FestivusMiracle Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 They ended it, not me. Believe me I did everything to avoid that outcome. I mean everything, it was actually really really sad when it did end. I had my first panic attack like full on panic attack it was so weird. So do you think I actually WANTED my relationship to end, the absolute most important thing to me ending? Definitely didn't. Unfortunately I couldn't make him stay. He wanted to go to school and move a few hours away to live with his dad... Stupidest thing I have ever heard. Stupid me though because before we became official he told me that could happen but he said if it did we would figure it out, then he said he was going to extend his active duty so he could stay in the area for another year, then his dad told him about some agriculture job that paid really well but was far away. That's what I get for dating a 20 year old who of course didn't know what he wanted but I thought as a marine he would somewhat have his shit together. I will say though after last nights date and the one before where I had to pay and even the ones before that led to nothing or were awkward, I have considered not going on anymore dates for a while but I just can't NOT date. It's like wasting time in my life where I could be meeting someone. I would have to delete my dating sites and apps and then what will I be doing? Working, eating, sleeping and that sounds terrible and I really won't meet any men doing that. I wouldn't take what people say at face value, especially when they are breaking up with you or signaling that they just aren't that interested in you. I mean, if somebody is into you, they'll find a way to make it work. With that said, maybe you two just weren't compatible, and that'll happen, more often than not. BUT, maybe that wasn't the case and YOU scared the dude away. I'm not saying you did, but it's definitely a possibility. Maybe it's something minor but easily correctable, like talking too much about your ex or being overly negative. Who knows...all I'm saying is that maybe you need to evaluate yourself and the things you do that may be scaring people away, instead of blaming it on not meeting enough dudes. The fact that you clearly go on a shit ton of dates and yet fail to ever make a connection makes me think you are either way too picky or you are doing something that is scaring dudes away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 I wouldn't take what people say at face value, especially when they are breaking up with you or signaling that they just aren't that interested in you. I mean, if somebody is into you, they'll find a way to make it work. With that said, maybe you two just weren't compatible, and that'll happen, more often than not. BUT, maybe that wasn't the case and YOU scared the dude away. I'm not saying you did, but it's definitely a possibility. Maybe it's something minor but easily correctable, like talking too much about your ex or being overly negative. Who knows...all I'm saying is that maybe you need to evaluate yourself and the things you do that may be scaring people away, instead of blaming it on not meeting enough dudes. The fact that you clearly go on a shit ton of dates and yet fail to ever make a connection makes me think you are either way too picky or you are doing something that is scaring dudes away. That could be possible but I don't mention wanting kids and a family to men I go out with. My ex and I really only talked about that a few times and each time he was saying "if I got you pregnant I wouldn't want you to get rid of it but being a aren't right now would suck". Which I agreed with, even though secretly I think being a parent right now would be AWESOME! It was odd though he would make jokes or comment about our babies but when he ended it, actually suggested we take a break which I wasn't into, he said "I am not ready to get married, when you date someone they are either the person you marry or you break up". He was weird about marriage but I honestly was never the one bringing it up, he said he didn't want to get married or have kids until his 30s... He was 20, 10 years is way longer than I will wait for marriage and kids, I never said that to him though. I am not trying to skate around my responsibility in the break up, maybe I did something, maybe we weren't compatible, I admit I had major insecure moments with him but he knew and we talked about it and he would get pissed but he got over it. I just feel like one day he and I were fine and happy and he missed me and couldn't wait to see me, then the next he was suggesting a break. I do go on a lot of dates but they spring from online dating or tinder and I just feel like you have less of a chance of compatibility using that method. Specifically tinder, the 2 guys I have gone out with from there I literally pretty much knew nothing about besides their names. They just went what I expected, well the one Friday. Maybe I am a little picky but I want someone attractive who I will want to be with and go out with and have cute Facebook pics with and not someone my friends would be like "oh that's your boyfriend? Hmm". I believe in couples having matching attractive levels. It is dumb but I just hate seeing a guy who is a 10 with a girl that's a 2, unbalanced is not ok. Yesterday my therapist suggested I reevaluate myself and I can and will but at the same time there are people in relationships who are way more mentally screwed than I am, so there is still no reason for me to not be in a relationship. leSpyFox, obaka, ralysp and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazedandbemused Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Maybe I am a little picky but I want someone attractive who I will want to be with and go out