Venting Thread- Vent about anything.

[Sigaba]

10 hours ago, SocCog said:

Can I just vent about the people who come on here, post in a thread that they got accepted to a school that everyone else in the thread is waiting on, and then never come onto this site ever again?

 

1 hour ago, SocCog said:

I know. I never said I was in the right.

You are not wrong. There is less and less sharing of information with each application season. This season's thread in the history forum only took off after offers of admission started going out to applicants.

Also, there's ever less "paying it forward" by graduate students used the grad cafe as a resource during recent application seasons.

For those who say that no one here owes anyone anything, if you end up in a position that you need support, will you feel the same way? 

[BellaAung]

Had to do my graduate school decision and am a little bit sad. I'd really love to go to LSE but money matters, and Simon Fraser gave me basically a full-ride plus partial living stipends so I am going to pick SFU instead. Hopefully, I can work for a couple years in Canada and save money so that I can move to London for my PhD. I am proud of my rational decision making but still a bit sad about not being able to go to my dream school. My country does not have any form of educational loans for students and my family business is not doing too well because of civil wars dragging on for too long. Sometimes, I wonder what could have happened if I were born in the States like my cousins instead of being born in Burma.

[angesradieux]

I've vented on here about my sister before, but she's just making me crazy. She's one of the most ungrateful, self-centered, thoughtless people I know, and this past week makes me really wish I didn't want a relationship with her. I know I would be so much happier if I didn't care, but I can't stop wanting to spend time together and actually act like sisters. I keep trying to be nice and supportive, but she never reciprocates and it always ends in my feeling taken for granted and hurt.

A few days ago there was a big argument between my sister and my parents. It was a bunch of things building up, but what finally did it was my mom went out and only bought pork sausage for dinner. My sister doesn't eat pork. She was upset that our mom bought dinner for everyone in the house except her. I agreed it was thoughtless. I also offered to go out with her so she wouldn't be home and wouldn't have to sit there eating leftovers when everyone else had sausage. She refused and decided it would be better to just complain about it to our mom. When things were already tense, my dad asked her how her day at work was, which only made her more upset, because she hates her job. She started ranting. At one point, she snapped at my dad, and then my mom snapped at her that she should be more grateful and shouldn't have complained about the leftover chicken. My sister started crying. My parents have been spending weeknights in the city, so they left to go back to the city.

To try to diffuse the situation, I made brownies to give to my sister. She started ranting at me about our parents, which I expected. But then she started making disparaging comments about the "grad school club" in our family, which doesn't actually exist, and implied that she's upset that I'm going for a PhD. That made me feel great. But I didn't say anything. I let her rant and offered her a brownie. Her boyfriend called, and I guess she decided she'd rather talk to him than me, so she picked up the phone and just went to her bedroom.

Since the whole hullabaloo started over chicken, the next morning I cooked. Usually our schedules work out so I'm at work when she gets home. So, I started cooking in the morning so it would be in the fridge when she got home. I made chicken stuffed with cheese in a sherry sauce--one of her favorites. Later I had to go to the mall for something, and I stopped at Starbucks and brought back a cookie butter bar for her. Turns out she came home early and was back around lunch time. So I gave her the cookie butter bar, which she took but didn't thank me for. Then I told her I made chicken and put it in the fridge for her if she wanted it. She opened the fridge, looked at it, and then snubbed it and heated up frozen taquitos instead, which made me wonder why she made such a fuss over leftovers the previous night and didn't just heat up taquitos then. I was pretty unhappy--first, I would have at least liked a thank you, and I was kind of annoyed that not having chicken turned into a big fight the night before, so I made her chicken, and then she didn't eat it.

I went to work, and on the way home I stopped and got a meal from Stewart's and her favorite soda to bring home. When I offered it to her, I didn't even get a "no, thank you." She just kind of shook her head and then proceeded to more or less ignore me for the night.

