Nothingtown

Absolutely brilliant

At least this person is handling their rejection with a sense of humor. Too real.

Wow really? I thought he went to Penn. I would Google it but I don't want to look at his face...

Absolutely brilliant

Future applicants, if you read this early enough to reconsider which schools you're applying to, I hope you may consider my advice. 
Your credentials and achievements are no guarantee of admission. That's been my big takeaway from this cycle. If I could do it all over again, I'd have applied to more MA programs (ones with a good record of placement in a PhD program and with high likelihood of good funding). A lot of people go into a PhD program from MA--there's nothing wrong with that! Just try to avoid paying too much for it. 
I thought (naively now, I know) that I was good enough to get into PhD programs. I assessed my financial situation, got a partial scholarship to cover application fees, and got a waiver for 1 and paid around $550 - $600 for 10 schools after the scholarship. (Side note--You'll see a lot of people here do more than 10, but please don't go broke doing this. Instead, be honest with yourself and apply to schools that are a good fit for you. Not schools that have a great reputation--don't apply solely on the reputation. If your AOI fits and they have a good reputation, awesome! But focus on fit above all else.) In my case, I decided to apply to 9 PhDs and 1 MA because I thought that is where my application money would be the most effective, and I thought my chances of getting into a PhD program were quite good. 
I'd been told by several professors at different schools that my Fulbright would be a major boost to getting me into grad school. Not quite a golden ticket, but almost. I had a 4.0, I was valedictorian of my graduating class, had a few published papers and presentations, spoke a second language. I'm waitlisted at two schools, waiting on an interview/preview weekend for a third, and accepted in an MA program. That's it. My point is not to brag about my accomplishments (they didn't get me much of anywhere, did they?) but rather to advise future applicants that nothing is guaranteed, no matter what anyone told you. This process is going to suck. There will be people who get into 5 top schools, but most of us don't have that kind of choice. And it's not your fault. It's not a judgment on your capacity as a philosopher or scholar at all. This is a highly competitive process, and sometimes things just don't work out--your POI is going to be leaving or is on sabbatical,  last year's cohort had too many people with your AOI, etc. So many things are outside your control, and the chances you'd know about them in advance are slim, depending on the circumstance.
But if you read this early enough, add those MA programs to your list! Assuming you are coming straight from undergrad, that is. They'll give you a leg up and a chance to come back with a stronger application next time. They're a nice fallback plan if the PhD apps don't work out.
Best of luck to everyone! 

At least this person is handling their rejection with a sense of humor. Too real.

Hi there--I'm so sorry you're facing this dilemma. I hope some internet strangers can help you out a bit. 
My (now husband) then boyfriend and I went long distance when I got a Fulbright for a year--I was in Germany, he was in Texas. That's about as long distance as it gets. We found out 3 days after we started dating and went for it--by the time I left, we'd been together 3 months. It changed the whole course of our relationship, because from the very beginning we knew we were taking it very seriously--seriously enough to go through the pain of long distance. We made it through the ordeal stronger together in the end. And, we're never ever doing that again!
Here's my two cents: if you're thinking that long distance for a year would tear you apart, then other hardships closer to home might as well. If you two are strong enough to withstand the distance, and you both want to, then you'll be even stronger at the end of it. I'm not going to lie, long distance was the hardest thing I've ever done. If, on the other hand, you truly believe that her moving would cause a breakup, then (I think) other issues in the future might as well, and perhaps a breakup is the right move for you both. I can't think of any other Fulbrighters from my year who went long distance and stayed together, though some did move with their partners and that worked out maybe 50% of the time. That means you might leave your job that you love, and your aging parents, only to break up in Tucson because of other issues. Just something to consider. 
I also think it's important for you to make the right personal and career choices for yourself. If you love your job, and you want to be there for your parents, it's totally valid to stay in the Bay Area. I know this isn't an easy choice to make, but it may be the right one--both for you and your girlfriend. Another option is to try long distance for a while and see how it goes--you won't be giving anything up at home, and there's a chance you make it through.
I hope I've helped a little. Hang in there!

