Posting your acceptance on facebook

[PastHistory]

I doubt I would post anything to Facebook. I don't post any real personal information on it and my "friends" are just relatives who would already know if I got into a program.

[JohnBom]

I want to share with my friends what I am doing next year, but I don't want to boast about going to a phd program. I've resolved to get around it by simply posting something like "Astronautka is moving to San Francisco!" Those, with whom I shared the details of my application, will know what it means. I don't care about the rest.

(Of course, all this assuming that I will get in somewhere:))

[mudlark]

A lot of my friends were applying at the same time that I was, and we all posted each acceptance as it came. There was even discussion of awards and fellowships won or lost. We're all in this together, and all interested in how our colleagues are doing. I really don't see why this is even a question.

[DJLamar]

I think I only have one friend on Facebook that's applying to programs similar to what I'm applying to, and I don't think he's applying to any of the schools that are at the very top of my list (well, maybe MIT since everyone applies to MIT). I think I'll be safe posting something. Honestly though if I got into Berkeley or MIT I was planning on posting something along the lines of "GOT INTO BERKELEY GOT INTO BERKELEY GOT INTO BERKELEY HOLY SHIT" as my status, hahaha.

Oh, and if I do get into Berkeley (maybe I'll do the same if I get into Stanford), I don't think I'll be able to resist posting a link to a video of Tupac's California Love along with some comments. That song has become my anthem for high hopes in the grad school application process, hahaha

[TMP]

I feel like in my FB situation, I can't post anything obvious. Because A) I have a cousin who's one of those FB users who likes to post "happy quotes" and doesn't care about anyone else except for herself. I have serious issues with her attitude and I don't really want her to post any comments after my status. She's a total fake. And I'm Facebook-friends with a previous student who's applying for 2nd time as well. We already follow each other on Twitter... and while I'd like to rub in her face on getting THAT spot at one of our overlapping schools (in our field they only take one person) and maybe I'm better than her, it's just not proper. I wasn't raised to be a bitch.

So I've seen some pretty classy status. Someone wrote out "5-1!" If you kind of know what the person's doing (grad school apps), then you'd know it's the number of acceptances versus rejections. Another friend wrote, "Atlanta, anyone?" to suggest that she had gotten into Emory. That was very good- so I'll be doing similar thing.

And my parents are on Facebook. Thing is that my dad goes on it but my mom never does. So obviously, I'll tell my parents and close family and friends before posting on Facebook.

[modernity]

Hmm... I guess I just think bragging is ALWAYS obnoxious no matter how innocuously phrased. And it seems different than excitement over baby's first steps or whatever... because those kinds of statements aren't really boasting... all babies "get borned" (name that movie)/drool/walk eventually. So, while I certainly understand that this is extremely important, exciting news and I sympathize with the impulse to shout it from the rooftops, I'm not into proclaiming one's successes (or failures for that matter) via facebook. To each his/her own.

I feel like this is kind of a silly defense to why parents get to brag, and the rest of us don't. All babies had to come into existence somehow - but not everyone has a baby (it's usually a conscious decision to "apply" to have one, right?). Some of us don't and perhaps won't ever have them, so there are other things in our life that are important, and worthy of announcing. I'm only FB friends with friends and family that I'm close with - it's a great way for me to let people know. As it has been repeated here several times - IF I get in, they're going to know eventually when my city, network, etc. changes. I think you have a strange definition of what constitutes bragging, and what constitutes sharing one's life - which is sort of the purpose of FB. I'm not offended so much as I can't really sympathize with your line of thought.

[peppermint.beatnik]

I feel like in my FB situation, I can't post anything obvious. Because A) I have a cousin who's one of those FB users who likes to post "happy quotes" and doesn't care about anyone else except for herself. I have serious issues with her attitude and I don't really want her to post any comments after my status. She's a total fake. And I'm Facebook-friends with a previous student who's applying for 2nd time as well. We already follow each other on Twitter... and while I'd like to rub in her face on getting THAT spot at one of our overlapping schools (in our field they only take one person) and maybe I'm better than her, it's just not proper. I wasn't raised to be a bitch.

So I've seen some pretty classy status. Someone wrote out "5-1!" If you kind of know what the person's doing (grad school apps), then you'd know it's the number of acceptances versus rejections. Another friend wrote, "Atlanta, anyone?" to suggest that she had gotten into Emory. That was very good- so I'll be doing similar thing.

And my parents are on Facebook. Thing is that my dad goes on it but my mom never does. So obviously, I'll tell my parents and close family and friends before posting on Facebook.

I don't think it's conceited to post your acceptance on FB, but like the above poster, I've had issues in the past with FB (which is why I am not longer on it).

I would have no problem telling anyone in person--more social control than an on-line medium.

