Sh*t people say when you are applying to grad school

[JBums1028]

 

Also, my grandma has been telling everyoneeeeeee that I've been interviewing. She tells all of my interviewing stories to everyone who calls and talks about me moving (I live with her.) It's sweet and she seems proud, but I'm going to feel silly if I don't get in.

 

My Mom did the same thing! I'm only a candidate at one of the programs I applied to, I'm not admitted yet. After my interviews, she told EVERYONE in my family that I was going there. I'm not even admitted yet! So I had to then back track with all my relatives for her. Like you said, I love her and I love that they're all proud of me but it will be embarrassing if I don't get in since she told everyone that's where I'm FOR SURE going...

[LetsHope]

Oh my god this thread is so relatable. I constantly hear things along the lines of "Why are you worried? You're so smart, you'll definitely get in! You're putting all this pressure on yourself and stressing out for no reason!" from family and some acquaintances.

 

First, everyone else that is applying is also incredibly smart and successful, I'm actually on the lower end. Second, it is incredibly belittling to the application process to assume I'll "just get in" -- I spent months writing my SOP! And finally, I'm stressed out because I'm imagining the embarrassment that I will have to deal with if I don't get in. Because my family is just expects an acceptance. The pressure is coming from you!

[the_sheath]

"A husband wants a wife at home, not at grad school all day."

 

My favorite:

"Who will watch the children?"

(I do not have children. I am not married. I am not in a relationship. Where do these comments come from?!)

 

Answer: from a society that on several levels enforces archaic gender roles to the point that they are largely ingrained and institutionalized.

[CarefreeWritingsontheWall]

I've had the same conversation with my Dad close to six times in the past year.

 

Dad: So you're graduating

Me: Yes...

Dad: What's next?

Me: Grad school?

Dad: Why? Why do you need that? You went to school for four years already. How is that not enough? How did not you not make enough connections in four years to get a job?

Me: I have connections. The government jobs I want won't take me if I don't have an MA

Dad: How could you not see this when you started your BA?

Me: I did...one thing follows the other...

Dad: But why do you need it?

 

I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall some days. This thread is awesome though. I completely relate to some people having more confidence in my applications than I do. The most realistic response I got about my apps was from my undergraduate thesis advisor, who said "It was a long shot...but you have good chances." All I could think of was an airball in a crucial basketball game when I read that. xD

[elisewin]

I think one of the weirdest things for me was when, planning my second round of applications, I went to my MA supervisor and asked him where he thought I should apply to this time. He said: "Harvard!!! Of course!!!". I left his office laughing--I ended up applying anyway and I am quite sure that it's gonna be a rejection (I think all but OSU is gonna be a rejection...), but his confidence (being a Harvard alumnus himself, I gotta say) strikes me to this day.

[Bethdv]

My dad wants me to keep trying to land a government job, and come back home in case I get one. That's the a-lot-of-money-for-a-boring-job option, which I was resigned to until recently because I never thought I'd be able to afford graduate school. He thinks I'm only doing it to live overseas for a while, when for me living on a tight budget while doing interesting research is a much better option than getting loads of cash in a job I hate. He doesn't get it, he never went to college because he knew he could make just as much doing business (and he did). I don't care that he thinks I'm being foolish, but god does it annoy me that he keeps on trying to convince me to give up an incredible opportunity I never thought I'd even have.

[likemythesis]

Me: I got in!

Dad: Why do you sound so bleugh?

Me: I'm crying.

Dad: Oh. You cry...when you're happy. That's...interesting.

 

Mom: I'm happy but you're breaking my heart.

-Later-

Mom: I've only heard good things about the town. The only bad thing I've heard is you have to leave your mommy behind.

 

Sigh~

[PhDerp]

I think one of the weirdest things for me was when, planning my second round of applications, I went to my MA supervisor and asked him where he thought I should apply to this time. He said: "Harvard!!! Of course!!!". I left his office laughing--I ended up applying anyway and I am quite sure that it's gonna be a rejection (I think all but OSU is gonna be a rejection...), but his confidence (being a Harvard alumnus himself, I gotta say) strikes me to this day.

