...not excited

[biochick]

Anyone else just not really that excited about starting in the fall? Or feeling scared about what a big change it will be?

 

Just having a little bit of an existential crisis.

[starofdawn]

It's a whole bundle of emotions! I'm excited, but also a little scared. I've been out of school for a while, and I'm diving into a graduate program where I have very little background experience, and it's a great engineering school (and it's extremely competitive). I'm not looking forward to the stress, the unknown, the failed experiments, the possible all-nighters. It's going to be a major change - change of cities, lifestyles, day-to-day, change of friends... 

 

I'm excited, but I'm not jumping off the walls because I'm realistic. This is going to be difficult! Having a job seems so easy. All I have to do is show up on time every day, do what I'm told, and I get rewarded with a paycheck. I'm about to throw my current lifestyle upside-down...

 

I don't think we're alone. Have you noticed other gradcafers posting how they wish the book list would be available so that they could get a jump-start on reading? That could be pure excitement and love for their subject, but it could also be nervousness and anxiety!

 

I also don't want to point fingers (cough cough) but some schools are really great at psyching up their future graduate students, while other schools are more laid-back in the spirit department. This could have a major effect when we see other people's excitement level.

 

Hopefully once I start to see everything fall into place (apartment, class schedule), the anxiety will wear and I will be giddy as ever... until I actually start graduate school.

 

Hope my rant helps

[PhDerp]

....Now I'm nervous that I'm not nervous. I should be nervous! x__x

[the_sheath]

I already checked out a couple of the books for the qual courses and I'm planning on studying for quals before classes begin.

 

So yeah, I'm nervous. I mean, if visit day is any indication, I'm competing with people from the tip-top. Caltech? Wisconsin? Stanford? People with senior theses? PEOPLE WITH MASTERS DEGREES?! I know everyone gets in for a reason but I highly doubt mine was merit. And without merit, I think I am screwed.

[Brisingamen]

Completely. I got into my top choice and then agonized over whether I'd be able to hold up (plus there's that thing of my moving 8,258 miles from home). Then my advisor and I talked on the phone and she's suggested I get started with some work already.... aarrrrgh!

 

More terrified than excited right now. 

[Dianali]

I feel ya.

Gradschool....it seems surreal...

*Cue Queen*

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide no escape from reality.

At times I catch myself looking over the department website, school website, driving routes, and the college paraphernalia. But I stop myself. I have one month left to earn my bachelor's degree. I need to stay focused and in the present. I can get excited after finals week. I have all summer to freak out and revel!

I also have friends that are still waiting for a final say from the grad programs. I feel horrible getting excited in front of them. It feels like I would be rubbing it in.

Edited April 17, 2014 by Dianali

[Ceci]

I am super excited, but also nervous.  I will be moving out of the house I've lived in for 8 years so there is TONS of junk that I need to get rid of, pack up, and toss out.  I also need to obtain an assistantship stat, which has been super challenging.  I need to save up as much money as possible, but finding it difficult to take up extra hours when I have a ton of other things that need to be accomplished prior to my move in August.

So, I feel you.

[perpetuavix]

I'm not excited about moving across the country, but I'm pretty excited about everything else. 

[Wisdom-Lover]

Oh my goodness! I'm terrified! But I'm super stoked for all of the new adventures and exciting things like that! I love traveling, so living in a new place (especially a city when I've been in a suburban town most of my life and attended a school in a rural town) will be crazy and scary and absolutely awesome. Plus, I will be on my own for the most part. That will be a new sensation. However, I certainly cannot wait to get into my classes. Not looking forward to all of the homework and stuff, but I cannot wait for the amazing discussions that I will get to listen to (and hopefully feel confident enough to participate in!).

 

Hopefully, everything goes smoothly for all of you and that it starts out exciting and entrancing! Good luck!

[bumblyboo]

After the initial "yay!" wore off from my acceptances, I have been stressed. I have about 4 1/2 months to wrap things up in my current city, save up for my move, volunteer and try my best not to burn out/get sick from the lack of down time and rest. 

Edited April 17, 2014 by bumblyboo

[katiegud]

I'm excited, but I'm so stressed out by everything that needs to happen in the next 4 months! I have a family to coordinate, too, so I've got to deal with passports and visas and moving for 3 people rather than 1. I really want to start selling all my furniture, but then I won't have anything to live with for the next couple of months. It's kind of overwhelming. 

[seeingeyeduck]

I'm nervous since my last degree took me 10 years! I really want to go in prepared and hit the ground running so I stay on top of things this time. I'm nervous about being able to perform at that level but I'm so excited that I'm already planning my schedule and trying to get some independent work and research done. I take that as a good sign that I really want this.

[microarray]

I am starting to get stressed for my move. I start working in my new lab the middle of June. I am still in school for a few more weeks so that leaves very little time to wrap everything up, plus enjoy my last little bit of site seeing before my partner and I move.

 

However, I have been talking to my advisors about what classes to take this fall and I am getting increasingly excited for grad school!

[iPsych]

Two weeks ago I was beyond thrilled to have finally made a decision! I was giddy telling everyone the news and I even ordered myself a sweatshirt from my new university.