[rogue]

I posted my recent acceptance on Facebook (though I didn't say exactly where I was accepted, until later in the comments, after people asked). I don't see why I should feel the least bit weird about doing that, either. It's major, major news for me. Much more important than how hung over people are, what they ate for lunch, where their cat threw up or any of the other inane things that people deem worthy of status updates.

[captiv8ed]

I am with you Rogue. If this MAJOR life occurrence isn't worthy of a status update, what is? I don't understand the need to be coy either. And it is funny that people will scream it from the rooftops on gradcafe, but won't share it with their fb friends.

I am not judging or being defensive, I am just as baffled as I was the other day when I found out a gay student at my super duper hippy school votes Republican and thinks Obama needs to move more to the center if he hopes to win in 12.

[coyabean]

Why does it seem more conceited to say that you were accepted into your top choice?

My uncle decided to climb a mountain. He fell down a crevasse and posted about his fall on facebook. Just last week he posted that he was going back up on a mountain. And then he posted about his successful climb. Is that conceited bragging? Maybe. But so what, his friends and family want to know and cheer him on.

I have gone through difficult times in my life. Hell yeah I am going to tell people if I got into my top choice. And I think more of my friends would be pissed off if I didn't tell them than if I did.

As usual, we're in agreement. I'm old skool, granted, but I thought FB was a technical version of real life connections. So, in real life I'm gonna tell people why not on FB? Plus, call me conceited bitch all day long just call me DR. Conceited Bitch when appropriate. See if I care.

[caputmundi]

I feel like this is kind of a silly defense to why parents get to brag, and the rest of us don't. All babies had to come into existence somehow - but not everyone has a baby (it's usually a conscious decision to "apply" to have one, right?). Some of us don't and perhaps won't ever have them, so there are other things in our life that are important, and worthy of announcing. I'm only FB friends with friends and family that I'm close with - it's a great way for me to let people know. As it has been repeated here several times - IF I get in, they're going to know eventually when my city, network, etc. changes. I think you have a strange definition of what constitutes bragging, and what constitutes sharing one's life - which is sort of the purpose of FB. I'm not offended so much as I can't really sympathize with your line of thought.

Maybe I do have a strange definition of bragging. I admit that my comments about the baby example were not so articulate (it was 1:30 am after a few beers, a little slack would be nice). The point that I was trying to make is that a parent's updates about baby's first steps would never strike me as conceit, merely excitement. Similarly, while a status update regarding one's success in graduate admissions might purely reflect that individual's excitement over justifiably exciting news, it seems like it also opens the door for other interpretations... including bragging. Then again, I do not at all want a baby at this point in my life, but I do desperately want to get into graduate school. So perhaps my distinction in this regard reflects my own priorities (and what might arouse a pang of jealousy in me!) more than anything else.

RE:

I'm only FB friends with friends and family that I'm close with - it's a great way for me to let people know.

I already acknowledged the merit of this tactic in my above post. Facebook is less of a close-knit network for me, personally. If you are close with your entire facebook community of friends, sharing this news via facebook "makes complete sense" (I am quoting myself here).

Regarding sharing news on GradCafe, I think this is an entirely different matter. I'm more of a private person, so I probably won't divulge specifics (unless people ask privately), but I love hearing people's success stories here! That's because this site is DEVOTED to this topic, so it is of course entirely appropriate for such results to be posted. So, go modernity! I hope you get in everywhere and I will be excited to hear when you do! Coya, I was honestly thrilled to learn of your Emory interview! And waylance, I hope your success posts are every bit as entertaining as your pseudo-status updates!

I'll try to reiterate my biggest point here: All of what I have written regards only ME, and my fears of being misconstrued as a conceited a-hole by my online "friends".

Edited January 24, 2010 by caputmundi

[whereiscarmen]

I have 700 "friends" on Facebook, and I still don't think it's bragging.

If that was the case, every positive status someone makes would be bragging. Should we post only negative things in our statuses to make everyone feel better?

Personally, I love reading about people's successes in their statuses..it keeps me motivated to work hard and achieve my goals too.

Most people are not going to try to analyze your status that much anyway. It's just Facebook. #notthatserious. (Twitter is cooler, haha).

My mini-feed gets updated so much that I miss so many statuses because I refuse to go back and read ones not on the first page...so people might not even see your status.

[Pamphilia]

Plus, call me conceited bitch all day long just call me DR. Conceited Bitch when appropriate. See if I care.

Hell to the yes.

[katalytik]

not conceited in my view.......just new information about yourself.

[Sparky]

I think we are mixing up "conceited" and "not being 800% sensitive to protecting the feelings of friends who may not get into their top choice."

When I said "OMG I GOT INTO MY TOP CHOICE PROGRAM" might not be the best way to phrase things, conceit was nowhere near my mind. But it seems like it is a little tougher to hear from a friend in those terms, when I am in a situation where I did not get my first choice of whatever and s/he did. "OMG I GOT INTO UNIVERSITY OF Z", even if U of Z is that person's top choice, doesn't seem as harsh.

