Finding a husband in graduate school.

[Lisa44201]

I mean if it happens that I'm 25 and single then hey nothing I can do at least I will have a career that I'm excited about. I read somewhere that like 85% of people end up getting married, why am I freaking out? I took a baby sitting job recently it's weekly she's 13 months and it is kind of hell. That sounds awful, and I love kids but it's so hard I would hate my life if I had to do this daily with no breaks (even though I do think that if I was a kids mom it would obviously love me more and be used to me and not cry as much). Being a single parent would be so hard like so so so hard. Maybe I should just chill down. Most of the people I know from college are over 25 and out partying and loving life all over the US. It's my high school friends getting married and having kids.

No, when they're that little, they cry a lot even if they love you. My second daughter did not sleep through the night until she was 13 months old; when she woke up, she screamed; there was no ignoring her until she went back to sleep. Every night. For over a year. Good times.

[LittleDarlings]

No, when they're that little, they cry a lot even if they love you. My second daughter did not sleep through the night until she was 13 months old; when she woke up, she screamed; there was no ignoring her until she went back to sleep. Every night. For over a year. Good times.

I thought it would be so easy breezy like this cute little person who I could love a ton and would do funny things and eat and sleep. I'm baby sitting right now and literally have been trying to get her to sleep for over an hour. She just cries and drinks her bottle for like a minute then cries and I'm dying. It's so hardcore. I love kids and I want them but I can't even go upstairs and fix myself food and it's tiring lol

[Nubbin]

Are you telling the child's parents about the difficulties you're having in sitting this child? If not, do so today. There should be a brief exchange and recap about the day every day between parents and any caregiver. LISTEN to their response. Follow their suggestions about the child's care.

 

Do not assume that a constantly crying child is a normal thing. She could be sick. She could have some need that you are not recognizing. How much experience do you have with caring for young children? 

 

Talk to the parents today, please.

[LittleDarlings]

Are you telling the child's parents about the difficulties you're having in sitting this child? If not, do so today. There should be a brief exchange and recap about the day every day between parents and any caregiver. LISTEN to their response. Follow their suggestions about the child's care.

 

Do not assume that a constantly crying child is a normal thing. She could be sick. She could have some need that you are not recognizing. How much experience do you have with caring for young children? 

 

Talk to the parents today, please.

She usually gets like this around this time, she will cry then take a bottle then cry. It's really hard to get her to nap. I did just change my first poop diaper. I have baby sat her for about a month every week, I have experience with small kids but they are usually old enough to talk and tell me whats wrong. So far I have changed her diaper, I fed her and she has a bottle. I know she is getting over a sickness so maybe that's it? I have no idea what to do. Thank goodness I'm not a parent right now, I would suck at it obviously.

[Nubbin]

Yes, caring for a child can be "tiring" and "hardcore"  but I'm sure you don't "suck at it."  The most important thing is to tell the parents what went on today and how it made you feel when you see them at the end of your shift.  Until then, if you feel you should do something for the child but "have no idea what to do" can you contact one of the parents by phone?

 

At the least, will you please talk to the parents at the end of your shift?

[LittleDarlings]

I will definitely talk to them they always ask how it went.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

This is what you remind me off: 

 

[LittleDarlings]

This is what you remind me off: 

 

Thank you for depressing my life again. 

[OCD or Perfection?]

I just feel like in undergrad I didn't really take advantage of potential dating, I was insecure I couldn't talk to people (I still struggle with that) I lived at home so it wasn't like I was in a dorm and constantly meeting people.  Ideally I will get accepted into the University of Kentucky and move there from Ohio.  I will find an apartment (hopefully with a roommate even though I have no idea how to go about this) and then I will be on my own and meet people and hang out at bars even if I have to go alone after class.. I just don't know what will happen if I don't meet someone soon.  I mean college is the time to meet someone and I didn't so now I am going back to grad school and it is my second chance to meet someone if I don't i have no idea what I am going to do.  I mean I am 22 almost 23 but by 23 most people are coupled up I mean you said you got married at 26 but you were likely with your SO for longer right? You probably met them around my age. To me it is like now or never because who wants to be 30 and single with no prospects and no kids? I am 22 and haven't even had a serious relationship so if it is going to happen it needs to happen now and I can't think of another way other than a mix of going away to grad school and online dating. 

I GOT MARRIED AT 26....SHOUDL'VE WAITED TILL 36...LOL! AND I LOVE MY LIFE...but don't freak out--you're just 22...oh lord! never mind! I can't believe this topic is still active!!!!

[Loric]

God, don't ever aspire to be most people. That's like asking to be boring, base, and as uninteresting as possible.

Edited January 11, 2014 by Loric

[LittleDarlings]

I guess it'll happen when it happens. I can't force it, I tried and met some guys I probably shouldn't have.

