What you think the adcoms are saying about your application

[EelAwaits]

Wow. She's, like, 100 years old. And what is all this "music outside the academy" crap? DENY.

[boxboss]

Schools I'm sure I won't get into:

"She only graduated in 2009? ... wait a minute she spent seven full years to do her undergrad? We sure don't want her type of philandering malingerers around here! Plus, what the hell is this personal statement? Is she trying to show off her vocabulary? Sounds like she gargles with a thesaurus every night ... and it doesn't even make any sense, it's all over the place. Next!"

One school I think I might have a real shot at and have visited often:

"God, is it THIS chick again? Who does she think she is, showing up on campus and trying to shake my hand all the time? Does she even realize what a huge tool she is? And I saw her in the parking structure at that screening at RedCat last week ... she's totally stalking me. Weirdo. Next!"

I hope you didn't use either "philander" or "malinger" in your personal statement, since - unless you had a very strange undergraduate career - they don't seem to be used correctly above. Were you feigning illness in order to sleep with many women? or were they separate events?

[grad_wannabe]

I hope you didn't use either "philander" or "malinger" in your personal statement, since - unless you had a very strange undergraduate career - they don't seem to be used correctly above. Were you feigning illness in order to sleep with many women? or were they separate events?

Haha luckily I used neither in my SoP! I just liked the way they sounded here, relishing using words on a messageboard without having to triple-check their meanings for the damn statement, I guess.

though on second thought, the career you described sounds like a good back-up plan if I don't get accepted anywhere...

[joro]

You meant GPA, right?

No no, it must be GPS!! When she went to visit the schools, they saw her GPS.

[coyabean]

No no, it must be GPS!! When she went to visit the schools, they saw her GPS.

LOL at both of y'all!!! Now you see why I have no hope.

[DJLamar]

I hope for your sake you made that abundantly clear.

Yes, I stuck that in as close as possible to the actual GPA field in every case. On some apps where there wasn't any space to put any extra notes about the scale I even just used the fields for, for example, GPA by year for that school to just type it in like

invert ed scale

1.0 is best

5.0 is worst

lol. Plus all the schools I applied to are good and well-known enough I think that they probably get enough German applicants to be familiar with the German grading system, and the transcripts that I got sent to the schools that requested official transcripts with the application (i.e. everywhere but Princeton and U Washington) should have all had an explanation of the grading scale on them.

[DJLamar]

invert ed scale

1.0 is best

5.0 is worst

figured this wouldn't come out right -- those were supposed to have big spaces in between each phrase since I basically was putting as many letters as I could into fields that were only made to hold four or five characters

[nyanko]

I am profoundly worried that they are seeing the letters "ADHD" in my explanation statements/personal background statements and throwing it in the "not in a million years" pile.

[Nytusse]

I am profoundly worried that they are seeing the letters "ADHD" in my explanation statements/personal background statements and throwing it in the "not in a million years" pile.

Personally, I think ADHD gives us super powers...!

[DeWinter]

LOL at both of y'all!!! Now you see why I have no hope.

I wish GPS models were used as an assessment by adcoms! I'd be in great shape!

Edited January 28, 2010 by karakiz

[UnlikelyGrad]

I have to say, I find this thread extremely amusing. As long as you don't ask what evaluators of fellowship apps are saying about my futile submissions, I can read this and laugh.

[Sparky]

Given that I've started to picture all adcomm members as the Great Old Ones, I'm just hoping they don't, like, have my application as brunch.

[poco_puffs]

(Speaking of my application)

"Yes. Okay. Mm-hmm. Sure. Hey Dr. Awesome-Pants, check out this application. It seems pretty solid."

"Huh? It's okay I guess. Really, though, what about this other application, Dr. Amazing-Sauce. I think it is far superior"

"You are correct, Dr. Awesome-Pants. I wipe my bottom with this inferior example of an application! Ptew Ptew (spitting)"

Then I get rejected, and I never hear that someone actually liked my application at any point in the process.

[Sanssouci]

Given that I've started to picture all adcomm members as the Great Old Ones, I'm just hoping they don't, like, have my application as brunch.

I've got an image of adcom members that are all clones of Kingsfield from The Paper Chase

[far_to_go]

I had a phone interview with the DGS at one of my top choices a few days ago. While she told me that I'm on the short list was mostly quite encouraging, even telling me that they're considering nominating me as the department's candidate for a big university-wide fellowship, she did ask me why I hadn't gone to better schools (started at community college, BA from a mid-ranked state school, MA from a mid-ranked private school). It was phrased like "Based on your GRE, GPA, and personal statement, it's obvious that you're quite bright and motivated... so we were just curious about your past choices of schools..."

I told her that my choices had been made out of considerations of location and cost along with quality of education, and that as a first-generation college student I hadn't had any real idea what the hell I was doing. That seemed to satisfy her... I hope it did!

[quadsbaby]

I told her that my choices had been made out of considerations of location and cost along with quality of education, and that as a first-generation college student I hadn't had any real idea what the hell I was doing. That seemed to satisfy her... I hope it did!

Sounds like a good answer to me. Also, if they are considering nominating you for a fellowship, I'm going to guess translation is "If you're serious, you're in".

[far_to_go]

Thanks, quadsbaby! I hope you're right!

[TMP]

I Skyped with a professor at one of the schools a few months ago. So obviously he saw a very pretty picture of me from a cousin's bar mitzvah.