with and have cute Facebook pics with and not someone my friends would be like "oh that's your boyfriend? Hmm". I believe in couples having matching attractive levels. It is dumb but I just hate seeing a guy who is a 10 with a girl that's a 2, unbalanced is not ok. Yesterday my therapist suggested I reevaluate myself and I can and will but at the same time there are people in relationships who are way more mentally screwed than I am, so there is still no reason for me to not be in a relationship. Ah, the thread that keeps on giving. The fact that you feel comfortable word vomiting the things quoted above on a semi-professional forum just astounds me. Don't get me wrong, I know this is a place for people to vent and chill, but do you honestly feel okay being the person who feels hate just because a guy might not be dating in his "range"? Ever heard of, I don't know, liking a person as an actual individual and not a number on an attractiveness scale? Seriously, ranges are a stupid concept. That's kind of the whole point of attraction; if we all were into the same people, the human race would be in a lot of trouble. I'm disgusted that you can even refer to another human being as a "2" as though that's perfectly acceptable. Just because there are worse people in relationships, doesn't mean you somehow deserve a relationship. Nobody "deserves" a relationship. They just happen. You can date every man within your 100 mile radius, and it still might not happen for you because there's no compatibility. It amazes me that someone my age and in similar circumstances could be so lacking in self-reflection. For the most part, I've thought this thread was funny, but I'm honestly just appalled at this point. sarahsahara, LittleDarlings, MettaSutta and 2 others 1 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 Ah, the thread that keeps on giving. The fact that you feel comfortable word vomiting the things quoted above on a semi-professional forum just astounds me. Don't get me wrong, I know this is a place for people to vent and chill, but do you honestly feel okay being the person who feels hate just because a guy might not be dating in his "range"? Ever heard of, I don't know, liking a person as an actual individual and not a number on an attractiveness scale? Seriously, ranges are a stupid concept. That's kind of the whole point of attraction; if we all were into the same people, the human race would be in a lot of trouble. I'm disgusted that you can even refer to another human being as a "2" as though that's perfectly acceptable. Just because there are worse people in relationships, doesn't mean you somehow deserve a relationship. Nobody "deserves" a relationship. They just happen. You can date every man within your 100 mile radius, and it still might not happen for you because there's no compatibility. It amazes me that someone my age and in similar circumstances could be so lacking in self-reflection. For the most part, I've thought this thread was funny, but I'm honestly just appalled at this point. Lol umm I call a spade a spade. If I person is blatantly a 2 then sorry that's their problem but don't be a 2 and dating a 10 it's just not ok. So yes I have no problem labeling someone a 2 or a 10. Sorry not sorry. I totally think you can be attracted to someone who isn't as attractive. I dated someone that my friends would have not considered attractive at all, I didn't even consider him attractive until we talked and out conversations just clicked perfectly and flowed and he became more and more attractive. I know it can happen but at the same time it just doesn't sit well with me when I am walking through the mall and I see it. You have to eventually be compatible with someone. I do think I deserve a relationship, I have been through so much shit in the last few years from dating I don't see why I wouldn't deserve a relationship? I don't see how other people can easily fall into them and I can't. I'm not some terrible person and I would be a much better person as a girlfriend than I am not being one. If you don't like the post then you can easily leave and never read it or reply again. Realities, obaka, deleonj and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 I feel like I get so much crap for this thread, when I was just a lurker I saw so many posts asking about how to find a relationship in grad school or how to make time for finding a relationship in grad school. I took it a little further and asked about finding a husband. I don't expect to meet someone one day and marry them the next then get pregnant the next. However I don't think it is unreasonable to try find a relationship in grad school, especially when I will be around so many new people. I mean the perfect time would be grad school I would think? I just don't see how this got so overblown? I mean who doesn't want to be in a relationship? And married at some point? No one wants to be nearly 40 pushing a baby stroller up and down the street, that's not cool. No one wants to be the bridesmaid in all their friends weddings and still single at nearly 30, that's not cool. Half the people who even replied on here and have advice (or talked crap) are in relationships, long term relationships that will likely lead to marriage or are married/engaged and are MY AGE!! So telling me I need to wait or not want it is ridiculous. You have it so of course you wouldn't stress about getting what you have, you can check that off the list, one less thing to have to worry about. I just don't get it. obaka and k_angie 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nubbin Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 You. Don't. Listen. Not to anyone. Not through 26 pages of solid advice in this thread. DeafAudi and Melancholic Utopist 