We've wined, we've waited, now it's time to celebrate 2016

[sjoh197]

11 minutes ago, MarineBluePsy said:

Today I had to spend the entire day with my cohort and I'm just now realizing how misleading the whole interview process was.  During my interview weekend I met most of the people in my lab and got a lot of insight into how they all function and thought it was great.  I wouldn't be the only old person and they all have lives outside of the department.  It wasn't until today that I realized that I won't really interact with any of those people (so why did I have to be interviewed by all of them?!) because they'll all be graduating in the next year or two.  My cohort is nothing like them and the whole day felt like I'd crashed a freshman class.  

Yep I'm the old person with enough life experience to just know how to function and not be overwhelmed by the deadlines and rigors of the program.  A lot of their questions were addressed in the zillion emails and weblinks we've been given since committing to the program and I had to refrain from facepalming.  I get not having memorized everything, but it's a general rule of thumb to check your various resources for the answer first before bothering professors.  I was literally counting the minutes until we were free to go and I'm skipping the social outing tonight because I'm sick of their faces.  I'm still trying to figure out how to make this place tolerable and figured I'd at least feel in my element in my program, but I guess not.    

That's a huge bummer. Maybe a few of them will surprise you and end up not being so bad. Although you might have to search them out because they will most likely not be going to the socials or hanging out either, in an attempt to escape the "youngins." 

[rhombusbombus]

@MarineBluePsy That's unfortunate. A lot of my fave lab members are graduating soon too. So far I really like 2 people in my cohort that are here early. I'm hoping for at least 2 more. I'm thinking looking outside of my cohort will be best. Friends in other departments will be nice to get away from work/lab.

[hippyscientist]

Hmm okay so I know I could hit up google for this question but it's so much easier just to ask you guys! I was reading something about paying tattoo artists and it mentioned tipping them, which didn't even cross my mind. I've never tipped my artists before, I've paid them enough for their work already. I obviously know tipping is a thing in US culture, but I've never had to deal with it before (my American friends and partners always sorted it out), and it's very alien to me! Who do I tip? How much is reasonable? I don't want to offend anyone when I arrive!! 

[jlt646]

4 hours ago, hippyscientist said:

Hmm okay so I know I could hit up google for this question but it's so much easier just to ask you guys! I was reading something about paying tattoo artists and it mentioned tipping them, which didn't even cross my mind. I've never tipped my artists before, I've paid them enough for their work already. I obviously know tipping is a thing in US culture, but I've never had to deal with it before (my American friends and partners always sorted it out), and it's very alien to me! Who do I tip? How much is reasonable? I don't want to offend anyone when I arrive!! 

I always tip my artists! Usually, unless someone owns the shop, there are fees that have to go back to the house, and paying out assistants and apprentices. Depending on the size of the piece and the hours of work, I've tipped anywhere from $40 to $100 at a session. I build it into my budget for the work, so that it's not a surprise. Artists really appreciate it- it's good that you're asking!

[hippyscientist]

1 minute ago, jlt646 said:

I always tip my artists! Usually, unless someone owns the shop, there are fees that have to go back to the house, and paying out assistants and apprentices. Depending on the size of the piece and the hours of work, I've tipped anywhere from $40 to $100 at a session. I build it into my budget for the work, so that it's not a surprise. Artists really appreciate it- it's good that you're asking!

Awesome, thanks for the heads up. What about other stuff? Like I guess any one like waitstaff, bartenders etc. But what about hairdressers? Am I meant to tip when I buy a car? Like I just don't understand this! How much is considered normal? 

[sjoh197]

31 minutes ago, hippyscientist said:

Awesome, thanks for the heads up. What about other stuff? Like I guess any one like waitstaff, bartenders etc. But what about hairdressers? Am I meant to tip when I buy a car? Like I just don't understand this! How much is considered normal? 

http://www.vidaamericana.com/english/tipping.html

here's a link to basic tipped services and the normal amount.

Generally people providing you a service are tipped. Particularly those who are in a lower paid service industry (waiter, bellhop, taxi, nail salon) or people whose work is very specialized and who can deliver varying degrees of work (tattoo artists, makeup artists, hair dressers). The former set of people often depend on tips to make a living wage. The latter is more of a showing of appreciation for the fine work they have done.