Locking one's credit scores can help deter identity theft if the practice compliments other tactics to protect one's "digital footprint."
 https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0497-credit-freeze-faqs#what
Some statistics offered FWIW.
https://www.ftc.gov/policy/reports/policy-reports/commission-staff-reports/consumer-sentinel-network-data-book-2017/frauds-losses-age-percentage

In the strongest of possible terms, I respectfully recommend that if you're going to rent that you first obtain a copy of your credit report and then use tools that allow you to lock your credit scores and unlock them on a case by case basis.

I recommend that one ask for copies of rental agreements/contracts first, taking the time to read the documents closely, and then develop a list of questions.
Agreements typically have specific language that defines the agreement as the printed word, and not what is said by either party. Additionally, agreements will have a clause on severability. If you are renting space in a condo, you will need to see a copy of the HOA agreement.
I also recommend that one go a municipal website and look for webpages dealing with renters' rights.
In regards to the duration of a lease, I recommend that you ask for language that sets the agreement as month to month after the initial term.
Insofar as what to look for in the apartment, signs of mold/mildew vermin/insects arguably should top your list. Open up all the taps and flush the toilet and listen.
You want to see smoke detectors and fire sprinklers. You want to understand how often the garbage is picked up. 
You may want to check the strength of your cellular service in every room of an apartment as well as on the nearby streets.
If an apartment building has podium parking (parking at ground level with the apartment on top), please understand that the lowest level of apartments is going to be significantly cooler sometimes. If you're in an area with colder winters, you may feel like you're walking on ice.
IRT on line reviews, I recommend taking reviews with a grain of salt. Residents don't always have realistic expectations of the level of service for which they're paying.
If online resources allow, look at the crime statistics for your neighborhood. Understand your comfort level with the street conditions under different scenarios. Everything is an adventure in the summer before graduate school. When you're knee deep in your studies, your perception of what is quaint and tolerance level may both differ.

Consider your wish granted.

I wish we could pin this whole thread to the top of the forum, but especially this part. 

I thought it would be useful to have a thread about professional correspondence, since this is something that a lot of people in the group chat have had questions about, especially those coming straight from undergrad. I'm currently finishing an MA and starting a PhD program this fall. I have some advice below (but keep in mind that I have no particular expertise other than my own experience). My advice is specifically for corresponding with academic philosophers and phil departments in the U.S.
General stylistic advice:
- The standard greeting is "Dear [Name]." (I am not sure why as this has always sounded informal to me, but it seems to be pretty universal.)
- If you're writing to a professor whom you do not know personally, use the title "Professor [Lastname]." DO NOT use "Ms./Mrs./Miss/Mr." (This should go without saying, but do not address female professors differently than male professors-- Luckily the title "Professor" is gender-neutral in English!) If and only if they tell you to call them by their first name, do so in subsequent correspondence. 
- If you're writing to a staff member or current grad student (as opposed to a faculty member), I think it's okay to use their first name. 
- If you are writing to a general department email with a question about a program, application status, etc., you can use the greeting "To whom it may concern." 
- The standard signoff is "Best," or if you're feeling fancy, "All the best."
- Start the email with an introduction: "My name is [Firstname Lastname] and I'm a student at [X University]" or "I'm an applicant to [Y Program]." Then state the reason for your correspondence. 
- Be clear about the reason for correspondence early on in the email (and, if possible, in the subject line). Avoid wishy-washy language like "I just wanted to ask..."
- Specify either early on in the email or in the subject line if the matter is time-sensitive or urgent. 
- Err on the side of formality, but you don't need to be overly formal-- for instance, it's okay to use contractions. (Personally, I think calling someone "ma'am/sir" is overkill and in some contexts might even be taken as offensive-- Again, when in doubt, use "Professor," as this is their earned professional title.) Avoid exclamation points, as they can be read as immature or insufficiently serious. 
- Err on the side of deference-- for instance, thank them for taking the time to read your email-- without sounding overtly like a kiss-ass. 
- Don't be disingenuous-- for instance, don't say you're familiar with someone's work if you're not, and don't say a program is your first choice if it's not. 