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 You. Don't. Listen. Not to anyone. Not through 26 pages of solid advice in this thread. I'm really stubborn. My therapist even told me I am really resistant to change and changing my mind set. It isn't that I don't want to I just don't know how. I just feel what I feel, I get sad and down and I can't control that. I have no idea how I would make myself not feel pissed off or jealous when I have to hear my friends talk about their happy relationships. I just want THAT happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeafAudi Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) I was significantly more attractive than my ex, enough so that others commented on it, but I loved him for his personality, not his looks. You have a terrible attitude, no wonder you have been so unsuccessful in finding a relationship. Edited March 2, 2014 by DeafAudi Trilobite 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) WOW. I was significantly more attractive than my ex, enough so that others commented on it, but I loved him for his personality, not his looks. You have a terrible attitude, no wonder you have been so unsuccessful in finding a relationship. Like I said I call a spade a spade. I'm not going to sugar coat if someone is unattractive and their partner is hot. If you're ok with dating down then that's good for you but I'm not. I'm attractive and I want someone who is attractive too, I'm certainly not going to be the only person out of all my friends dating an ugly guy. Maybe you're ok with that but I'm not. Since you don't know anything about me you don't know why I haven't found a relationship and I have no doubt I will get into one very soon. So thanks but no thanks for your "advice". Edited March 2, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence Melancholic Utopist, sarahsahara, DeafAudi and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa44201 Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 ....um, what? Why do you expect him to pay for your date just because he's a man? You do realize that way of thinking is archaic and outdated, right? The logic (???) may be archaic and outdated, but the practice still happens. I just think it is traditional, he asked me out. I mean if I wanted to pay for myself I could have went by myself. I'm not saying I always expect the man to pay all the time. When I went out with my ex for the first time he paid for dinner I paid for the movie (he didn't want me to but I felt it was right) after we dated we split meals most of the time. I just think on a first date the guy should pay. It's manly and traditional. For what it's worth, the practice hearkens back to an era when women were seen as unable to take care of themselves; thus, needing a man to pay for them, hold the door open, etc; these things were not done out of kindness, but because women were viewed as the inferior sex. The practice is less common today in no small part because most women don't like to be considered inferior or incapable of taking care of themselves. Demanding equal treatment in all other aspects of life (as it should be), but then expecting a guy to pay for dinner because he's-the-guy is kinda sexist. Also: when you put yourself in the position of needing other people - whether it's to pay for dinner, or to validate who you are, or both - you give up control of yourself. Trilobite 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 In the end it doesn't even matter, I'm going to keep dating, I am kind of broadening my dating the new guy I'm talking to who seems really nice is... Bigger. I don't know how I feel about that because it just isn't attractive to me but at the same time he is nice, wants a girlfriend and I want a nice boyfriend so yay that's fitting. He likes to shoot I like to shoot and he's country which is cool. He could always lose the weight, we could work out together that would be cute. So I guess I am picky and a little superficial but I just want what I want. I feel like its so unfair that I don't get to be a cute couple. My friends have attractive boyfriends, former college football players and baseball plays and athletes and I want attractiveness. Status is important to me in all aspects of my life. DeafAudi, ratlab, Taeyers and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilobite Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) My ex and I really only talked about that a few times and each time he was saying "if I got you pregnant I wouldn't want you to get rid of it but being a aren't right now would suck". Which I agreed with, even though secretly I think being a parent right now would be AWESOME! So you agreed even though you really don't, since his view that being a parent now would suck while you think it would be awesome. In other words, you lied. By admitting that he is against pregnancy termination, he showed his cards and would have been helpless in case of "oops" pregnancy - lucky he got away. he said he didn't want to get married or have kids until his 30s... He was 20, 10 years is way longer than I will wait for marriage and kids, I never said that to him though. [...] maybe we weren't compatible Maybe you weren't compatible, except you weren't since your goals are, once again, timed massively differently and only you knew this. And you never admitted it to him. Another shining example of honesty. Maybe I am a little picky but I want someone attractive who I will want to be with and go out with and have cute Facebook pics with and not someone my friends would be like "oh that's your boyfriend? Hmm". I believe in couples having matching attractive levels. It is dumb but I just hate seeing a guy who is a 10 with a girl that's a 2, unbalanced is not ok. So you place huge importance on having someone