Again, nothing to do with conceit. Just me thinking from the perspective of someone not getting their first choice.

[captiv8ed]

But they are going to notice you are going to that school and working on your degree. It isn't like it can stay hidden forever.

Plus, the whole thing from application to tenure is such a long slow horrible grind. Why wouldn't we want to stop and celebrate our happy points along the way?

[fuddy]

If my friends are going to think I'm being "conceited" for sharing a milestone in my life with them in the most efficient way possible...well, you know where I'm going with this. I guess if you happen to know a lot of people applying to the exact same sub-field and schools as you it could be a little annoying, but we all have to deal with worse. My friends and I enjoy supporting each other about our new scary futures, and if we want to do it on a social networking site, so be it! Maybe it's a generational thing?

[ScreamingHairyArmadillo]

I posted my acceptance to OSU, and plan on posting any upcoming acceptances/rejections. But I don't know anyone else applying to these departments, so I don't feel like I'm going to hurt anyone's feelings.

[RedPotato]

A friend of mine did it tastefully.

She got into an ivy dental school and joined the group "University of X Dentistry, class of 2014" and it was public, so we all saw it on our news-feed. Its a friend who I don't keep in contact with too often, but I was glad she let us know, so I was able to congratulate her on something she worked so hard to achieve.

Edited January 24, 2010 by RedPotato

[NEPA]

We had this discussion in another thread awhile ago and I'll repeat the thoughts I placed there.

I have to listen to everyone's announcements about babies, houses, marriages, etc. and I don't think they're conceited at all for announcing it - it's a life altering event, and they're excited and proud. They have every right to be, as annoying as "Jack Jr. drooled today!!" can be... I get it. So, if I do manage to get accepted I will definitely feel comfortable posting it if I feel so inclined.

I will also add - no one I know is applying to grad school this year, so I don't have to worry about stepping on any of those toes.

Exactly. I don't think tactfully announcing you got into your dream school is entirely inappropriate, unless you feel it would make your friends who might not get into grad school/their top choice feel uncomfortable. I think I'll post something like "[My name] finally knows what he'll be doing next year" or something to that effect, so anyone who knows me will know I got in somewhere, and ask me about it if they're curious. I certainly hope that wouldn't upset anyone who happens to be in a negative or uncertain position, but I don't think it's being conceited.

[ColorlessGreen]

Y'all must have seriously intellectual cohorts. I know only one guy who's applying to grad school this year, and he doesn't do Facebook. Admittedly, two of my friends might do some kind of advanced degree in the future, but neither is interested in anything even remotely related to what I'm doing (one's an accountant, one wants to teach Japanese). There's no question of my hurting anyone's feelings if I post to Facebook (which I probably will, whether I get in or not, for each school I applied to).

[socnerd]

If I do end up getting any acceptances I think I'd be afraid to put them on facebook, like if they turn out to be a mistake or something and then I have to tell everyone I think that would be worse. I know thats a very neurotic thing to think but I definitely will not be convinced they mean it if I get any acceptances until I get some sort of extensive confirmation. I mean, I've heard of people who get notified that they're accepted then days later they get an e-mail saying sorry it was a mistake.

Edited January 25, 2010 by socnerd

[captiv8ed]

But why does someone have to be clever about it?

How is it any different:

X just found out she is having a baby!

X has met the love of her life

X is getting married!

Little baby Y is here!

X has bought her dream house!

X has landed the most awesome job.

I am seriously still befuddled how getting into the school of your dreams doesn't rank up there with other absolutely want to share events.

Now in every one of those cases, someone could feel bad. People struggling with infertility or going through a divorce or loss of a spouse might feel bad about some. Someone who is unemployed or poor might feel bad about others. But I don't think that people should just not share news because it might hurt someone. In fact, often the person who might be hurt ends up being hurt because you don't share that with them.

[grad_wannabe]

I just found out in the last two days that three of my Facebook friends (one guy and two girls I know and had school with, but we're not really close) applied to the exact same programs I did, for the same term. (One even got a rec letter from the same professor!! argh.)

So, if I get accepted to any of those programs, I'll probably just post a giant "YAAAYYYYY!!!" in my status. If anyone cares enough to ask me what the good news is, I'll message them directly.

[whereiscarmen]

But why does someone have to be clever about it?

How is it any different:

X just found out she is having a baby!

X has met the love of her life

X is getting married!

Little baby Y is here!

X has bought her dream house!

X has landed the most awesome job.

I am seriously still befuddled how getting into the school of your dreams doesn't rank up there with other absolutely want to share events.

Now in every one of those cases, someone could feel bad. People struggling with infertility or going through a divorce or loss of a spouse might feel bad about some. Someone who is unemployed or poor might feel bad about others. But I don't think that people should just not share news because it might hurt someone. In fact, often the person who might be hurt ends up being hurt because you don't share that with them.

A quote from Drake "It's funny how someone's success brings pain"