On contacting your own current profs/advisors (or TAs):
- Use the name or title that you would use with them in person. (Use first names for TAs, since they are not professors.) 
- Be assertive (but obviously not aggressive) if you need help with something. It's their job to help you. Follow up if they don't respond in a reasonable amount of time (my rule of thumb is a week, but it depends on how urgent the matter is). 
- Office hours are drop-in hours. You don't need to make an appointment. Just go talk to them. 
- Asking for letters of rec: This is best to do in person, but that's not always an option. Make sure you have taken at least one class with them and have written a substantive term paper. Ask them specifically if they can write you a STRONG letter. 

On contacting profs at other schools:
- If you're contacting them about their work, make sure you're not asking questions or making points that they have already addressed in the text you're referencing. 
- Make sure your questions and points are clear and coherent. 
- Again, err on the side of deference, but this doesn't mean you have to agree with them about everything. 
- Don't send them an essay, literally or figuratively. Keep it concise. If you do want them to look at your work, ask first, and be respectful of them and their time. 

On soliciting your app status:
- This is also something that came up a lot in the chat. Personally, I think it's definitely okay to solicit after about a week if acceptances, waitlists, and rejections have all gone out and you haven't heard anything. It's also okay if it's particularly late in the season and/or you need a decision ASAP in order to make decisions about other schools. Here's the template I used for such emails: 
"My name is [Firstname Lastname] and I'm a philosophy PhD applicant. I've heard from other applicants that some decisions have been released, and I'm hoping you can give me an update on my status or when I can expect to receive a decision. Thanks in advance for your time."
- Include your application number if you were assigned one-- Some schools do this, and that info would be found in your app portal. Including it in the email will help them find your app and keep your materials organized. 
- If you're waitlisted at a program you really want to go to, keep in touch and reiterate your interest throughout the season, visit if that's an option, and BE IN TOUCH on the morning of April 15th. 

They're full of shit. People in grad school are always posturing about how hard they work, but that's all it is. They've got some screwed up idea of what the perfect grad student is, and they constantly fail to meet it, and it wreaks havoc with their brain chemistry. 
Being a good student really isn't inconsistent with maintaining a healthy work-life balance. I was a great grad student: I published two papers in top specialist journals, presented at dozens of conferences, won awards, networked like hell, audited all kinds of classes, TAed every semester, applied for hundreds of jobs, etc. It didn't require me to give up on any hobbies or other fun stuff. And I'm not at all exceptional in that respect. Take the time to do your own thing. It'll help enormously with all the negative crap. Just don't let yourself get too distracted from your end goal!
As for making time for reading, I do most of mine on public transit, or for about an hour in bed at night. I often read during the day, too, but that's mostly down to how I feel in the moment. 
One word of advice: breaking your tasks down into smaller chunks and spreading them over time is way more effective than putting in whole days at a time. Read just one article a day, and by the end of a month that's a whole course's worth of reading; write an hour a day, and after a year you've got a draft of a dissertation, or after a few weeks, you've got a paper to send to conferences and journals; and so on.
The trick is to be consistent, and not to overload yourself with just one task. I try to write for about an hour a day (some days I get excited and it's more, and some days I lose the thread, but on the whole that's pretty much what it averages out to). I do that relatively early in the day, and then it doesn't matter what else I do that day; the pressure's off. I can take an hour or so to read a paper, too, and then that's two big things down. After that, the rest of the day is boring admin work, emails, course prep, whatever. And fun stuff.