you can show off to your friends, like a new car, rather than someone of character with similar interests or social mores. This is why some men have decided to avoid dating and relationships in college and graduate school. The risk is not worth the benefit, since a too-significant amount of women have ulterior (selfish) motives in relationships, which they keep carefully hidden under a mask of similarity (in opinion, interests, etc). It's a shame that some of us have experienced this problem to such an extent as to avoid something which should be relaxing, fun, and constructive - and when done right, is very rewarding to both parties. Investing the same time in hobbies usually turns out to be the most relaxing and productive leisure activity when compared to dating. [disclaimer: dishonest behaviour can go both ways in relationships, but this is not relevant to the OP] It seems that you are only looking for a cookie cutter man that will 1, provide genetic material on a 2-4 year time scale; 2, provide bragging rights to your girlfriends; and it would be unsurprising for 3, provide financial support. Be up front about what you want. If it doesn't work, it wouldn't have - so you just saved a huge amount of time. Any man coerced into having a family too early (for him) will not be cooperative for very long. --edit-- Status is important to me in all aspects of my life. Wow. Please do the "really nice big" fellow a favour and dump him. You already aren't happy with his physique and want him to improve (or you will likely eventually dump him). Why not attract someone who already has status and looks? It might require self improvement. Good luck. Edited March 2, 2014 by Trilobite DeafAudi 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstock Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 So, true story, I had a friend in college who overall was well adjusted, normal, smart, etc.... EXCEPT when it came to relationships. She had major issues here. She was constantly insecure and sad about finding a boyfriend, if she didn't have one she would get emotional and ask "what's wrong with me?!?" and wonder if she would be forever alone. And she was pretty jealous of others' relationships, and could not be genuinely happy for them. She just couldn't. I think she would get happy when friends' relationships ended. This aspect of her was pretty messed up but otherwise she was a nice, capable girl. In the end she met this guy and got married and has a really healthy relationship. Now her life is basically awesome. It worked out for her and maybe it can for you. I think her life pre-husband would have been a LOT better though if she could have been happier on her own and not have been wasting so much time sad and insecure before meeting him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 The logic (???) may be archaic and outdated, but the practice still happens. For what it's worth, the practice hearkens back to an era when women were seen as unable to take care of themselves; thus, needing a man to pay for them, hold the door open, etc; these things were not done out of kindness, but because women were viewed as the inferior sex. The practice is less common today in no small part because most women don't like to be considered inferior or incapable of taking care of themselves. Demanding equal treatment in all other aspects of life (as it should be), but then expecting a guy to pay for dinner because he's-the-guy is kinda sexist. Also: when you put yourself in the position of needing other people - whether it's to pay for dinner, or to validate who you are, or both - you give up control of yourself. I didn't think about it like that. I just like being a "woman in a mans world" I want to be taken care of by someone. I just never said it as a huge deal to not pay. Needing a guy to validate me is wrong, I definitely know that but it is just so important. Being in a relationship makes you important, obviously someone picked you to make a part of their life, if no one picked you then... You kind of aren't important at all to anyone. I mean yeah your family but everyone is important to their family pretty much. Trilobite, dat_nerd, sarahsahara and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 So you agreed even though you really don't, since his view that being a parent now would suck while you think it would be awesome. In other words, you lied. By admitting that he is against pregnancy termination, he showed his cards and would have been helpless in case of "oops" pregnancy - lucky he got away. Maybe you weren't compatible, except you weren't since your goals are, once again, timed massively differently and only you knew this. And you never admitted it to him. Another shining example of honesty. So you place huge importance on having someone you can show off to your friends, like a new car, rather than someone of character with similar interests or social mores. This is why some men have decided to avoid dating and relationships in college and graduate school. The risk is not worth the benefit, since a too-significant amount of women have ulterior (selfish) motives in relationships, which they keep carefully hidden under a mask of similarity (in opinion, interests, etc). It's a shame that some of us have experienced this problem to such an extent as to avoid something which should be relaxing, fun, and constructive - and when done right, is very rewarding to both parties. Investing the same time in hobbies usually turns out to be the most relaxing and productive leisure activity when compared to dating. [disclaimer: dishonest behaviour can go both ways in relationships, but this is not relevant to the OP] It seems that you are only looking for a cookie cutter man that will 1, provide genetic material on a 2-4 