[Neist]

3 hours ago, hippyscientist said:

Awesome, thanks for the heads up. What about other stuff? Like I guess any one like waitstaff, bartenders etc. But what about hairdressers? Am I meant to tip when I buy a car? Like I just don't understand this! How much is considered normal? 

 

Sometimes I'm jealous of countries that rarely tip. Tipping etiquette is so arbitrary and often tacit. 

There are no hard and fast rules, but @sjoh197 's link is useful, as is her advice. To be honest, if you simply tip waitstaff, hotel staff, and food delivery folks, you're already 90% covered on the vast majority of tipping situations that a person routinely encounters. Taxis, hairdressers, tattoo artists, and other customer service, skill-based artisans (for a lack of a better word) often get tipped as well, but one probably encounters them uncommonly enough that I wouldn't stress too much about it initially.

Definitely tip bartenders and waitstaff, though. In the US those jobs are not sustainable without tips, often getting paid hourly wages less than half of the legal minimum wage. For example, minimum wage in Oklahoma is about $8.50, I think, but a bartender or waiter might make under $3 an hour. Considering that living wage in the US, regardless of location, is probably closer to $12-13 an hour, bartenders and waiters have a tough go of it.

[hippyscientist]

Thank you @sjoh197 @Neist and @jlt646 for the info! I just find it utterly mental but I can't do anything about it, so I'd best fit in! The time for moving is creeping up fast and all these little things keep popping up. 

[MarineBluePsy]

@sjoh197 @rhombusbombus  Yeah it is a bummer.  I didn't assume I'd be besties with my cohort, but I figured we'd at least gel ok and everyone would be past the "omg I don't know how to be a grown up" stage and the "omg I have to panic about literally everything because the world will end if I'm not perfect" stage.  I planned to try to meet people in other programs regardless which is why I signed up for a few campus sponsored events that are for all grad programs.  Funny how in undergrad I would have thought it was so lame to sign up for a campus event and now look at me hehe.

@hippyscientist  You will never find a consensus on tipping in the US because each person feels differently about it and the cost of living varies across the country.  Me personally, I don't tip service people that are self employed.  Why?  Because they control their own pricing and costs and if they wanted a tip it needs to be built into their rate.  For someone I see regularly, like my hairstylist or massage therapist, I am happy to give them a Christmas gift.  Anyone who makes commission (car salespeople, real estate agents, apartment leasers, some sales people, etc) doesn't need to be tipped either as they would much rather you refer your friends and family to them.  

As for waiters/waitresses and bartenders I have no problem tipping them if they're doing their job well or going above and beyond.  Many of them are only making federal minimum wage or less per hour which cannot be lived on anywhere.  I have however noticed more restaurants are shifting more of the waiter/waitress duties to an automated process.  For example a friend and I went to a well known burger chain and had to place our order via a machine on the table.  The waitress came by with water and then promptly left.  My friend and I waited for 30 minutes with no food and no employees around to ask what was going on.  A few minutes later we spot our waitress and ask her where our food is.  She disappears and reappears with a free appetizer and says she doesn't know how much longer it will be (and doesn't explain the delay either), then disappears again.  20 minutes later a completely different person brought our food out.  We enjoyed our food, chatted and the next time we saw our waitress was when our plates were empty.  We asked for the bill and she told us to use the machine on our table then disappeared with our empty plates.  Now sure she is most certainly not paid a living wage, but neither of us could figure out why we actually needed her or what she did to justify a tip.    

[Levon3]

5 hours ago, MarineBluePsy said:

 

As for waiters/waitresses and bartenders I have no problem tipping them if they're doing their job well or going above and beyond.  Many of them are only making federal minimum wage or less per hour which cannot be lived on anywhere.  I have however noticed more restaurants are shifting more of the waiter/waitress duties to an automated process.  For example a friend and I went to a well known burger chain and had to place our order via a machine on the table.  The waitress came by with water and then promptly left.  My friend and I waited for 30 minutes with no food and no employees around to ask what was going on.  A few minutes later we spot our waitress and ask her where our food is.  She disappears and reappears with a free appetizer and says she doesn't know how much longer it will be (and doesn't explain the delay either), then disappears again.  20 minutes later a completely different person brought our food out.  We enjoyed our food, chatted and the next time we saw our waitress was when our plates were empty.  We asked for the bill and she told us to use the machine on our table then disappeared with our empty plates.  Now sure she is most certainly not paid a living wage, but neither of us could figure out why we actually needed her or what she did to justify a tip.    