Start establishing good habits of self care. Get yourself in a strong routine of exercising, sleeping well, and eating right. It will be easy to slip into bad habits with this sort of thing once you're under way, and then it becomes a lot harder to bring yourself back into good habits. Get that stuff drilled down now and your mental health will thank you later.

Hi there--I'm so sorry you're facing this dilemma. I hope some internet strangers can help you out a bit. 
My (now husband) then boyfriend and I went long distance when I got a Fulbright for a year--I was in Germany, he was in Texas. That's about as long distance as it gets. We found out 3 days after we started dating and went for it--by the time I left, we'd been together 3 months. It changed the whole course of our relationship, because from the very beginning we knew we were taking it very seriously--seriously enough to go through the pain of long distance. We made it through the ordeal stronger together in the end. And, we're never ever doing that again!
Here's my two cents: if you're thinking that long distance for a year would tear you apart, then other hardships closer to home might as well. If you two are strong enough to withstand the distance, and you both want to, then you'll be even stronger at the end of it. I'm not going to lie, long distance was the hardest thing I've ever done. If, on the other hand, you truly believe that her moving would cause a breakup, then (I think) other issues in the future might as well, and perhaps a breakup is the right move for you both. I can't think of any other Fulbrighters from my year who went long distance and stayed together, though some did move with their partners and that worked out maybe 50% of the time. That means you might leave your job that you love, and your aging parents, only to break up in Tucson because of other issues. Just something to consider. 
I also think it's important for you to make the right personal and career choices for yourself. If you love your job, and you want to be there for your parents, it's totally valid to stay in the Bay Area. I know this isn't an easy choice to make, but it may be the right one--both for you and your girlfriend. Another option is to try long distance for a while and see how it goes--you won't be giving anything up at home, and there's a chance you make it through.
I hope I've helped a little. Hang in there!

I am sorry to hear. It is quite heartbreaking.
I know you'll already be asking yourself over and over what you need to fix and improve, or whether to invest in applying again.
Let me say this: whatever your choice for next year, remember your worth is not bound up in decision letters. You're more than your grades, recommendations, written samples, or standardized test scores. Your anxiety over the process is normal and legitimate. Your lack of offer does not mean you are incompetent. You can still love philosophy as a professional or as an amateur/well-invested hobbist, even if someone else did not choose to invest in you this time. Don't settle for a life that you know you cannot live with. You can face another round if you really want to; shut-outs are not uncommon.

Hi there--I'm so sorry you're facing this dilemma. I hope some internet strangers can help you out a bit. 
My (now husband) then boyfriend and I went long distance when I got a Fulbright for a year--I was in Germany, he was in Texas. That's about as long distance as it gets. We found out 3 days after we started dating and went for it--by the time I left, we'd been together 3 months. It changed the whole course of our relationship, because from the very beginning we knew we were taking it very seriously--seriously enough to go through the pain of long distance. We made it through the ordeal stronger together in the end. And, we're never ever doing that again!
Here's my two cents: if you're thinking that long distance for a year would tear you apart, then other hardships closer to home might as well. If you two are strong enough to withstand the distance, and you both want to, then you'll be even stronger at the end of it. I'm not going to lie, long distance was the hardest thing I've ever done. If, on the other hand, you truly believe that her moving would cause a breakup, then (I think) other issues in the future might as well, and perhaps a breakup is the right move for you both. I can't think of any other Fulbrighters from my year who went long distance and stayed together, though some did move with their partners and that worked out maybe 50% of the time. That means you might leave your job that you love, and your aging parents, only to break up in Tucson because of other issues. Just something to consider. 
I also think it's important for you to make the right personal and career choices for yourself. If you love your job, and you want to be there for your parents, it's totally valid to stay in the Bay Area. I know this isn't an easy choice to make, but it may be the right one--both for you and your girlfriend. Another option is to try long distance for a while and see how it goes--you won't be giving anything up at home, and there's a chance you make it through.
I hope I've helped a little. Hang in there!