year time scale; 2, provide bragging rights to your girlfriends; and it would be unsurprising for 3, provide financial support. Be up front about what you want. If it doesn't work, it wouldn't have - so you just saved a huge amount of time. Any man coerced into having a family too early (for him) will not be cooperative for very long. --edit-- Wow. Please do the "really nice big" fellow a favour and dump him. You already aren't happy with his physique and want him to improve (or you will likely eventually dump him). Why not attract someone who already has status and looks? It might require self improvement. Good luck. So you agreed even though you really don't, since his view that being a parent now would suck while you think it would be awesome. In other words, you lied. By admitting that he is against pregnancy termination, he showed his cards and would have been helpless in case of "oops" pregnancy - lucky he got away. Maybe you weren't compatible, except you weren't since your goals are, once again, timed massively differently and only you knew this. And you never admitted it to him. Another shining example of honesty. So you place huge importance on having someone you can show off to your friends, like a new car, rather than someone of character with similar interests or social mores. This is why some men have decided to avoid dating and relationships in college and graduate school. The risk is not worth the benefit, since a too-significant amount of women have ulterior (selfish) motives in relationships, which they keep carefully hidden under a mask of similarity (in opinion, interests, etc). It's a shame that some of us have experienced this problem to such an extent as to avoid something which should be relaxing, fun, and constructive - and when done right, is very rewarding to both parties. Investing the same time in hobbies usually turns out to be the most relaxing and productive leisure activity when compared to dating. [disclaimer: dishonest behaviour can go both ways in relationships, but this is not relevant to the OP] It seems that you are only looking for a cookie cutter man that will 1, provide genetic material on a 2-4 year time scale; 2, provide bragging rights to your girlfriends; and it would be unsurprising for 3, provide financial support. Be up front about what you want. If it doesn't work, it wouldn't have - so you just saved a huge amount of time. Any man coerced into having a family too early (for him) will not be cooperative for very long. --edit-- Wow. Please do the "really nice big" fellow a favour and dump him. You already aren't happy with his physique and want him to improve (or you will likely eventually dump him). Why not attract someone who already has status and looks? It might require self improvement. Good luck. Ok first of all I would NEVER have tricked my ex into getting me pregnant. Never. I knew how he felt about becoming a parent and we did everything to avoid getting pregnant. I actually really enjoyed just spending time with him and I didn't obsess every moment I was with him about babies. I did think it was kind of wrong and selfish for him to decide that he didn't want children for 10 years.. I mean that is just unreasonable. He was 20 and I was 22 so I mean I guess I could see waiting a few years, but 10!! That is selfish, especially when your gf is older and anyone who knows about egg quality knows that it starts to decline in the 30s, not saying you can't have kids past 30 but there are higher risks, and it gets harder to become pregnant... Just a lot of issues that can be avoided. I don't think I lied or was dishonest with him, you don't go to a guy you just started dating and say "omg I want to have babies and get married as quickly as possible" no guy would stick around for that so maybe I hid that aspect but I didn't lie. I said I wanted kids eventually and to be married and that was true (I just hoped eventually would be sooner rather than later). I don't think we were compatible, I honestly kind of knew we weren't but I was FINALLY in a relationship, and I had a boyfriend, I was someones girlfriend, I had someone to take cute pictures with, and text all day and say really cute stuff to, and cuddle with, and I didn't want to not have that. So I did whatever I had to do to make sure that didn't end. Obviously it ended so I failed but I tried really hard to fix everything before it ended. I think it is possible to have someone with similar interests and goals and they can be attractive too. Like I said my friends have dated guys who were not only perfect for them but really attractive. So I have to compromise one or the other? I understand looks can grow, I have experienced it. At the same time I think there is a limit. I wouldn't pursue someone who I had absolutely not attraction to at all just because we had good conversation or they were an amazing person. I don't think anyone would do that..? As far as this new guy, I JUST started talking to him like 2 days ago so what will happen is yet to be determined. