just finished law school.

On my first admit:

"Do you get scholarships or anything?"

"Um...they pay a stipend on top of tuition coverage..."

"*insert a lot of expletives here*"

[mb712]

Hm. About politics, I think I know what they were trying to get at. If so, this person is an asshole, IMO. The mom of a friend basically said, "Oh, so you're going to be one of those spin doctors on TV that spins all the news stories and lies!", when I was a poli sci major.    She wasn't even kidding. She didn't like me very much, obvs.

 

As for the kids thing, a lot of my family is now convinced that I am really after the PhD as an MRS degree. My grandma even had the audacity to say that she was sure I was interested in going to one school because my POI is a relatively young (30s) man. I had to explain, "No, grandma, I'm not at all interested in him like that. I think he's married anyway and just no. No. Sleeping with your adviser is really not okay." [insert a "She's after the (Ph)D!" joke here]

 

I guess it beats the fam thinking I'm destined to be a crazy cat lady. Maybe. 

 

Political scientists are the spin doctors on tv? Hahaha, what. 

 

I actually loled at the (Ph)D joke.

[yellowmint]

Them: "Well, after you get your PhD in psychology, you'll be able to give me therapy and prescribe me meds so I don't have to pay for it."

Me: "I'm studying developmental psychology, not clinical. I can't do therapy and I certainly couldn't prescribe, even if I did. Also, you're my friend, so that'd weird to be your therapist."

Other gems:

"Are you psychoanalyzing me?"

"So how do you do research - like do you go out places and people watch?"

"Oh so you want to be a therapist!?!"

[isilya]

Luckily I don't get all the weird psychology questions since I'm mainly applying to Cognitive Science / Linguistics programs. The questions I do get, though...

 

"Linguistics....so, how many languages do you speak?"

 

"Linguistics? OMG my grammar is so bad lololol!" NO YOUR GRAMMAR IS NOT BAD. YOUR ENGLISH TEACHERS WERE JUST HORRIBLE PRESCRIPTIVISTS.

 

"Cognitive Science, what's that? Does it have to do with cogs, like machines?" No...just, no... I actually don't blame people for this one though, it's impossible to tell what Cognitive Science is unless you already know what cognition is, and it's not a very frequent term in daily use...

[scarvesandcardigans]

I'm dying at all of these. So true.

 

For me it depends on who I am talking to. For example, with my mother, conversations go like this:

 

Me: I want to go to X school because they have Y program, full funding, TA, and my professor knows a lot of faculty members because he did his PhD work there. 

Mom: That sounds too good to be true. Be realistic.

And the ever-popular follow-up...

Me: I was accepted!

Mom: I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!! 

 

Me: I was wait-listed for a PhD program which, as someone with only a BA, is a big accomplishment I think!

Mom: How are you planning on paying for that? 

 

But if I am talking to people who aren't applying to grad school, it's more like this:

Them: Don't stress about it! It's not in your hands! I'm sure you'll get in everywhere! They'll be lucky to have you!

 

Them: It shouldn't take you that long to finish your applications, right? 

 

Them: I don't see the point of graduate school. I would never go.

(This one really gets me because it makes me feel like I am wasting my time when I KNOW it isn't true!!) 

[attackonthedoctor]

All of my classmates were going for industry jobs, aside from myself and a couple others. Even my professors didn't understand why I'm going for PhD in my field. (None of them are BMEs).

I had a classmate condescendingly tell me that I "can't hold off reality forever." Um, PhD is no joke and I've considered this as a possibility since freshman year of college. I worked in industry for a bit and wasn't a huge fan of the other career paths.

[Abby_]

"Why are you greedy? You can get a job!"

"Is that how you want to spend yor life?! When are you going to live a normal life?"

My answer:

"Actually, I don't like life in general, so study is the big distraction that I can make to stay alive! AND I'm gonna study until I die!"

I keep answering these ppl like that, so they don't bother me again!

Edited February 12, 2015 by Abby_

[W.Churchill]

My friend upon learning that I was applying to masters programs and not PhD programs: "Wait but you want to get a PhD-I thought you were applying for your PhD, why aren't you applying for your PhD?"

Me: "Because that isn't how it works. We've talked about this before."

My friend: "Are you sure? I know I've heard about people getting into PhD programs straight out of college. I don't know if you need to get your masters degree first."

Me: "...FRIENDSHIP OVER!!!"

[grad_wannabe]

I just wanted to reiterate that these all ring so freaking true. 

[TXInstrument11]

Political scientists are the spin doctors on tv? Hahaha, what. 

 

I actually loled at the (Ph)D joke.

Yeah, idk what the hell she thought she was doing with that, but it's something I used to get before. That talk was generally less annoying and frequent than the "Oh, so you're going to be a therapist?" stuff I get now as a psych major.    I guess I should have counted my lucky stars then, lol. 

Edited February 12, 2015 by TXInstrument11

[Vene]

My friend upon learning that I was applying to masters programs and not PhD programs: "Wait but you want to get a PhD-I thought you were applying for your PhD, why aren't you applying for your PhD?"

Me: "Because that isn't how it works. We've talked about this before."

My friend: "Are you sure? I know I've heard about people getting into PhD programs straight out of college. I don't know if you need to get your masters degree first."

Me: "...FRIENDSHIP OVER!!!"

So, those of us who don't need a masters are told we need one and those of us who do need a masters are told we don't need one. You just can't win.

[Rose Tyler]

“Where are you going to grad school?” - my personal least favorite because I always have to bite back "I don't know it's not my choice right now."

 

“When are you going to hear back?”

 

“Don’t worry, you’ll get in.”

 

"It's still early. Don't lose hope." - Mom when I told her that I wasn't feeling as optimistic about my chances...until I explained to her that all invites had already been sent out

 

“What’s your back-up plan?”

 

“I’m glad I decided not to apply to grad school.”

[Tez92]

I would like to preface this by saying I am a first generation college student, so the whole grad school thing is a bit new to most people in my family. (I love them immensely and know that they ultimately mean well)

Aunt: What are you planning to do after you graduate?

Me: I plan on going to school for a masters.

Aunt: So wait, you are going back to school?

Me: Pretty much!

Aunt: If you are going BACK to school, what's the point of graduating from the one you are at?

Me: "......" {lost for words}