Has she shown any kind of gratitude? Nope. In fact, today she's been out with her boyfriend the entire day, happily pretending I don't exist. I really don't need much. Just a "thanks" now and again would be nice. And maybe if she were to say "Hey, how about we spend some time together?" But no matter what I do or how hard I try to make her happy, she never thanks me and never wants anything to do with me. It's also gotten to the point where I don't talk about grad school plans around her, because I'm afraid it'll upset her. The other day, I showed my dad an offer letter on my phone so I didn't have to say anything out loud and she didn't have to hear about it and get all snarky about whatever "grad school club" she's fabricated. That especially frustrates me, because when she got her full time job and was actually excited about it, I bought sparkling wine and a cake to celebrate. Meanwhile, my career's starting to move forward, and I feel like I can't talk about it in the house because she'll get upset if she overhears.

Also, her Christmas gift to me was a Groupon for two, which is apparently just going to expire because she never wants to go anywhere with me. But, whenever I get upset and make it known to her, she hangs the stupid Groupon over my head. It's along the lines of "Oh, well I never said anything about it to you or even asked if it might work in your schedule, but I was going to do that with you next weekend. But you made me mad, so now I'm not." Keep in mind, the "Well, I was going to do it with you, but now I'm not because you made me mad" situation is the only time she ever acknowledges it. And it never occurs to her that I have a life, too, and whatever weekend she claims she was going to actually spend time with me on might not work for. Like today, she gave me the same spiel. But you know what? I'm traveling next weekend, so even if it were true, it wouldn't work for me. But she just assumes that I'm sitting around waiting for whenever she deigns to finally acknowledge that I exist.

I'm just sick of it. I try to be supportive and show her that I care. But no matter how hard I try, I feel like I could just disappear tomorrow and she wouldn't care. I really feel like I might actually never see her again once I go to grad school. She can't make time for me when I'm actually here and available. There's no way she's going to make time when I'm only home a few times a year and definitely can't bend over backwards to accommodate her and things have to be more on my terms. I've reached a point of desperately wishing I could just stop caring and not want an actual relationship with her. It would make my life so much easier.

[Sigaba]

6 hours ago, angesradieux said:

Entire post

@angesradieux, is it time to start thinking about moving away from the disruptive forces in your personal life sooner (as in ASAP) rather than later?

[angesradieux]

7 hours ago, Sigaba said:

@angesradieux, is it time to start thinking about moving away from the disruptive forces in your personal life sooner (as in ASAP) rather than later?

Possibly, though it's down to just months away, anyway. I can't really afford to go anywhere until it gets closer to the start of the semester.

[Musick]

Is it normal to get a rejection letter from the department secretary where the letter is typed in the body of the email and has someone else's name at the bottom with no signature?

This seemed bizarre to me, rather than getting an attached letter or something from the official graduate division. And frankly, this secretary did not like me because I occasionally had to ask her questions and follow up questions during the application process because she did not communicate clearly.

So yeah, while the institution in question is highly selective and I'm certainly not above being fairly rejected... I see a possibility of foul play here. I'm sort of joking, sort of not.

[OptimiscallyAnxious]

I could kick myself right now. When I started looking at programs to apply to I consulted my SO, since he had agreed to move with me. Now he tells me he doesn't know if he wants to move and says he's considering re-enlisting in the military. I'm so upset at the moment 

[NoirFemme]

On 2/24/2017 at 3:50 PM, Sigaba said:

 

You are not wrong. There is less and less sharing of information with each application season. This season's thread in the history forum only took off after offers of admission started going out to applicants.

Also, there's ever less "paying it forward" by graduate students used the grad cafe as a resource during recent application seasons.

For those who say that no one here owes anyone anything, if you end up in a position that you need support, will you feel the same way? 

To get OT a bit, could it be possible that the decline is because the forum isn't as anonymous as it once was? In the year I've been here, I've seen more than one post warning that sharing the 411 or talking about your applications isn't the best idea because you don't know who's lurking in the threads. Another thing I've seen (in the history forum in particular) is telling people who come to vent or express their sadness over rejection that it means they're not cut out for grad school. 

Maybe TGC is outlasting its usefulness. 

[Sigaba]

4 hours ago, NoirFemme said:

To get OT a bit, could it be possible that the decline is because the forum isn't as anonymous as it once was? In the year I've been here, I've seen more than one post warning that sharing the 411 or talking about your applications isn't the best idea because you don't know who's lurking in the threads. Another thing I've seen (in the history forum in particular) is telling people who come to vent or express their sadness over rejection that it means they're not cut out for grad school. 