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) So, true story, I had a friend in college who overall was well adjusted, normal, smart, etc.... EXCEPT when it came to relationships. She had major issues here. She was constantly insecure and sad about finding a boyfriend, if she didn't have one she would get emotional and ask "what's wrong with me?!?" and wonder if she would be forever alone. And she was pretty jealous of others' relationships, and could not be genuinely happy for them. She just couldn't. I think she would get happy when friends' relationships ended. This aspect of her was pretty messed up but otherwise she was a nice, capable girl. In the end she met this guy and got married and has a really healthy relationship. Now her life is basically awesome. It worked out for her and maybe it can for you. I think her life pre-husband would have been a LOT better though if she could have been happier on her own and not have been wasting so much time sad and insecure before meeting him. Really?! See there is totally hope for me because I sound just like your friend. Except I don't necessarily rejoice when my friends relationships end. My best friend was cheated on by her now ex and at the same time I was just starting my relationship and it was sad and weird because the roles were reversed. I was so happy to finally be something to someone after waiting for a million and ten years and she was devastated because her relationship ended. I wasn't happy at all about it ending. Then shortly after that my relationship ended so back to being sad again. How old was she when she met the guy and got married? How did she meet the guy? I have been on my own (in the single sense) for a while, I'm sick to death of it. It is boring. There just isn't anything to be happy about when single, nothing about it is fun. I mean there are somethings that are fun but most things about it aren't. Edited March 2, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FestivusMiracle Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Ok first of all I would NEVER have tricked my ex into getting me pregnant. Never. I knew how he felt about becoming a parent and we did everything to avoid getting pregnant. I actually really enjoyed just spending time with him and I didn't obsess every moment I was with him about babies. I did think it was kind of wrong and selfish for him to decide that he didn't want children for 10 years.. I mean that is just unreasonable. He was 20 and I was 22 so I mean I guess I could see waiting a few years, but 10!! That is selfish, especially when your gf is older and anyone who knows about egg quality knows that it starts to decline in the 30s, not saying you can't have kids past 30 but there are higher risks, and it gets harder to become pregnant... Just a lot of issues that can be avoided. I don't think I lied or was dishonest with him, you don't go to a guy you just started dating and say "omg I want to have babies and get married as quickly as possible" no guy would stick around for that so maybe I hid that aspect but I didn't lie. I said I wanted kids eventually and to be married and that was true (I just hoped eventually would be sooner rather than later). I don't think we were compatible, I honestly kind of knew we weren't but I was FINALLY in a relationship, and I had a boyfriend, I was someones girlfriend, I had someone to take cute pictures with, and text all day and say really cute stuff to, and cuddle with, and I didn't want to not have that. So I did whatever I had to do to make sure that didn't end. Obviously it ended so I failed but I tried really hard to fix everything before it ended. I think it is possible to have someone with similar interests and goals and they can be attractive too. Like I said my friends have dated guys who were not only perfect for them but really attractive. So I have to compromise one or the other? I understand looks can grow, I have experienced it. At the same time I think there is a limit. I wouldn't pursue someone who I had absolutely not attraction to at all just because we had good conversation or they were an amazing person. I don't think anyone would do that..? As far as this new guy, I JUST started talking to him like 2 days ago so what will happen is yet to be determined. I don't want to sound mean, but based on the above post you strike me as the kind of girl at the party who is truly having a miserable time, and who just sits there texting and being no fun. Every once in a while you get all your friends together to take a really fake picture that you can post on facebook to convice your facebook friends that you have such an awesome social life. Am i way off base here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) I don't want to sound mean, but based on the above post you strike me as the kind of girl at the party who is truly having a miserable time, and who just sits there texting and being no fun. Every once in a while you get all your friends together to take a really fake picture that you can post on facebook to convice your facebook friends that you have such an awesome social life. Am i way off base here? You kind of are.. When I go to a party... I am fun!! I am playing the drinking games or dancing and singing in the bar. I am a fairly fun person. It does depend on the bars though. One of my friends took me to a bar and I just wasn't liking the atmosphere, so I did sit there and text and I took a ton of pics. If I am at a bar that I like or a night club where theres dancing, I am pretty fun . I love to sing so I am that annoying person in the bar singing every song I know really loud and making a scene. I don't totally suck in life. Edited March 2, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence Cookie and obaka 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trizzleYO Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Like I said I call a spade a spade. I'm not going to sugar coat if someone is unattractive and their partner is hot. If you're ok with dating down then that's good for you but I'm not. I'm attractive and I want someone who is attractive too, I'm certainly not going to be the only person out of all my friends dating an ugly guy. Maybe you're ok with that but I'm not. Since you don't know anything about me you don't know why I haven't found a relationship and I have no doubt I will get into one very soon. So thanks but no thanks for your "advice". - Dude, what the fuck ? Really?! See there is totally hope for me .. - No ... I don't totally suck in life. - No, you