 

Now that the initial excitement has worn off I'm definitely feeling nervous about leaving my friends and family behind! I feel like I'm gonna be out on this new adventure all alone and everyone's gonna move on with their lives without me and I'm gonna miss out on their new accomplishments.

 

I have to keep reminding myself what a perfect fit my program is for me and how excited I was to be there for interview day. AND that I'll be making new friends within my cohort once I arrive who I will (hopefully!) end up becoming as close with as I am with my current college/high school friends.

 

I also agree with starofdawn that each school has a different way of handling their incoming class and that makes a huge difference!

 

Long story short, I totally hear where you're coming from!

[DeafAudi]

Ahhh, I'm excited but I'm also SO nervous! I've never been so far away from my family and I recently got out of a serious, 6 year relationship. It feels like my life has taken a completely different direction than I had ever imagined. But in a good way, of course! I agree with iPsych that I feel like I'm going to be alone and leaving everyone behind. It's going to be so strange being single in a new city and going to grad school while everyone else is getting married and having kids or starting their careers. I hope that I will fit in with my cohort and this will be the life-changing experience I've always dreamed of. I'm very fortunate in that one of my close friends and former roommates is also making the move to Vancouver so I will be living with her. Hopefully that will help ease the transition. 

[Queen of Kale]

*Cue Queen*

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide no escape from reality.

 

 

I had to read this twice before I realized you weren't quoting me but, you know, the band...  Nervous or not nervous, I feel like ya'll will be too busy and too brain dead (like me) in your first year to ever look back on this moment.  So soak it all in, whatever you're feeling. 

[whitegummy]

I'm not nervous, more stressed over courses and the whole moving ordeal 

[Jonathan P]

The move is killing me but more than that, I am just fearful that I won't produce any worthwhile work when there. In undergrad, I knew I was one of the better writers in the class. Now, I'll be surrounded by equally if not more qualified published writers and the fear is overwhelming. To top that off, I keep having nightmares that I'll move to a new city, and start my first day of school, and then the department tells me I never finished my undergrad. It's recurring and horrible.

I'm hoping this anxiety disappears after a few weeks there.

[m-ttl]

I have generalized anxiety disorder, so everything makes me anxious. But talking to my advisor and channeling my anxious energy into preparing for a new (unfurnished) apartment has been helping. 

[PhoenixKing]

I'm mostly nervous about the mundane aspects of starting grad school: the cross-country move, establishing residency in another state, finding housing and a roommate, buying furniture, etc. Also, given that I completed elementary school, middle school, high school, and my undergrad in the same state, I have yet to come to terms with the fact that I will not only be attending school in a different state on a different coast, but that I will be required to fly back home each time to visit my family--this change will probably affect me the most, situationally and culturally. 

 

Concerning academic aspects, I'm not extremely worried, as I have a relatively solid idea of what to expect in my program based on various conversations I had with faculty and current grad students. Adjusting to the intellectual environment will inevitably be a challenge, but that's normal and I look forward to it. Admittedly, I have begun studying some canonical texts about my field, but this is mostly out of personal interest (read: nerdiness) and to acquire knowledge for its own sake--I have no idea what the reading lists are for introductory seminars, and for my sanity, I'm not going to ask. 

 

While I think it's healthy to be a bit anxious about grad school because it keeps you abreast of the realities and helps you steel yourself for the impending tidal wave of academia, I'm a shameless optimist and strongly feel that we were all accepted for a reason and can (and will) handle whatever gets thrown our way. Forgive the hackneyed truism, but it'll be an adventure in all senses of the word. 

Edited April 19, 2014 by PhoenixKing

[Maleficent999]

I'm excited to be moving forward with my life after this year of stagnation (apps), but I'm also a bit nervous about classes. To echo everyone else, I've got some imposter syndrome and I'm wondering if I duped the adcomm into thinking I was worthy when I'm not. School is something I'm good at and even when I think I'm going to fail something I usually do pretty well, but I know I can't fall back on that in grad school. However, I should note that I've never just done school. I've been working since I was 14 so I think now that school will be my job, I'll be able to really throw myself into it the way I always wanted to. I am trying to enjoy my last summer before I feel like I'm constantly drowning in stress.

[Arcalder]

im collapsing , totally stressed
looking for housing in a place where i´ve never been before, trying to read about the life in los angeles, getting all the documents for the visa, selling my things,  etc
really, i haven´t had time to think about how my life will be as a graduate student and  i havent  enjoyed my acceptance in the graduate program :c ( i received the letter ==> a lot of things to do now)
im from southamerica then my life will change totally.

good luck to everyone


 

[mockingjay634]

i already want it to be over... 

 

the coursework, comps, field work, proposal defense... i cannot be bothered.

 

i find myself looking at post-docs... not pre ones.

 

i need to get my life together. clearly i'm thinking backwards.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

im collapsing , totally stressed

looking for housing in a place where i´ve never been before, trying to read about the life in los angeles, getting all the documents for the visa, selling my things,  etc

really, i haven´t had time to think about how my life will be as a graduate student and  i havent  enjoyed my acceptance in the graduate program :c ( i received the letter ==> a lot of things to do now)

im from southamerica then my life will change totally.

good luck to everyone

 

panic much? 

[Arcalder]

panic much? 

i think is not panic but i feel stressed, anyway i suppose the feeling will change when i arrive to L.A. ( i hope so )