Actually, most waiters/waitresses make $2.13 per hour. I made slightly more bartending (around $4 per hour), but never once made minimum wage. Legally, I think the restaurant is supposed to compensate if tips don't average out to at least minimum wage, but my employers never did that, and I didn't know how to go about fighting for it. Even though federal minimum wage has been raised, wages for servers were overlooked.

[Neist]

45 minutes ago, Levon3 said:

Actually, most waiters/waitresses make $2.13 per hour. I made slightly more bartending (around $4 per hour), but never once made minimum wage. Legally, I think the restaurant is supposed to compensate if tips don't average out to at least minimum wage, but my employers never did that, and I didn't know how to go about fighting for it. Even though federal minimum wage has been raised, wages for servers were overlooked.

 

 

Yup, and kitchen staff can routinely work more than 40 hours a week and rarely get paid overtime.

Food service is very loveless work in the United States. There's a good reason why mostly only young people do it.

Edited July 10, 2016 by Neist
The Emperor of Typos Reigns Supreme

[rhombusbombus]

I try to tip 15 to 20 percent if i can. I try to give at least a dollar or two if my bill is small. 

 

Im trying this new thing where i dont equate stress with success bc i dont want to burn out. So far its helping. If i knew everything and was perfect, i woyldnt be in grad school! 

[MarineBluePsy]

2 hours ago, rhombusbombus said:

Im trying this new thing where i dont equate stress with success bc i dont want to burn out. So far its helping. If i knew everything and was perfect, i woyldnt be in grad school! 

You will find this very helpful.  I started this before my Master's and it did me a world of good.  I've never claimed to know everything and frankly I don't want to ever reach the point of knowing everything.  If that happened what would be the point of living?  

[Pink Fuzzy Bunny]

I swear, I went to the right place by choosing Cornell. I haven't seen my mom since she was diagnosed with cancer but she has been referred to Memorial Sloan Kettering, which is a hospital in NYC, about 4 hours from me (as opposed to 13 hours home). Yay!!!

The downside is that she spent a good chunk of this last week in the ICU and I can't really leave work and go home. 

I really moved at a crappy time!!

 

[Effloresce]

On 7/10/2016 at 9:36 AM, rhombusbombus said:

I try to tip 15 to 20 percent if i can. I try to give at least a dollar or two if my bill is small. 

 

Im trying this new thing where i dont equate stress with success bc i dont want to burn out. So far its helping. If i knew everything and was perfect, i woyldnt be in grad school! 

hey, i saw you talking about the purple mattress a couple of weeks ago. did you end up getting one?

[pterosaur]

I find tipping incredibly stressful. Eating out and haircuts I'm comfortable with, but that's about the limit of my routine. Outside of that, I still feel like I don't know when tipping is appropriate. I'm frugal, but I don't want to be that jerk who doesn't tip when they should. I wish that everyone actually got paid a living wage so it was a more of a non-issue.

[MarineBluePsy]

And now I remember why I don't like living with other people.  At my Airbnb there's the couple that own the place, myself, and another couple who are also guests.  The guest couple are seriously having a fight and they're pretty loud.  What's funny (yes I realize I should not be laughing at their frustration) is that they're fighting in English which is not their native language.  I always imagined that couples that spoke another language natively would naturally resort to fighting in that language.  And it's not like they don't know I'm here.  We were all just talking in one of the common areas.  Super awkward.

Also men walk around in their underwear regardless of who is around.  That is so gross!  They're called underwear because they go under something!  

I really should get back to my home search....