Maybe TGC is outlasting its usefulness. 

I don't think it's a question of TGC's usefulness but rather how members are using it.

In previous seasons, members posted more about their academic interests, passed along tips, and, in the history forum, "talked shop." When books were discussed, the works were more often relevant to a domain of knowledge than works being read for pleasure. This practice has shifted.

If anything, the BB was less anonymous in previous years. The search function was friendlier (but not necessarily used more frequently). Profiles revealed a member's previous user names.

IMO, part of what is happening is sensibilities towards privacy and social media are changing. Now, members are frequently using their actual names as user names or the user names for profiles on other social media. If there's a decline in privacy, it is due to individual choices, not a flaw of this BB.

In regards to the expressions of sadness in the history forum and elsewhere, I think the replies are being misread in two ways. First, there's often an if...then quality to most of the replies. The message isn't "you're not cut out for grad school," the message is "getting into graduate school is hard, and what follows is ever harder--to make it, you have to really reach down inside and find a way to do it."

Second, there's often a BTDT component that is being overlooked. Members including @TMP and @telkanuru have moved mountains to get where they are now. They are sharing knowledge learned the hard way -- through first hand experiences. Getting upset at what they, and many other experienced graduate students, have to say is like turning down a Gore Tex jacket in a driving rain because it doesn't have a two way zipper.

(Also, in previous seasons, someone would start a separate thread on decisions and disappointed applicants were generally left to commiserate in peace.)

To get back on topic, my vent of the day centers around the dynamic pricing at Amazon, especially IRT kindle books. Why the first and third volumes should cost less than the second, is simply annoying.

 

 

 

[avflinsch]

3rd day in a row - for some reason yet to be determined, I was awakened out of a very sound sleep at exactly 3:23am WTF is going on?

[Kamari]

I just kinda wish fries tasted as good reheated as they do off the grill, you feel me?

[Charlsa]

I'm going on a campus visit tomorrow. I have to leave around 9am to be there by 10:30, then I have meetings until 3:00, at which point I need to drive back in time for a 4:00-8:00 shift at work. What this all means is that there will be a 12 hour gap between meals and I am a very grumpy person when I do not eat. It's a shame too because there are several restaurants around campus that I'd like to try, but it's seriously like six meetings in a row. Luckily I keep snacks in my locker at work. I'm just gonna... jam them all in my face and hope for the best.

Also I have this paranoid fantasy that everyone is going to ask me questions like "are you a Hegelian or a Kantian?" and "Which of my papers was your favorite?" and "What is your opinion on Our Esteemed and Venerable God, Foucault?"

[Adelaide9216]

Since I was a teenager, I've been told that girls like me, who are ambitious will struggle a lot more to find a man. I am now 24 and have never been in a relationship. It's depressing at times.

[stereopticons]

On 3/1/2017 at 0:29 AM, OptimiscallyAnxious said:

I could kick myself right now. When I started looking at programs to apply to I consulted my SO, since he had agreed to move with me. Now he tells me he doesn't know if he wants to move and says he's considering re-enlisting in the military. I'm so upset at the moment 

I'm so sorry to hear this. I went through something similar the first time I applied--he was going to re-enlist and not go with me. I didn't end up getting in anywhere and he didn't re-enlist, so I avoided the situation but it was extremely hard at the time. It'll work out--if you have to do long distance, it's manageable. Feel free to message me if you want to chat or vent more privately about this. 

[OptimiscallyAnxious]

41 minutes ago, stereopticons said:

I'm so sorry to hear this. I went through something similar the first time I applied--he was going to re-enlist and not go with me. I didn't end up getting in anywhere and he didn't re-enlist, so I avoided the situation but it was extremely hard at the time. It'll work out--if you have to do long distance, it's manageable. Feel free to message me if you want to chat or vent more privately about this. 

Thank you so very much, @stereopticons  We've been long distance for almost 2 years now. I was looking forward to finally being in the same city. He didn't mention re-enlisting when discussing programs and places to apply for graduate school. When he mentioned it I was surprised and also upset, at him for waiting to tell me and at myself for limiting the places I applied. I think we both needed to be more honest and open about what we want.

