Adelaide9216

I am glad that my research project got severe critique now rather than later down the road. It's tough, but it's the positive aspect of this.

Hello everyone, I am feeling anxious and down tonight...and then I remembered that I have this forum as a resource to discuss what I went through today as I am certainely not the first one to have experience this during their graduate program. I am the only one in my program who is doing a formal thesis (others are doing a field option) so I cannot really discuss what I'm going through with my classmates. Anyway. Research is an iterative process and I've been doing research for a year so I know how emotionally difficult it can be at times...but I'll go through this. I just need to vent and have some advice. I am finishing my first year of classes for my master's program. This summer, I wanted to start doing my ethics proposal, data collection as soon as I get ethics approval and research and write my thesis. I also got funded for this research and will have to present at a international conference in August. I also wanted to apply to Ph.D programs for Fall 2019 (on another topic than the one I am studying right now). Well that was the plan..until today. I have to postpone a lot of things and it won't go as quickly as I want. Before today, I felt like I knew exactly where I was going and felt in control...and I have hit a wall. However, I must say that I am glad that it happened earlier in the process rather than later down the road which would've been more difficult to manage. Basically, today, I had the first meeting with my advisory commitee for my research project for my master's thesis. I have an advisory commitee because I initially wanted to work with women from a marginalized population. I wanted to do that ethically and in a culturally sensitive way, so that's why my supervisor and I both decided to put in place that committee since we are both outsiders from the community I wanted to study. Out of the four people I have recruited for the committee, two of them are from the said community. One of them had to cancel last minute because she had a death in her family...so it ended up being only one representative from the said community in the committee (which I already felt uncomfortable with because I did not want her to feel like a token individual or having to speak for everyone but she mentionned feeling this way at the end of the meeting, inevitably). Basically, the committee brought the very important following points: - I have taken courses on the realities of this community and I've been involved in one community but not long enough for me to create ties to address an issue as sensitive as sexual violence. - The committee was also wondering why I was not studying the realities of black women, since I am one myself. One of them asked if it could be possible that I may have chosen a topic that's farther away from me so that I can protect myself psychologically through the process. I have thought about this comment and I am realizing that this member is absolutely right. As a black woman, studying my own community is too difficult for me at the current moment, especially since I am realizing a lot of stuff about 'race' and gender and the ways that these operate in my own life since very recently. EDIT : They did not say 'you should do research on black women because you're a black woman' i think the English barrier makes me express this in the wrong way. They just wondered why I was studying something so far away from me since I am not from that community and that I am not a survivor of sexual violence. I explained it to them, but they wanted to have more in-depth reasons which is legitimate. - They also had a lot of issues around the terminology I was using (for instance victims as opposed to survivors of sexual violence) but they acknowledged that English is not my mothertongue and that it might explain the issues with the terminology. However, I won't be writing my thesis in English, I will be writing it in my first language which kinda helps this aspect. I now know that I have to change my topic in some way or another, for it to be done well, properly and respectfully and also for it to be feasable within one academic year. But I still feel lost about where I should go and where I should begin. My supervisor was also part of the meeting this morning and she said that we would discuss it further after the Easter break, so I can give some time to absorb everything that was said to me today and look into some of the readings that were suggested to me. But to be honest, I kinda feel lost. I'm okay with the criticism because if something is going to be done in the wrong way, I'd rather not do it at all. I'm a perfectionnist and I want to be the best researcher as possible. I know I want to keep working on my thesis though, I just don't know where I should go about it. Plus, at the conference in August, I have no idea what I am going to present now which adds to the anxiety of presenting in front of researchers who are probably going to be as critical as the committee this morning. My supervisor said that I could talk about the process of my research project rather than coming up with a finalized product...but I still feel anxious because they have the summary of my project in their official program and everything and it's not going to be the same thing. Anyway. I need advice, support and reassurance I guess. So many things are making me anxious. But I know rationally, it's not the end of the world. Thank you for reading this long rant.