[sjoh197]

10 hours ago, MarineBluePsy said:

And now I remember why I don't like living with other people.  At my Airbnb there's the couple that own the place, myself, and another couple who are also guests.  The guest couple are seriously having a fight and they're pretty loud.  What's funny (yes I realize I should not be laughing at their frustration) is that they're fighting in English which is not their native language.  I always imagined that couples that spoke another language natively would naturally resort to fighting in that language.  And it's not like they don't know I'm here.  We were all just talking in one of the common areas.  Super awkward.

Also men walk around in their underwear regardless of who is around.  That is so gross!  They're called underwear because they go under something!  

I really should get back to my home search....

HAHAHAHA.... I can just picture your situation lol. Also, I prefer to not have overnight guests if I can help it... because my partner and I walk around in various stages of undress most of the evening and morning. 

[MarineBluePsy]

1 hour ago, sjoh197 said:

HAHAHAHA.... I can just picture your situation lol. Also, I prefer to not have overnight guests if I can help it... because my partner and I walk around in various stages of undress most of the evening and morning. 

Now I completely get being in your own home and doing whatever you want when company is not present.  But all of the men here whether guest or the one who lives here seem to think its perfectly fine to just be in their underwear and wander about the common areas.  They even go outside like that!  The last time I lived with men I was a kid in my parents home and this sort of thing was not allowed.  You could be on your deathbed and you were not allowed to leave your room unless fully clothed.

[sjoh197]

21 minutes ago, MarineBluePsy said:

Now I completely get being in your own home and doing whatever you want when company is not present.  But all of the men here whether guest or the one who lives here seem to think its perfectly fine to just be in their underwear and wander about the common areas.  They even go outside like that!  The last time I lived with men I was a kid in my parents home and this sort of thing was not allowed.  You could be on your deathbed and you were not allowed to leave your room unless fully clothed.

I grew up in a family where you couldn't even have a bra strap showing once you left your own room. And you were only allowed to have your room door closed if you were changing.

We were all constantly confined by strict clothing rules and I was never allowed to be comfortable or free. Now I just walk around my house naked. So suck on that, religious childhood upbringing.

(Although I would never walk around like that in front of strangers on air bnb. Yikes)

[hippyscientist]

Wow I find that attitude so alien (not bad or good, just SO different from my own experiences). I routinely walk around in my underwear when living in hostels/airbnbs (provided it's not just a room in a house)/wherever. I mean I'll throw clothes on to go outside (maybe...) but bra and panties is cool. I've never even noticed when guys walk around in underwear, I think I'd find it odd if they stayed clothed to be perfectly honest! As long as everyone is comfortable I see no dramas, but seeing as @MarineBluePsy you're not, I'd definitely throw clothes on out of respect for your feelings. I love how different people have different outlooks on simple things such as this. Isn't the world so interesting?! 

[rhombusbombus]

On 7/11/2016 at 2:50 PM, Effloresce said:

hey, i saw you talking about the purple mattress a couple of weeks ago. did you end up getting one?

Not yet. Im still on an air mattress. I plan on moving next year and might wait until then. 

[rhombusbombus]

Side note: air mattresses are so nice now! Ive been on one for about a month and i sleep so well on it. My sheets keep coming off though bc the matress is too tall for them. 

[MarineBluePsy]

6 hours ago, hippyscientist said:

Wow I find that attitude so alien (not bad or good, just SO different from my own experiences). I routinely walk around in my underwear when living in hostels/airbnbs (provided it's not just a room in a house)/wherever. I mean I'll throw clothes on to go outside (maybe...) but bra and panties is cool. I've never even noticed when guys walk around in underwear, I think I'd find it odd if they stayed clothed to be perfectly honest! As long as everyone is comfortable I see no dramas, but seeing as @MarineBluePsy you're not, I'd definitely throw clothes on out of respect for your feelings. I love how different people have different outlooks on simple things such as this. Isn't the world so interesting?! 

The funny thing is if I said something then I'd be that person lol.  Instead I just retreat to my room or leave, which is precisely the level of discomfort that will motivate me to move on from this place.  However, if I actually see someone naked here I will nut up!

[sjoh197]

Yay... tomorrow I get to talk with my advisor about what classes I'll be taking and stuff. 

 

Also... on an unrelated note... I think my partner is going to propose to me soon. I'm kind of anxious and worried and upset lol.