Declined an offer from UVA this weekend. Withdrew from UNC waitlist last week. Just withdrew a waitlist spot (#1) at the University of Kentucky this morning that I didn't even know I had, so apologies on being late with that one. Looks like they may be moving on to the waitlist if anyone's interested. 

Declined an offer from UVA this weekend. Withdrew from UNC waitlist last week. Just withdrew a waitlist spot (#1) at the University of Kentucky this morning that I didn't even know I had, so apologies on being late with that one. Looks like they may be moving on to the waitlist if anyone's interested. 

heading to Stanford

Declined an offer from UVA this weekend. Withdrew from UNC waitlist last week. Just withdrew a waitlist spot (#1) at the University of Kentucky this morning that I didn't even know I had, so apologies on being late with that one. Looks like they may be moving on to the waitlist if anyone's interested. 

That's a good one. I don't know about dating while doing a PhD because I am about to enter a PhD myself, but I do know dating while doing undergrad. From what I got from my experience, it was hard to find the balance between my social life, my studies, my health, and my boyfriend (ex now :/). My boyfriend and my social life were combined sometimes, but we also had to figure out when we could spend time with just the two of us. I will say that it also being my first relationship was overwhelming because I overthought a lot, I tried to spend as much time with him as I could (I actually spent too much time with him and eventually stopped hanging out with my friends, which is a big fat no-no), and in the end figured out that he was very toxic for me.
So, my advice to you is this:
1. If your first relationship will be in grad school, don't get swept up in it.  It is really easy to do, especially if it's your first one. There will be a honeymoon phase where you can't get enough of each other, but you have to remember that you have other things and other people in your life. Don't neglect your schoolwork nor the other relationships you have in your life.
2. Set boundaries with your significant others. Set up times weekly when you will get to see other, like a movie or date night. Don't spend every waking hour with them when you aren't in the lab or class. Of course, spend time with them, but this connects to number 1.
3. Make sure you have similar priorities. Is your partner also super focused on school? Are they okay with not seeing you in person everyday? Is your relationship causal or serious? Do they want it to become serious at some point? Are they okay with moving for a job or do they want to stay put? Etc. You don't have to talk about these things on your first date, but when things start getting serious, talking about these early on could save major heartbreak later.
4. Try not to date another grad student in your department. I have never technically never done this. I had a short fling with someone in the same graduating class and same department my senior year, and it wasn't fun when things ended. We still talked, but it did suck seeming them around. I have also gotten advice about this from other people, so I guess it's a common thing. I say TRY instead of DON'T because life happens. You can't really control who you develop a crush on.
5. Be there for each other, but don't become too dependent on them. This may sound weird because you do want to rely on your partner. However, don't become co-dependent. This will end up badly for the both of you.
6. You will probably get your heart broken during this process. I have dated two people already, and it was hard when they each came to an end. You can learn a lot from these experiences, and you want to use this knowledge to become a better partner and person. However, after break-ups or just even flings ending, it can be hard to do schoolwork and focus on things you need to get done.
I think, though, if you have a healthy relationship, each of you have talked about your goals (academic, professional, romantic, and personal), and have a general idea of when you will get to see each other while also having a life outside of your relationship, balancing a relationship with a PhD won't be extremely difficult. Sometimes it will be hard to find time to be with them, but if they are understanding about it, then I would think it would be okay.
I hope this helps!

Declined an offer from UVA this weekend. Withdrew from UNC waitlist last week. Just withdrew a waitlist spot (#1) at the University of Kentucky this morning that I didn't even know I had, so apologies on being late with that one. Looks like they may be moving on to the waitlist if anyone's interested. 

Just accepted the MA at University of Memphis.  

Declined an offer from UVA this weekend. Withdrew from UNC waitlist last week. Just withdrew a waitlist spot (#1) at the University of Kentucky this morning that I didn't even know I had, so apologies on being late with that one. Looks like they may be moving on to the waitlist if anyone's interested.