My advisor insisted that I apply to MIT, Stanford, CMU, Berkeley, and UW... All top schools for my program. Her insistence was staggering. She didn't think I stood a chance, but kept insisting I MIGHT get in, so why not?

Maybe I should have asked her to pay the application fees as an answer to that question!

[gingin6789]

My advisor insisted that I apply to MIT, Stanford, CMU, Berkeley, and UW... All top schools for my program. Her insistence was staggering. She didn't think I stood a chance, but kept insisting I MIGHT get in, so why not?

Maybe I should have asked her to pay the application fees as an answer to that question!

Oh my goodness, that advisor reminds me of one of my profs in community college!!!  He was saying I should apply to Brown, Princeton, Swarthmore, etc ... he had the utmost confidence that I would get into those programs!!! He wasn't being fake about it either! He genuinely had that strong of a faith in my abilities!  That really gave me confidence, too, when applying to four-year schools to finish my BA.  

 

I still have the list of schools he made for me, with little smiley faces and stars near Swarthmore and Brown.  It's so wonderful to have advisors like that!

[emg28]

(After getting an email from the chair of grad admissions committee saying "all decisions have been made, it's just a matter of working out details now. we'll let you know within a week")

 

Friends in the field/department:

"Oh yay! That's positive! It's probably just a funding issue!"

 

Friends in other fields/departments:

"Oh, that sucks. Too bad! Can I take you out for ice cream?"

 

I don't know who to believe!

 

And, of course, I've got the typical responses:

 

"Why?"

"Don't you already have a degree?"

"You know, no one else in the family even finished high school. Are you trying to show off?"

"Are you planning to live off your dad forever?"

"Didn't you have that waitressing job over the summer? Why don't you just do that?"

"Don't you want to experience the real world like everyone else?"

"But why wouldn't you get in? Surely there aren't THAT many people applying to grad school."

"A husband wants a wife at home, not at grad school all day."

 

My favorite:

"Who will watch the children?"

(I do not have children. I am not married. I am not in a relationship. Where do these comments come from?!)

 

 

Sounds like the typical responses of families who have never gone to college. Stay strong, it's never easy doing something different than from what other's have done. Personally, because I'm an immigrant and a girl I was expected to stay home- go to the commuter college and be a "teacher" so I could get married and have kids. Pffftttt....I said f that and went my marry way. Even with people in my family doubting me. Now they see I wasn't as stupid or crazy for having those ideas. Keep at it! 

 

( side note: a bachelor's will soon become as basic as a high school diploma and needed to even get a decent job)

[seeingeyeduck]

Oh my goodness, that advisor reminds me of one of my profs in community college!!!  He was saying I should apply to Brown, Princeton, Swarthmore, etc ... he had the utmost confidence that I would get into those programs!!! He wasn't being fake about it either! He genuinely had that strong of a faith in my abilities!  That really gave me confidence, too, when applying to four-year schools to finish my BA.  

 

I still have the list of schools he made for me, with little smiley faces and stars near Swarthmore and Brown.  It's so wonderful to have advisors like that!

I think everyone's gotta have a prof like that! Mine has been urging me to apply ever since I got out of UG three years ago and she tells me my work is good. Puts the wind in my sails every time I see her. It's an inspiration to see someone in my field who has a stable career, is nice and is willing to mentor. Makes me think good things are possible after all, and you don't even have to be play the politics to do it.

My teachers have provided the support that my family doesn't. My mom actually wrote me when I told her about my acceptance and funding that a degree is "certainly good but starting a nice marriage and family life is nothing less significant." As if that is relevant!

[victorydance]

- "A Ph.D? How long will that take?

 

- "Probably about 7 years."

 

- "What?! 7 years?!?! What kind of job can you get with it?

 

- "Jobs that require you to do research for something."

 

- "Why can't you just get a job like that now?"

 

-----

 

- "More school? I thought you just finished your degree!"

 

-----

 

- "What are you to lazy to get a real job?"