I've always had an excellent intuition. Always. I'm pretty good at sensing things. I just feel that I'll never experience a significant and positive relationship and that this area of my life will remain a constant struggle. I am not being negative when I say this, this is just an intuition that I do have and I sincerely believe that I won't be wrong. A few months ago, I watched a TV report on a 15 year old girl who died in a car accident. That 15 year old girl wasn't the driver of the car, it was a young boy. she was with a group of friends and speed was involved in the accident. Her mother and her sister were very disturbed by the fact that the 15 year old girl grew up saying that she couldn't project herself as an adult. She just had this feeling that she would never get old, without exactly knowing why and it it something that she expressed often. In the TV report, the mother ended up saying 'I am now convinced that my daughter knew that she would die at a very early age'. She wasn't taking those remarks seriously when the 15 year old girl would make them, but looking back, she said that her daughter just could sense that she would never get old and that it probably explains why she lived her life to the fullest like she did, because she just felt like she did not have a lot of time ahead of her. Personally speaking, growing up, I've always had dreams about my family as an adult (without necessarily thinking about having children at that age) but for some reason, my dreams (when I was 12 years old) were about my daughter and I. There was never a man or a father figure in those dreams. Which isn't the end of the world now that I look back at it, but I find it very ironic that I am working on having a child on my own, without a partner in the next couple of years. Plus, when I was a teenager, women would constantly tell me that I'd be harder for someone like me to find a partner. That was 10-12 years ago. I now realize that they were right and that I am still single. I don't think that's going to change. It has nothing to do with my age. I just feel it and I have so many signs of it in my life that indicate to me that I won't be lucky in that regards. I always thought I could 'have it all' in life but obviously, I need to learn that I am failing in that aspect to my own standards and that I need to appreciate the fact that I have a career, friends, a good family of origin. That's already a lot. If I never have a partner and a significant positive romantic experience, it's not the end of the world I must tell myself.

I am being misunderstood here. I am not talking about getting married. I am talking about having a relationship. PS : I am the only person in my group of friends who has never been in a relationship. Most of my friends are parents, engaged or are in a relationship.

Hello, I am starting to work on my leadership letter for Vanier (scholarship). I went through a lot of hardships as a child and teenager but it has definetely informed and shaped my interest into the field of social work as well as my community involvement. I wonder, how much in depth should I go with my personal story? I've got two pages max to squeeze everything in. Thanks!

Errr, can't believe I have to wait another month for an answer.

Took part in a photoshoot today. And the semester is almost over!

Yeah, in terms of being progressive, McGill is getting there but I believe that there are more progressive schools of social work elsewhere in Canada.

My instructor gave me an A for the lecture I gave to my seminar class! SO RELIEVED. Wow. I did a good job, I did not think so at first!

I saw it. It's a GREAT movie. Loved it.

I also live with MI. Been relatively stable for the last 8 years...but I am applying to Ph.D programs next year and am nervous because I don't know if I'll be able to cope. I managed my undergraduate and graduate studies so far pretty well while doing extracurricular activities, but I know PhD will be a whole other game and it kinda scares me.

I'm so sorry for this rant. I did not want to talk about it, but you posted in the thread and it makes all the emotions go up again. It's not the end of the world and I know other people go through worse. Yet, I don't know why it makes me so sad whenever I think about it. I just feel powerless over this. Which is ironic because I feel like I have some sort of control and power in other spheres and aspects of my life. But romantically speaking, I just feel hopeless, uncompetent and powerless.