I'm in a non-stressed mood today next week I could be in panic mode again but today is a good day

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I guess it'll happen when it happens. I can't force it, I tried and met some guys I probably shouldn't have.

I'm in a non-stressed mood today next week I could be in panic mode again but today is a good day 

Are you saying all the right things to get your reputation back to 0?

Edited January 11, 2014 by Gnome Chomsky

[LittleDarlings]

Are you saying all the right things to get your reputation back to 0?

Haha no I couldn't care less about my rep in all honesty. I apologized for those comments and that's all I can do

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Haha no I couldn't care less about my rep in all honesty. I apologized for those comments and that's all I can do

I just gave you some help. Thank me later. 

[Lifesaver]

Mercy me. Girlfriend, you have TIME! Stop trying to plan your life down to the minute. Haven't you learned that life doesn't EVER go according to plan? Or is that something that you realize after 22? Yes. It must be. Life didn't start smacking me in the face until after I graduated college, so don't worry, your time will come, too.

 

I'm 25. I'll be 26 by the time I start school in the fall. I'll be an MSW student myself, but this will be my second master's degree. I'm single, childless, and don't really have much on the horizon, given that I'm moving 13 hours away for school in the fall. Would I LIKE to meet someone soon because I'm tired of coming home to an empty house? Sure. Am I going to school again because of that? No.

 

Figure out who you are first, then take on a spouse. Right now, you've still got a lot to figure out. You will be surprised how much growing and maturing you do between college graduation and 25. Trust me on that. And stop rushing.

[SunDevil22]

Oh come now, I think some people are being being a bit unnecessary with the harshness. I could picture myself writing a similar post asking for help on such a situation (except I'm well aware that people on internet forums, and particularly forums where scholars hang out, can be insanely rude and cold in their dealings with others.)  Anyone who hasn't thought 'OMG I'M GOING TO BE OLD AS DIRT WHEN I GRADUATE" and hasn't slightly freaked out about it to some degree should probably bottle some of their neurotransmitters for further study because you're really, really motivated and never have a chink in your armor. You could probably market some sort of serum with the proper FDA approval.

 

I'd like to preface this by saying I love what I study, I enjoy the scholastic environment, and I don't see myself anywhere else. Still, there were times at the end of undergrad when all I'd come home to is an empty apartment and a wall with degrees and scholastic awards. I'm proud of those things, I earned them. They don't keep me warm at night, though. 

 

Some of you act as if she said she was going to grad school just to get hitched, that's not what she said. Have I read tons of threads titled "how to find a girlfriend in grad school?" Yep. Have I worried about it? Yep. Have I had doubts about it? Yep. It sucks, I'm 25 and applying to grad school. I don't regret it, but there are times when I see the Facebooks of my high school friends who chose the trade school route. They have houses, cars, wives, families. I live in a dorm apartment with four dudes and barely even own the laptop I'm writing this on. If anyone who endeavors to have a family has ever been in such a situation and managed not to feel some sort of pang of loneliness or doubt, then I applaud and commend you. You truly are the next stage in human evolution.

I strongly believe that grad school is what calls me, but I'm not going to let opportunities to socialize, to get out, and to meet people pass me by if it can be done without affecting my scholastic performance. So many people tout the "I'm building a better me" mantra in their personal statements or reasons for going to grad school, but a better you is not just a smarter, more intellectually streamlined you. So many of you present such a strong exterior here in your dealings with this girl, but I'd imagine many of you are equally as scared. 

Sure, I know it's hard to put it into practice and of course grad school requires sacrifices, but many people manage to balance graduate school with a relationship. What is the decency in coming on to a forum and berating someone you don't even know? I try to put into practice the idea of writing everything I write on the internet as if there were no anonymity and my accounts were truly transparent. If, due to some horrific event, I were to somehow suddenly expire without warning and people began to go back and read what I said and how I treated others when I thought no one could see me, I would not want my family, friends, and colleagues to see me spewing cruel comments, so I simply try to abstain from doing so. It is actually possible to be helpful while also being courteous and you'll find that it is usually also more efficient.

Edited January 25, 2014 by SunDevil22

[Kamisha]

I think CorruptedInnocence and her fifteen pages of mind numbing, asinine posts just turned me into a feminist. 

 

Genuine advice: you shouldn’t be dating ANYONE until you sort out your priorities and gain a good amount of self esteem. Don’t drag anyone else into your laundry list of problems. 

 

I just hope you didn’t write all of this nonsense in your Statement of Purpose. 

[TakeMyCoffeeBlack]

I think CorruptedInnocence and her fifteen pages of mind numbing, asinine posts just turned me into a feminist. 