[VirginianFeminist]

"What, are you addicted to school or something?"

 

YES

[PhDerp]

"So how are you going to pay for it? Spend more of your parents' money?"

I get this from extended family. They don't even give me a chance to answer before insulting me.

It hurts because I am already working to pay my parents back. It is going to take forever, and until it's done, I get crap like this. Eurgh.

[CarefreeWritingsontheWall]

"So how are you going to pay for it? Spend more of your parents' money?"

I get this from extended family. They don't even give me a chance to answer before insulting me.

It hurts because I am already working to pay my parents back. It is going to take forever, and until it's done, I get crap like this. Eurgh.

I have had friends and family say the exact same thing. My Dad did too. It's like they expect me to be a freeloader, and don't realize that financial assistance from my parents is really a loan. Then my extended family goes on the "you're making your parents broke" discussion, paired with the "Everyone has a degree now. It won't get you a job at the end of the day..." talk. x_x

[gingin6789]

"So how are you going to pay for it? Spend more of your parents' money?"

I get this from extended family. They don't even give me a chance to answer before insulting me.

It hurts because I am already working to pay my parents back. It is going to take forever, and until it's done, I get crap like this. Eurgh.

OH jeez!!! Did they bother to think that maybe your parents wanted to help you get a good education so that you could have a good life?!  It just goes to show they don't know much about grad school at all, otherwise they would know there are ample funding options!! 

 

You obviously never took your parents' financial help for granted!!!  I wish your extended family members would realize there are students who not only take their parents' help for granted, but don't even bother to THANK them, let alone pay them back!

 

I'm so sorry you have to put up with that crap!

 

 

 

I think everyone's gotta have a prof like that! Mine has been urging me to apply ever since I got out of UG three years ago and she tells me my work is good. Puts the wind in my sails every time I see her. It's an inspiration to see someone in my field who has a stable career, is nice and is willing to mentor. Makes me think good things are possible after all, and you don't even have to be play the politics to do it.

My teachers have provided the support that my family doesn't. My mom actually wrote me when I told her about my acceptance and funding that a degree is "certainly good but starting a nice marriage and family life is nothing less significant." As if that is relevant! 

Awww that prof sounds so sweet =) I'm glad you have that support and inspiration from professors!

 

I'm sorry to hear your mom had that to say =( Again, wouldn't a graduate degree just HELP make raising a family that much more financially feasible??  

 

Marriage/family and graduate school are not mutually exclusive!  Folks make it seem like you have to choose one or another, and I'm just sitting here like the girl on the taco shell commercial, saying "Why not both?" (or one after the other ... )  

[TravelBug92]

One of my personal favorites when I tell people what my degree will be in (Developmental Psychopathology): "That's nice... what is that?" Or just getting blank looks. 

 

Or "So you're leaving the US forever? We'll never see you again?!?" Maybe, maybe not, I don't know at this point... 

[Marycontrary]

"But you have a good paying job!"

 

"I won't be able to talk to you, you'll be TOO SMART FOR ME!" 

 

"You'll never pay off all that debt!"

 

"It's about damn time"

[oneinaminion]

"You'll for sure get in."

[the_sheath]

When I applied:

 

"You'll definitely get in!"

 

After I got accepted:

 

"I told you so"

 

Dammit >_>

[iPsych]

WARNING: this is a rant

 

Personally, I'm tired of everyone I talk to offering their opinions about which school I should go to and why.  It's not that I don't appreciate advice from time to time but I think it's soooo easy for other people to say "Well School A seems like the best choice because of Reason X" or "School B doesn't seem like a good choice because it's located in Neighborhood Y" when THEY'RE not the ones who will be paying for it, attending, or moving to said neighborhood.  This decision is hard enough without you projecting your personal regrets and values on me, thank you very much.

[JBums1028]

WARNING: this is a rant

 

Personally, I'm tired of everyone I talk to offering their opinions about which school I should go to and why.  It's not that I don't appreciate advice from time to time but I think it's soooo easy for other people to say "Well School A seems like the best choice because of Reason X" or "School B doesn't seem like a good choice because it's located in Neighborhood Y" when THEY'RE not the ones who will be paying for it, attending, or moving to said neighborhood.  This decision is hard enough without you projecting your personal regrets and values on me, thank you very much.