I also try to come to terms with it, but it's hard because I personally do mind having my career as a sole purpose of my life. PS : I've met plenty of new people lately, but am still single. This is so fucked up: I meet new people all the time, I am respected and appreciated in my community and yet, nobody seems to be interested in what I have to offer as a romantic partner. The funny thing is that I do think that I have a lot to offer. But nobody sees it or sees value in it and that's what hurts me. I feel like I have to 'change' who I am in order to be loved and having the feeling that I have to make that choice is extremely painful to me. I always choose to remain myself because I don't know how to be any other way. And I don't want to betray myself by becoming someone I am not. I think I should give up too. It feels like it's too much to ask to be loved for who I am. I just get this sense of extreme despair and hopelessness when I think about this and all the times I've been rejected, so I try to focus on other things because it's not good for my mental health. Last summer, I'd be crying almost 4-5 nights a week due to this. It just hurts me so much that it's been a constant struggle my entire life. I don't understand why it's so hard. I'm bubbly, I'm funny, I'm talkative, I do believe that I am relatelely smart and I take good care of the people who are important to me. I'm a great listener and am very loyal and supportive. I am kind and people say that I am attractive when they see me or look at my pictures. So I don't understand what's the issue. I've been shifting the focus on other things and I haven't cried as much anymore. But I am getting ready to the possibility that I may never have a significant and positive romantic experience.

Yeah, I will

Ah, amazing! For me, after thinking about it a lot, it's either that university or I just go work as a social worker in my hometown if the Ph.D plan doesn't work. I can tell you about the programs in Mtl if you're interested, I've lived in whole life in Qc.

The program is in French (I'm a francophone) and it would allow me to study in another province (I'm from Qc). Also, the program is apparently pretty progressive on the topics I want to study and I have a potential supervisor there as well.

Hello, yeah, I do believe it is a bit misleading. It's good when a master's student has publications, but I do believe that it's more rare, at least in my field. I'd say that it's something that's a lot more expected at the PhD level. I will have two submitted publications (not necessarily accepted) by the end of the deadline for those scholarships because I've worked with two different professors on two different projects, but I don't think that's the norm and I certainely do not think it's something that is expected for those scholarships...

Hello everyone, Yeah, by experience, the school won't release the results before April 1st. Don't lose hope. Last year, on April 1st, I learned that two universities out of three funded me with SSHRC and I was SO surprised. I was so sure I wouldn't get it. I'm hopeful for each and everyone of you and can't wait to hear about your (positive) decision letters. And for those who won't be funded, there is always next year. Next year you'll have a stronger, better application. <3

Hum, personally, I have never withdrawn from a course in my undergraduate studies, even if those courses weren't the easiest ones. My GPA did went down a little bit (but still managed to graduate with Distinction at the end of my undergraduate degree), but I still showed up in class and did the work that I needed to do because I still felt like the material was relevant to what I wanted to study in graduate school. So motivation was there. In the end, it's up to you, it all depends on how much effort you want to put into it and if you feel like this course is relevant to your career plans/goals. Also, I'd say, if you feel like you can adapt on your own is another thing to consider. Like this term, I have a course where the professor does a terrible job in terms of clarity of the course material and of assignments...but I try to rely on my classmates (thankfully, I am not in a competitive field) for support, I look for more info/guidance online and read the textbook and try to develop those strategies on my own because I realized that I can't rely on that professor to make me understand the course material. Make sure you withdraw before the add/drop period though!

I did not cry in front of a professor, but I did cry in front of a field supervisor at my placement last year in a hospital in the radio-oncology departement. (PS: I also never cry in front of anyone, not even the therapists I've had in the past! so I totally relate.) You're not alone.

I just have a quick question. I see that we have to provide a Lay title and a different Title for the research proposal. If my title for my research proposal is fairly simple, can I use the same for both?

Thank you for your kind words. One of the best messages I've read on this board so far.

I have taken up a lot of leadership positions in the past. I think I have a good file for Vanier. I'm gonna apply. I've got nothing to lose!

Thanks, I'll discuss it further with my supervisor. It's a good point.

I really like this approach and I see a lot of my professors, especially in the Gender Studies departement do it. If I get to teach one day, I'll do the same thing. I can really see how anxiety provoking it may be for some students, especially trans students and gender non-conforming students to be called by their deadname or the wrong pronouns.