The Adcoms: "Well, she does seem like a good fit for our department. But her GPA is... kind of low for a MA student. It's like 3.2, isn't it?"

Potential Advisor: "Um.... what? I talked with her a few months ago and she seems really bright! I want to give her a try."

The Adcoms: "But, dude, we've got stronger applicants who are just as bright... with a HIGHER GPA."

Potential Advisor: "So? She's really excited to come! Please, I really want her. She may not exactly be in my field but she's got great ideas that I'd like to explore with her."

The Adcoms: "Dude, you already have...what? 4 grad students? What do you need another one for? Even if her project idea does sound... compelling."

Potential Advisor: "Don't make me do this." *cringes in his seat*

The Adcoms: "Do what? You win or lose. There is no middle ground."

Potential Advisor: *flashes a picture of me* "Please? We need some beautiful women in the program!"

The Adcoms: "Whoa... she is beautiful..." *stammers* "I guess you get this one, Dude. She's accepted. I guess you can e-mail her."

(Potential Advisor walks out of the room)

Adcom #1: (calls after the Potential Advisor) "Yeah, don't forget to tell her that her advisor's going to f*ck her!"

Adcom #2: "Did we just pull a Legally Blonde moment here?"

Adcom #3: "He's a lucky dog. Let me look at her SOP again so I can figure out my chances of being on her committee!"

Adcom #4: (to Adcom #5) "I'm suspicious. We, historians, aren't that shallow, aren't we?"

Adcom #5: "No we aren't that shallow. Her SOP is a killer, really. I just felt like being a Simon Cowell to Dude."

(thanks for thread, I'm seriously laughing now! )

[coffeeandtoast]

All of you have great ones I'm sure they'll laugh at mine too.

"A chemical engineer with a masters in theology... boy she is confused!"

[watersnake]

I Skyped with a professor at one of the schools a few months ago. So obviously he saw a very pretty picture of me from a cousin's bar mitzvah.

The Adcoms: "Well, she does seem like a good fit for our department. But her GPA is... kind of low for a MA student. It's like 3.2, isn't it?"

Potential Advisor: "Um.... what? I talked with her a few months ago and she seems really bright! I want to give her a try."

The Adcoms: "But, dude, we've got stronger applicants who are just as bright... with a HIGHER GPA."

Potential Advisor: "So? She's really excited to come! Please, I really want her. She may not exactly be in my field but she's got great ideas that I'd like to explore with her."

The Adcoms: "Dude, you already have...what? 4 grad students? What do you need another one for? Even if her project idea does sound... compelling."

Potential Advisor: "Don't make me do this." *cringes in his seat*

The Adcoms: "Do what? You win or lose. There is no middle ground."

Potential Advisor: *flashes a picture of me* "Please? We need some beautiful women in the program!"

The Adcoms: "Whoa... she is beautiful..." *stammers* "I guess you get this one, Dude. She's accepted. I guess you can e-mail her."

(Potential Advisor walks out of the room)

Adcom #1: (calls after the Potential Advisor) "Yeah, don't forget to tell her that her advisor's going to f*ck her!"

Adcom #2: "Did we just pull a Legally Blonde moment here?"

Adcom #3: "He's a lucky dog. Let me look at her SOP again so I can figure out my chances of being on her committee!"

Adcom #4: (to Adcom #5) "I'm suspicious. We, historians, aren't that shallow, aren't we?"

Adcom #5: "No we aren't that shallow. Her SOP is a killer, really. I just felt like being a Simon Cowell to Dude."

(thanks for thread, I'm seriously laughing now! )

Yikes.

[laurend]

I thought I would start this up for this years application pool!

All my thoughts keep returning to the adcom thinking

*Good GRE, good GPA, great experience..WOW...but wait she didn't take calculus? And only one semester of physics, biochemistry and organic? Tsk Tsk!*

[eklavya]

"god damn it! here comes another rotten egg.. QUICK, trash it!" man, i'm getting paranoid day by day

[macmc]

"She went to music school for two years before switching to poli sci? The fuck?"

[BlueRose]

"Why does this kid have a 3.26 GPA and a near perfect GRE? Is he really lazy or something?"

Oohhh! Story of my life!

Story of my life too.

Adcom 1: *reads SOP* Hey, this is pretty good. She's got a plan, she's got experience...oh wow, she worked with Profs. Famous and Uberleet at Top University. I bet Prof. Smith could use this one for his new grant, which she even knows about.

Adcom 2: *reads GRE* Damn. A perfect score?

Adcom 3: *reads transcript* Hm. Have you seen these grades? Not a whole lot of A's. And the only math class is a C.

Adcom 2: Well, I guess if Famous and Uberleet liked her, that's good enough. Where are those LORs? *rummages through folder*

Adcom 4: They're over here. One is from a second-year grad student, and another from some admin on an outreach project...positive, but what do they really know? This third guy is faculty, but it doesn't sound like he knows her at all.

Adcom 1: Meh. I guess she wasn't any good. Glad we dodged that bullet. *checks box marked 'REJECT'*

(Frankly, after last year, I'll be happy to be discussed - my apps were incomplete, thanks to Profs. Famous and Uberleet not sending letters, so I got the auto-reject. I want to fail on my own merits, TYVM! )

[laurend]

That sucks! I was going to say, why didn't you ask Prof Famous and Uberleet to write letters! I think this is a nightmare for more applicants-that the letters will just never get it! Did they ever give you a reason?