 

Agreed! I've been getting a lot of unsolicited advice lately too. A friend of mine keeps telling me I should call my program for a decision, even though they specifically said not to call during the first couple of weeks after interviews (and I've told her this multiple times). It is probably coming from a well meaning place though (especially if they're close friends or relatives). Whenever I'm not feeling up to talking about my decisions, I will usually just say something short like "You're right, I have a lot to consider. It's going to be tough making the final decision." Then do a quick subject change.

[engphiledu]

My fiance's family is one of those good, country families who have farms and don't really put much stock in schooling. Each time we go home we get asked, "Where are you going to school next?" and we tell them, "We won't know for sure until April. When we know, you'll know." Then, the next time we are at home, they ask the same question, and we respond the same. WE WON'T MAKE A DECISION UNTIL APRIL. LEAVE US ALONE. WE DON'T NEED YOU REMINDING US EACH TIME WE SEE YOU THAT OUR LIVES ARE CURRENTLY SUSPENDED IN THIS APPLICATION HELL.

 

On another note, I also like hearing from my family that the only school they want us to go to is the school that is closest to them. It's nice to be loved, and yes, being seven or eight hours away is a bit of a stretch, but can't you be happy when I hear I've been accepted to a school other than the one three hours away? lol

[PhDerp]

OH jeez!!! Did they bother to think that maybe your parents wanted to help you get a good education so that you could have a good life?!  It just goes to show they don't know much about grad school at all, otherwise they would know there are ample funding options!! 

 

You obviously never took your parents' financial help for granted!!!  I wish your extended family members would realize there are students who not only take their parents' help for granted, but don't even bother to THANK them, let alone pay them back!

 

I'm so sorry you have to put up with that crap!

 

It's crazy frustrating because I wanted to be financially independent and take out loans during college to get a bit away from my family, but I couldn't for tax reasons! They wanted the deduction anyway, it ultimately means more money stays in our pockets doing it this way. And as long as I'm listed as a dependent, it's illegal for me to file as something different!! So I literally couldn't (legally) pay for myself!

 

@CarefreeWritingsontheWall, it's actually awesome to hear from someone else in the same boat! I only have friends who either paid all themselves, or were funded entirely and don't expect to pay it back (which I don't think anyone should look down on either!). It's cool to see someone else "invested in" by their parents.

 

Thanks for your support, you two. It really means a lot!

Edited March 10, 2014 by PhDerp

[PhDerp]

Ooh, I have a lot more material for this thread!

 

"LA? That's like 2 hours from San Francisco. The weather isn't that great."

 

"It's always so hot out there... Like, 100 degrees, year-round."

 

"It's very humid. You'll hate it!"

 

Why do people in New England have these inaccurate views of Southern California?! It's funny, because they say it with so much conviction, even the people who have never visited the area. And they really won't hear any corrections to this!

 

 

And the one thing I hear the most:

"I could never live without any seasons."

 

I'm a vegetarian, and I hear the phrase "I could never stop eating meat" all the time. I kinda understand, the person is trying to relate to my situation... But really, I don't care. It's kinda the same thing when I mention moving to LA. Wow, you couldn't live there? That's great! No one's asking you to.

I mean this all in the best humor possible. I point this out to my friends when they say it, and I mention they just need to want to visit LA. They're always like, "Oh yeah... I guess it really doesn't matter!" And we laugh. XD

 

 

As long as people don't say:

"You're going to miss seasons."

 

I really don't think I am. I might be wrong, but I applied to schools based on location first, then program... I wanted to end up in SoCal. So I definitely don't expect to miss the weather. Besides, it's temporary. I won't stay in LA unless I really love it! And as a grad student, I expect to have one season year-round: it's called "being indoors". It's a lot like Massachusetts winter.

Edited March 10, 2014 by PhDerp