ShewantsthePhD101

@KA.DINGER.RA OHMYGODTHATSAMAZING!!!! Congrats in your Brown interview!

I saw someone post a Harvard rejection, a UNC Chapel Hill acceptance, and several Yale interviews... and I have heard nothing from any of them.

Banana peel

siiiiiiiigh. Thanks anyway. If you hear anything while you're there... let me know?

@HaxMeidelbergerAny idea if they've said anything to Ethics and Society candidates yet?

Were you invited to interview for the fellowship or your program?

Where did you wind up, if you don't mind my asking?

This process is highlighting for me what an incredibly impatient human being I am...

We're not skewing the representation of your position. You like dating teenagers. 19 is teen-aged. You also use the term "girls" as opposed to "women" to discuss those you desire to have intimate relationships with. Not only are they not adults, it is clear that you do not even conceive of them as such. In reference to your earlier point, I do not think people need to wait until their mid twenties to date. As you pointed out, that would be asinine. I think until they are in their mid twenties they need to date people nearer them in age. Why any adult would want to be with a child (or if it makes you feel better, "a young person with a brain that is not yet fully matured")makes zero sense outside of pedophilia.

I'm crampy and crabby today and have to go sit in a 4 hour class on phenomenological material I don't understand. I'm getting "senioritis" for my MA and just want to be done already. Plus, one of my recommenders is over a week late with his letter and the application won't let me edit my recommenders now that I've submitted it.

Also, (heterosexual) men should be interested in women, not girls. I feel like that should be apparent.

They are. It's not the fact that there is an age difference that is the problem anyway. It is the amount of the age difference coupled with how young that makes them. A 70 year old courting a 60 year old is not creepy. A 23 year old seeking out a 13 year old is creepy. 30 to 19 is definitely on the creepy end. At 19 the frontal lobe (the part of the brain that houses the decision making processes) isn't even fully developed. For an adult to intentionally seek out someone a decade their junior when that makes that person a teenager is HIGHLY questionable. Falling for someone younger is one thing. Seeking them out because they are so much younger is another thing entirely. There are life experiences and (hopefully) emotional development that create a power imbalance. A 30 year old has been taking responsibility for things such as food, rent, medical care, etc. for several years. A 19 year old (traditionally) still has those things provided for them by their parents or undergrad institution. They are not self-sufficient, which makes them more likely to need their older "partner"'s stability as opposed to desiring it. This makes it significantly easier to control them, as they depend on their partner the same way they depend on their parents - aware that the things they need that their partner provides can be taken away if they "misbehave". For all intents and purposes, most 19 year olds are still children. They do not have the mental development of adults (no matter how "mature" they seem). They do not have the same responsibilities as adults. They are not allowed to participate in or are capable of many adult activities such as drinking, renting a car, etc. They do not have the life experience to fully understand how the world works. To seek someone so young specifically for their youth is unconscionable.

Any idea how many of us they're bringing in this year?

YES. I've been asked by family, friends, my recommenders, etc. And I decided I wasn't even going to rank programs until I knew where I was accepted if I could help it.

Reviving this thread: Where I was when I got my first acceptance: Defrosting my car, getting ready to go to the library. My phone buzzed with the email, but it was so early (January 16th), I just assumed it was a professor following up with from an email I sent before I sent in my application, and it was my acceptance to FSU! What I did immediately after: I called my Dad, then my friend who got me through my first year of my MA, emailed my recommenders, then texted my best friends from undergrad...then went on with my day because I'm still in school lol.

@E-P BLESS YOU, THIS IS AMAZING!!!

Women are people. We exist for things other than your pleasure. You can't build a "perfect woman" in your mind and then expect to find her in the real world. That's not how things work. And if you're going around looking for your (preferably Asian) "manic pixie dream girl", you will not find her. You need to have realistic expectations. Wanting to be with someone creative or free-spirited is perfectly acceptable. Requiring that she draw fantasy landscapes or dream about unrealistic things is not. Seeking someone emotionally stunted is also not a good goal.

GRE doesn't matter a whole lot to most people. You should be fine.

...if the thought of dating inside academia didn't creep me out before, it certainly does now.

@Visualizer As a woman, I am going to be frank with you: much of what you are saying has predatory overtones. I was an undergrad not that long ago, and if a male graduate student had approached me seeking anything simply because I was an undergrad alarm bells would immediately be going off in my head. More than shared mental development is necessary to make a connection with another person. If you "find that you can really hit it off with people" why target a younger demographic? If you're already doing well socially, why change things? Where there is an age difference of any significance (specifically in non-platonic relationships, which you seem to be seeking) there is frequently a power imbalance that could very easily get you into trouble. Listen to the voices in this forum. Find social stimulation elsewhere. Continue to seek help. Seek better help. And do not, under any circumstances, romantically pursue an undergraduate simply because she is younger. That is so inexplicably creepy.

I love V for Vendetta... but I have never known someone to hide behind V for Vendetta imagery who wasn't an enormous blowhard. @Asperfemme we could give you suggestions all day, but we're screwed up grad students just like you. And as no two people are alike, what works for some of us may not work for you. I'd suggest asking a certified nutritionist. Just like I wouldn't ask a mechanic about philosophy or a physicist about Russian Literature, I wouldn't ask grad students how to take care of your body lol. Experts are experts for reasons - they have studied.

Anytime I say anything even remotely positive I'm terrified I'm somehow jinxing myself. Which is ridiculous because I'm not normally superstitious... but there it is. I just need to know what to do if I'm lucky enough to have options because I've never had them before.

@phyanth How do you weight those categories? What is most important? Or is it just a matter of which schools exhibit the most of those categories?

That's a really tough spot. I'd suggest maybe asking the adviser what you should do. Tell him/her you were initially interested in the program, but you've moved into more interdisciplinary interests and the program to which you've been accepted is no longer the great fit you thought it would be?

Not to count my chickens before they're hatched, but as I applied to 10 different universities, have already been accepted to one and offered to interview for another, I think saying I will have more than one option is fairly reasonable. However, I've never been in that position before. For undergrad, I only applied to the school I attended. For my MA I attended the only school that accepted me. I've never had to choose between schools. Obviously money will be a factor, but what all else do you consider when deciding which offer to accept? How do you weight your considerations? Do you use pro/con lists? A chart? Flip a coin? Help a sista out and tell me what y'all do.