 

Genuine advice: you shouldn’t be dating ANYONE until you sort out your priorities and gain a good amount of self esteem. Don’t drag anyone else into your laundry list of problems. 

 

I just hope you didn’t write all of this nonsense in your Statement of Purpose. 

 

Sounds like you already were a feminist.

[Kamisha]

Sounds like you already were a feminist.

 

Haha I wasn’t when I started on page one  

[LittleDarlings]

I think CorruptedInnocence and her fifteen pages of mind numbing, asinine posts just turned me into a feminist.

Genuine advice: you shouldn’t be dating ANYONE until you sort out your priorities and gain a good amount of self esteem. Don’t drag anyone else into your laundry list of problems.

I just hope you didn’t write all of this nonsense in your Statement of Purpose.

Well as great as your advice is (total sarcasm) I will NOT avoid dating. I don't know how long it would take to fix that "laundry list of problems" but some of is don't have that kind of time, so thanks but no thanks. My biggest problem is that I'm not in a relationship... That is the only problem I am having at the moment. Also you didn't HAVE to read this mind numbing, asinine nonsensical post , I definitely could have done without the "feminist" perspective;)

I will say though I am slowing down the dating because I will be moving in the Fall and there's no reason to start a relationship now. It would be nice to have one for Valentines Day and through the summer for like country concerts but hey oh well, there's always next year

Edited January 25, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence

[Kamisha]

Well as great as your advice is (total sarcasm) I will NOT avoid dating. I don't know how long it would take to fix that "laundry list of problems" but some of is don't have that kind of time, so thanks but no thanks. My biggest problem is that I'm not in a relationship... That is the only problem I am having at the moment. Also you didn't HAVE to read this mind numbing, asinine nonsensical post , I definitely could have done without the "feminist" perspective;)

I will say though I am slowing down the dating because I will be moving in the Fall and there's no reason to start a relationship now. It would be nice to have one for Valentines Day and through the summer for like country concerts but hey oh well, there's always next year

 

This post makes an excellent case for all those out there studying Rhetoric and Composition. If this girl’s ability to argue serves as an exemplar of the rest of her generation (which, sadly, is also mine. Though I am 25...ancient by her standards), I foresee tenure track positions popping up in universities across the nation. 

 

On a completely unrelated note, I’m beginning to understand why acceptance rates for graduate programs are so low. 

Edited January 25, 2014 by Kamisha

[TakeMyCoffeeBlack]

Why does the term feminist get so much hate?

[LittleDarlings]

Why does the term feminist get so much hate?

I personally think feminism kind of ruined chivalry that's why I hate it.

Edited January 25, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence

[LittleDarlings]

This post makes an excellent case for all those out there studying Rhetoric and Composition. If this girl’s ability to argue serves as an exemplar of the rest of her generation (which, sadly, is also mine. Though I am 25...ancient by her standards), I foresee tenure track positions popping up in universities across the nation.

On a completely unrelated note, I’m beginning to understand why acceptance rates for graduate programs are so low.

I was accepted into my top choice program and another fairly high ranked program so... Acceptance rates may be low but I did just fine in that department

I don't even know why this is argument worthy, I was so hoping this post would just slowly die and people keep bringing it up, then I always feel the need to respond. I want what I want, like the poster further up said, who wants to come home to an empty house? I don't think 25 is old in the big picture but to ME PERSONALLY it is a little old to be single and never having had a serious relationship, which will totally be the case if if don't find someone to seriously date ok the next year and a half. It isn't wrong to want or bad. I honestly have no idea how this topic got so blown out of proportion? When I was just a lurker I saw TONS of posts in this section and in others about how to find a significant other while in grad school. No one WANTS to be forever alone (I mean maybe some people do but.. Boo that's so sad) grad school is what I will be doing for the next 2 years of my life and then after that I will likely be working in an area where there aren't a ton of single, straight men. I would be a fool to not take advantage of my time in school for dating as well as academics. Especially since having a family before 30 is such an important goal.

Edited January 25, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence

[TakeMyCoffeeBlack]

I personally think feminism kind of ruined chivalry that's why I hate it.

 

Umm... Alrighty then. 

 

I rather think that feminism makes it okay for women not to want that, not to have to conform to an image of femininity created by men, and to pursue that which will help to fulfill them as an individual as well as a woman. I don't think it has anything to do with chivalry, other than to say (and as a man I appreciate this): "Although we don't need you, we appreciate you and want you to continue doing this." 

 

If women are freer and more independent (even if that means only that they can choose to be stay at home moms), then so are men. It's a matter of basic human equality, not the destruction of traditional values (read: except where those values are ethically questionable or have the effect of restraining, discriminating against or oppressing a certain segment of society).

Edited January 25, 2014 by TakeMyCoffeeBlack