 

[GreenEyedTrombonist]

@Charlsa Just start talking about Foucault's panopticon and ask in which specific ways they lean either Hegelian or Kantian. When in doubt, answer "that's an interesting question, though it's not one I've really pondered at length yet. What's your take on it?" or something similar.  

[Charlsa]

15 hours ago, GreenEyedTrombonist said:

@Charlsa Just start talking about Foucault's panopticon and ask in which specific ways they lean either Hegelian or Kantian. When in doubt, answer "that's an interesting question, though it's not one I've really pondered at length yet. What's your take on it?" or something similar.  

I avoided too much interrogation by mentioning papers by the professors.  Still, I've got a lot of researching and reviewing to do before starting.

[cortisol]

My S/o is having a lot of difficulty research-wise, currently. We're not in the same field so I can't help logistically and I'm trying to be as emotionally supportive as possible, but the extreme helplessness I feel while he's frustrated/pissed makes me sad  

also Mac OS sierra totally effed up my laptop  just spent over an hour on the phone with apple trying to rectify the problem

[OptimiscallyAnxious]

2 hours ago, cortisol said:

My S/o is having a lot of difficulty research-wise, currently. We're not in the same field so I can't help logistically and I'm trying to be as emotionally supportive as possible, but the extreme helplessness I feel while he's frustrated/pissed makes me sad  

also Mac OS sierra totally effed up my laptop  just spent over an hour on the phone with apple trying to rectify the problem

I'm sorry... but I'm sure your partner appreciates you being emotionally supportive if nothing else. 

[spectastic]

these young bucks need to embrace reality and quit bitching at me about how life is unfair.

[Srweller]

I only applied to 2 colleges because nothing felt right. I was rejected from where I want to go and accepted from the other. Biomedical engineering.

My undergraduate degree is in mathematics. Now, I'm thinking I want to stick with mathematics. I love it's challenges. Math is a hobby for me. But it seems too late to apply anywhere. I want to go to grad school this fall. I wouldn't know what to do with myself for a year.

I've also been somewhat depressed over relationships and uncertainty in life. My undergraduate thesis was original work in pure mathematics. I submitted it to a journal. A part of me wants to say that if it gets accepted, I'll pursue math.... but I'm afraid of it being rejected because I've had a fair amount of rejection this semester and I can't handle much more.

I don't know what to do with my life.

Edited March 9, 2017 by Srweller

[catsbloom]

We had horrible winds yesterday. My house is currently without electricity or heat. Most of the local school districts in the area have closed because of either damage or lack of power. Driving yesterday was like going through a warzone. Multiple major roads were blocked, trees and power lines were down all over the place, and there were quite a few accidents on the roads that were still open. I just want my power back!

[hippyscientist]

Agh. The senior grad students who are in a neighboring lab (we all share lab space and desk space but we have different advisors) are being really bitchy and gripy at me right now. We have 2 huge deadlines that hit tomorrow and so I've been pulling ridiculous hours (6am - midnight for the past 3 weeks in lab and more at home) and my advisor cares a lot about how we do and is really pushing for the most we can do for one deadline which is a conference abstract (that will lead to a paper). The other is a huge group project and amazing opportunity that about 8 grad students are working on together for a company and the project is due at the same time. The senior grad students had a bitch at me for having a bad work ethic, for not helping out more on the group project when they're not submitting to the conference and have no other deadlines. I put in a ton of work at the beginning because I knew it was going to be tight at the finish line, and now I'm being told I don't work hard and am being selfish and I'm just strung out right now it's hurting a lot more than it should. I would love to do more on the group project but the abstract is priority for me, and I want to be happy with my name being associated with the work. There is no one else to pick up the slack there. Ugh. Okay rant over. I feel better now!

[Cheshire_Cat]

I have my students write a couple of sentences at the end of class each week.  About 75% of the time, it is "What did you learn, and what did you find hard to learn"  this week.

This week, a student answered "I didn't learn anything."... the question was "What are you going to do to study for the upcoming exam." (which I repeated several times)  I think I found the problem.  Basic listening skills.

[ra42890]

I just don't understand what takes so long for these schools to get back to future students. I interviewed more than a month ago with a potential school. Have you any of you been on the other side of the process? Shed some light on it for me.