do right now, at least sarahsahara 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) - Dude, what the fuck ? - No - No, you do right now, at least Umm, I definitely don't suck in life right now. Actually at this very moment I am doing way better than I was when I was replying a few hours ago. I don't appreciate someone saying "oh well I see why you aren't in a relationship" so oh well if she didn't like my comment then maybe she should have been less rude about it. I didn't attack her or make awful comments to her about the failing of her relationship now did I? There is always hope, as long as I keep dating eventually something with someone will click. I am sure of it. Edited March 2, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 I don't know why the attraction comment made such a huge stir? Would anyone on here date someone that they were not physically attracted to? I mean I get that attractiveness is subjective, but if someone is blatantly unattractive to you, no matter how amazing they are you won't date them. I am not going to sit here and say "omg I couldn't care less what a guy looks like as long as he is nice and has common interests and goals I will like him and date him" that would be a lie. I went out on a date with a guy once who has TERRIBLE teeth, like brown (didn't see that in the FB pics) he was the nicest guy, we had common goals and interests he was even into the idea of children and marriage sooner rather than later, however brown teeth isn't ok. Should I have over looked the fact that he could possibly not have teeth in the next 5-10 years even though he was nice? I need something to work with. I don't need a 10, but I want to be attracted. If this person is the person I end up with I don't want to be unattracted to the person I spend the next 50 years looking at daily. Cookie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeafAudi Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I don't know why the attraction comment made such a huge stir? Would anyone on here date someone that they were not physically attracted to? I mean I get that attractiveness is subjective, but if someone is blatantly unattractive to you, no matter how amazing they are you won't date them. I am not going to sit here and say "omg I couldn't care less what a guy looks like as long as he is nice and has common interests and goals I will like him and date him" that would be a lie. I went out on a date with a guy once who has TERRIBLE teeth, like brown (didn't see that in the FB pics) he was the nicest guy, we had common goals and interests he was even into the idea of children and marriage sooner rather than later, however brown teeth isn't ok. Should I have over looked the fact that he could possibly not have teeth in the next 5-10 years even though he was nice? I need something to work with. I don't need a 10, but I want to be attracted. If this person is the person I end up with I don't want to be unattracted to the person I spend the next 50 years looking at daily. Your comment offended people because "attractiveness" is subjective. My ex was not the typical definition of attractive but to me he was the hottest guy on the planet because I loved other aspects of his personality. People bring more to a relationship than what they look like. That said, of course you want to be attracted to the person you are dating, and you should be. However, don't assume that just because someone may be more attractive than their partner they are "dating down". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pol Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Brown teeth can be fixed more easily than an ugly personality. Cookie, dat_nerd, Monochrome Spring and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 Your comment offended people because "attractiveness" is subjective. My ex was not the typical definition of attractive but to me he was the hottest guy on the planet because I loved other aspects of his personality. People bring more to a relationship than what they look like. That said, of course you want to be attracted to the person you are dating, and you should be. However, don't assume that just because someone may be more attractive than their partner they are "dating down". As someone walking through the mall seeing a hot guy with a girlfriend less than attractive, I am going to think wow she is way less pretty than her boyfriend. I would also probably say "he can do better" these aren't uncommon feelings, I have had entire conversations with friends about it. Have you never heard of a downgrade? You have never had a friend who was in a relationship that ended and the guy moved on and she said "oh his new gf is a downgrade"? Maybe not but I have heard it a lot, even said it a few times. I don't know that amazing qualities the girlfriend has and I don't necessarily care. I am looking at her and thinking "wow she is much less attractive than the guy she is dating" so call it what you want but I have said it, my friends have said it and that is that. Melancholic Utopist and Cookie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleDarlings Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) Brown teeth can be fixed more easily than an ugly personality. Hahaha yeah well tell him that then. I'm sure some sad girl will date him and his brown teeth, but not me. I can't be out all the time with my friends and family and someone with brown teeth. Maybe you can date him?! HA If that was little jab at my personality then thanks but I don't have an ugly personality, just standards Edited March 2, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence sarahsahara, Taeyers, DeafAudi and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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